Did you hear that the CIA hired Stanley Kubrick to fake the Moon landings?

He was such a perfectionist, he made them film on location.

What do you call a fake gun?

A JK-47

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's another word for fake shit?

Shampoo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the man cover himself in fake shit?

Because it was _sham poo_

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When my girlfriend left me, she told me she faked everyone of her orgasms.

What’s worse is, she was a squirter.

What did the fake psychic say when she got the ability to see the future?

I could prophet off of this.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I found this in the comments of another post. Credit to op. A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship

A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm

I made fake Vietnamese soup.

It was faux pho.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fake news

A football fan in Liverpool saw a Vicious dog attacking a pram. He ran over and fought the dog and killed it. A reporter from the Liverpool Echo says to him, "you're a hero and I can see the headlines now.

Liverpool fan saves baby from dog!"

The fan says, "I'm not a Liverpool fan."...

I was telling my friend about an officially Jewish country, and she said it was fake.

I said it Israel.

PSA: Police are warning against large amounts of fake $1 bills this holiday season

Look out for hot singles in your area.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4 types of orgasm...

Do you know that there are 4 types of orgasm… the Holy Orgasm, The Positive Orgasm, the Negative Orgasm and the Fake Orgasm.
The Holy Orgasm sounds like ‟Oh God, oh god…”
The Positive Orgasm goes ‟Yes, yes, oh yes, ”
The Negative Orgasm goes ‟no, no, oh no”
and the fake orgasm, the fa...

Your mom is so ugly...

That the world faked a pandemic just so she has to wear a mask

What do you call a fake koi fish?

A dekoi...

A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl..

After hnoeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...

After a few drinks, billionaire’s friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..

‟It is simple” billionaire boasts....
‟I faked my age”

‟Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensati...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How can you tell Donald trump has fake hair?

Is that your final answer?

>!Dude holds all press conferences next to a fucking helicopter and his hair doesn’t move!<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my diabetic friend to fake an emergency so we could get out class.

He said "Piece of Cake"

What's the difference between Prosecco and a fake injury?

One's sham-pain and the other's a sparkling Italian white wine

You need a lot of luck to become a stage actor.

You can't fake a Hamlet without breaking some legs

A man is obsessed with reeling in a big fish...

A man is obsessed with reeling in a big fish, so much so that he eventually buys a huge, synthetic sturgeon and hangs it on the wall above his fireplace.

Eventually, however, looking at the fake trophy makes the man feel like a fraud, and he can't stand it.

One day, he makes a final at...

What do you call a servant with fake teeth?

An indentured servant

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden:...

Did you hear that Rudy Giuliani has proof of fake ballots and fraud? He says he found a whole stack of 'em.

Yeah, and he's going to be turning them in soon. He just finished printing them, and is waiting for the ink to dry.

What's the difference between Biden and a slow, phony, fake, crooked, corrupt politician?

About 4 million votes.

What do you say to a painting that has been falsely accused of being a fake?

You’ve been framed.

There has been a lot of fake news going on about the Camadian prime minister lately

Some of it is Trudeau

What do you call an economist who sells fake paintings online?

An E-con artist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are some of the same things you can say while decorating a Christmas tree and while having sex?

"It's a shame we only do it only once a year!"

"It's so goddamn prickly."

"Put the balls on very carefully"

"Enough on this side, turn it around"

"Fake one just doesn't have the smell and feel right."

A guy tells his friend, "I bought my wife a diamond ring."

"You told me she wanted a car," the friend replies.
"Yeah," says the first guy, "but where would I find a fake car?"

My boss fake fired me once

I'm still waiting for him to tell me it was a joke

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's fake, chats shit, riles up his neighbours and has the strongest army ever seen?

Gandhi from civilisation 3.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I realised the other day that I was using fake shit on my hair.

That's why I stopped using sham-poo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend made fun of me for being a wrestling fan. He said, "You know that stuff is fake right?"

I said, "So, are your wife's boobs, but I still enjoy them for three hours every Monday night."

What did Donald Trump say to the cow?

Fake moos!

What happens when you create a fake sob story on Reddit?

Karma comes back at you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just read an article on a woman with 12 breasts

Seems fake, dozen tit?

My friend on Facebook who always posted the stupidest things faked his death. He’s back.

Now all he does is postmortem things.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

That girl said she faked orgasm last night when she was with me

Jokes on her, i faked my life and personality to get laid.

When I was baptised, the priest wore a fake nose, moustache and pair of glasses.

It was a blessing in disguise.

Need some help creating fake certifications

Apologies if this isn't a good sub to post a request like this. Happy to pull it down.

My coworker has been taking a lot of short online certification courses. Every day he finishes a new course, prints out the certificate of completion and proudly hangs the certificate up on his wall. He's ...

Joseph Smith's Guide to wealth

Step 1: “translate” an “ancient text” “God” sent you to write.

Step 2: Convince everyone all other churches are fake and God only speaks to you!

Step 3: Prophet!

TIFU by getting my girlfriend a fake leather couch.

I should have known she wanted me to "pleasure" her.

Damn her and her lisp

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A long time ago in China, man decided to marry a concubine.

But he insisted the new woman be a virgin. Someone suggested that after he found a suitable woman, on their wedding night he should show her his penis. If she didn't know what it was, that would mean she was truly virginal.

So on the wedding night his pulled out his penis and showed it to t...

