Tease Jokes - 65 Hilarious Tease Jokes

Why do you never tease a fat girl with lisp?

Because she's thick and tired of it.

My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

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My girlfriend is from India. She likes to tease me by sending a pic of herself clothed, and then one of her nude.

She calls it sari, not sari.

A couple go to the Zoo and stop next to a Gorilla’s cage

Husband: “Tease the gorilla like you tease me”

The wife promptly pulls up her shirt….the gorilla starts panting

Husband: “Tease him a little further like you tease me”

The wife mischievously pulls up her skirt….the gorilla is now running and jumping around

The husband ope...

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What do you call it when you sexually tease a women who doesn’t shave?

Beating around the bush.

This year’s Tease & Denial Convention will be held virtually

Attendees will be told not to come

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A man notices his wife’s butt is getting big...

“I bet your butt is as big as my grill.”

His wife rolls her eyes, but he gets a tape measure, measures her bottom, measures the grill, and teases her that they’re about the same size.

That night, he tries to see if he can get lucky. “Not tonight,” says his wife.

He asks her why ...

I told my friends that I'm going for a date with a gorgeous girl, and they teased me that she's imaginary.

Joke's on them, they are too.

A blonde is tired of being teased, so she dies her hair brown and moves to the countryside...

A blonde is tired of being teased, so she dyes her hair brown and moves to the countryside. As she’s driving home one day she spots a farmer leaning on a fence chewing a piece of straw.

“Ha, I’m going to put one over on that dumb farmer!”, she says to herself, pulling over.

“Greetings,...

This girl told me she liked to be teased in the bedroom

So we laid down and I said her glasses looked stupid and she starts crying. Can someone explain what I did wrong?

Spent all night being teased by Medusa.

Now I'm hard as a rock.

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I was teased about my penis size almost every day of elementary school.

I got called names like teeny weenie, micro dong, and pickled pecker.

If it weren't for that, being home-schooled wouldn't have been so bad.

I like to tease my plants...

When I water them I use ice cubes.

Did you know that the other wooden marionettes teased Pinocchio for being so heavy?

I guess he wasn't one of of the poplar kids.

I like to tease my friend Luke

One time I gave him 2 forks when he asked for a spoon to have his cereal with. He said "Can I have a spoon?" I said "Luke, use the forks".

What happens if you tease a Vietnamese person?

They get hanoid.

My wife teases me with ice cream bc she knows I’m lactose intolerant.

She really milks it too.

Last night in bed, my girlfriend said 'Tease me.'

I said 'Alright you fatty.'

My girlfriend: Oh baby I want you to tease me.

Me: Plays three seconds of the SpongeBob Sweet Victory clip.

My Girlfriend: Oooh you dirty tease!

Lady teasing Gorilla at the Zoo...

A man and his wife are at the zoo. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large, hairy gorilla. Noticing her, the gorilla starts bouncing around his cage. He jumps up on the bars and, holding on with one hand, grunts and pounds his chest.

The husband, finding this ...

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The son told his mom: "I don't want to go to school today. The kids tease me, the teachers hate me."

"But Michael, you must be in school. You're the principal!"

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A man and his girlfriend are driving down the road.

A man and his girlfriend are driving down the road. The woman decides to tease him and begins to remove her clothes. The man becomes distracted and loses control of the car, eventually hitting a tree. The car becomes a tangled wreck, and the only thing that is thrown from the car are the girlfriend ...

Mr Snail was always being teased by the insects

for being so slow. Eventually, he just couldn't take it anymore and went to the nearest car dealership.

"I want the fastest sports car you have," he told the salesman, "and make sure to paint a huge 'S' on it, so everyone will know its Mr Snail's car!"

So now, every time Mr Snail driv...

My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings

My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, “Well Shashank? Do you think you’ll be next?”

.

.

We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.

What did the necrophiliac say to the opossum?

You're such a tease.

A blonde from the city is tired of being teased.

She just can't take the blonde jokes anymore.
So, she dyes her hair red and moves to the country.

