A lawer, a surgeon, and a janitor are going on a camping trip...

when they discover a magical wizard. He says, "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The lawyer says, "Easy! I'll be a kindergarten teacher! How hard can it be to read to a bunch of little kids?" He gets transported into a classroom. He starts off stron...

The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her...

I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women

What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?

Dereliction of doodie.

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.”

The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

How warm is a janitor's closet?

Broom temperature.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A catholic priest goes on vacation and asks the janitor to run the confessional booth.

J- “ I don’t know how to run the booth though!”

P- “ It is very easy. Just listen to the people’s sins and refer to the chart of sins on the wall. The chart will say how many Hail Marys the sinner must say for it to be forgiven”

The janitor agrees and begins his shift the next day. Th...

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

"SUPPLIES!"

A man dies and finds himself in front of God. He sees Jesus sitting at his right hand and a janitor with a mop sitting to his left.

“Who are you?” the man asks the janitor.



“I’m Cleanliness.”

A man walks up to a janitor and asks him, "Don't you ever get tired of cleaning."

The man, taken back, says, "Excuse me sir. I'll let you know I have children at Harvard, Yale, and MIT."

The other man replies, "Oh really? I'm sorry, what classes are they taking?"

The janitor replies, "Nah, they're janitors."

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Why should you never mess with a janitor cleaning a bathroom?

Cause when they plunge a toilet, shit goes down.

Kindergarten janitor, Juan keeps running off to the tree outside because

123.

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How are war veterans and janitors alike?

You won't believe the shit they've seen!!

A movie about janitors impressed critics.

Later that year the movie swept the Oscars.

What did the barber tell the janitor at the end of the day?

Take hair!

My 8 year old thought of it after his hair cut last night. I hope it’s OC as he doesn’t have a Reddit account, yet.

It's not right to assume that a janitor can clean your chimney.

You shouldn't make sweeping generalizations.

What does a Janitor have in common with Santa Claus?

Leave out some cookies for them and you'll receive better treatment.

What do Janitors bikes sound like?

"Broom"

Why did the janitor die?

He kicked the bucket

Why should you vote a janitor into public office?

If you want them to make sweeping changes.

A janitor, a waitress, and a bartender walk into a bar.

Then they open for the day.

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Why did the janitor quit his job

He was tired of everyone’s shit.

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The gym teacher gets a handgun, the janitor gets a shot gun, and the principal gets an uzi. What do they arm the lunch lady with?

A salt rifle

The janitor at my work asked if I wanted to take a five minute break to go smoke weed with her.

I told her, 'No, I'm sorry, but I don't have time for a high maintainance woman."

The janitor couldn't remember where he put the floor polisher

As a programmer, this isn't the first time I encountered a 'buffer allocation failure due to memory error'

I saw two janitors making out

And I said hey, get a broom!

A man walks into a job interview...

He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.

"So son, where did you receive your education?"

The man replied "Yale".

The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"

The...

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What was the best part of the janitor’s job cleaning toilets at the comedy club?

The shits and giggles

Janitor in the church

The church janitor is cleaning the large overhead ducts from the inside when he notices a nun praying by herself and decides to have some fun. With the echo and a booming voice he proclaims "your prayers will answered", but the nun doesnt even flinch. He tries again "my child, your sins are forgiv...

What do you call a small group of terrorists pretending to be janitors?

A sweeper cell.

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A zookeeper notices his prize gorilla was getting aggressive..

She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't sleep. And she constantly kept trying to attack the zookeeper. So, he did some research and found out female gorillas can become depressed and aggressive when deprived from sex.

The zookeeper then looked around for another male gorilla for her to engage in inte...

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A zookeeper was making his rounds one day...

When he noticed the female gorilla was very agitated. Having worked with gorillas for many years, he recognised she was in heat. The zookeeper did not wish her to become more agitated, so he began contacting other zoo's in the area asking if they had a male gorilla.

After many days with no lu...

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A janitor is cleaning the church.......

.....when suddenly the priest runs out of the confession booth.

He bumps into the janitor and tells him to cover for him because he had run to the bathroom.

Surprised, the janitor tells the priest that he doesn't know anything about confessions.

The priest hands him a sheet of p...

Where do janitors go at night?

They go to sweep.

What do you call a janitor in space?

A vacuum cleaner

The janitor at the zoo

A janitor at a zoo gets called into the managers office. The manager tells him they have to let him go due to budget issues. The janitor is set back and cries, "please, please let me keep my job! My mother is in the hospital and I have to pay her medical bills!" The manager scratches his chin for a ...

