After the UN summit, it was really shameful to see so many people basically openly mocking a mentally challenged child.

Though to be fair, Trump kinda had it coming.

What did Alexander Hamilton say when Aaron Burr mocked him for getting the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?

I am not throwing away my shot

A soldier shows up for military training, but realizes he forgot to bring his gun.

The sergeant hands him a stick and gestures to the training field.

"You'll have to use this, soldier. If you need to shoot someone, just aim your stick at them and shout 'Bangity bang-bang'. If someone gets too close to you, poke them in the gut with it as though it was a bayonette and shout ...

There was once a boy

Forgive me for my bad english, its my second language. Feel free to give corrections if there are any

There was once a boy who treats everyone garbage, making fun of someone by who they are in the outside. His mother didn’t approve this behavior and told to his son that it was not right to ri...

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A man decides to go golfing one Sunday. He's in the clubhouse paying for 18 holes when a gorgeous blonde woman approaches him. "Hey, I noticed you're golfing alone," she said...

"I'm golfing alone too. Can I join you?"

The man enthusiastically agrees and they head to the course.

She's good. *Really* good, and beats the man's score by many strokes. The man is feeling self conscious for losing so soundly to a woman. The woman notices his change in mood and says,...

I brought my girlfriend home to meet my family.

They criticized everything she did, mocked her heritage and gave her a psychiatric disorder.

I guess I shouldn't have insisted on the royal treatment.

How will the youth of the future mock the COVID-19 generation?

OK Zoomer!

Today at work we had a mock emergency evacuation

Today at work we had a mock emergency evacuation. Last time we did this we got out of the building in 43 seconds.

When the alarm went off today we all ran out, but I accidentally bumped a drill off one of the tables.

The supervisor said “We got 40 seconds so we have beaten our previo...

A French man and a German sit at a bar

The French man says to the German, “In France, we have fun by going to the park, eating bread with cheese, and mocking tourists. What is it that you Germans do for fun?” The German replied, “In Germany we ride the autobahn, visit historical sites, and learn about the world.” “Pah!”, the French man s...

What do you call it when a Russian emperor uses irony to mock someone?

Tsarcasm

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A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger &am...

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A Laotian businessman opened a small shop in London.

He was very quiet and diligent with his bookkeeping. He always made sure to help out his employees when he could, typically hiring other Laotian immigrants in the area who were struggling to find work.

Among these employees was a group of three friends from Surrey. Although they were rowdy an...

A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed.

Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."

My dentist mocked me today, saying that even though he's much older than me, he has healthier teeth.

I said it must be because he has the better dentist.

What is the equivalent of 2,000 mocking birds?

2 kilomockingbirds.

Today a person mocked me by saying, "Shut up! You work at McDonald's. "

Yes, He's my coworker.

Me: doc, I can't see objects at a further distance

Doc: okay.. as far as I can see ..
Me: you don't have to mock me ..

My friend said I mock Greek names.

That's preposterousalopalous.

The woman mocked fat man on the beach..

The woman mocked fat man on the beach, clapping her big belly and saying, "Well, that's where the sixpack is. Was it heineken or something else?"

The man answered the woman:
"There's a tap under it, you can taste it yourself"







Sorry if my english is any bad,...

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A guy said to his girlfriend before breaking up, "A relationship is like a fart."

"How is that?" She mockingly said.
He then replied, "If you have to force it, it's probably crap anyway."

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The history of the middle finger

I never knew this before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history more fun when you know something about it?

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory ov...

Is it okay to mock kids for protesting global warming?

Not in the current climate.

Mocking anti-vaxxers on the internet these days is like unvaccinated children

It never gets old.

What's the difference between Biggie Smalls and Charlie Chaplin?

One rocked the mic and the other mocked the Reich.

To all the people who I mocked for their stutter

I am so so sorry.

Following the recent anti-Islam film made, there will be a film made to mock Jesus Christ.

It will be released in 1979 and will be called Life of Brian

A man and his dog walk into a bar...

The man proceeds to sit on a stool and the dog quickly follows, jumping onto the next stool. The barkeep tells the man ‘Sir your dog can’t sit there!’

‘Well I reckon he can. You see, this is no ordinary dog. This dog here has the gift of speech, and that makes him my best friend. And I believ...

Jokes from the 90's seem popular here. How about one from the 80's?

Little Timmy had a severe stutter. However, his mother decided that this was no reason for him to not live a normal life, and so decided he should try taking the bus to school on his own.

"It's very simple," she assured her nervous boy. "When you board the bus tomorrow morning, tell the cond...

