A janitor at my work asked me to come over and smoke weed with her!!

I told her No. I can't stand high maintenance women.

A janitor gets accepted into Nascar

His car goes "Broom, Broom"

A man asks a janitor in his office...

"Hey, don't you get tired being just a janitor?"

The janitor is taken aback. "Excuse me, let me tell you that even if I'm just a janitor, I have a kid each in Harvard, MIT, and Princeton."

"Wow," the man is surprised, "what courses are they taking?"

"Nah, they're janitors too."

How warm is a janitor's closet?

Broom temperature

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Keepers at a zoo realized that a lone female gorilla that was recently brought in for habitation was badly in heat.

Because of this the gorilla was acting very amorous with the keepers every time they tried to feed her. So they figured if she just had sex that she might calm down.

It was then they approached a rather dumb janitor and asked him if he'd like to have sex with the gorilla for $500.

The ...

My father who is a janitor said his position at work was raised

He will be cleaning the 40th floor instead of the 39th.

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

What does a janitor say when he jumps out of the closet?

Supplies.

There once was a boy named George Gunderson who did not do very well in school. His classmates ridiculed him every day, as did his teacher, Mrs. Jones. George couldn't stand it, and always came home crying to his parents.

One day, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson decided to come to the school early to give Mrs. Jones a piece of her mind. The second the door opened to let the kids outside, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson peeked inside to hear Mrs. Jones screaming at George. "George Gunderson, you are the dumbest kid in the world!"
...

A janitor, a waitress, and a bartender walk into a bar.

Then they open for the day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the janitor pick up the poop from the floor?

Because it was his duty!

Where do janitors go at night?

They go to sweep.

What do you call a bunch of janitors who made a band?

The bleach boys.

Today I was invited by a female janitor to smoke some weed at her apartment, but i politley declined.

I can’t deal with high maintenance women.

Did you hear about the Janitor who got fired for smoking weed?

They claimed he was high maintainence.








Originally by Rick Aston Martin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A zoo in CA has a rare gorilla. The last known female of that particular species.

Turns out a zoo in Tokyo has a male version of the gorilla. They decide to ship the male gorilla from Japan to the US to mate and save the species. The American zoo keepers start to worry because their female gorilla has never had sex before. The decision is made they need to warm her up to help wit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A catholic priest goes on vacation and asks the janitor to run the confessional booth.

J- “ I don’t know how to run the booth though!”

P- “ It is very easy. Just listen to the people’s sins and refer to the chart of sins on the wall. The chart will say how many Hail Marys the sinner must say for it to be forgiven”

The janitor agrees and begins his shift the next day. Th...

What do you call the janitors of the CIA?

Sweeper Agents

Why was the janitor late for his job interview?

He over swept.

What do you call a live in janitor?

A broomate.

Why are there so many janitors from Poland?

They know how to Polish better than anyone.

What did the Janitor call his safety warning inspired metal band?

Slip not.

What does a Janitor have in common with Santa Claus?

Leave out some cookies for them and you'll receive better treatment.

A movie about janitors impressed critics.

Later that year the movie swept the Oscars.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The gym teacher gets a handgun, the janitor gets a shot gun, and the principal gets an uzi. What do they arm the lunch lady with?

A salt rifle

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A janitor is cleaning the church.......

.....when suddenly the priest runs out of the confession booth.

He bumps into the janitor and tells him to cover for him because he had run to the bathroom.

Surprised, the janitor tells the priest that he doesn't know anything about confessions.

The priest hands him a sheet of p...

What’s a German janitor’s favourite game?

Mein Sweeper.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jim has been working at the local Zoo for 5 years now...

He loves answering "Yes! they're wonderful" to women at the bar when they ask him if he works with animals. In reality however, he's a janitor, and his only job is to scoop their droppings.


One day, Jim's boss walks up to him in a huff:
"Jim, as you know, Coco the gorilla, our main...

Saw a janitor wiping the handrail on an ascending escalator

He was cleaning up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the janitor quit his job

He was tired of everyone’s shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How are war veterans and janitors alike?

You won't believe the shit they've seen!!

A man dies and finds himself in front of God. He sees Jesus sitting at his right hand and a janitor with a mop sitting to his left.

“Who are you?” the man asks the janitor.



“I’m Cleanliness.”

What do you call a janitor in space?

A vacuum cleaner

What did the barber tell the janitor at the end of the day?

Take hair!

My 8 year old thought of it after his hair cut last night. I hope it’s OC as he doesn’t have a Reddit account, yet.

What do you call a janitor that works at a spy headquarters?

A sweeper agent

What did the janitor's ex wife accuse him of?

Sweeping around.

It's not right to assume that a janitor can clean your chimney.

You shouldn't make sweeping generalizations.

What do Janitors bikes sound like?

"Broom"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why should you never mess with a janitor cleaning a bathroom?

Cause when they plunge a toilet, shit goes down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe the janitor reports for his first night of work at a funeral home.

One of his first tasks is to sweep and mop the embalming room floor while the embalmer is eating dinner. Joe is alone in the room, out of curiousness he looks under the sheet covering a corpse on the embalmers table. The body lays face down. With a giant cork protruding from the rectum. Joe taps on ...

What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?

Dereliction of doodie.

Just a schoolgirl waiting for her dad…

While waiting for my dad, two of the school janitors came outside and started smoking a joint.

