UPJOKE
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Fake Jokes

What do you call a fake Sudanese person?

… a *pseudonese*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

80% of the women who were asked if they fake orgasms said yes.

Actually, they said “Yes! Oh God, Yes!”

What do you call a fake Mongolian?

A Khan artist!

Normally I hate those trashy, fake, rigged reality TV shows...

But I might watch the presidential debate tonight anyway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just saw Amber Heard try to fake cry during the trial.

Can’t really tell if she’s a shitty actress or just a shitting actress.

There have been numerous accusations that the moon landing was fake.

When Neil Armstrong was interviewed about it, it’s claimed he said the following;
The government found the trip to the moon was going to be both expensive and difficult. There was significant doubt that it could even be done. So, the CIA decided that because the US needed the propaganda advanta...

This past week I made a couple bucks selling fake eclipse glasses

I'm not to worried though, those suckers will never see me again.

In every koi pond of four or more, at least one is always fake.

You’ve got koi’s A, B, C, and then the D koi

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man tries to clean his fake eye by licking it, but accidentally swallows it. He goes to the doctor in utter constipation seeking help.

The doctor tells the patient to bend over and cough, and promptly faints.

When he comes to, the nurse asks him what happened. "|'ve looked at quite a few arseholes in my practice" said the doctor, "first time ever an arsehole looked back!".

Fake diamonds should be illegal…

…after all, they’re “carbon copies.”

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A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship

A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm

The US government hired Stanley Kubrick to film the fake moon landing.

...but he was such a stickler for doing it right that he insisted that they film on location.

I waited in a really long line that turned out to be fake.

It was a giant faux queue.

Fake out clean jokes

Some of my favorite jokes are ones where the set-up sounds like it's going to be offensive, but the punch line takes it back to clean town. My top 3 examples:

I like my email passwords like I like my ladies... Same one for the last 10 years.

If it wasn't for the Arabs, we'd have never ...

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4 types of orgasm...

Do you know that there are 4 types of orgasm… the Holy Orgasm, The Positive Orgasm, the Negative Orgasm and the Fake Orgasm.
The Holy Orgasm sounds like ‟Oh God, oh god…”
The Positive Orgasm goes ‟Yes, yes, oh yes, ”
The Negative Orgasm goes ‟no, no, oh no”
and the fake orgasm, the fa...

The moon landings were faked…

But the director was such a perfectionist that he demanded they be filmed on location.

What so you call a fake Iron Man

Phony Stark

How do you celebrate winning a lawsuit over a fake injury?

You drink sham-pain.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Real or fake?

A guy walks into a bar decorated for the Christmas holidays and orders a beer. "That's a beautiful Christmas tree you have over there. I hope you're not offended, but I've always found that Christmas trees are a lot like boobs," he tells the bartender. "When you see really nice ones you just have to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] It's said that women may sometimes fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship...

...whereas men may fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.

The internet is so full of people making up fake stories for fake internet points that no one is giving any credit to the real heroes anymore...

Like me, who just yesterday beat up a volcano

Hollywood is fake!

Its all paid actors

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a teenage boy keeps depositing one million dollar in his bank account every day

one day, Mrs. Mary the bank manager asks him to provide the source of all the money he's depositing

"I win it through gambling" he answers

"nobody can win that much money so consistently through gambling"

"wanna proof? how about we bet on 1000$ that...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Be careful of fake eBay sites.

Warning to all men about about a fake eBay site.

Be careful what you buy on eBay.

If you buy stuff on line, be sure to check out the seller carefully.

I just spent $95 + postage, on a penis enlarger.

Bastards sent me a magnifying glass.

The only instructions said, ...

Your mom is so ugly...

That the world faked a pandemic just so she has to wear a mask

The Holy Land isn't a fake place

Israel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a fake sex addict and someone who uses fake names to get free noodles?

One's a pseudo-nymphomaniac, the other's a pseudonym-pho-maniac!

What do you call someone trying to fake Italian heritage?

An impasta

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Friends are like boobs

some are real some are fake

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the Japanese man who faked his death?

His wife didn’t bereave him.

Stop spreading the fake news that women are forced to wear hijabs.

It's their free choice between wearing them or getting stoned to death.

A 60 year millionaires is getting married. His friends are jealous and one of them ask how he landed such a hot 23 year old blonde beauty...

"Simple", grins the millionaire.

" I faked my age".

His friends are really amazed and ask him what age he told her...

he replies: " I said i was 87"

what do you call a fake fish?

a de"koi"

>!(if you don't get it, say it out loud)!<

What do you use when you haven't got a condom?

A fake name.

Faking it

"Did you fake it this time, darling?" the man asked after making love to his wife. "No, dear," she replied. "This time I really was asleep."

I bought a diamond ring on St. Patricks day but found out it was a fake

They gave me a sham rock

Everything before 2010 feels fake.

Maybe because it’s all just pre-10’s.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fake Porn Ads be like [NSFW]

\-Hot girls

\-fron your Area

\-Want to fuck



Pick 2.

Hollywood Movies are Fake

Not once did a cop take me downtown.

A little girl is playing with Barbie and Thor.

A little girl is playing with Barbie and Thor. An older woman approaches her and asks
"I thought that Barbie came with Ken, not Thor?"

The little girl replies

"Nope. She comes with Thor. She just fakes it with Ken"

A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl...

After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...

After a few drinks, billionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..

"It's simple" billionaire boasts... "I faked my age"

"Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a fake turd?

sham poo

Here is the best one liner from the legend, Mitch Hedberg

“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's Valentine's Day in the United States, and I'd just like everyone to know my girlfriend has giant, fake tits, and a huge fake dump truck.

