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Blacksmith Jokes

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Hugh the Blacksmith

So there are three friars living atop a mountain, and they tend to the most beautiful garden in all the land.

One day, one of the friars decides he could make a flower one hundred times prettier than all the other flowers in the garden, if only he could cross-breed a few that he had already.<...

A banker, a blacksmith, and a demolitions expert are all on a small plane.

The engine on the plane starts to fail and the pilot says to the three passengers on board
“Throw your least important belongings over the plane so that we can lighten the load on the engine”

The banker decides that his pennies weigh the most and have the least value so he throws all of th...
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A blacksmith is stressed

So he goes into his shop and starts holding a sword straight against the grindstone. His apprentice comes in and asks
"What are you doing?"

"Oh just taking the edge off"
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Why was the blacksmiths son sent to detention?

He was caught forging signatures.
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Son: Dad, if the blacksmith forges the sword, who sells it?

Dad: That's easy son. Whoever smelt it, dealt it.
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My grandfather was a very talented blacksmith

He could do all swords of things
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You can't find an honest blacksmith these days!

They always forge their stuff!
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In the past, your last name often reflected your profession. Tailors - taylor, Blacksmith - Smith, ect.

So what the heck was a Dickinson?

I bought a dog from a blacksmith this morning...

...within 10 minutes of getting him home he made a bolt for the door.
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Who's the most famous blacksmith of all time?

Will Smith
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A man asks a blacksmith to refine some ore....

The blacksmith says "put the ore on the bench, then beat it. I'll do it once I've finished up at the grindstone". The man says to the blacksmiths assistant "that was rude" and the assistant replies "what can I say, he has an axe to grind".
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Blacksmiths Dog

When i was 12, my Dad bought home a dog that the village blacksmith had asked if we could rehome it.
It had only been with less than an hour, and it made a bolt for the door.
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A knight was complimenting a blacksmith on his armor crafting skills

The blacksmith responded, "It is my strong suit"
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The blacksmith only sold items he crafted himself. Like his father taught him...

He who smelt it, dealt it.
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How did the Blacksmith pick up the red hot 1000° steel cube with just his hands?

He just held it by the cubes corners which were 90°
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I went for a job interview as a Blacksmith yesterday.

He asked me if I had ever shoed a horse, and I said no but I once told a donkey to fuck off.

What do you call a female blacksmith?

An iron maiden.
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The blacksmith hires an apprentice

He instructed the boy, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.”

The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he’s the new village blacksmith
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They say English surnames all had a meaning, as in, "Smiths" were blacksmiths and "Taylors" were tailors...

So what the fuck did the Dickinsons do?

cowboy walks into a blacksmith shop.

Starts picking up some tools and looking them over. Blacksmith starts getting annoyed. As he walks over to the him, the cowboy picks up a horseshoe that the blacksmith just made and burns his hand. Blacksmith says "did it burn ya?" Cowboy says "nope, just doesnt take me very long to look at a horses...
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I think my horse is a blacksmith...

You see, every time I yell at him he makes a bolt for the door!
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I've had a severe addiction to taking inventory at the blacksmithing shop.

We all have our vices.
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What does the blacksmith say to the apprentice after graduation?

May the Forge be with you!
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A blacksmith was put on trial for a murder he did not commit

A guard from a village was found dead with a sword sticking through his chest. The blade was deemed to be the handiwork of the local blacksmith, however he had been away from the village by the time of the murder. Nonetheless, he was arrested shortly after returning and demanded his immediate releas...
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Ever seen a blacksmith join two metal sheets?

It's riveting
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Why did the blacksmith get fired....

He smelt like shit, and made a forgery.

What do you call it when you get slapped by a blacksmith?

Will power
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A blacksmith said to his new helper, "You see this piece of iron? When I nod my head, you hit it as hard as you can with your hammer."

Those were his last words.
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What do you say to a blacksmith who's angry about breaking his sword

Ooh, temper temper!
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Did you know Will Smith can make swords?

Of course he can; he's a blacksmith


Some may think the joke isn't funny, but I think it slaps.
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If someone has the Last Name "Smith" then that means that one of their ancestors was likely a Blacksmith.

Which kinda puts John Dickinson in an awkward position.

Why are blacksmiths seen as very nosy?

Because the are always metal-ing.
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Why was the blacksmith charged with?

Forgery.
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Did you hear about the blacksmith who ran an underground casino?

He who smelt it dealt it.
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What's the hardest part about blacksmithing?

The anvil.
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What did the blacksmith say to the knight when he delivered the knight’s new armor?

You’ve got mail
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What do you call a group of blacksmiths?

The metalclergy.
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Why did the blacksmith take out the trash?

