Yeah I know a hedgehog

Honestly? Bit of a prick.

Heard this the other day, also the one about the hedgehog....



A chicken walks into the library and says: "bok bok", So the librarian hands him a book. She takes it, goes away and the next day comes back.

The chicken again says "bok bok", and the librarian hands him new books. Away she went. The third day, chicken says "bok bok bok", and the libr...

A toothpick saw a hedgehog.

“Oh wow, a bus.” It says.

Why did the Hedgehog cross the road?

He went to see his "Flat Mate".

What do you get when an hedgehog and a Snake make a child

Barbed wire

So. Hedgehogs.

Why can't they just share the hedge?

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The woodland critters decide to open a public restroom...

They all participate as best they can to build it, and Owl, the mayor of the woods gives it to the public. The next day as Owl is taking a stroll, he notices that one of the windows is smashed.

He calls an urgent meeting where all the animals gather together.

\- I am sorry for this bot...

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Drunk needles

Two drunk needles walk out of the bar. They see an hedgehog walking by and one of them goes:

“Crap, the bus is full. I guess we gotta walk home.”

What did Sonic the Hedgehog say during Ramadan?

Got to go fast!

What do you call a drunk blue hedgehog?

Gin and sonic.

What’s the difference between a police car and a hedgehog?

A hedgehog has pricks on the outside.

How do hedgehogs make love?

Carefully

The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up infront of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antilope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood infront of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know...

What do you get when you cross a pokemon with a hedgehog

Regrets

My garden has been invaded by hedgehogs.

Pricks.

What's the name of Sonic the Hedgehog's drug business

Sonic SPEED

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How does a hedgehog have sex?

Very carefully

Hedgehog was pulling a rope in the forest

The rabbit saw and asked: "Why you are pulling this rope?" "You know... It's very hard to push it"replied hedgehog.

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Young naive couple

A young naïve newlywed couple from rural China decided to move to America to start a new life with nothing but big dreams and the love for each other. They arrived at their new home in rural Minnesota, and although they were happy and still in love, the first couple of months were difficult. They ...

The hedgehog

2 toothpicks are standing near a country lane, chatting with each other.
After a few minutes a hedgehog crosses the street.
Both toothpicks were very suprised: « Wow, I am amazed that there are still busses driving here! »

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One day a bear has announced in the woods that every animal has to bring him meat tomorrow

And if any don't bring it he'll whip their back with his dick.


So the next day every animal in the woods lines up in front of bear's cave and leaves him a piece of meat, but the rabbit as he is weak and can't hunt he left him a carrot.


The bear angrily grabbed the little ...

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A little hedgehog and an ass

A little happy hedgehog walks through a sunny forest, carrying an apple on his spines. Birds sing, sky's blue, and the apple will be delicious, so the little hedgehog sings happily on his stroll.

But suddenly a cold wind rises. Sky darkens, veiled by black clouds. Rumble of thunders is heard,...

Hedgehogs...

Why can't they just share the hedge?


One of my favourite jokes to come out of the Edinburgh Comedy festival :-)

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A lion calls animals for a meeting

A lion calls animals for a meeting. "Everyone, I'm very hungry, so every one of you brings me a big piece of meat. If someone won't bring a big piece of meat, I'll beat them with my dick!" Everyone runs away. After a while they're coming back. A female deer brings a big piece of meat. Lion eats it a...

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A nervous hedgehog and a and a daring porcupine were each doin a handstand on a dice..

And the two dice were on each end of a razor sharp long sword see-sawing on the poison tip of an upright spear attached to a table made of matches poised over pools of explosives on one side and sharks on the other.

Porcupine: “hey buddy remind me what game we’re playing again?”
Hedgehog: ...

Me: Can I have a turn in the hedge now?

Hedgehog: No

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The Hedgehog

Jimmy's birthday's coming soon, and he's turning 18, so he walks up to his father and tells him:

-Dad, it's a special day for me, and I might get really drunk, so please, don't beat me up, no matter how wasted I show up after the party.

-OK son, I can understand.

The next day af...

Scientists have finally discovered the secret of longevity of hedgehogs...

...It turns out, there is no secret. They don't even live that long.

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A deer had a bar. One day, he found the toilet window broken, so he asked the patrons "Who broke the window!?"

A hare responded "I kinda did..."

The deer asked "What do you mean by "kinda"?"

The hare says: "Well, I was taking a dump and after the bear finished his, he took me and tried to wipe his butt, but then he saw I wasn't toilet paper and threw me right out of the window".

The deer...

Well, No Sale Today. (Co-worker says it's OC, I doubt)

Many animals are waiting in line in front of a store in the forest: bears, foxes, wolves, hedgehogs etc. A rabbit pushes through the queue. He pushes the other animals with his elbows, and jumps to the beginning of the queue. At this point, a bear catches him and says, "You, bunny, no cheating! To t...

