4 comrades go to a Soviet hotel for a night during a business trip...

As they walk into their room, 3 of them, whip out some vodka, food and cigarettes and begin to make jokes about the government and be very loud indeed. The 4th one is trying to get some meaningful sleep and knowing that it would be fruitless to ask them to stop, hatches an ingenious plan.
He goes...

There was a Pirate Captain who had an interesting way of pillaging ships..

Prowling the edges of dangerous waters where storms and large reefs were common, the Captain and his crew would pick out the most stricken merchant vessels limping out of a storm, then swiftly close in.

 

Once their pirate ship was alongside the merchant vessel however, the ...

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Parts of the body having a debate.

One day all the body parts are gathered together to discuss who amongst them should be the leader.

The brain steps forward and says "I should be the leader for i am the cleverest. I keep everyone organized and find solutions to problems."

Everyone is quite impressed until the heart st...

A king was visiting the training grounds with his swordmaster

A king was visiting the training grounds with his swordmaster.

There was a crowd watching two fencers trade blows.

The first fencer performed an attack and the crowd gasped.

The king, who isn't into the sport, asked his swordmaster about the move.

"That's what you'd call ...

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My dad's favourite joke. Mine too.

There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let the community know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.

At the event hundreds were there...

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“Oi, you!”

“Sheep shagger!” yelled the man as Llewelyn Jones walked down the high street, pointedly ignoring him.

“Yeah you, sheep shagger! Fucking sheep shagger!” slurred the man, before throwing his beer can into some petunia bushes and stumbling off in the other direction.

“The youth of today...

An old man was out fishing one day...

... and was doing quite well for himself. He’d been keeping all of his catch in a 5 gallon bucket at the edge of the water, by his feet. A young state game warden, fresh out of the academy, walked up and asked to see the old man’s fishing license and inspect his fish. The young warden knew he’d hit ...

A man has a talking dog

A man takes his talking dog to a talent show to showcase its talent.
They come on stage and the man says to the dog 'What do you find on trees?' and the dog replies 'Bark, bark'. The crowd boos.

The man says to the dog 'what do you find on top of a house?' and the dog replies 'roof, roof...

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In an international "dirtiest pantie" competition

In an international "dirtiest pantie" competition, an American, a Russian and a Japanese prostitute got into the finals after the smell and visual inspection judging. For the finals, they needed to throw their panties on the wall, the longest one to stick to it wins.

Host: First we have Ameri...

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An octopus walks into a bar...

Claiming that he can teach himself to play any instrument in a matter of minutes. The bar's patrons are sceptical and decide to test his boasted ability. First, they present him with a cello, to their astonishment he plays with ease. Next, he is provided a saxophone which also fails to present a cha...

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