My fellow investors mocked me for buying shares in Nitrous Oxide.

It's the laughing stock.

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What were Sigmund Freuds roommates doing when they mocked him for his pent up sexual frustrations?

S~~c~~hadin'freude

A Spanish man, an Italian man, and an English man are seated together on a flight to the US.

As they talk during the flight, they discover that they are all on extended business trips, and they each spent their last night at home making love to their wives.

The Spanish man says, "I made love to my wife three times, and when it was time for me to leave she cried and cried for me to st...

An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.

It is believed to be so offensive that St Mary's church in Dublin have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy O'Neill from Dinlge has written a strongly worded letter.

When will the madness end?

Just as the Count was about to pounce on van Helsing, the door to the library was flung open.

Incontinently, a host of furious villagers stormed into the library, waving blazing torches and voicing dire threats. The Count turned to leap on them, then reeled back, repelled at the reek of garlic that wafted from them like a solid thing.

"Count Dracula!" cried the burgomaster, a solid ci...

If we truly become what we mock...

...I think I'm going to start mocking some smarter, more successful people, for a change.

A Frenchman, a Spaniard, an Italian, and an American, were bragging about who was the best lover.

The Frenchman began: "I made love to my wife four times last night, and the next morning she told me I was the greatest lover alive."

The Spaniard follows up: "I made love to my wife six times last night, and the next morning she told me no other man could ever compare to me."

The Ital...

Mocking Religions is Bad, Mmkay?

This reminds me of that story in II Galoshians 4:12-25

12.Children, remember when our Lord, Christ, hung on the cross, looking down toward his disciples and saw even Peter, who had denied him.

13. "Peter," spake the Lord.

14. Peter heard his Lord speak his name, but no more, so...

An angry teenager from a Catholic home began dressing as a monk to mock his parents' faith.

When asked by a friend how her son had been, the boy's mother replied, "Well, he's been-a-dick-teen lately."

I just made a scathing video mocking the Amish

I can't wait till they see it

Which bird has the worst manners?

Mocking birds.

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An annual weaponry competition is being held.

There is one representative each from every country. Each representative wields the main weapon of sorts from their culture. A fly is released within the range if the representative and they must cut it. The nore precise or beautiful the cut, the more points.

The next competitor goes up, repr...

"The car won't start," said a wife to her husband.

"I think there's water in the carburetor."

"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburetor is."

"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I 'm sure there's water in the carburetor."

"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Wher...

The condiments are in the final stretch of their yearly race...

The condiments are in the final stretch of their yearly race. Mayo Naise is in the lead, but suddenly Mustard von Spice passes him. As he does, he looks back and mocks:

"Try to ketch up!"

An American working in London visits a rural pub in the west country

There are three farmers sitting at a table and he can't help but overhear their discussion.

"I reckons its like TrrrrrrrrrUUUUUUUMMMP!" says the first farmer ending the sound with a triumphant squeaking crescendo

"No no, it's more like Trrrrrruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuoooooomp" responds the ...

A man walks into an LGBTQ centre.

He walks up to the front desk and introduces himself. "Hello, I identify as a chocolate bar. Can I join?"

The receptionist replies "Sir, that's disgraceful! You're mocking the community. We're going to have to ask you to leave."

"You can't call me sir!" The man exclaims. "I use her/she...

Sam signs up with the army and gets sent on basic training...

When they are handing out rifles, he is at the back of the line and they run out just before they get to him. 


The Sergeant gives him a stick and tell him to just pretend it's a rifle. 


So our hero goes running through the mock battle pointing his stick and yelling, "Bangid...

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A brash American tourist got seated next to a Chinese man in a plane.

Mid flight, the Chinese man ordered for a marmalade sandwich. The American could not contain his curiosity so he struck up a conversation with his seatmate.

"You enjoyin' that sandwich, pal?" he asked

"Yes" politely answered the Chinese man after he took a bite and made a few chews....

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So, I got married once..

To a solid 7/10. She wanted kids right away. Gets her wish, so fast forward 9 months, baby is on the way. I am in the waiting room because I couldn't handle it. I see my child for the first time. Told her she could name the baby anything she wanted and she tells the doctor that her name is 'Love'. W...

What's a Mexicans favorite book?

Tequila mocking bird

So one day a guy walks in a bar

and sits next to his friends, after a few drinks he needs to go to the bathroom and he goes for the urinal next to an african-american man, when he was finishing he sees the other man's thing and asks: "how do you guys get it that big ?" to which the man replys: " we hit it to concrete everyday " wi...

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(Overhead in a Arabic cafe- very nasty) A Tunisian, Algerian and Egyptian are arguing...