So a toothpick walks down the street

Meets hedgehog and says: is this bus going downtown?

Two toothpicks are hanging out in a forest,

... when all of a sudden they see a hedgehog passing by. So, one of them shrugs and goes like, "Hm, I didn't even know they had public transportation here."

[my gf's fav joke, literal translation from German]

What's worse than an elephant in the china shop?

A hedgehog in the condom factory.

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A family of three catches a goldfish

The fish tells them that if they let it go, he will grant each one a wish. The mom and dad decide to let their kid go first with the wish.

Kid: "I want a hedgehog"

Father: A MOTHERFUCKING hedgehog?

Mother: GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OF ME!

And the fish was free

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Animals in the forest have a meeting. The bear as the chief of the forest decides to create an outhouse and they immediatelly built it.

The next day the outhouse has broken window.

So the Bear called everyone and said:

Who knows something about that?

A squirel put her arm up and says:

"I know something about that.."

"I was jumping from a branch to a branch and suddenly the wolf took me, clean his a...

What rodent helps reduce your risk when trading livestock futures?

A hedgehog

Two toothpicks are walking through the forest,

a hedgehog walks past them. The one toothpick says to the other one: "i didn't knew that there is a busstop over here"

Shakespeare loved to play video games...

His favorite was Sonnet the hedgehog

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A teacher does a quiz with her class.

She asks the children:" So guys what walks on four legs and hurts to touch?" So one kid goes:" A hedgehog" the teacher responds:" I was thinking of a porcupine, but I like the way that you think, next question, what has wheels and takes me to school?" The same kid answers:" Your car". "It is my bike...

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A Russian joke

King Lion orders every animal to bring him some meat. The king hits the head of everyone who doesn't bring any meat three times with his dick. Rabbit fails to hunt, so he brings a few cabbages. Lion hits him for the first time and Rabbit starts smiling, the king decides to hit him harder. After the...

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Hitler calls for a meeting

Hitler calls a meeting of his best soldiers and commanders and tells them "Alright I want to order the assassination of one thousand jews and four hedgehogs." Then one of his generals stands and says "But... Mein furhur why four hedgehogs?" Hitler then smiles and says "See? No one gives a f*ck about...

A drunken man walks down the street when he spots a drunken lady sat on the floor with a sack!

The man slurs his words and asks " Whaat ave yoo got in thaat sack!"

the woman slurs back " Hedgehogss, Ive got hedghogs in myy sack! "

He says " hhow mmmany, howw many hedgehogs ave you got in therre!!"

She says " i'm, i'm not gunna tell ya"

The man says " If i can tel...

The bunny jogging

A bunny is running through the forest and he meets a hedgehog, who's smoking a joint, so the bunny says:

"Hedgehog noo, don't do it, drugs are dangerous, come to run with me in the forest!"

The hedgehog convinced by the bunny runs with him.
They run and they meet a bluetit w...

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There was once a shag everything bunny

This bunny had the reputation of screwing all the animals that he came across.
So one day, this snake moves in in the vicinity. As soon as the other animals find out, the warn him
-Mr snake, best stay away from the bunny as he will surely shag you.
-Nonse! says the snake.
-No really, sa...

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Father and son free a genie and he promises them 3 wishes...

The father starts explaining "Son, these wishes are very precious, we have to think before" but the son says without hasitation "Give me a hedgehog!" Genie snaps his fingers and there is a hedgehog. The father loses it and facepalms "Fuck the hedgehog." Suddenly the genie cries in agonizing pain: " ...

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The King of the Jungle [long] [nsfw]

The lion, the king of the jungle, once summoned all the animals to celebrate his new born child. Sure enough all the animals showed up and gazed with awe upon the famous lion's rock.

The lion roared fiercly and all animals awaited silently the big announcement of their king. After a brief mom...

Do You Shave?

An older Irish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to the p...

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The bird who sought a purpose

Apologies if a joke like this was already submitted, I just discovered this wonderful subreddit and I'd like to chip in :)

A bird had long traveled the country side. He was never content with his meager life, and sought a purpose. One day, the bird came upon quite a sight! A massive clearing ...

Who is the most poetic videogame character?

Sonnet the Hedgehog

Fasting.

What a Jamaican calls Sonic the Hedgehog

One of my all-time favourites

A deer sees a crying bunny, sitting by the road.
When asked what is wrong, the bunny said "The bear asked me if I fuzz, I said that I don't and he used me sa his toilet paper".

Some days later, the deer sees the same bunny at the roadside, laughing histerically.

"Glad to see yo...

What do you get when you mix a bush and a motorcycle?

A hedgehog

A joke I came up with the other day

Two hedgehogs were at a wedding. One of the hedgehogs asked if the other would like to dance with him.
The other hedgehog responded, “Sure, but I might poke ya,”

What do you call a pig stuck in a topiary?

A hedgehog.

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