I joined a crime syndicate that steals and counterfeits valuable art

I don’t like what they do, I’m just in it for the Monet

What are German counterfeit Adidas shoes called?

They’re of course derdiedas. >!Cue in Americans not getting the joke!<

A forger was arrested and thrown in jail for making counterfeit money

Later, a reporter visited his cell for an interview and asked him “Why did you make counterfeit money?”

The forger thought for a while before he replied, saying “Because making real money is impossible.”

What do you get when you mix divorce checks with counterfeit money?

Aliphony!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An individual walks into a restaurants, orders and eats his meal

"That'll be $13.45." says the waiter.

The individual pulls out a $50 bill.

"Sorry, we've had issues with counterfeit money lately. Do you have any smaller bills?" asks the waiter.

"Sure, no problem.." The individual pulls out a $25 bill, pays with it and leaves.

Boss asked me to buy counterfeit detector pens...

I said I’ll just get the real ones.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Medical joke...

I work in medicine and I've been getting a lot of emails and messages about counterfeit drugs coming into America. Apparently some medications are being sold in America that were made in backwoods factories and third world countries. The latest message I got from the FDA was to be on the lookout f...

I thought it was funny to pay hookers with fake money

I stopped laughing when my mom started complaining about counterfeit bills

I was just on my way to a fancy dress party in my counterfeit money costume, when someone came along and ruined my plans.



I got held up.

How does the German counterfeiter take his bourbon?

On Xerox.

Officer: You're under arrest for using counterfeit bank notes

Me: *Slides a crisp £17 bill* How about now eh?

I before e

Except for when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from feisty caffeinated weightlifters.

Never trust people who renovate kitchens

they specialize in counterfeiting.

A man decides to put his counterfeit 30 dollar bills into circulation.

He decides that a small town would be the best place to put them into circulation. "No one will know" he thinks. When he enters the store he chose to start breaking them up, he tells the cashier, "I got these brand new, shiny 30 dollar bills, Can you break them for me?" She says, "Sure, do you want ...

I'm a professional counterfeiter.

Look, I even have the documents to prove it.

Counterfeit $1 bills reportedly found in circulation

Be on the lookout for hot singles in your area.

I was duped into buying counterfeit The Who merchandise.

Won't get fooled again!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and an anorexic prostitute?

One's a phony buck.

Change for a $15 bill

An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills.

He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his ...

A friend of mine called and asked for $500 to pay the rent.

Yesterday a friend called & asked if I could loan her $500 to help her pay her rent. I wanted to be helpful to someone in such need. I told her, let me check my account & l will call you right back. Before I could double check, her sister calls & says, "Don’t give her any money because s...

What country has the least counterfeit money?

Brazil

All their money is real

I want to be a counterfeiter when I grow up!

I hear they make good money

What do you call a counterfeit cow?

Sham moo.

Compassion

Sooo, my cousin just called and asked if I would loan her $300 to help her pay her rent. Those who know me know that I'm always willing to help out friends and family. I told her to give me some time to think about it and I would call her back. Before I called her back, my aunt called and told me ...

Whats the difference between a counterfeit bill and a skinny girl?

One is a phony buck.

A woman walks into a bar

She sits at the counter and orders a salad with croutons and a creamy dressing.

The waiter delivers her salad, and she hands him a crisp $20 bill. As the waiter walks back to the cash register he holds it to the light and realizes it's a counterfeit! He snaps around to see the woman grabbing ...

A man counterfeits $18 bills...

...and needs to get rid of them, so he takes a trip through rural Iowa. Coming to a small general store at a remote crossroads, he goes in and asks the old man behind the counter if he would please break his bill. The old man replies, "Sure, would you like 2 nines or 3 sixes?"

A guy counterfeits a $11 bill

Realizing nobody would accept it in any big city, he goes to a really remote village in the boondocks and knocks on a door. He asks the guy inside for change for his $11 bill. The guy says he doesn't have $11, but he can give him $8. He figures, "What the hell," and says yes.
The guy goes back i...

City Scammer

A scam artist from the city needs to lay low for a while an goes to a faraway village where nobody knows him.



He thinks to himself: "These people are probably not as smart as the city folk and I could probably get away with a few scams. It'll be easy pickings."



He goes ...

Those Tennessee Boys Are Stupid

So these counterfeiters make a mistake and print a load of $15 bills.
The head man says "No problem. We'll take these bills down to Tennessee. Those hicks won't know the difference. We'll swap out the bad bills for real money."

So they head down to Tennessee and stop at a small general st...

Today I gave a homeless person a warm new home..

I gave him counterfeit money to buy food which got him arrested.

Now he's got a warm jail and free meals twice a day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

OC. A sad bartender walks into a bar...

A sad bartender walks into a bar and orders a drink. The man behind the bar pulls out a towel, starts cleaning the counter and asks the bartender what's wrong. The bartender says he was scammed and given counterfeit bills and his dick hurts. He's a tender bartender with a tender bar in a bar with il...

If i had a dollar for every good joke posted on r/jokes...

... I'd have 2 dollars and a bunch of counterfeits.

Credit to u/maxline388

A man walks into a grocery store

After getting all his food he brings it to the cash register to ring it up. The cashier says "that'll be $49.95", The man hands him a $100 bill and the cashier asks "do you have anything smaller? We've been having a rash of counterfeit bills lately"; the man reaches in his pockets and hands him a $5...

Oldie but still good...

This seems to fit here:

Some sub-par counterfeiters discovered that their latest run of bills were all $18 denominations. They realized that they couldn’t pass them off in the city so they headed out to the hinterlands to try and pass them off.

They stopped at a backwoods general stor...

Bad money

What is the difference between an angry rabbit and a counterfeit dollar bill?

One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny.

(OC) I started stealing granite tops from peoples kitchens and replacing them with fakes...

I keep having troubles getting the counterfeit.

(Its probably been done before because the pun is so obvious but I haven't yet heard it.)

$8 Bill

A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway, so he went to the bank and asked for change.

The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.

I went to pay the Cashier at the Grocery store

Cashier "That will be $18.35"

Me: Hands her a $50 bill

Cashier "Sorry sir, We cant accept that because we had too many problems with counterfeit currency. Do you have anything smaller?"

Me " I fully understand, Here you go.."
*Politely hands her a crisp $25 bill*

An old friend called asking to borrow $350 that way she could pay her rent before Christmas.

I told her I’d have to check and see how much I had in the bank and I’d call her back.

A few moments later her cousin called and asked if I’d heard from barb.

I explained she had called asking for money to pay for her rent.

Her cousin said that she was lying that the money sh...

If I had a dollar for every dollar I had...

I would be a counterfeiter.

My father always told me it isn't real money if you don't make it yourself.....

of course that was before he got arrested for counterfeiting.

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