When my dad saw us, he ran into the cloud of smoke, grabbed me by the arm and shoved me into the car!

“What’s wrong with you? Why are you angry at ME?” I protested. “I didn’t even do anything...

By mistake his Phone rang in Church during prayers...

The Priest scolded him ...

After prayers, the congregation admonished him for interrupting the silence.

His wife lectured him on his carelessness until they got home.

One could see the shame, embarrassment n humiliation on his face !!

*He has never stepped into the Church...

A man walks into his first session with a psychiatrist

His mood is almost as dark as the room, shades drawn almost fully closed with just enough light to cast shadows like a priest’s confessional stall. *Perfect*, he thinks, *this will be easier if he can’t see the tears welling in my eyes*.

He sits down and breathes a heavy sigh. The clock tick...

The janitor at my work asked if I wanted to take a five minute break to go smoke weed with her.

I told her, 'No, I'm sorry, but I don't have time for a high maintainance woman."

Why should you vote a janitor into public office?

If you want them to make sweeping changes.

Janitor in the church

The church janitor is cleaning the large overhead ducts from the inside when he notices a nun praying by herself and decides to have some fun. With the echo and a booming voice he proclaims "your prayers will answered", but the nun doesnt even flinch. He tries again "my child, your sins are forgiv...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Janitor standin at the confession box

Father Paul had had a rather long day, listening to confessions from the members of his parish, and suddenly needed a break, and stepped out from the confession box and asked the janitor who was washing the floor.

"Hey Carl, could you make a standin for me, just ten min, I really need to go ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A high school janitor goes to the principal's office

He tells the principal how the girls won't stop kissing the bathroom mirrors everyday to leave their lipstick marks, and how it is difficult to clean. The principal announces over the loudspeaker at the beginning of the day and tells the culprits to stop immediately. Things just got worse after this...

The janitor at the zoo

A janitor at a zoo gets called into the managers office. The manager tells him they have to let him go due to budget issues. The janitor is set back and cries, "please, please let me keep my job! My mother is in the hospital and I have to pay her medical bills!" The manager scratches his chin for a ...

Why did the janitor die?

He kicked the bucket

The janitor couldn't remember where he put the floor polisher

As a programmer, this isn't the first time I encountered a 'buffer allocation failure due to memory error'

What do you call a small group of terrorists pretending to be janitors?

A sweeper cell.

Johnson is a janitor for a big international company.

One day, as Johnson is sweeping the floors in the lobby of the main headquarters for the company, George Bush enters the building as he has a meeting with the CEO. He meets the CEO in the lobby but before entering the conference room, he greets Johnson, "Heeey Johnson! Nice to see you buddy!" After ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What was the best part of the janitor’s job cleaning toilets at the comedy club?

The shits and giggles

The School Janitor

Janitor: I know im just a school janitor, but my eldest son is in M.I.T., his younger brother in Princeton, and my youngest in Harvard.

Student: (amazed) Wow, what are they studying?

Janitor: Oh no, they are janitors as well.

What are jokes about janitors called?

Sweeping generalizations.

To this day I remember the time my mom forgot to pick me up from school. The school was already empty, only the janitors were left. I cried but they gave me milk and cookies and told me that everything will be all right.

Worst high school experience ever...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, the janitor at the zoo is approached by the manager...

"Look, janitor", says the manager. "Our most popular gorilla just died, and its gonna be a couple of weeks before our new gorilla ships in. The kids come from all over just to see this gorilla, and our admission sales are gonna drop dramatically if we don't have a gorilla for the rest of the quarter...

My school janitor is a part-time pianist.

He has 88 keys.

Why did the janitor with a speech impediment miss his shift?

He overswept

The janitor at the bank managed to rob 21 million dollars.

He made a clean getaway!

Why did the janitor file for a divorce?

He found his wife sweeping with someone else.

In The Military a janitor wanted to go out to the battlefield...

When the soldiers were getting ready for a battle the janitor told the general that he wanted to fight. The general gave him a broom and said "point this at the enemies and say 'bangity bang bang' and when they get close say 'stabbity stab stab'" "ok" the janitor replied. Once the janitor got out on...

A scientist, a doctor and a janitor discover an old lamp...

The scientist rubs the lamp and sure enough a genie pops out! "Thank you for releasing me!" said the genie, "You can have anything you like, providing you do one days work of a different profession. You may choose what you want to do." The scientist goes first, "Well I've always thought that being a...

A woman walks in on the janitor using the women's washroom...

"What are you doing in here?"

"The men's room is filthy"

What did the German janitor say when asked if his 11 AM appointment was outdoors?

Nein! Eleven was an inside job.

Two Polish janitors are unhappy because they always get passed over for promotions.

Anatol and Artur are two Polish janitors. They always seem to get passed over for promotions. They discuss the issue and decide that Artur will ask the boss about it.

Artur goes to his boss. "Why are me an Anatol always passed over for promotions? We work hard."

The boss says, "It's no...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you have an email address?

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the horny Asian janitor?

First he wax on, then he wax off!

Two monks werewere discussing humility.

"I have been praying and fasting, meditating and studying religion for 20 years. I have finally reached the level of humility. I am truly a nothing." said one monk.

The other monk nodded gravely. "I too have spent my life devoted to serving God. I am also a nothing."

At that moment a j...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.