A wife calls her husband in a panic

"I just turned on the TV, and there's a car on the wrong side of the freeway, and it's near where you are!"

"FAKE NEWS! It isn't one car, it's all of them!

What do you call it when a very pregnant woman starts using fake words like “did’ve?”

A Braxton Hicks contraction

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son thinks the land of the Jews is fake.

I told him it Israel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend never fakes her orgasms

She’s very forthcumming

How can you can you spot a fake Van Gogh painting?

On the back, it'll be labeled "Ear-Regular."

President Trump has tested positive for COVID-19

Doctors are expecting a swift recovery, citing that the virus is a hoax and fake news.

What do you call fake oranges?

Pulp Fiction

If your Doctor spoke like Trump

So it seems you’ve tested positive for the Chinese virus, the so-called Covid NINETEEN, the Corona—nobody knows what to call it, quite frankly. It’s the most amazing thing, no one knew anything about Corona until a few weeks ago.

But the moment I heard about it—the Wuhan flu; it’s also the W...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Breaking news: Melania Trump’s naked pics are now online

Fake nudes

This past week I made a couple bucks selling fake eclipse glasses

I'm not to worried though, those suckers will never see me again.

I asked my wife to fake an accent from a developed country tonight...

to fullfill my fantasy that we have healthcare.

What do you call a library full of fake news?

A lie-brary

A guy walks up to the liquor store counter and tries to buy a bottle of whiskey with a fake $20 bill.

The elderly woman clerk quickly realized it was fake and became enraged!! She started screaming!! She grabbed his hair and slammed his head on the counter over and over and until he was out cold.

She was so upset that she had a counter fit.

BREAKING NEWS: The president was found in his office after trying to commit suicide, his statement:

"Fake noose."

Normally I hate those trashy, fake, rigged reality TV shows...

But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway.

The moon landing was obviously fake.

Like the moon is still up there, it didn’t land anywhere.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the area between 2 fake tits?

silicon valley.

I told this lady that she had drawn her fake eyebrows too far up.

She looked surprised.

(Me mate just passed and this was his favourite joke) A man walks up to a stranger and says, "Would ye like to hear a joke"? The stranger replies: Eh, aye. Why not?

The man then says "me life" and starts sobbing and wailing

The Stranger replies: Come now, your life can not be that bad. It's nothing to cry over, surely.

The man says back, "I'm not crying, I'm laughing. See? Hahaha" and the man starts fake laughing and sobbing at the same time. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three racehorses and a racing dog are together after a day of racing.

The first horse says: "You guys won't believe what happed to me in the race today! I was taking my time at the race I was like 12th or 13th not caring too much. And then I suddenly felt a sting on my ass, I sprang forward and before I realized I fished the race 1st."


The second horse sa...

I faked my resume to get a glassmaking job

The interviewer saw straight through me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Tale of the Unlicensed Doctor

A man walks into a doctor's office one day with full garb on. Stethoscope, reflex hammer, the little ear light, the works, except none of it actually worked, seeing as they were just replicas for movies and such. He sees a lady sitting in the corner and offers to help her then and there. She says ye...

A snake entered an university

Students noticed the snake in the hallway. It was weird since nobody had seen him before. The security arrived and turns out the snake had entered using a fake ID. On asking whose id it was snake replied:

"hissss...."

I'm sorry if you didn't find it funny.

Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree

The guy behind the counter said "Are you going to put it up yourself?" My dad said, "Don't be disgusting. I'm going to put it in the living room."

Did you hear that Goop's new line of hair care products made from guano turned out to be fake?

It was *sham*poo.

A circus owner walked into a bar.

Everyone was standing around one table. He checked what was happening. He saw a dancing duck on an upside-down bucket, and the people loved that little show.

The circus owner himself was impressed. He decided to buy the dancing duck. After a few minutes of dealing, they settled for $25,000 fo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bra Sazes

Have u ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for? Well its time you became informed!


(A) Almost boobs.
(B) Barely there.
(C) Can't Complain!
(D) Dang!
(DD) Doubl...

Guy in street handing out fake moustaches

Me:How many am i allowed?

Guy:Just one.

Me:We'll see

I feel like people who write things online under fake accounts are insecure and can’t handle the pressure of having society see who they really are

-Anonymous

I bought fake rocks

Shamrocks

Mom, I found a $10 bill today, but I threw it away, cause it was fake.

"Oh, how did you know it was fake?"

"It had an extra zero."

So i asked my wife the other day “did you fake it last night?”

She said “no, I was really asleep”

I've been lucky when going out to bars. I've never been given a fake number.

A wrong number sure.......but never a fake one.

Did you hear about the lady that faked not being pregnant?

Turns out, she was kidding

Did you guys hear that Old Navy has been using fake wool?

They can't pull the polyester over our eyes anymore!

What do you call a fake noodle?

An ImPASTA !!!



\--------------------------------------------------------------

Bet you tell at least one person, that joke :P

I went to Spain to attend the Running of the Bulls, but when I arrived, there was nothing there but cows with fake horns attached.

I was in shambles.

People make fake IDs to get into bars. That’s all well and good but I’d rather have 365 IDs that have different birthdays on them so I could get free desserts at every restaurant I go to

Just makes sense really

"People always talk about how great Stephen Hawkins was. I always thought he was so pretentious. Born in London, but he always talked with that fake American accent...."

Credit- Ricky Gervais

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.