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A high school janitor goes to the principal's office

He tells the principal how the girls won't stop kissing the bathroom mirrors everyday to leave their lipstick marks, and how it is difficult to clean. The principal announces over the loudspeaker at the beginning of the day and tells the culprits to stop immediately. Things just got worse after this...

Why did the janitor with a speech impediment miss his shift?

He overswept

Why did the janitor get fired from the bank?

Because he cleaned out the vault.

What do you call a janitor who smokes weed?

High maintenance.

The janitor at the bank managed to rob 21 million dollars.

He made a clean getaway!

The School Janitor

Janitor: I know im just a school janitor, but my eldest son is in M.I.T., his younger brother in Princeton, and my youngest in Harvard.

Student: (amazed) Wow, what are they studying?

Janitor: Oh no, they are janitors as well.

A scientist, a doctor and a janitor discover an old lamp...

The scientist rubs the lamp and sure enough a genie pops out! "Thank you for releasing me!" said the genie, "You can have anything you like, providing you do one days work of a different profession. You may choose what you want to do." The scientist goes first, "Well I've always thought that being a...

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A zoo bought a female gorilla a while back

A zoo bought a female gorilla a while back. Recently, she went into heat, so the zookeeper called all his friends at different zoos to find a male gorilla to deal with the issue.
He called and called, but the budget his board had given him was only $10,000, and nobody could afford to ship their g...

To this day I remember the time my mom forgot to pick me up from school. The school was already empty, only the janitors were left. I cried but they gave me milk and cookies and told me that everything will be all right.

Worst high school experience ever...

Two Polish janitors are unhappy because they always get passed over for promotions.

Anatol and Artur are two Polish janitors. They always seem to get passed over for promotions. They discuss the issue and decide that Artur will ask the boss about it.

Artur goes to his boss. "Why are me an Anatol always passed over for promotions? We work hard."

The boss says, "It's no...

A woman walks in on the janitor using the women's washroom...

"What are you doing in here?"

"The men's room is filthy"

To his great surprise, Bob won the largest lottery in history.

Unsure what to do with his newfound fortune, he decided to build the world's biggest ship. It was 10 miles long and 3 miles wide; a floating city. Once the ship was complete, Bob had to hire thousands of people to work on it and make it run properly. He held mass interviews and hired sailors, police...

What are jokes about janitors called?

Sweeping generalizations.

My school janitor is a part-time pianist.

He has 88 keys.

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One day, the janitor at the zoo is approached by the manager...

"Look, janitor", says the manager. "Our most popular gorilla just died, and its gonna be a couple of weeks before our new gorilla ships in. The kids come from all over just to see this gorilla, and our admission sales are gonna drop dramatically if we don't have a gorilla for the rest of the quarter...

Why did the janitor file for a divorce?

He found his wife sweeping with someone else.

Today I saved a man drowning in the river

I tossed him a bar of soap and he washed ashore

Source: University Daytime Janitor

Why did the janitor flush the toilet?

Because it was his duty.

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Janitor standin at the confession box

Father Paul had had a rather long day, listening to confessions from the members of his parish, and suddenly needed a break, and stepped out from the confession box and asked the janitor who was washing the floor.

"Hey Carl, could you make a standin for me, just ten min, I really need to go ...

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Did you hear about the horny Asian janitor?

First he wax on, then he wax off!

In The Military a janitor wanted to go out to the battlefield...

When the soldiers were getting ready for a battle the janitor told the general that he wanted to fight. The general gave him a broom and said "point this at the enemies and say 'bangity bang bang' and when they get close say 'stabbity stab stab'" "ok" the janitor replied. Once the janitor got out on...

Boss: "You're fired."

Me: *turns in gun and badge*

Boss: “You’re a janitor where did you get those”

How many software developers does it take to change a light bulb?

This question reveals that you are still thinking waterfall. For a more agile approach, ask e.g. "When will the scrum master call the janitor?"

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I was raised to

I was raised to treat the janitor with the same respect as the CEO.



So I said, "Fuck Off" to my Boss.

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A priest is taking confessions

When he gets a sudden urge to use the bathroom. Not wanting to interrupt the lineup, he flags over the janitor and says " can you sit in for me for a 10 minutes, just flip through this sins book and dish out whatever penance is required. Easy peasy."
So the first confessioner comes in, a young...

Johnson is a janitor for a big international company.

One day, as Johnson is sweeping the floors in the lobby of the main headquarters for the company, George Bush enters the building as he has a meeting with the CEO. He meets the CEO in the lobby but before entering the conference room, he greets Johnson, "Heeey Johnson! Nice to see you buddy!" After ...

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There was a janitor at a church...

