Friend of mine bought a Rolex but the glass popped off and then the mechanism came loose and fell to the floor...

...I said watch out!

A puffer fish went to a surgeon because his puffer mechanism wasn’t working right.

When he got back he talked with his fish friends for a bit.

They asked him, “How did your surgery go? Did they fix your puffer?”

He replied, “It went *swell*.”

I like my food like I like my coping mechanisms.

Extremely unhealthy.

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My therapist says I'm a delusional narcissist who uses dismissive indignation as a coping mechanism

That was really hard to hear from a stupid jealous piece of shit.

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What does a ISIS amusement park have as a safety mechanism?

Allahu lap-bar.

One day a man decided to retire...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and
proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon finds himself on an island with no other
people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one ...

Yo mama so fat

I'm really concerned about her health, is she doing ok? I think she uses food as a coping mechanism. Let her know I'm here to talk if she needs support

Two men are playing teeing off during a round of golf.

Two men are teeing off during a round of golf when one of the men hooks his shot horribly right into a large area of brush.

"Tough luck that ones a goner, my friend."

"Not a problem! Give me just a second and I will find it and be right back."

The golfer trudges off the fairway...

What makes an awful sniper?

Bad scoping mechanisms

Whenever I get stressed out I cut shapes out of wood with my jigsaw...

A jigsaw is a great coping mechanism.

Husband notices that after every fight...

...wife goes to the bathroom and locks for 10mins. When she is back everything is back to normal. This piques his curiosity.

So, he decides to ask her about it.
Husband: Honey, I've notice that everytime we fight, you go and lock the bathroom. What about it? Tell me about your coping mec...

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It is the year 2200

In a small city lived a master fisherman. This fisherman was famous throughout the world for being able to catch numerous amounts of fish in any body of water. Now, fish these days have mutated and changed quite a bit, but this fisherman was able to catch them all with little to no effort.

On...

Some sea mammals sleep with half their brain in deep sleep and the other half wide awake

This was developed as an evolutionary mechanism for survival, but biologists have documented a similar mechanism in workers at the DMV

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A visual joke...

So a woman goes to the doctor and asks about options to augment her breasts. She doesn't want surgery, so that rules out implants.

The doctor suggests a new technology for her bra that uses the inflatable pump mechanism that was made popular with basketball sneakers. If she helps trial the pr...

Reflections on the Jonestown massacre of 1978

As a society, we sometimes tell jokes about some of the most horrific events--mass murders, disasters, and so on. Often the jokes start within a day or two of the catastrophe, even before the dead can be counted. Perhaps we do it as a coping or healing mechanism, or perhaps it's our only extant type...

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An Army general, an Air Force general and a Navy admiral were having lunch and talking at the officers club when the topic of bravery came up in their conversation.

The Air Force man said that the men in the Air Force were the bravest of all the U.S. troops. The Army man said: "That's bullshit, everyone knows the Army has the bravest men serving the country. The admiral blurted out that they were both full of shit and that everyone in the country knew that the ...

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The reel, the ink, and the booze

There was a company that sold a great variety of fishing equipment and supplies. One of their new products was a rod to be used out at sea, with a special reel mechanism to catch larger fish. Now, there was a new employee who was in charge of printing buyers' names onto the reel by hand and with a q...

The United Airlines incident has me re-thinking the validity of...

the 'fight-or-flight' mechanism.

Three guys are about to be executed.

One's a lawyer, one's a priest, and one's an engineer.

They bring out the lawyer first, put him under the guillotine, and pull the lever, but the blade gets stuck halfway down. The lawyer goes, "Ah-ha! By pulling the lever, you have technically carried out the execution, which according to th...

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Farmer's Fetish (VERY NSFW)

Once upon a time there lived an elderly, wise old farmer, who was horny as fuck. Seriously, it gets pretty lonely out there in the sticks.

Anyway, one day he purchased a new milking machine for his cows which promised rapid, efficient delivery of a near-endless supply of dairy goodness by att...

Three men are walking to the gates of heaven together.

They had a long walk ahead of them, so they decided to discuss the ways the had died.
The first man began, "Well, I was cleaning the windows outside the apartment building I work at when, all of the sudden, the mechanism holding me up snapped! Luckily I caught hold of a window ledge, but then I ...

An artist, a baker and an engineer are in line to be beheaded...

The artist goes first. They put his head in the guillotine and release the mechanism. It stops 3 inches short! The king decides that he'll be merciful and releases him! He's ecstatic!

The baker is next. They put his head in the guillotine and release it. This time it stops 2 inches short. The...

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