About whose the manliest out of all three. They decide to have a competition. They go to the zoo and rob three monkeys. They decide whoever gets the monkey pregnant must be the manliest man there is.

So the Tunisian shags his monkey and gets her pregnant and she gives birth to four little hum...

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A boy gets stopped by a cop on a horse while riding his new bike.

A boy gets stopped by a cop on a horse while riding his new bike. The cop then asks the boy if Santa gave him the bike. The boy happily replies with a yes. The cop then says “well, tell Santa that there needs to be a light at the front!” before he promptly gives him a ticket. The boy, quite angry a...

A math teacher is teaching his class in a green costume

Halloween was soon, so he and most of the school was dressed up.

He decided to dress up as The Flash, as he was a popular character among the students, but not knowing the character well, he ended up with a green version of the costume.

After a bit of mocking by the students, he began ...

What do you call a fat mockingbird?

two kilo mocking bird

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An old man goes to the IRS.

An old man goes to the IRS building to settle his debts, on entering an agent mocked the old man for his age. Out of spite, the old man bet the agent $2000 that he could bite his eye.

The agent took him up, and to his surprise the old man laughs and takes out his glass eye, then bites it.
...

Jesus at the last supper

Jesus speaks to his apostles during the last supper and says, "One of you will betray me."

John turns to Jesus with fear in his eyes and asks, "Will it be me? Will I betray you lord?" Jesus smiles kindly at John and says, "No my brother, you will not betray me".

Peter next approaches J...

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While playing in my local basketball rec league, I once thought that my next game would be against the Boston Celtics.

I was proven wrong once the game started and I got a good look at the opponents. They wore grey instead of green. Likewise, Kemba Walker, Jayson Tatum, Gordon Hayward, and Jaylen Brown were nowhere to be found.

Instead, I found myself face-to-face with a bunch of stinky, over-weight neckbea...

There are two things that never get old.

* Mocking people who don't vaccinate their kids.

* Their kids.

Statistician and bomb.

Found this on Raymond Smullyan's book "To Mock a Mockingbird". Hope you might like it.


There is the story of
a statistician who told a friend that he never took airplanes: "I
have computed the probability that there will be a bomb on
the plane," he explained, "and although this p...

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I've put massive billboards up on the side of my house one says "Henry the VIII was a Fat protestant Bigamist"

and the other says "Elizabeth the 1st was an ugly ginger virgin".

Well the wife said she always wanted to live in a Mock tudor house .

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So Ms. Delinsky is trying to get her 4th-graders to settle down for a quiz.

She's been having real problems with her newest year of students, who as always seem way rowdier than the year before them. She blames smart phones and internet memes for this. However, Ms. Delinsky a clever lady, and she thinks she has a plan. She's going to start a 'meme' in her class: Quiz Positi...

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I bought a parrot at an auction...

I bought a parrot at an auction, hoping that a companion might help me get through some tough times. The car ride home, the parrot had been quiet and an uneasy tension was building. Throughout the first night, my parrot remained quiet, but the next morning, I awoke to a machine-gun sequence of swe...

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[NSFW] So a man walks into a pet store, searching for a companion.

The man sees this brightly colored parrot on display, but there's a problem, the store owner tells the man. You see, this parrot's last owner was a foul-mouth, and the bird's vocabulary is crude, to say the least.

But the man is lonely, and his life is boring. The parrot might spice things ...

Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?

The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!

(I feel like I should put a note here: this is not to mock religion... It's just a joke. If this offends you please get a sense of humor.)

A man walks into an art museum...

...saunters past a guard and rips a painting off the wall with his bare hands. The guards attempt to stop him as he runs out of the museum, but he is too quick and acrobatic and evades all of their efforts. Just out the museum doors, he hops into the back of a white van that begins speeding away wit...

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Singing blowjob (NSFW)

One of my friends was a sailor in the navy many moons ago. He was out on deployment for long periods of time, and being a ship without women, he was naturally frisky.

They arrived at an island to resupply and the crew were given leave - so he makes his way to the nearest tavern and enquires o...

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Once there was a loud mouthed hyena...

He would walk around the savanna mocking all the other animals, even the King himself, the Lion. One day his wife, the Lioness asked him:
"Why do you let that stupid hyena taunt you like that? You are the king. Do something about him."
But he simply responded:
"Let him be. He isn't hurting ...

"I'm NOT a window cleaner!"

(Inspired by IT crowd)

One gloomy day in London a man by the name of Roy walks in a park, taking a short break from his job in an IT department. Suprisingly, he runs into an old school friend named Alister during his walk, and they catch up. Alister is a local writer for a very famous publish...