Because it smelt bad.

Just came up with this taking out the trash.
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Blacksmith's Apprentice

A young lad was going to an interview to become an apprentice blacksmith.


The Master Blacksmith asked, "Do you have any experience in shoeing horses?"


The young lad replied, "No, but I once told a Donkey to fuck off..."

I once had a job interview at a blacksmiths

The owner asked if I'm any good at shoeing horses.

I said "I'm not sure, but I once told a donkey to go away!!!"
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What division does a blacksmith boxer compete in?

Smelterweight.
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Blacksmith: "I'm almost done with this sword, I just need to work out the kinks."

Sword: "Hit me more!"
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What was the blacksmith's slogan?

"Shop here! You'll be Gladius you did!"
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An inquisitive cowboy ambled into a blacksmith shop and picked up a horseshoe without realizing it had recently come out of the forge.

Dropping it, he shoved his burned hand into his pocket and tried to appear nonchalant.

“Kinda hot, ain’t it?” asked the blacksmith.

“Nope,” said the cowboy. “It just don’t take me long to look at a horseshoe.”
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Why did the anvil hit the blacksmith instead?

Because it was irony.
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I was asked if I knew any blacksmiths

And apparently "Will" and "Jada Pinkett" were incorrect answers.
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A jeweler and blacksmith gets married. What do they name their kid?

Jaden Smith
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I didn’t believe it when my friend told me he was a blacksmith

He was white and his name was John Baker.
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What happens when two blacksmiths get into a fight?

They trade bellows.
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Paddy goes to a job interview at a blacksmiths

The interviewer says, “I’m looking for someone with experience. Tell me Paddy, have you ever shoed a horse?”

To which Paddy replies, “No, but I once told a donkey to feck off!”
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What do you call a weapons shop owned by three blacksmiths who are all dating each other?

A polyarmory.
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The Blacksmith and the Iron Ore

A miner extracts a big chunk of iron ore and decides to use it for his own gain. He takes the ore to the blacksmith.


The blacksmith inspects the ore and states
"Well, they's a lot of iron in this chunk. I'll be able to extract enough iron to make you a **greatsword**! Come back tomor...
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Did you hear about the blacksmith that was arrested for creating iron calligraphy?

He was charged with forging signatures.
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A man responded to a newspaper ad looking for a blacksmith

Caller: I'm calling about a the blacksmithing job.

Employer: Do you know how to shoe horses?

Caller: No, but I can tell them to fuck off if you like.

Why is Chris Rock like a used anvil?

They both got hammered by a blacksmith.
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A jealous king was about to go on a long journey but was afraid that his queen would be unfaithful to him..

Therefore he summoned his best blacksmiths, in order to create a device that was going to provide protection from any penetration to his queen.

The most ingenious blacksmith came with an invention that could split in half anything that would dare to penetrate the queens genitals.

...

My friend claims he has a degree in blacksmithing...

... But everything he makes is forged.
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It's cool that last names tell us about old family professions

Like the Smith family were blacksmiths


and the Bowman family were archers


and the Dickinson family... well they were in jail

Took my Bowie knife to the blacksmith to get sharpened, when he saw it he said he hadn't seen one in while...

...I could tell he was really excited because he got a huge honer.
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Why did the artists stay away from the irritable blacksmith?

Nobody wanted to draw his iron.
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"My last name is Smith, because my dad was a blacksmith." "My last name is Fisher, because my dad was a fisherman."

"My last name is Dickinson, and I dont like this game"

What did the old man say when the local blacksmiths caught him trying to scare everyone away from town so he could buy up all the property for himself?

I would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for you metaling kids.
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The CIA lost track of its operative in Ireland “Murphy. ”

The CIA boss says, “All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he’s somewhere in Ireland. If you think you’ve located him, tell him the code words, “The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning. ” If it’s really him, he’ll answer, “Yes, and for mist at noon as well. ”

So the...
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The Smith family name gets its origin from a line of blacksmiths. The Cobbler family name get its origin from a line of shoe repairmen.

What the hell was going on with the Dickinson family?

A woman sends her husband to the market to sell a goat.

After selling it, he stopped by the blacksmith and bought a vise and a basket. He put the vise in the basket and headed home. On his way back, he saw a merchant selling livestock.
Having leftover money, he decided to buy a duck as well. The merchant tells him:
"Listen mister, I only have these...
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Yo mama so fat...

When she needs furniture she goes to a blacksmith.
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Some names make sense. Like "Johnson" was probably given to the son of a guy named "John". Or how someone with the family name "Smith" most likely had some Blacksmiths in the family at some point.

But when someone has the name "Dickinson." I draw the line.
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