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[NSFW] A man sees a urologist due to an abnormal growth in his groin area.

Urologist: "It looks like, you've got a third testicle growing!"

Man: "Oh.. erm... it isn't that bad, right?"

Urologist: "Having a third testicle might have ill side-effects in your health and your sexual ..."

Man (interrupting): "Okay, allright. What can we do?"

Urolo...

Whether she kicks you in the groin or sits on your face...

Taint gonna happen either way.

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When explaining a groin injury to your doctor...

It’s important to be clear whether it’s your scrotum or penis that is affected...

There’s a vas deferens between them.

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There was a boxing match. One of the boxers decided to punch his opponent in the groin.

It was a dick move.

Buddy Hackett's Duck Joke

A stock broker from New York went out on his first hunting trip alone. After four days in the cold and wet marsh, and after a dozen tries, he finally shot a duck. The duck spiraled down, and landed in a nearby farm.

The new hunter climbed the farm fence, and the farmer came out with a loade...

Yugi: Kaiba! How come Your card grabbed my card's groin and threatened to deport it...

Kaiba: You fool! You've activated my Trump card.

Two hunters are in a forest when, all of sudden, a venomous snake jumps and bites one of them in the groin.

His friend, desperate, calls 911.

"Help me! My friend got bitten by a snake!"

"Calm down, sir! First of all, you must find the location of the bite and suck the poison out. Can you do that?"

"Gotcha."

The bitten friend asks: "So? What did they say?"

"They said you'...

Jokes my grandpa told me when I was a kid.

A man goes duck hunting and spends two days without seeing a duck. On the third day he finally sees one and shoots it. The duck wounded tries to fly away. It lands in a farmer's yard, hits the barn roof, and falls off.
The hunter tries to sneak over the fence. As he gets close to the duck, he se...

A hunting joke ( read full it's totally worth it)

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.  As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a...

My Gramps just passed away. This was his favorite joke to tell.

*Sorry for the meta of this, I'm still reeling a little. I post two or three (or ten--sorry for breaking rules) jokes on this sub every day. A lot of them are simply awful, but they're all original, and my Gramps was a huge inspiration for me becoming a comedy "writer." But this is an old joke, and ...

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Angus and Bridget (the honeymoon)

Angus and Bridget have been dating for a while and plan to marry, so Bridget decides it's time for so honesty. She tells Angus that as a child she was afflicted with a rare condition that left her with the breast of a child. Angus is taken a back by this but soon realizes he cares more for her then ...

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What do you get when you punch Batman in the groin?

A Bruised Wang.

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You are not the boss of me.

A couple visit their family doctor. "Doc, I'd like you to perform a castration on me." The doctor is taken by surprise and says, " Whoa now, that's a bit extreme..." The husband cuts the doctor off mid sentence, "Look here Doc, the wife and I have discussed this for some time and while we want you ...

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A man goes to a hospital with a wound in his groin.

The doctor asks him "Whoa, what happened to you?"
The man says "I was taking a class for gun safety. I've never used a gun before and wanted to learn how to properly use one. It didn't go over well."
The doctor asks "I can see that! Well, what happened? Did someone else misfire?"
The man sa...

So Stan,Ben and Phil walked into a bar

Bartender says, Mr Dup, Mr Dover and Mr McGroin! What can I get for ya?

I lost my college football scholarship in the very first game this weekend, for pulling a groin.

Not mine, someone else's.

Did you know Stalin got hit in the groin with a potato when he was young?

That's how he became a dictator.

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One from my granddad many years ago. "Why do seals have flat dicks?"

[Do an impression of a seal while clapping your hands near your groin]

I pulled my groin the other day..

.. It felt so good, I pulled it one more time.

A man is home and sees a gorilla hanging on his backyard tree.

So he naturally picks up the yellow pages and calls the Gorilla Removal services. The professional arrives in less than ten minutes, and gets off his van with a pole, a ladder, a dog, a shotgun and handcuffs. He says "I see it's a male gorilla, so I'm taking the ladder up the tree and poke him with ...

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Ladies Playing Golf

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rus...

A young doctor an an old doctor were standing in a hospital, trying to out-diagnose each other.

The competition was heating up, and the next correct diagnosis would be the winner.

