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Racer Jokes

A snail decides he wants to be a racer...

So he employs a pit crew, a coach, and a designer. The designer paints a big 'S' on the side of his vehicle which the snail highly approves of.

He tries out at a local track, and starts overtaking all the other amateurs much faster than anyone else.

The coach stares and says 'Look at...

Why is Mando the envy of all the street racers?

He has the beskar around.

What do racers eat before a race?

Nothing they fast

Why was the Flying Carpet racer banned from the competition?

He was caught using performance enhancing rugs.

What does a racer has who always finishes first

Unsatisfied partner

Why did the F1 Racer get electrocuted after finishing 1 lap?

Because he completed the circuit.

An F1 racer gets addicted to amphetamines.

He soon felt the *need* for *speed*

All nascar racers must be Democrats

Becuase all they do is go left

I use to be a car racer...

But I didn't have the drive for it and I drifted away from that career.

Welcome to the 23rd annual Leper Colony marathon! We now go down to our racers at the start of the first leg.

Aaaaaand they're off!

Picabo Street is a former World Cup alpine ski racer and model. When she was inducted into the National Ski Hall of Fame in 2004, her home town of Triumph, Idaho dedicated an entire wing of the local hospital to her.

It's called the Picabo ICU.

What do you call a broke-down speedster?

A drag racer

An Iditerod racer took a sled dog to the vet. "He's acting very strange," said the dog owner. "He encourages the other dogs to hump him. Other than that, he's perfectly normal and a great musher. Should I be worried?"

"Not at all," said the vet. "He just identifies as female. What you have here is a Trans Siberian Husky."

[Long] One day a Snail decides he’s moving a little too slow..

… so he decides it’s time to get a car. He doesn’t have a lot of money so he buys a used French sedan. The snail is so impressed how fast he gets around town.

From place to place he wizzes by this slug, beetle and worm friends. While that car isn’t a racer by any means, the snail doesn’t kno...

Three kids are outdoing each other bragging about their fathers....

First kid says: My dad is the fastest. He’s a drag racer and can do a quarter mile in 9.6 seconds

Second kid says: That’s nothing! My dad is a fighter pilot and regularly breaks the speed of sound.

Third kid says: My dad is heaps faster than both your dads. He’s a Council Worker. ...

Matthew McConaughey just bought NASCAR

And he's making racers drive the opposite direction. Now instead of making left turns, they're going all right, all right, all right

The year is 2024

The year is 2024 and it’s time to decide a new President of the United States. There are three candidates for the American people to choose from: Joe Biden, looking to hold onto the Presidency, Donald Trump, looking to regain it, and Obama in a sombrero and fake moustache calling himself “Juanbama”....

You don't see that everyday.

A man was driving his ferrari down a country road when a farmer flagged him down and said that his tractor died in a field and needed a little help. The man agreed to help tow the farmer's tractor back to his farm. They agreed that the tractor's left blinker meant speed up and the right blinker mean...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three horses are arguing in a stable

Each one is convinced they are a better racer than the other two. Thus, the three bicker and brag and talk over one another.

"Now see here, see here!" Says the first horse. "I have been racing for four years, and every summer of those ten years I have come in first every race I ran!"

"...

A joke from my grandfather

Billy walks into the office one day looking very excited. He rounds up all the other guys in the office and says "I found the greatest horse in the world, and if we all bet on him in the next race, we could all be rich."

"What makes you think this horse is so great?" asks a skeptical co-worke...

Two racehorses and a dog are in the stable on the night before the big race.

The old horse says, “Kid, I have a favor to ask. Tomorrow’s the last race of my career. If I win, they’ll have a big parade in my honor and put me in a nice pasture for the rest of my life. If I lose, they’ll send me to the glue factory. Now, I’m still a pretty good racer, but I think we both know t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The local hot shot had never lost a drag race.

He had a souped up little dragster he pieced together himself. It was an old Honda, sure, but this guy had tuned it to perfection. Not only that, he'd squeezed every ounce of horsepower out of it possible: straight pipes, turbo, the works.

There's a straightaway on a back road where all the l...

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