An engineer in Hell

An engineer dies and goes up to the Pearly Gates where St. Peter greets him. "Come in, come in." says Peter, "We can always use another engineer." But the engineer is not so sure he wants to go to Heaven. He is a builder and a doer and is afraid he will be bored. So he asks if he can have a look at ...

An Engineer Died and Ended Up in Hell...

He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After awhile, they had toilets that flush, and air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.
One day God called to Satan to mock him "So, how's it going down there in Hell?"
...

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A German Tourist Visiting America Walks into a McDonald's...

A German Tourist Visiting America Walks into a McDonald's and, as was customary to do so in his home country, orders a beer. The man behind him loudly mocks him, "They don't serve **beer** here you fucking idiot!" The German shamefully apologies to the cashier and turns to leave.

As he's goin...

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Johnny's Date

Two friends got lucky after one night at the bar and picked a lady each. When they decided to go down to the nitty gritty they found out they have no money left for the hotel room and knew already the ladies wouldn't do anything on the car so they remembered that his friend Johnny lived alone and th...

The LAST Last Supper

On the eve of his crucifixion, Christ gathered his disciples for a final meal.

As he broke bread, Christ turned to the table and said, "On this night, one of you shall betray me."

There is a panicked murmur among the disciples.

Finally Peter steps forward. "Is it I, Lord? Am I ...

A Conference of Blondes

One day, all the blondes in America got fed up about being mocked for their lack of intelligence. Therefore, they decided to hold the first annual "Blondes Are Not Dumb" conference to show the world that they were not actually dumb. To that end, they invited the local professor on stage and selected...

A swindler Passes by a bird in the stairwell of an appartment building

The swindler was headed upstairs to visit his friend, the forger. The bird he passed along the way was the forger's homing vulture, which was en route to the forger's publisher to make a delivery. Unfortunately, the poor bird had to fly down the stairwell to ground level and out the open terrace sin...

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There was this couple who had lived together for 10 years

The man had an uncanny habit of farting extremely loudly every morning. Each fart would smell like jackshit and cause his Wife to feel nausea as well.

One day his Wife got so angry that she yelled at him that he would fart his guts out if he continued farting like that.

The very next m...

An engineer, a physician and an economist are in the middle of the desert with only a tin can. [long]

They are starving and far away from civilisation, but they have no way to open it.

The engineer says:
To open the can we need to build this specific machine! It will do the job quickly and efficiently!

The physician and economist mock him:
Yeah, right, we’re in the middle of the ...

A man opens a business training seeing-eye-dogs with what he claims to be "the most scientific methods possible."

A curious reporter wants to see these methods in action, so he arranges to observe the final tests of some of these trained assistance dogs along with the business owner.

The first dog enters the testing course with his blind handler and performs spectacularly. First the dog guides his human ...

I dated a girl who owned a parrot once.

She was so annoying. Always mocked my voice, interrupted my phone calls, and wouldn't shut up.


The parrot was pretty cool, though, I guess.

Old and Pregnant?

A 68 year old woman told her friend over a bingo game that she wanted to have a baby. Her friend, in reasonable disbelief, laughed at her.

The 68 year old woman retorted, "Well, I have the apparatus to and with today's technology, I can have a baby."

And she did just that. She got pr...

There was this epileptic Roman ruler...

...who was prone to occasional fits. He was also very self-conscious about it. One day, one of his guards (who also suffered from epilepsy) went into convulsions in the hall while the monarch was eating dinner.

Assuming that the man was mocking him, the dictator furiously ordered him to be t...

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An atheist and little girl were sitting next to each other on an aeroplane.

'Flight goes quicker when two aeroplane buddies chat to each other,' said the atheist to the little girl.

'What would I want to talk to you about?' replied the little girl.

'I dunno, maybe about how why there is no God.'

Now the girl believed in God and was also very smart indee...

A pizza guy enters an obesity clinic and says, "I have 15 meat lover pizzas with extra cheese."

The nurse at the receptionist desk angrily asks him, "Why would you come here and mock our patients?"

The pizza guy defensively answers, "It's just what the doctor ordered!"

[Frugal] I ran behind a bus all the way home and save $2.25.

Got home and girlfriend mocked me saying had I run behind a cab, I would have saved $15.

The old dog, the leopard and the monkey

An old dog got lost in the savanna... Noticing easy prey, a leopard prepared for an ambush behind a tree. However, the dog could also smell the leopard and being quite crafty he took a quick survey of the area and found a bone. With the bone in his mouth he soliloquized "Oh my goodness, this is so t...

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