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A catholic priest goes on vacation and asks the janitor to run the confessional booth.

J- “ I don’t know how to run the booth though!”

P- “ It is very easy. Just listen to the people’s sins and refer to the chart of sins on the wall. The chart will say how many Hail Marys the sinner must say for it to be forgiven”

The janitor agrees and begins his shift the next day. Th...

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a lamp.

After rubbing on it, a genie pops out!

The genie says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported int...

A female janitor at my building asked me if i wanted to smoke some weed with her.

I politely declined- I can't deal with high maintenance women.

What did the janitor say when he opened the closet?

Supplies!

What did the janitor's ex wife accuse him of?

Sweeping around.

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Why did the janitor pick up the poop from the floor?

Because it was his duty!

A movie about janitors impressed critics.

Later that year the movie swept the Oscars.

What did the Janitor call his safety warning inspired metal band?

Slip not.

Why are there so many janitors from Poland?

They know how to Polish better than anyone.

My girlfriend smokes pot all day and works as a janitor in an apartment building.

She’s high maintenance.

How warm is a janitor's closet?

Broom Temperature.

What do Janitors bikes sound like?

"Broom"

A man dies and finds himself in front of God. He sees Jesus sitting at his right hand and a janitor with a mop sitting to his left.

“Who are you?” the man asks the janitor.



“I’m Cleanliness.”

What does a Janitor have in common with Santa Claus?

Leave out some cookies for them and you'll receive better treatment.

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My father always told me to treat the Janitor with the same respect that I would give to the CEO

So I told Mr. Bezos to clean the dog shit out of my carpet.

What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?

Dereliction of doodie.

What did the barber tell the janitor at the end of the day?

Take hair!

My 8 year old thought of it after his hair cut last night. I hope it’s OC as he doesn’t have a Reddit account, yet.

A man walks up to a janitor and asks him, "Don't you ever get tired of cleaning."

The man, taken back, says, "Excuse me sir. I'll let you know I have children at Harvard, Yale, and MIT."

The other man replies, "Oh really? I'm sorry, what classes are they taking?"

The janitor replies, "Nah, they're janitors."

It's not right to assume that a janitor can clean your chimney.

You shouldn't make sweeping generalizations.

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How are war veterans and janitors alike?

You won't believe the shit they've seen!!

Why did the janitor die?

He kicked the bucket

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Why did the janitor quit his job

He was tired of everyone’s shit.

Kindergarten janitor, Juan keeps running off to the tree outside because

123.

Hey is Johannes Kepler such a good janitor?

Because he sweeps out the same area every night.

Credit to my Physics teacher.

Why should you vote a janitor into public office?

If you want them to make sweeping changes.

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The gym teacher gets a handgun, the janitor gets a shot gun, and the principal gets an uzi. What do they arm the lunch lady with?

A salt rifle

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Why should you never mess with a janitor cleaning a bathroom?

Cause when they plunge a toilet, shit goes down.

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A janitor is cleaning the church.......

.....when suddenly the priest runs out of the confession booth.

He bumps into the janitor and tells him to cover for him because he had run to the bathroom.

Surprised, the janitor tells the priest that he doesn't know anything about confessions.

The priest hands him a sheet of p...

A janitor, a waitress, and a bartender walk into a bar.

Then they open for the day.

The janitor at my work asked if I wanted to take a five minute break to go smoke weed with her.

I told her, 'No, I'm sorry, but I don't have time for a high maintainance woman."

Janitor in the church

The church janitor is cleaning the large overhead ducts from the inside when he notices a nun praying by herself and decides to have some fun. With the echo and a booming voice he proclaims "your prayers will answered", but the nun doesnt even flinch. He tries again "my child, your sins are forgiv...

Today I saved a man drowning in the river

I tossed him a bar of soap and he washed ashore

Source: University Daytime Janitor

The janitor couldn't remember where he put the floor polisher

As a programmer, this isn't the first time I encountered a 'buffer allocation failure due to memory error'

I saw two janitors making out

And I said hey, get a broom!

