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What do you call a fake turd?

sham poo

The creator of the Sham Wow:

A true rags to riches story.

Trump Advisor: "You should't have called Putin to congratulate him on winning a sham election...."

Trump: "Why not? He called to congratulate me!"

That's a nice sham you've got there. It would be a shame if somebody...

added an e.

A Lawyer goes shooting and brings down a marvellous pheasant right on Farmer Joe's field...

Knowing the law, he goes over to the farmhouse and knocks on the door, farmer Joe opens, and the Lawyer speaks,

"Excuse me sir, but I'm a lawyer on a shoot, and I happen to have brought down a fairly marvellous pheasant over in your field yonder. Being a lawyer (I happen to have attended an e...

My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover. I wore it all the time to show how much it meant to me.

One day, I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller's. Unfortunately they told me that my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.

It was a sham rock.

Why use shampoo...

...when you can use real poo?

What is it called when a person pretends to use the toilet.

A sham poo.

As a vintner was moving a cask of sparkling wine,

he rolled his foot and injured his ankle. The pain was severe, so he decided to visit his orthopedist. The doctor examined his foot and ankle, took x-rays, and ran MRI scans.

"Sir, I can't find anything wrong with you. You can move your foot and ankle normally, and there's nothing showing up ...

I’m so disappointed.

I found out my pillow case is nothing but a sham.

Give shampoo to your real friends.

And real poo to your sham friends.



(Repost, because it turns out, you can mess things up even before 2AM)

The stupid criminal hall of shame.

STUPID-CRIMINAL HALL OF SHAM:

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene a...

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Woodcutting contest

Once upon a time, there was a woodcutting contest. The tasks included plank cutting, stacking and all the sham, everything within 1 hour.


The first contestant shows up.
The jury asks 'Where are you from?'
'I come from England.' the contestant proudly replies.
'Indeed, you...

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I realised the other day that I was using fake shit on my hair.

That's why I stopped using sham-poo.

What's the difference between Prosecco and a fake injury?

One's sham-pain and the other's a sparkling Italian white wine

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What do you call crap that cleans?

Shampoo

A joke for St. Patricks Day

An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.

The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her futu...

What do you get when you cross Vince Offer and Dwayne Johnson?

A ShamRock

If you ate a ShamWow what would come out?

Shampoo

Did you hear that Goop's new line of hair care products made from guano turned out to be fake?

It was *sham*poo.

One time some guy on the street tried to sell me a magical pillow case.

Turns out it was just a sham.

A sketchy dude was trying to sell me an elaborate pillowcase.

Turns out it was a sham.

I washed my hair with poo tonight.

I've been using shampoo for years, just think how good it will look with the real thing.

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Al the Irish jokes I've heard - Irish this sub a happy St. Patrick's Day!:

* What do you get when you cross a 4 leaf clover with poison ivy? A rash of good luck.
* What do you call a fake Irish stone? A shamrock.
* Why shouldn't you iron a 4-leaf clover? You'd be pressing your luck.
* What instrument did the diva musician play on St. Patrick's day? Brag-pipes....

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Sometimes I tell everyone I'm going for a shit, then sneak off and wash my hair instead.

I have a sham-poo

The other day I thought I found a real velvet pillowcase...

...but it turned out it was just a sham.

Watch out for those St. Patrick's Day scammers

Just had a guy try to sell me a piece of stone he said was from Ireland and kissed by St Patrick. When I looked underneath it said 'Made in China.

Obviously a sham rock.

What do you get when a hairstylist lies about what they've eaten?

Sham-poo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is in a terrible marriage

his wife is a nag, they fight all the time, and the fire has gone out. He goes to a pet store to look for a companion. He's thinking a dog would be good company, but the man behind the counter comes up to him, recognizing the despair the customer is in.

"Hey buddy, I have just the thing for y...

Did to hear about the guy who pretended to wash his hair with excrement?

It was actually sham-poo.

*thunderous applause*

I told my wife I can’t find the matching decorative pillow case...

She said it’s a sham.

I just bought this hair product that uses bat guano.

It's supposed to get rid of dandruff, but it didn't work!

Turns out it's just sham poo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I want to create an app called ShamWow...

I want to create an app called ShamWow, it tells you if certain online products are a Sham or a Wow that's a deal.

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Where do people keep their shampoo?

In their shambutt.

I met a disgruntled farmer in the pub today

“You look disgruntled,” I said. “What’s the story?”

“I ordered a couple of tons of manure,” he replied gloomily. “It arrived today.”

“Is that bad?”

“Well, you see, it was fake.”

“Fake?”

“Yes, fake manure.”

“I didn’t even know that was a thing.”

“Well,...

Why can't you ever trust pillowcase salesmen?

Because it might be a *sham*

A professional golfer was...

angry when a man claimed his gorilla played better golf than the pro did. Betting $10,000 to prove it, the pro teed up on a par five and hit a beautiful shot down the centre of the green.

The man pulled his gorilla out of a cage and handed him a club. Pointing to the where the hole was, he ...

What do you call a counterfeit cow?

Sham moo.

My friend said he recreated the Wow! Signal, but it was fake.

It was a Sham Wow!

What do you call it when an Irish band is caught lip syncing?

Sham rock.

What is a soccer player's favorite drink?

Sham-pain.

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