What do mechanics call one night stands?

Nuts & bolts

I’ve been looking into the differences between propeller mechanics and human anatomy lately;

And I’ve gotta say: I’m not a fan.

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop...

to have his truck fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. H...

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4 Men at a bar discuss the most difficult sport to play.

The first man, wide as a dishwasher and having huge muscles all over, says “I’m a football player, it’s the hardest sport in the world to play! You’ve gotta be in top physical condition and have excellent situational awareness.”

The second man, an older gentleman wearing a collared shirt, say...

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A mechanics professor is noticing his class is losing interest...

... so he decides to ask them a question to keep them on their toes.

*"What,"* he asks the class *"is the rate of change of speed?"*

*"Acceleration"* retorts the class.

*"And what, is the rate of change of Acceleration?"*

A couple of students in the class raises their han...

What do you call a person who studies about the mechanics and interactions of poo?

A fecesist.

In Heaven the cooks are French, the policemen are English, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and the bankers are Swiss..

In Hell..


The cooks are English, the policemen are German, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss and the bankers are Italian.

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How do you tell if a mechanics had sex?

Two of his fingers are clean

A zookeeper is driving a truck full of penguins to the zoo

His truck breaks down, and the mechanic says it will take most of the day to fix. The zookeeper sees a bus, and say to the bus driver "I'll give you $100 to take my penguins to the zoo."

The bus driver agrees, and the penguins are put on the bus.

Later that afternoon, the truck is fixe...

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So my wife is a sex addict and just as into mechanics

When we split she went f*cking nuts

Electronic Arts CEO Andrew Wilson has a one night stand.

The woman he was with contacts him soon after to let him know she was pregnant, and wants him to own up to his mistake.


Andrew then replies, "It's not a mistake, it's surprise mechanics."

Why are mechanics absent fathers?

Because they nut and bolt

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How do you know car mechanics are horny?

They're always jacking off!

I wasn't allowed to speak at a university conference about jump mechanics in video games..

..due to no platforming.

Mechanics might disagree, but...

...eyedrops are technically blinker fluid.

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Why are Mechanics Good at Cunnilingus?

Because they are used to dealing with things under the hood

After every flight the pilots of Qantas airways leave a note to the mechanics that has problems that need to be fixed.When the next flight is due the mechanics leave a report that describes what they've done to fix the problem.

Problem: The left tire almost needs to be replaced
Report: The left tire was almost replaced

Problem: Something is unhooked in the cabin

Report: We rehooked something in the cabin

Problem: The autopilot loses 200 km/h altitude when engaged

Report: We haven't been able ...

I have a degree in the design and mechanics of television controllers

I don't know what I'm going to do with this remote knowledge.

EA thinks loot boxes are surprise mechanics.

So is Russian Roulette, though that seems like a better option.

If you go to a mechanics shop to get laid but get caught

do you screw, nut, and bolt?

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