She is sitting along a country road looking at a field full of sheep.

She counts all the sheep and comes up with an idea to get a sheep of her own.

She drives to the farm house...

A dwarf ant was complaining her mother about how her friends tease her for being short.

Her mom said, "Be tolerant."

I got teased by my friends, because they thought my girlfriend was imaginary

Jokes on them - they are too.

I once went at a strip-tease club and entered a door with "women" written on it

Sadly there were only toilets

Ran into an old high school friend last night.

She said I used to tease her about her weight all the time, and although I personally don't remeber, she must be right; elephants never forget.

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The couple was watching television at night.

The husband says, "Can I know why you've been sulking since I arrived?" And, angrily, the wife responds, "Today we celebrate 25 years of marriage, and here we are, standing in front of this television."

"MY GOD! I was so busy that I completely forgot! Forgive me, my dear. Go put on your...

I went on a date with a small carp once. Bit of a tease, kept acting shy.

She was a little koi.

What's the difference between a tease, a love, and a lust?

Spit, swallow, gargle.

Did you hear about the flirty contract?

It was full of Tease&C’s.

Stalin is trying to seduce a girl in Soviet Russia

Stalin: Tell me what you want, I will grant you any wish to be with you..

Girl: I want you to open the borders.

Stalin: Aaah, you little tease, so you want us to have some alone time..

What's the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is using a single feather to tease and titillate

Kinky is using the whole damn chicken

Putin and Obama meet in Moscow

They're debating the merits of their respective societies. They argue about moral values and which country is doing better.

Obama: I've heard that all Russian are alcoholics.

Putin: That's a Russophobic myth. I bet there's not a single drunk out in Moscow tonight.

Obama: I don'...

If someone says they will make your favorite meal and then doesn't...

Does that make them a Crock-tease?

Years ago at a small private zoo..

they had a gorilla that was popular with small town tourists and the local residents.
Unfortunately the gorilla died of old age and the owner offered one of his employees extra pay to put on a gorilla suit in order to fool the crowds while he figured things out.

Surprisingly, it kinda work...

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I poked fun at a huge rooster today.

It was a giant cock tease.

I misplaced something at the office. A nice man in a turban helped me locate it. I guess it's true what they say.

Sikh and you shall find.

(edit: same man teased me about the pronunciation. It was good natured, but it was still a Sikh burn)

(also a comma)

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The parents want to get rid of the family's pet bunny.

A family has a pet rabbit, but their son and daughter fail to do their part when it comes to cleaning its cage etc. and so the parents decide to quietly kill off the bunny and tell the kids that it ran away. So that's what they do, and since it's a well-fed bunny and they don't want to let all that ...

A cop stops a Harley for travelling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name

'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a
break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then
presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that h...

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Twin jokes

I used to date an identical twin in college. The best part of it was that there were pretty much two of them due to the fact they looked exactly alike. My friends and family would joke and tease me all the time about how I can tell either of them apart. Never mind the beauty of my girlfriend at the ...

My wife accidentally ordered way too many chicken strips for lunch

She was quite upset about, as she hates wasting food. My daughter I were quite happy to have some tasty junk food for dinner though. I said to my wife "We could do this again, I don't mind eating KFC. I hope this wasn't just a strip tease!"

A minister and his friend in the congregation were fans of rival sports teams.

When they were due to play each other, the two made a gentleman's agreement not to pray for their team.

The minister's team ended up losing quite badly, and he decided to tease his friend about it from the pulpit on Sunday.

"My friends, you know that Doug and I back different teams. W...

NSFW Guy is in the front row at the strip club.

NSFW

He’s quietly drinking and tipping the dancers when a particularly beautiful girl comes out and begins a sensual strip tease. The guy behind him immediately starts whooping and calling out, “yeah baby! take it off! Take it off!! woo hoo!”

As she gets completely naked and leaves the...