Just then an old man hobbles by, walking carefully with short, shuffling steps. He has an IV tower with him and appears to be leaning on it for support.

The young doctor snaps his fingers and says “I g...

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Two men are out playing golf

One of them drives his ball into some nearby bushes and goes in after it. After finding his ball, he decides he may as well pee while he's in there and save a walk back to the clubhouse. So he whips it out and starts to pee. Unfortunately a snake, which does not appreciate being peed on, jumps up an...

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Johnny was watching an adult movie with Mary

Johnny gets a hard-on

Obviously Mary started asking right away: "Johnny what is that?" while pointing at Johnnys dick

Johnny being busy with other stuff answered quickly: "That's a stork"

Mary is still bored and starts asking again: "What is that?" while pointing at Johnnys ball...

A man dies and is sent to hell.

A man dies and is sent to hell. Satan greets him and shows him a series of doors. "While our job is to torture you and make you suffer for all eternity, we also treating our guests well. Hence, we would like to offer you a choice in how you would like to be tortured," said the devil.

Satan op...

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A rapist and conman get caught by the sheriff in a small town. The town doesn’t have much money to take care of prisoners, so the sheriff gets an idea. He decides he’ll charge money to let the townspeople punish the crooks and use the money to keep them in jail for as long as he can...

The sheriff figures even a short stay in jail will be plenty after a little “justice” from the townspeople.

The sheriff takes the criminals to the town square, handcuffs them to posts and sets up shop.

He tells the people that the punishment should fit the crime, so anyone can pay $1 ...

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Hot Tip :

When someone yells pickpocket start searching for your wallet near your groin and exclaim" Thank God my wallet is safely tucked in between my testicles." The pickpocket will see this and assume that the wallet is there. These people usually have very supple and delicate hands so when they try to tak...

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A small town Sheriff catches a rapist and con man.

While thrilled that he finally caught the two, he wasn't sure what to do with them as the town jail in need of repairs and he didn't have staff to watch them.

He got the idea of letting the townspeople teach them a lesson and to raise money at the same time.

The next day, he tied the...

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Traditional Herbal Medicine

A guy, having been with a lot of questionable women, starts developing a bad rash and severe groin pain. After several weeks, he finally goes to see his doctor.

The doctor says, "I'm real sorry, but the infection has gone way too far, we're going to have to amputate your penis." The guy doe...

Have you heard of the Ancient Greek hero, Bophades?

He was a lot like Achilles, he had only one weakness, but instead of his heel, it was his groin. You may have heard of Achilles’ heel but have you heard of Bophades’ nuts?

Have you ever heard of the Greek hero Bophades?

He was one of the heroes who fought in the Trojan War. His story is similar to the story of Achilles. When he was a child, his mother held him by the groin and dipped him in the river Styx, as to make him invincible in battle. However, just like Achilles, he had a weak spot. Because his mother held ...

What do you call a person who loves crocodiles?

A crocophile.

Came up with that one while at the science museum, wife gave a groin and shook her head.

A pirate buys a cheap ship

One day, a pirate decided that it was time to be captain of his own ship. The only problem was that he didn't have much money, only a few gold pieces to his name.

So, he went to the local shipyard and spoke to a salesman. He handed over his gold and was brought a decent sized ship. He didn't ...

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I met my fiancee’s 85 year old great uncle the other day. A few minutes later he told me this joke.

Two friends, both ten years old, were hanging out after school one day. One of the kids turned to the other and asked “hey, do you know what a perfect penis looks like?” The kid said no and his friend looked disappointed.

Determined to find the answer for his friend, he rushes home to find t...

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An Englishman ,a Scotsman and an Irishman are all going to give speeches to the Deaf Society and are keen to make an impression on their audience…

The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin.

When he finishes, the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.

"Well…" he explained, "By rubbing my chest, I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing m...

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Negligent Discharge

A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak.

He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged, shooting him in the genitals. Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed he was a...

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Shotgun to the Crotch

Lem and Ephis are out hunting. They take a break to take a squirt in the woods when one of the dogs knocks over one of the shotguns. The gun goes off and hitting Ephis directly in the crotch.

Ephis screams in pain!

"Oh my God, Ephis!" says Lem, "We're going to have to get you to see ...