In fact, pretty much everything on her is fake, including her existence.

Happy Single's Awareness Day, Reddit.

What's the alternative name for Fake Taxi??

Screw Driver

Why can't Donald Trump be hung for treason?

Fake Noose

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Real or Fake???

### Real or fake

I walked into the store the other day, and immediately noticed the girl working there. She was conventionally attractive and had really big breasts. I mean, really big.


I was just there to browse around, but I couldn't help myself. Something made me go over to th...

what does an airplane and a fake blonde have in common?

they both have a black box

The moon landing was obviously fake.

Like the moon is still up there, it didn’t land anywhere.

Why doesn't Yelp remove fake reviews of Indian restaurants?

Because everyone likes a little naan fiction

Happy St Patrick’s Day! If you can’t kiss the Blarney Stone for luck just use a fake stone…

Any “sham rock” will do.

why do british people love staring at fake news?

they want to take a propaganda

Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree

The guy behind the counter said "Are you going to put it up yourself?" My dad said, "Don't be disgusting. I'm going to put it in the living room."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the area between 2 fake tits?

silicon valley.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fake Taxi

A cab driver picked up a woman and started driving her to her destination. Once arrival the driver says “OK the ride was $12 “
The woman said oh my I left my wallet at home would you want to have sex to pay you for the ride. The cab driver says damn this is the third one today, I don’t want to fu...

I told a woman she'd drawn her fake eyebrows on too high

she looked surprised.

What do you call a fake opera singer?

Placebo Domingo

I made fake Vietnamese soup.

It was faux pho.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wash my hair with fake turds

Some call it shampoo

One day, a mother sees her daughter playing with Barbie and GI Joe. The mother, perplexed, says that she thought Barbie came with Ken.

The daughter says, "No, Barbie comes with GI Joe. She only fakes it with Ken."

A man makes a bet with his boss

He bets $500 that he can lick his eyeball.

Laughing the boss agrees.

The man takes off a fake eyeball and licks it.

The boss angrily gives him the $500.

The man then bets $500 he can bite his own ears.

The boss pulls his ears to check if the man is wearing any fake...

What do you call a pirate without his fake leg?

A one legged man without a peg to stand on

Need some help creating fake certifications

Apologies if this isn't a good sub to post a request like this. Happy to pull it down.

My coworker has been taking a lot of short online certification courses. Every day he finishes a new course, prints out the certificate of completion and proudly hangs the certificate up on his wall. He's ...

If the moon landing was indeed fake

NASA would owe us a huge Apollo-gy.

I bought fake rocks

Shamrocks

My boss fake fired me once

I'm still waiting for him to tell me it was a joke

Some people say: Fake it 'til you Make it!

None of them are bomb technicians.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's another word for fake shit?

Shampoo.

Guy in street handing out fake moustaches

Me:How many am i allowed?

Guy:Just one.

Me:We'll see

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a fake noodle

An Impasta!!!
Sorry lol

Edit- getting lots of downvotes. I get it, it's a stupid joke but i'm just trying make people laugh. Maybe even chuckle a little bit:) hope everyone is having a good day and if your day was shitty I hope it gets better:)

A man who claimed he'd found a £100 million Picasso in his attic, which later turned out to be fake, has been accused of selling more forgeries...

Police said when they went to arrest him, he made a terrible scream, which they've also taken as evidence.

It'd be weird to have a fake breast made of oak…

Wooden tit?

What do you call fake oranges?

Pulp Fiction

What's the difference between Prosecco and a fake injury?

One's sham-pain and the other's a sparkling Italian white wine

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend never fakes her orgasms

She’s very forthcumming

Trump claims if he could walk on water, the fake news media would report:

"Trump can't swim"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old woman accidentally drops her fake teeth at the park while walking her dog.

She can’t find the teeth anywhere in the tall grass. A man spots her bending over and asks what she lost. “I dropped my false teeth somewhere around here.”

“Oh,” the man says, “that’s no big deal. Here, try this pair on.”

He hands her a set of teeth that are too big for her mouth. He h...

Had a fake ID made.

Now i have an extra identity, Justin Case.

TIFU by getting my girlfriend a fake leather couch.

I should have known she wanted me to "pleasure" her.

Damn her and her lisp

What do you call a fake noodle?

An ImPASTA !!!



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Bet you tell at least one person, that joke :P

What do you call a servant with fake teeth?

An indentured servant

Fake friends suck...

You take your medication once and they leave you just like that

(I came up with this on my own but it's probably not a new joke lol)

I miss my fake girlfriend...

She left because I lack imagination.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 75 year old used to put his fake teeth in a jar of water before sleeping

He used to do this every night. One day he felt thirsty and accidentally drank the water which he put his dentures. The next day, he had severe stomach pain and went to the doctor.

The doctor examined him thoroughly, wiped his brow of sweat visibly shaking and said - “In all my years being a...

A friend told me that there is a place the celebrities go after they fake their deaths. Michael Jackson is there. Elvis. Tupac.

I thanked him for telling me about this

He replied "No Biggie."

What do call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

Sorry, just wanted to copypasta.

Correct Change

Two counterfeiters are making some fake bills. They've had a few drinks, so quality control is a little off. They accidentally make a whole stack of $15 bills.

"What the hell are we gonna do now? We wasted all this time and resources making these" one of them says.

"I know", ...

PSA: Police are warning against large amounts of fake $1 bills this holiday season

Look out for hot singles in your area.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When my girlfriend left me, she told me she faked everyone of her orgasms.

What’s worse is, she was a squirter.

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