A kid has a pear-shaped head

The poor kid is feeling down because everyone at school teases him about his pear-shaped head. One day he can no longer take the teasing and says to the kids teasing him, "I can't help having a pear-shaped head, my mom ate a pear when she was pregnant with me."
"That's not how it works," one of t...

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A man walks into a bank

He walked to a window and saw a pretty woman on the other side and decided to tease her.

Woman: how can I help you today?

Man: I would like to open an account.

Woman: of course, it shouldn't take long at all. Would it be checking or savings?

Man: Checking.

Woman: T...

A girl named Darling had a particularly rough childhood because of her uncommon name.

Darling always got a lot of teasing and abuse at school. Eventually, after she had grown up and was married, she realized that the teasing actually made her stronger, and that having a unique name was actually a good thing.

So, when her first child was born, she talked her husband into naming...

What do you call a Greek philosopher who plays hard to get?

A socra-tease

Made this one up myself. I'll be here all week

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, there was a young man named Done. He was born and raised in the town of Moroccan. Done wasn't very smart, and he was always teased by his peers when he expressed his desire to become a doctor, especially by a disliked and harsh-tempered teacher who would yell at him, "You drive me ...

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I like my sex life like I like my Jake Paul videos

A little tease in the beginning and 10 minutes of whole nothing.

My friend is really sensitive about his lack of height.

It's best not to tease him about though, or he'll punch you in the knee.

My mom: You know, I love you very much. I'll fight with anyone who messes with you.

Me: You must have a lot of internal conflict

Sister: *gasp*

Mom: ....

Note: mom teased teased us a lot when we were kids

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Joe Shitface

Joe Shitface wasn't too happy with his name. All the people around him teased him about it. He couldn't even get a wife because of it. So Joe went to see a judge to have it changed. "Your honor, I can't live like this, I need to change my name". The judge looks at Joe puzzled and asks, "What is your...

In an alternate reality where fences are females and posts are male...

A teenage post teases that his friend is taking another post to prom. The friend says, "Hey! I take a fence to that!"

A little boy called Harry hangs out at the local shop.

The shop owner doesnt know why, but the other boys tease him. They say hes slow and to prove it they always give him the choice between a 5$ note and a 1$ note. He always takes the 1$ note because he likes the look more. The owner asks him one day why he always takes the 1$ to which he simply respon...

Women love hunters

Top 10 most important men for women:-

1. The doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes"
2. The dentist because he says, "Open Wide"
3. The hairdresser because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown"
4. The milkman because he says, "Do you want it in the front or in back?"
5...

Two eggs were boiling in a pot...[NSFW]

one eggs says "hey you wanna see my crack"? the other egg says "Dont tease me I ain't hard yet."

The story behind Carl's Jr and Hardee's

You know how Carl's Jr and Hardee's are essentially the same restaurant? That's because Carl and Hardee are brothers. But Hardee is an awful name for a person -- and his brother teased him relentlessly for it -- so they started out with only Carl's Jr chains. Eventually, Hardee wanted to open his ow...

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So I recently got engaged, and used to visit my future in-laws' house quite frequently...

My fiance had a step sister, who used to tease me a lot. She used to stared at me across the dining table, used to bend down while wearing a skirt, etc.

A couple of days before the wedding, she called me at the house to help her make the invitation cards. When I arrived, there was no one at t...

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If Nefertiti owned a topless bar which served tea

she could have marketed her business with t-shirts. You could call them 'Nefertiti's titties, tease, teas, and tees.'

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I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend this morning who called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around.

We lost track of time, chatting about the wild,
romantic times we used to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be
interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that 'old magic'. Wow!' I was flabbergasted.
'I don't know if I could keep pace with you now',
...

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A man and wife are having a stroll in the zoo

A husband and wife having a stroll in the zoo. Gorilla starts to get a hard on as he sees the wife. Husband says,"Lift your skirt and tease him." Ape goes mental. " Now get your tits out !" Ape goes berserk ! Husband opens the cage and throws his wife in. "Now try telling him you've got a fucken hea...

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