So i asked my wife the other day “did you fake it last night?”

She said “no, I was really asleep”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call fake shit?

Shampoo

The moon landing was obviously fake.

Like the moon is still up there, it didn’t land anywhere.

Did you hear about the disappointing shortage of seats at the Church of Fake Lazer Sounds?

They really need more pews.

There’s a reason why China has so many fake items

And the reason is because the Chinese have mistaken ‘Copyright’ for ‘Copy Is Right’

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the area between 2 fake tits?

silicon valley.

What do you call the top candidates for fake chicken fingers?

Con-tenders.

What do you call a fake noodle?

An ImPASTA !!!



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Bet you tell at least one person, that joke :P

Guy in street handing out fake moustaches

Me:How many am i allowed?

Guy:Just one.

Me:We'll see

Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree

The guy behind the counter said "Are you going to put it up yourself?" My dad said, "Don't be disgusting. I'm going to put it in the living room."

What do you get when you catch a fake ghost?

A handful of sheet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ever wondered why most guys end up with chicks with fake tits and fake lips?

Because even though there's plenty of fish in the sea there's also a lot of plastic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fake Shit

“You know that fake shit in a bottle I created last month?”

“The one that has the same, look, and texture as shit? Yeah I remember”

“I started selling them and they were selling really well. But now I have several lawsuits for false advertising!”

“Woah. That’s crazy! What did yo...

Absolutely true story that is not fake

In school, I had a friend named Michael Locke. Every day, me and Michael would meet up at the bus stop and ride the school bus together.

Now, one day in sixth grade I slept over at Michael's house, and I had packed a small alarm clock to wake me up in the morning, because I was a *very* heav...

What do you call a fake gaming console?

Pretendo Switch

An old woman accidentally drops her fake teeth at the park while walking her dog.

She can’t find the teeth anywhere in the tall grass. A man spots her bending over and asks what she lost. “I dropped my false teeth somewhere around here.”



“Oh,” the man says, “that’s no big deal. Here, try this pair on.”



He hands her a set of teeth that are too big for...

That old woman in a fake fur coat who had ink thrown on her really had it coming!

Does she even know how many innocent fauxes have been murdered to make that coat?

Tim Cook joked about Trump getting his name wrong. Trump claimed it was fake news. Shows a lot about their character...

But that's comparing apples and oranges

What are the stores called that sell fake IKEA replicas?

LIKEA

People make fake IDs to get into bars. That’s all well and good but I’d rather have 365 IDs that have different birthdays on them so I could get free desserts at every restaurant I go to

Just makes sense really

What do you call a fake Willem Dafoe?

Willem DaFaux

My wife asked me if I knew how to spot a fake beach

Faux shore

[OC] Why do rappers wear so much fake gold?

Faux show.

A shop that sells fake grass for gardens was robbed...

Afterwards the owner was asked why he was so defensive during the robbery of the fake grass, to which he replied:

“Well, it’s my home turf.”

Did you hear about the cow that cried wolf?

Fake Moos!

What do call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

Sorry, just wanted to copypasta.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm dating a woman whose fake boobs contain water from the ocean.

She's a sea cup

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of fake hair does a stuttering rapper use?

XXXtentions

My girlfriend tells me that I quote Donald Trump way too much.

She's spreading fake news. Sad!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a fake noodle

An Impasta!!!
Sorry lol

Edit- getting lots of downvotes. I get it, it's a stupid joke but i'm just trying make people laugh. Maybe even chuckle a little bit:) hope everyone is having a good day and if your day was shitty I hope it gets better:)

I met someone with a fake boil on their face.

I wasn't sure how they made it, or what it con-cysted of.

This past week I made a couple bucks selling fake eclipse glasses

I'm not to worried though, those suckers will never see me again.

Why can't Donald Trump be hung for treason?

Fake Noose

What's the difference between fake internet points and $50?

I wouldn't blow a guy for $50.

What do you say about a man who spent all his savings excavating a tomb full of fake money?

He invested in the wrong crypt o' currency.

Had a fake ID made.

Now i have an extra identity, Justin Case.

We all know Donald Trump doesn’t drink alcohol. But did you know he won’t drink non-alcoholic beer either?

It’s fake booze.

Normally I hate those trashy, fake, rigged reality TV shows...

But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway.

I'm going to jail for 20 years for being a fake cytologist.

20 years in prison, its a hard cell for me.

My girlfriend started crying because I called her fake

So I wiped away her tears and accidentally her eyebrows too

Did you hear about the mime that hung himself at the Trump Rally?

He's fine. It was just Fake Noose.

Mom, I found a $10 bill today, but I threw it away, cause it was fake.

"Oh, how did you know it was fake?"

"It had an extra zero."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who you gonna believe, the fake blonde with big tits...

or Stormy Daniels?

There's this friend of mine who's really fake...

I can't tell if he's friend or faux.

Today I learned about Harvey E. Brown, a civil war surgeon who had so many amputations he ran out of fake legs and had to use a shovel.

It was a ground-breaking medical procedure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

WWE is like 4chan

They're both fake and gay

Why doesn't Yelp remove fake reviews of Indian restaurants?

Because everyone likes a little naan fiction

Donald Trump gets executed

and is hanged by the neck until dead.
At Trump Tower, his family watches CNN, which is covering his death live, all of them mournful and teary before Donald himself walks in triumphantly.

"But Donald, CNN says you were killed!" Ivanka cried.

"Nope!" Donnie beamed, holding up the ro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Japanese man once tried to fake his own death.

His family didn’t bereave him.

What do you call a fake attempt to overthrow management at the puzzles and mind games factory?

Pseudo coux

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a fake dollar bill and a skinny prostitute?

One’s a phony buck

The Holy Land isn't a fake place

Israel

What do you call a Scottish girl with a fake tan in an Indian restaurant?

A mango lassie

Stop spreading the fake news that women are forced to wear hijabs.

It's their free choice between wearing them or getting stoned to death.

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