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The Hunting accident

While out on a hunting expedition, a man is climbing over a fallen tree when his shotgun goes off, hitting him straight in the groin. Rushed to hospital , he awakes from the anaesthetic to find the surgeon has done a marvellous job repairing his damaged member. As he dresses to go home, the surgeon ...

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A woman discovers her husband has been cheating on her. She immediately hires a hitman to enact revenge...

Upon meeting the hitman she explains through her rage that she wants the hitman to shoot the woman with whom her husband was cheating in the head. Wanting her husband to suffer, she tells the hitman not to kill him, but to shoot him in his groin.

That evening, knowing her husband will be meet...

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It works! It works!

A woman walking through the park comes across a man looking sad in a wheelchair. The woman asks the man, "What's wrong?" The man looks at her and then points to his groin while sadly shaking his head and says "I just want to have sex, but..." The woman says, "Oh, I understand. Well, tell you what, I...

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A man was getting a tan on a nudist beach when a young girl walks towards him...

Because he found it indecent to be fully nude in front of the little girl, he covered his groin with his hat.
"What's underneath that hat?" the girl asked. "Nothing special, just a little birdy" the man replied.

The girl insisted on seeing the birdy, and the man told her no, so she walk...

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Worst Injury Imaginable

A South American guy gets into a terrible accident. When he comes to in the hospital, he looks down and sees a bloody rag covering his groin, and notices he can't feel his penis.

A doctor walks into his hospital room and the guy looks at him, and says, through tears "Give it to me straight, D...

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An American man catches an STD while traveling through Asia

After having quite the sexual romp he starts to notice discomfort and discoloration around his groin. Afraid for the loss of his manhood he seeks out an American doctor out there for help.

The doctor looks him over and says "I'm sorry, it's going to need to be removed, it's too far gone"
<...

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A guy was getting ready for a dinner-date with a stunning blonde.

He looked at the mirror and thought: "I should get some color! I know a safe place to get a tan on my roof."


It was blazing hot that day; he went to the roof, undressed, and decided to tan for 30 minutes.


Unfortunately, he fell asleep; and when he woke up, he was badly burned ...

Where's the fire.....

A firefighter’s wife suspects the hubby is getting some on the side. Being non confrontational , she plays it close to the chest. One day she goes through the hubby’s car and discovers a packet of unused condoms.

With a knowing smile, she soaks ‘em in jalapeño for an hour before putting the...

Raising The Dead!

This elderly couple is watching one of those television preachers on TV one night.

The preacher faces the camera, and announces, "My friends, I'd like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV and the other hand on the part of your body ...

The City-Slicker and the Farmer

One year, a man who lived in the city decided to try his hand at deer hunting. He bought all the the necessary equipment, a license, and a rifle and headed out to the gamelands a good distance away from the city.

After a full day's hunting, the man spots a gorgeous buck and manages to make ...

A lawyer hunting in the country shoots a duck...

...and it falls on the other side of a tall picket fence surrounding a rickety old house. As the lawyer is climbing over the fence, an old man comes scrambling out of the house yelling "That duck is on my property and it belongs to me!" The lawyer quickly retorts "I shot that duck! and if you make a...

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Swedish Massage

A young guy was laying on his back on a massage table, wearing only a towel over his groin.
A young and stunning attractive Swedish girl was massaging his shoulders, then his chest, and gradually worked her way down his body. The guy was getting sexually excited as she approached the towel. The ...

A young man grew fed up with modern life

A young man grew fed up with modern life and decided to leave the big city and become a shepherd, spending months in the seclusion of the distant mountains alone with his thoughts and sheep. So he went up the high mountains where he found three older shepherds with a big flock of sheep, and asked th...

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My wife bought my son a "tickle me Elmo" for his birthday.

I told her to make sure it works before buying it.

When my son opened it, Elmo had two huge balls attached to his groin!

"What's wrong?" said my wife, "You told me to do this"

"Ffs. I told you to give it some test tickles..."

Sunbathing...

A man was sunbathing naked, when a little girl came along. He quickly covered himself with a hat and the girl asked him "What's under the hat?" The man said "It's my little bird, but he's shy so move along." The girl compile and moved along while the man went to sleep. He later woke up in a hospital...

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A man is being interviewed for a government job...

