Repairman Jokes - 43 Hilarious Repairman Jokes

A Cable repairman was on my street today and he asked me what time it was.

I replied "It is between 1 and 8 pm."

A repairman was hired to repair a large machine in a factory.

He showed up, examined the machine, then tapped it once with a hammer. It started up. The factory owner was pleased, but not when he got a bill from the repairman for $100. He thought that was outrageous, and he asked for an itemized bill. So the repairman handed him a bill which said:

Tappin...

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A rural farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.

He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing do...

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Wanda needs a dishwasher repairman.

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check."
"Oh, by the way, don't worry about my bulldog. He won't b...

Why did the intern become an elevator repairman?

Because he didn't want to spend years climbing the corporate ladder.

I went to this TV repairman's wedding

The reception was great.

The stove repairman said it'll finish between 9am and 5pm

That's a large range

A nun goes to the priest and says "father, there's a hole in the roof of your church."

"Thank you for telling me," he replies "but you've been here for years, it's our church."

The next day the nun goes to the priest and says "father, there's a broken window in your- I mean, our, church." He thanks her again and calls for a repairman.

The following day the priest is prep...

My time machine broke, so I took it to the time machine repairman.

He just walked up to it, kicked it and said “they sure don’t make them like they will do soon.”

Joe just got a job as a repairman.

Joe just got a job as a repairman.

His boss tells him, "You're needed at 69th Street, Avenue D to repair a man's fence."

Joe goes and repairs the fence.

Joe gets paid and goes back to the company building.

His boss tells him, "I've got a job for you at 69th Street, Avenue...

What did captain Picard say to the sewing machine repairman?

Make it sew!

An animal rescuer, homeless shelter director, volunteer pediatrician, and ice cream machine repairman are waiting at the Pearly Gates

The animal rescuer meets Saint Peter who reviews her resume of thousands of animals she's saved. Shaking his head, he announces: "Denied."

Next is the homeless shelter director. Saint Peter looks over his resume, nods slightly, but still announces: "Denied."

The volunteer pediatricia...

Why did the conspiracy theorist tell the radio repairman to take his time?

Because there was no rush

What is a shoe repairman's favorite dessert?

Tearinmyshoe

When the TV repairman got married

the reception was excellent!

Knock knock. Who's there? The doorbell repairman.

That's the end of the joke.

A dude calls a repairman to fix his doorbell.

3 hours later the dude calls the repairman

Dude - Hey man where are you?
Repairman - I've been ringing your god damn doorbell for 2 hours straight and you didn't answer!

What does a fence repairman and r/jokes have in common?

Reposts

Sounds legit

A woman was having a problem with her bedroom closet door. It would fall off the hinges whenever the bus went by. She tried several times to fix it herself,but the door would still fall off when a bus went by.
She finally called a repair man. He showed up, looked over the door and found no probl...

What did the bicycle repairman done?

George Bush and Al Gore walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "what's up?"
Bush says "Well, tomorrow, I'm going to have the troops storm into iraq and kill 2000 Iraqis and one bicycle repairman.
The bartender replies "Oh my god, what did the bicycle repairman done to deserve this?"
Bush ...

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Bob the repairman has come to repair a septic tank, along with his apprentice, Jim.

When he arrives, he puts on a pair of goggles and dives in the shit, while Jim stands nearby, holding the toolbag.

5 minutes later, he lifts his head out of the shit and tells Jim: "Hey, you idiot, give me a flat-headed screwdriver"

Jim hands him the screwdriver and Bob dives again in ...

I called my repairman to complain about a faulty icemaker that had been leaking ...

When he came back out to the house, he discovered it was just some ice that had fallen and melted on the floor. I offered my apologies for the mistake. The repairman told me not to worry, as far as he was concerned, it was water under the fridge.

did you hear about the Chinese lift repairman?

, it was Wong on so many levels.

A worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" she said. "What kind of a day are you having?"

"Oh, mother," said the woman on the phone, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and...

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Whats the difference between porn and real life?

In a porno the repairman fucks the woman. In real life he fucks the job.

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Bus

A woman got a problem with her closet door - it was falling every time a bus passed by. So she called a repair man. The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time a bus passes by.

"OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close the door behind me" and he steps i...