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What was the best part of the janitor’s job cleaning toilets at the comedy club?

The shits and giggles

What do you call a small group of terrorists pretending to be janitors?

A sweeper cell.

When I was in college, I used to watch my roommate constantly sweeping girls off their feet.

He was a really aggressive janitor.

Where do janitors go at night?

They go to sweep.

What do you call a janitor in space?

A vacuum cleaner

Why did the janitor get fired from the bank?

Because he cleaned out the vault.

The janitor at the zoo

A janitor at a zoo gets called into the managers office. The manager tells him they have to let him go due to budget issues. The janitor is set back and cries, "please, please let me keep my job! My mother is in the hospital and I have to pay her medical bills!" The manager scratches his chin for a ...

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A high school janitor goes to the principal's office

He tells the principal how the girls won't stop kissing the bathroom mirrors everyday to leave their lipstick marks, and how it is difficult to clean. The principal announces over the loudspeaker at the beginning of the day and tells the culprits to stop immediately. Things just got worse after this...

Why did the janitor with a speech impediment miss his shift?

He overswept

The School Janitor

Janitor: I know im just a school janitor, but my eldest son is in M.I.T., his younger brother in Princeton, and my youngest in Harvard.

Student: (amazed) Wow, what are they studying?

Janitor: Oh no, they are janitors as well.

The kid

There once was a bank manager. A kid often visited the bank manager, and one day, the bank manager was bored. There was no one in the bank except for the kid. So the bank manager had an idea. The banker placed a 5 dollar note and a 10 dollar note on the table, then the banker asks the kid to take on...

The janitor at the bank managed to rob 21 million dollars.

He made a clean getaway!

A scientist, a doctor and a janitor discover an old lamp...

The scientist rubs the lamp and sure enough a genie pops out! "Thank you for releasing me!" said the genie, "You can have anything you like, providing you do one days work of a different profession. You may choose what you want to do." The scientist goes first, "Well I've always thought that being a...

To this day I remember the time my mom forgot to pick me up from school. The school was already empty, only the janitors were left. I cried but they gave me milk and cookies and told me that everything will be all right.

Worst high school experience ever...

A woman walks in on the janitor using the women's washroom...

"What are you doing in here?"

"The men's room is filthy"

My school janitor is a part-time pianist.

He has 88 keys.

Two Polish janitors are unhappy because they always get passed over for promotions.

Anatol and Artur are two Polish janitors. They always seem to get passed over for promotions. They discuss the issue and decide that Artur will ask the boss about it.

Artur goes to his boss. "Why are me an Anatol always passed over for promotions? We work hard."

The boss says, "It's no...

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Janitor standin at the confession box

Father Paul had had a rather long day, listening to confessions from the members of his parish, and suddenly needed a break, and stepped out from the confession box and asked the janitor who was washing the floor.

"Hey Carl, could you make a standin for me, just ten min, I really need to go ...

What are jokes about janitors called?

Sweeping generalizations.

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One day, the janitor at the zoo is approached by the manager...

"Look, janitor", says the manager. "Our most popular gorilla just died, and its gonna be a couple of weeks before our new gorilla ships in. The kids come from all over just to see this gorilla, and our admission sales are gonna drop dramatically if we don't have a gorilla for the rest of the quarter...

Dave joins the navy...

Dave joins the navy.

On his first day of service, he sets off in a submarine which regularly patrols some islands which his country owns. His jobs is to clean the men's toilets.

Halfway through his second day, Dave's commanding officer tells him he's getting a new, higher paying job:...

In The Military a janitor wanted to go out to the battlefield...

When the soldiers were getting ready for a battle the janitor told the general that he wanted to fight. The general gave him a broom and said "point this at the enemies and say 'bangity bang bang' and when they get close say 'stabbity stab stab'" "ok" the janitor replied. Once the janitor got out on...

Johnson is a janitor for a big international company.

