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Masters Jokes

If dogs have masters, what do cats have?

Staff.

the wise masters wisdom

As a young adventurer I visited the Himalayas and I heard of a long and beautiful hike at the end of which I could meet a wise master. The journey was as rewarding as it was a challenge, and at the end I found a little old man with a long beard and a handmade cane in a cave. I waved to him, and he b...

My friend shouted, “You have a BA, a Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot!”

It was a third degree burn…

I have a Masters Degree in Procrastination

I just haven't picked it up yet.

Why do chess masters never get STDs?

Because they always check, mate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Luke's Stories of Love & the Little Green Master

So Luke is telling Yoda about this hot alien female from Coruscant on whom he performed oral sex. After listening to his escapades, Yoda only had one word in response.


"Attenuate"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where do dungeon masters keep their slaves

In debasement.

Tiger Woods wanted to play at The Masters.....

But everyone knew he’d have trouble getting past the turn.

My kid's doing his masters' thesis on ancient Egypt plumbing design

He's a Pharaoh faucet major

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:
'Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send three well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress unifor...

Tiger Woods won't be able to play the Masters this year.

Having difficulties with his driving.


Too soon?

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.”

The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

What do you call a bunch of chess masters bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump meets the Queen...

Donald Trump meets with the Queen. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Trump frowns. "But how do I know the p...

How many zen masters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, one to change it, and one not to change it.

What program do Jedi masters use to open pdf files?

Adobe Wan Kenobi

Golfers always bring two pairs of pants to the Masters.

Just in case they get a hole in one.

Why can't origami masters play poker?

Because they keep folding

I was in my hotel lobby, and I heard two chess Masters bragging about past wins.

They were chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

( Credit to Thomas Sanders, this made me laugh, I thought other people should see it. )

Tiger Woods is playing a practice round for The Masters

Midway through his round he stumbles upon an old magic genie lamp and out comes a fairly old semi retired genie but the genie granted Tiger one wish nonetheless. Tiger gave it some thought and told the genie about the recent struggles he’s having with painkillers and the opioid epidemic across this ...

A guy buys two tickets for the Masters..

A guy buys two tickets to the Masters Tournament. He's sitting front row with an empty seat next to him. A man walks up and asked him if anybody was sitting there. The guy responds; "No this the seat is empty." The man says; "What a shame! Someone bought this amazing seat and didn't show up to watch...

TIL Kung Fu masters cut up their pizzas in a bullseye pattern

So they can get inner pieces.

Damn. My wife just found out that after I got my Bachelor degree at the University of Barad-dûr, I went back and got my Masters there...

I've been found guilty of second-degree Mordor.

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