What do you call a fake postman?

An imposter

Did you hear about the cow that cried wolf?

Fake Moos!

People make fake IDs to get into bars. That’s all well and good but I’d rather have 365 IDs that have different birthdays on them so I could get free desserts at every restaurant I go to

Just makes sense really

My wife asked me if I knew how to spot a fake beach

Faux shore

My girlfriend tells me that I quote Donald Trump way too much.

She's spreading fake news. Sad!

A shop that sells fake grass for gardens was robbed...

Afterwards the owner was asked why he was so defensive during the robbery of the fake grass, to which he replied:

“Well, it’s my home turf.”

What do you call a fake Willem Dafoe?

Willem DaFaux

[OC] Why do rappers wear so much fake gold?

Faux show.

If you can't decide whether to buy real flowers or fake ones

do you have a floral dilemma?

I met someone with a fake boil on their face.

I wasn't sure how they made it, or what it con-cysted of.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm dating a woman whose fake boobs contain water from the ocean.

She's a sea cup

This past week, I made money selling fake eclipse glasses.

I'm not too worried though. Those suckers won't be able to see me again!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a fake noodle

An Impasta!!!
Sorry lol

Edit- getting lots of downvotes. I get it, it's a stupid joke but i'm just trying make people laugh. Maybe even chuckle a little bit:) hope everyone is having a good day and if your day was shitty I hope it gets better:)

What do call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

Sorry, just wanted to copypasta.

We all know Donald Trump doesn’t drink alcohol. But did you know he won’t drink non-alcoholic beer either?

It’s fake booze.

What's the difference between fake internet points and $50?

I wouldn't blow a guy for $50.

What do you say about a man who spent all his savings excavating a tomb full of fake money?

He invested in the wrong crypt o' currency.

Did you hear about the mime that hung himself at the Trump Rally?

He's fine. It was just Fake Noose.

Had a fake ID made.

Now i have an extra identity, Justin Case.

Where do people go if they want to fake their death?

They go Tupac-istan.

My girlfriend started crying because I called her fake

So I wiped away her tears and accidentally her eyebrows too

The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree. The shop attendant asked him, "Are you going to put that tree up yourself?"

The guy replied, "Don't be disgusting! I'm going to put it in the living
room!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Who you gonna believe, the fake blonde with big tits...

or Stormy Daniels?

There's this friend of mine who's really fake...

I can't tell if he's friend or faux.

Mom, I found a $10 bill today, but I threw it away, cause it was fake.

"Oh, how did you know it was fake?"

"It had an extra zero."

Today I learned about Harvey E. Brown, a civil war surgeon who had so many amputations he ran out of fake legs and had to use a shovel.

It was a ground-breaking medical procedure.

Normally I hate those trashy, fake, rigged reality TV shows...

But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway.

What’s the difference between a fake dollar bill and a skinny prostitute?

One’s a phony buck

What do you call a fake noodle?

An im-pasta.

Lol, sorry if it's corny. Pizza hut guy came and my delivery request was to tell a joke. Shout out to delivery dude!

I asked my girlfriend, did you fake it last night ?

She said \- no, I was really asleep last night.

What do you call a Scottish girl with a fake tan in an Indian restaurant?

A mango lassie

What do you call fake news in the French press?

Decaf

Did you hear about the guys who built fake chickens and sold them on the Danish market?

They really made a kylling

Why doesn't Yelp remove fake reviews of Indian restaurants?

Because everyone likes a little naan fiction

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do women fake orgasms?

Because they think we give a shit.

Donald Trump gets executed

and is hanged by the neck until dead.
At Trump Tower, his family watches CNN, which is covering his death live, all of them mournful and teary before Donald himself walks in triumphantly.

"But Donald, CNN says you were killed!" Ivanka cried.

"Nope!" Donnie beamed, holding up the ro...

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg

Best joke that's ever been told.

[Short] What did Trump say when he accidentally drank from a bottle of O'Douls?

FAKE BREWS!

The Holy Land isn't a fake place

Israel

President Trump attempts suicide, fails because of broken rope.

Fake noose.

Stop spreading the fake news that women are forced to wear hijabs.

It's their free choice between wearing them or getting stoned to death.

The internet is so full of people making up fake stories for fake internet points that no one is giving any credit to the real heroes anymore...

Like me, who just yesterday beat up a volcano

Why shouldn't you trust fake owls?

Because they tell you false-hoots

The US government has resorted to jailing political dissidents using fake accusations

Reports say they were arrested on Trump'ed up charges.

Conspiracy theories are a lot like moon landings.

They're all fake

What has more holes than fake news?

Batman's parents

I didn't want to believe that my dentist's medical degree was fake

But the tooth hurts.

What do you call a fake woodwind instrument?

A saxo-phoney!


kill me

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the difference between a fake sex addict and someone who uses fake names to get free noodles?

One's a pseudo-nymphomaniac, the other's a pseudonym-pho-maniac!

My friend glued a fake beard on to look like Jason Momoa

I don't think he could pull it off very well

If Donald Trump talks about "fake news" during the State of the Union...

Does that make it the State of the Onion

If the moon landing was indeed fake

NASA would owe us a huge Apollo-gy.

Did you guys hear about the Jussie Smollett hate crime?

Fake Noose