One day, as Johnson is sweeping the floors in the lobby of the main headquarters for the company, George Bush enters the building as he has a meeting with the CEO. He meets the CEO in the lobby but before entering the conference room, he greets Johnson, "Heeey Johnson! Nice to see you buddy!" After ...

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A man dies and goes to Heaven where he is greeted at the gates by St. Peter...

Who tells that man, "I am very sorry but I cannot let you through the gates of heaven."

The man who was taken aback replies, "But I have lived my life by the book, done everything I should when I should and have been a good honest god fearing man! Being a school janitor is a thankless job an...

Why did the janitor file for a divorce?

He found his wife sweeping with someone else.

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A priest is taking confessions

When he gets a sudden urge to use the bathroom. Not wanting to interrupt the lineup, he flags over the janitor and says " can you sit in for me for a 10 minutes, just flip through this sins book and dish out whatever penance is required. Easy peasy."
So the first confessioner comes in, a young...

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There was a janitor at a church...

Who was cleaning up one night while the priest gave confession,

The Priest was sick and had to leave, and asked the janitor to finish up the last few confessions,

The janitor reluctantly agreed.

He just listened to confessions and followed a chart with the punishments,

On...

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Did you hear about the horny Asian janitor?

First he wax on, then he wax off!

Why would Rip Van Winkle make a good janitor?

Because he swept for 20 years.

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I was raised to

I was raised to treat the janitor with the same respect as the CEO.



So I said, "Fuck Off" to my Boss.

Boss: "You're fired."

Me: *turns in gun and badge*

Boss: “You’re a janitor where did you get those”

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Another Christian Joke

A priest is sitting in the confessional when he realizes he really needs to take a shit. He peeks out the door and sees the janitor. "psst, hey bobby, come here, can you sit here and listen to these confessions while I go drop trou?" The janitor is hesitant, but the priest reassures him and shows hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

HoverDildo™

A lady engineer working late one night at a robotics company suddenly got a million-dollar idea! She then gathered up some spare parts and got to work on her side-project.

The next day, she showed one of her colleagues what she had been working on - A high-tech sex toy she called the HoverDil...

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One Pope, in the Dark Ages, decreed that all Jews had to leave Rome...

...The Jews did not want to leave, and so the Pope challenged them to a disputation to prove that they could remain. No one, however wanted the responsibility… until the synagogue janitor, Moishe, volunteered.

As there was nobody else who wanted to go, Moishe was given the task. But because h...

To his great surprise, Bob won the largest lottery in history.

Unsure what to do with his newfound fortune, he decided to build the world's biggest ship. It was 10 miles long and 3 miles wide; a floating city. Once the ship was complete, Bob had to hire thousands of people to work on it and make it run properly. He held mass interviews and hired sailors, police...

Gym Shoes (Based on a Real Story)

I’m in the locker room and after I put on my gym clothes I realize I don’t have my shoes in my gym bag. Go back to my car, not there.

Now I don’t work out much, which means getting myself to the gym is actually harder than the workout and I can’t waste an opportunity like this. So I notice ...

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I was watching this animal instructor show off this monkey. The monkey began acting up, and that's when shit hit the fan.

Even the janitor refused to clean up the mess...

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Little Johnny was a fucking idiot...

and his teacher kept saying "You're going to be the death of me." because of how bad he was at all his subjects.

One day, the school had enough and decided to expel little Johnny, and in the meeting with his parents, the principal said "Ma'am, your son cannot stay in this school, he can't rea...

How many software developers does it take to change a light bulb?

This question reveals that you are still thinking waterfall. For a more agile approach, ask e.g. "When will the scrum master call the janitor?"

One day, workers at a hospital noticed something very peculiar.

Everyday Tuesday, at approximately 11:24 pm, whichever patient was lying in bed 3 in room 152 would inexplicably die, no matter what condition they were in. This phenomenon went on for sometime, baffling scientists and doctors all over the world and starting many conspiracy theories centered on the...

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