The man interviewing asks, "have you ever been in any wars?"
The man applying says, "yes I was in Iraq"
The other then asks, "were you injured in any way?"
He replies, " yeah I was actually near the site of an explosion and the shrapnel hit me in the groin, I lost both my testicles."
T...

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Tarzan and Jane were in the jungle...

... and while Jane was asking Tarzan about his life she asked him how he had sex.
Tarzan wasn't sure what she meant so she proceeded to explain.
Tarzan explained that he used a knot hole in a tree trunk.
Jane was shocked by this and said 'You can't do it like that I will have to show you'....

After the Seahawks game, a reporter went to interview a banged-up player, who had two black eyes.

The reporter said, "You look terrible - what happened to you?"

The player said, "I pulled a groin."

The reporter asks, "You have two black eyes - how did that happen if you pulled a groin?"

The guy responds, "Not mine - someone else's."

How to you make a Hormone?

You kick her in the groin.

A frisky couple are speeding down the highway one day...

The girl takes off all of her clothes and throws them into the backseat. Just as things are getting heated, the guy loses control of his car and they roll over into the ditch. Dazed and bruised, the girl crawls out of the shattered window, and limps around to her boyfriend's side of the car.

...

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Joke nsfw

A man was riding his dirt bike one day and has a wreck goes to the emergency room. The doctor says "you torn most of the muscles in your groin so we wanted to get your okay to try a new procedure to replace the muscles in your groin with muscles from an elephants trunk." So he gets the procedure and...

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A Scotsman and an Englishman lived next door to each other...

The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning he would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast. One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scots...

A female dwarf goes to a doctor......

........complaining of an embarrassing itch in the groin area.

The doctor looks her up and down, picks her up and stands her on his desk..

He lifts up her skirt and puts his head under. A little perplexed, she hears snip, snip, snip, snip.

The doctor emerges from under her skirt...

Two guys are driving...

...when they stop at a red light next to a park. The passenger looks over and sees a dog licking his groin. He says to the driver "Man, I wish I could do that." The driver says "You may want to pet the dog first."

In honour of St Patrick's day, can you guess my Irish name?

Pat MiGroin.

Yeah, my grandpa just told me that one...some visual images cannot be unseen.

A man finds a gorilla in his tree.

One morning a man wakes up and looks out his second-story window only to see a big mean looking gorilla sitting in his tree. A bit panicked, he googles “gorilla removal” and finds a local animal removal service. The removal service owner responds that he will be right over.

A half hour lat...

I kicked a French guy in the balls...

Once, I kicked a French guy in the balls. As he clutched his groin and sank to the floor, he whispered in pain, "wee wee". So I kicked him again.

Historians have discovered more information about the Ancient Greek hero, Bophades

According to Ancient Greek mythology, Bophades was a powerful hero, much like Achilles. In fact, the two heroes are very similar. Achilles had a weakness in his heels, and historians have now discovered that Bophades had a weakness in his groin. Many people have heard of Achilles's heel, but have yo...

A Scotsman stumbles out of the bar after closing....

...and promptly passes out on the side of the road. In the wee hours of the morning three nuns pass him. One mutters "Poor soul, let us pray for him." After they pray and are about to leave one nun says "Have you ever wondered exactly what the mystery is? I mean, that is to say, what's under a Scots...

A collection of Waspy jokes about yo-mamma

1. Your mother is so déclassé, she has a time-share
near Sea World!

2. Your mother is so prescription drug dependent,
she pops Xanax like Godiva bonbons!

3. Your mother is so lower middle-class, she thinks
Egyptian cotton smells of camels!

4. Your mother...

A pirate walks in a bar

A pirate walks in a bar. A man notices that he has a wheel attached to his groin. He then asked the pirate , how can you live with that man? The Pirate replies

Arrrghh! It drives me nuts!!!

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There's a "mood party" happening in Manhattan...

... it's a very fancy party, lots of artist types dressed up as their favorite emotion. There's one woman dressed all in red. She is rage. Another man is dressed in black. He's angst. You get the idea. It's all very sophisticated and very Manhattan.

So anyhow, the party is well underwa...

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A prostitute went to a priest...

feeling sad and regretful, she asked: "Father, I hate myself, I hate being a sinner, please tell me what is the first step to repent?"
he replied: "get your hand off my groin."

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