Football

A woman called in a repairman to fix her television. Just as he finished, the woman heard her husband's key in the lock. "Hurry," she said to the repairman, "you'll have to hide. My husband is insanely jealous. "There was no time to run out the back door, so the repairman hid inside the TV console. ...

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A man lives with his mother who has dementia.

His mother asks what he is making them for dinner. The man replies, "A steak with potatoes."

His mother nods, and asks the same question minutes later. The man replies by saying, "I really hope I never develop dementia, I wouldn't know how to care for you." And knocks on the wooden table for ...

Italian Computer Repair shop

Everytime I try to use Microsoft's search engine on my Italian laptop, the computer explodes. I took it to my Italian Computer repair store. The Italian repairman said "What seems to be the problem? Please keep it brief" so I said "Bad-a-Bing, Bad-a-boom!"

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The Maytag man...

I come home from work and my wife says the dishwasher isn’t working. I’m like honey I am not the Maytag repairman and I work on shit all day can it wait until the weekend? Next day I come home and she says the washing machine doesn’t work. I fix shit all day, can’t it wait until the weekend? Friday ...

A TV repair man goes on a call to fix a TV.

When he arrives, he notes the make and model of the TV. He walks off to the side and smacks the TV. Instantly the TV starts to work again, the picture is better than ever. He then walks back to the dumbfound customer and hands him a bill for $200. The customer balks at the bill. "$200?! There's no w...

After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.

His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith’s multi million dollar home and since the man’s lawyers were a little better he prevailed.

He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases.

O...

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The Broken Grandfather Clock

A man once owned a beautiful grandfather clock (well, he probably still does, but let's put that aside for now). Now, when I saw the grandfather clock was beautiful, I mean absolutely gorgeous. The clock stood nearly 6 feet tall, made from the most splendid mahogany wood, accompanied by intricate ha...

NSFW A penguin is driving in the desert...

...when steam and smoke start pouring out from under the hood of his car. The car has just enough life in it to roll into the service station in the next town.

The repairman says it will take a while to figure out what's wrong, so the penguin goes for a walk around town. The sun is beating do...

John was looking for a good house repairing company, with an affordable price

A friend tells him, "I heard there's this one company that does free repairs if it's your first time using their service!"

John replies, "That's amazing! I'll have them over here immediately."

A few hours later, the repairman arrives.

John greets them at his doorstep, and asks, ...

A man is driving at night in the rain.

And then the car suddenly stop working. The man starts to get nervous, and then he sees something getting out of the woods in the roadside.

Then he hears a knock in the window. There is a dog, a german shepherd.

"Open the hood", says the dog. The man freezes and do nothing.

"Ope...

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A woman scolds her husband for not fixing the washing machine...

He scoffs at her and says, "What do I look like, the Maytag man?". The washing machine goes unfixed. Later that week, the pipes under the sink keep getting backed up so she asks her husband to fix that. He rolls his eyes and says, What do I look like, Mr. Clean?". A couple days later, she notices a ...

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Porn has lied to me.

The repairman doesn't show up instantly after I call.

a man brings his sled in for repairs...

... the repairman takes a quick look and says "it looks like you've blown a seal". the man hurriedly wipes his mouth and cries "no, no! i just ate ice-cream!"

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DIARY of a POMMIE EXPAT in AUSTRALIA

August 31

Just got transferred with work from grey old London to our new home in Newman, Western Australia. Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by the pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I've finally...

Blonde body repair

A blonde is driving home and she gets caught in a really bad hailstorm. The hail is as big as tennis balls, and she ends up with her car covered with large dents. So the next day she takes her car to the repair shop.

The shop owner, seeing she is blonde, decides to have a little fun. He tell...

A Sincere Apology

A man is at work one day, and he receives an email from his neighbor. He opens it to read, "Dear sir. I must apologize for taking advantage of your wife. I have been doing so every day for many months now, and I've only recently been caught by the internet repairman, who noticed I was doing somethin...

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Once there was a boy in Alabama who loved trains.

It was his life, he’d get his dad to take him to train shows, play with them at home, read books about them in elementary school, the works. In high school he studied and kept his GPA high so he’d be able to go for his dreams: to be a train conductor. Upon graduating high school he got accepted int...

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