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[Long] One day a Snail decides he’s moving a little too slow..

… so he decides it’s time to get a car. He doesn’t have a lot of money so he buys a used French sedan. The snail is so impressed how fast he gets around town.

From place to place he wizzes by this slug, beetle and worm friends. While that car isn’t a racer by any means, the snail doesn’t kno...

Why is Mando the envy of all the street racers?

He has the beskar around.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The local hot shot had never lost a drag race.

He had a souped up little dragster he pieced together himself. It was an old Honda, sure, but this guy had tuned it to perfection. Not only that, he'd squeezed every ounce of horsepower out of it possible: straight pipes, turbo, the works.

There's a straightaway on a back road where all the l...

Why was the Flying Carpet racer banned from the competition?

He was caught using performance enhancing rugs.

What does a racer has who always finishes first

Unsatisfied partner

Why did the F1 Racer get electrocuted after finishing 1 lap?

Because he completed the circuit.

What do racers eat before a race?

Nothing they fast

The year is 2024

The year is 2024 and it’s time to decide a new President of the United States. There are three candidates for the American people to choose from: Joe Biden, looking to hold onto the Presidency, Donald Trump, looking to regain it, and Obama in a sombrero and fake moustache calling himself “Juanbama”....

What can a female drift racer wear that male ones wouldn't probably wear?

A skrrt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(some very basic french is needed to understand) During the international annual ice cat race, they introduced all the cat-racers!

There was a french cat - Un Deux Trois

A spanish cat - Uno Dos Tres

And an american cat - one two three

The cats got behind the starting line on the ice, which was frozen on real water. The whistle was blown and the cats take off! Eventually, the French cat seems to be winning!...

Welcome to the 23rd annual Leper Colony marathon! We now go down to our racers at the start of the first leg.

Aaaaaand they're off!

Picabo Street is a former World Cup alpine ski racer and model. When she was inducted into the National Ski Hall of Fame in 2004, her home town of Triumph, Idaho dedicated an entire wing of the local hospital to her.

It's called the Picabo ICU.

An Iditerod racer took a sled dog to the vet. "He's acting very strange," said the dog owner. "He encourages the other dogs to hump him. Other than that, he's perfectly normal and a great musher. Should I be worried?"

"Not at all," said the vet. "He just identifies as female. What you have here is a Trans Siberian Husky."

All nascar racers must be Democrats

Becuase all they do is go left

An F1 racer gets addicted to amphetamines.

He soon felt the *need* for *speed*

Why wasn't the racer ever able to win?

He lacked the drive.

I use to be a car racer...

But I didn't have the drive for it and I drifted away from that career.

Three kids are outdoing each other bragging about their fathers....

First kid says: My dad is the fastest. He’s a drag racer and can do a quarter mile in 9.6 seconds

Second kid says: That’s nothing! My dad is a fighter pilot and regularly breaks the speed of sound.

Third kid says: My dad is heaps faster than both your dads. He’s a Council Worker. ...

What do you call a broke-down speedster?

A drag racer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three horses are arguing in a stable

Each one is convinced they are a better racer than the other two. Thus, the three bicker and brag and talk over one another.

"Now see here, see here!" Says the first horse. "I have been racing for four years, and every summer of those ten years I have come in first every race I ran!"

"...

You don't see that everyday.

A man was driving his ferrari down a country road when a farmer flagged him down and said that his tractor died in a field and needed a little help. The man agreed to help tow the farmer's tractor back to his farm. They agreed that the tractor's left blinker meant speed up and the right blinker mean...

Two racehorses and a dog are in the stable on the night before the big race.

The old horse says, “Kid, I have a favor to ask. Tomorrow’s the last race of my career. If I win, they’ll have a big parade in my honor and put me in a nice pasture for the rest of my life. If I lose, they’ll send me to the glue factory. Now, I’m still a pretty good racer, but I think we both know t...

I've never been a superstitious man, but...

Last night, in my dream, I saw before my eyes a giant number '7'. I woke up at 7:00 am that morning, but that didn't phase me, that's when I always wake up. After going through my routine I notice that I'm 7 minutes ahead of schedule. Peculiar, but hardly supernatural. I hopped in my car and noticed...

Matthew McConaughey just bought NASCAR

And he's making racers drive the opposite direction. Now instead of making left turns, they're going all right, all right, all right

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do the other Daleks on planet Skaro say?

Teacher Dalek - "EDUCATE! EDUCATE!"

Student Dalek - "PROCRASTINATE! PROCRASTINATE!"

Horny Dalek - "PROCREATE! PROCREATE!"

Bored Dalek - "MASTURBATE! MASTURBATE!"

Bee Dalek - "POLLINATE! POLLINATE!"

In-love Dalek - "INFATUATE! INFATUATE!"

Actor Dalek - "IMPE...

Three men go into a bar

They all start bragging about what kind of cars they have. The first man says, “I think I have the coolest car, because I am a horse racer and I have a Mustang.” The second man says “That’s cool, but mine is cooler. I’m an astronaut and I have a Mercury.” They both laugh and turn to the third man, w...

A man goes to a costume party with nothing but a naked lady strapped to his back

"What the hell are you supposed to be" Asked the Host.

The man starts to open his mouth but the woman covered it with one of her hands. "I'm a NASCAR racer" The woman respondedz

"How the hell can you be a NASCAR driver when all you're doing is riding a man? The host asks.

"Oh, t...

A joke from my grandfather

Billy walks into the office one day looking very excited. He rounds up all the other guys in the office and says "I found the greatest horse in the world, and if we all bet on him in the next race, we could all be rich."

"What makes you think this horse is so great?" asks a skeptical co-worke...

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