Who was cleaning up one night while the priest gave confession,

The Priest was sick and had to leave, and asked the janitor to finish up the last few confessions,

The janitor reluctantly agreed.

He just listened to confessions and followed a chart with the punishments,

On...

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I was watching this animal instructor show off this monkey. The monkey began acting up, and that's when shit hit the fan.

Even the janitor refused to clean up the mess...

A blonde was going ice fishing. When she drilled the first hole she heard a voice “there’s no fish under the ice!” So she stood up and found a new spot. As she drilled the second hole she heard the voice again “there’s no fish under the ice!!” So the blonde responded with a shiver “god is that you?”

“No mam I’m the janitor of this ice rink”

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Another Christian Joke

A priest is sitting in the confessional when he realizes he really needs to take a shit. He peeks out the door and sees the janitor. "psst, hey bobby, come here, can you sit here and listen to these confessions while I go drop trou?" The janitor is hesitant, but the priest reassures him and shows hi...

There was boy named Billy and he wasn't very smart

He lived with his mother in a small town. Nobody liked him because he was really stupid, least of all his school teacher who was always annoyed with him.

One day Billy's mother came to the school to learn how her son was doing. The teacher plainly told the mother that her son was a complete...

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Little Johnny was a fucking idiot...

and his teacher kept saying "You're going to be the death of me." because of how bad he was at all his subjects.

One day, the school had enough and decided to expel little Johnny, and in the meeting with his parents, the principal said "Ma'am, your son cannot stay in this school, he can't rea...

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HoverDildo™

A lady engineer working late one night at a robotics company suddenly got a million-dollar idea! She then gathered up some spare parts and got to work on her side-project.

The next day, she showed one of her colleagues what she had been working on - A high-tech sex toy she called the HoverDil...

Gym Shoes (Based on a Real Story)

I’m in the locker room and after I put on my gym clothes I realize I don’t have my shoes in my gym bag. Go back to my car, not there.

Now I don’t work out much, which means getting myself to the gym is actually harder than the workout and I can’t waste an opportunity like this. So I notice ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I stormed into the boss's office and demanded to know why I had been overlooked for the position of Head of Accounting...

He shot back, "Because you're the fucking janitor, Gary."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One Pope, in the Dark Ages, decreed that all Jews had to leave Rome...

...The Jews did not want to leave, and so the Pope challenged them to a disputation to prove that they could remain. No one, however wanted the responsibility… until the synagogue janitor, Moishe, volunteered.

As there was nobody else who wanted to go, Moishe was given the task. But because h...

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What’s the worst thing about getting caught masturbating at work?

Having to explain to the janitor why you’re in the supply closet with a belt wrapped around your neck.

A professor takes his class to a museum

A professor take this class to a museum. He goes on to tell the class about many art sculptures and the meaning behind each and every detail. All of a sudden a janitor appears calls out the professor for being wrong about his whole lecture. Shocked the professor says,
“Well if you think you know ...

Right after I got my PhD in theoretical physics, I was able to land a job at Stanford!

My first shift starts tomorrow, after the senior janitor gives me a quick rundown.

People always ask me how I got into Harvard at the age of 16, after skipping two grades.

Honestly I think the janitor just left the door open or something.

The President of the U.S. receives a call from the Treasury Department.

-Madam President, we are upgrading the vaults where we keep the gold reserve. Three designs are finalists, but you need to select the one we will use.

-What are the options?

-The first one is a made of reinforced concrete surrounding a steel cage with a nickel content of 8%. The second...

One day, workers at a hospital noticed something very peculiar.

Everyday Tuesday, at approximately 11:24 pm, whichever patient was lying in bed 3 in room 152 would inexplicably die, no matter what condition they were in. This phenomenon went on for sometime, baffling scientists and doctors all over the world and starting many conspiracy theories centered on the...

A homeless man was one day walking down an alleyway...

A homeless man was one day walking down an alleyway from which you could see the back gardens of these mansion like houses on the street. He looks into a garden and sees a man in a suit crying and looking at the pool.

The man in suit fills his pockets with rocks and suddenly jumps into the po...

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A female gorilla is alone in a cage at the zoo...

... She has become very cranky due to her isolation and has become increasingly aggressive. Her problematic behavior has become a concern of the zookeeper who decides to try to fix it. While trying to come up with a solution he notices the janitor, a very sleazy redneck type and gets an idea. He wal...

"Art is the elimination of the unnecessary" -Pablo Picasso

"Sure thing Pablo, but must people just call me the janitor" - Art

I have a friend who's half Portuguese and half Jewish

He's a janitor, but the building is his.

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