Car Mechanic Jokes - 17 Hilarious Car Mechanic Jokes

My car mechanic called me and said, “You can pick up your car by 5 p.m.”

I said, “I don’t think I’ll be strong enough by then.”

A car mechanic comes home late

Wife: Audi! You must be exhausted. Please sedan at the table for dinner

Mechanic: psi… I’m wheely tired. Are you and children eating?

Wife: V8 already

I asked my car mechanic why he always so busy.

He said, I got too many kids from screwing, nutting and bolting!

[NSFW] A penguin goes to the car mechanic...

...to figure out why his truck keeps making such weird noises as he goes down the highway. When he arrived, the mechanic said that he'd take a look and it'd be about a half hour wait.

"Well that's okay," the penguin muttered to himself as he walked out of the shop, "I can find something to...

OBGYN turns car mechanic (probably my favorite joke of all times)

A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and decided a career change was in order. Being an automotive enthusiast, he felt he should become a car mechanic.
He read and studied hard, and then came the day of the official exam.
Scores range between 40 and 100, where 60 is enough to pass the ex...

Depressed race car mechanic.

Scene: a psychiatrists practice:

'Doc, I'm a mechanic I work for a racecar driver. It's utterly depressing ... I get to fix his car up, maintain it, tune it to perfection. But never -not once- have I been allowed to take it for a spin. It's crushing a depressing to think that such a wonde...

How do you tell a gamer from a car mechanic?

Ask them what HP means.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After 40 years as a gynecologist,

John decided he had enough money to retire and take up his real love—car mechanics. He left his practice, enrolled in a car mechanics class and studied hard. The day of the final exam came and John worried if he would be able to complete the test with the same proficiency as his younger classmates. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know car mechanics are horny?

They're always jacking off!

I finally decided I want to be a car mechanic.

Guess it just took some motor-vation.

A man is driving at night in the rain.

And then the car suddenly stop working. The man starts to get nervous, and then he sees something getting out of the woods in the roadside.

Then he hears a knock in the window. There is a dog, a german shepherd.

"Open the hood", says the dog. The man freezes and do nothing.

"Ope...

Did you hear about the car mechanic who was in a brief relationship and then left?

There was an article in the newspaper.
MECHANIC NUTS AND BOLTS

Cardiologists and Auto repair man

A car mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Cadillac when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, 'Hey Doc, want to take a l...

I've been jacking it all day and boy are my arms tired.

Being a car mechanic sure is rough.

Piece of Dating Advice

Do not date a car mechanic if you're looking for a long term partner. Typically, a mechanic just nuts and bolts.

Dad: at you’re age i had already killed 10 people in iraq.

Son: but dad, you were a car mechanic in iraq, you’ve never gone to a battle.
Dad: i never said i was a good mechanic.

A proctologist quits his job...

A proctologist named Bill decides he is tired of practicing medicine and quits his job to pursue his dream of being a car mechanic. He enrolls in a trade school and after some time the final exam is given. The test solely consists of disassembling and reassembling a car engine. The teacher tells the...

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