Why shouldn’t you ever date an artist?

I don’t know, they just seem kind of sketchy.

I saw a graffiti artist spraying a police station in a thick font.

Now that is bold.

I don't trust artists.

They're really sketchy.

Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body.

I gave her a shoulder to crayon.

What’s the difference between an artist and a KFC chicken bucket?

A KFC chicken bucket can feed a family of 4

Why are artists so good at self control?

Because they always know where to draw the line.

An artist has a 6 year old child who also likes to draw

His child drew a horse.

The artist asked, "You drew the horse wrongly."

The child replied, "How did I draw it wrongly?"

The artist said, "Why does the horse have wings?"

The child replied, "Why can't it have wings?"

The artist said, "It isn't a horse if it has wing...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Caught my girlfriend having sex with an abstract artist.

He said "it's not what it looks like"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went into a tattoo parlor and asked to have a fifty dollar bill tattooed on his dick. The tattoo artist said, “I’ve had some strange requests but this one tops the lot. Why in the hell would you want me to tattoo your prick a picture of a banknote?”

The man replied, “There are three reasons.

One, I love to play with my money.

Two, when I play with my money, I love to see it grow.

Three, and this is the most important of all, the next time my wife wants to blow fifty bucks, she won’t have to leave the house!”

Did you hear about the artist that was baroque?

He stole the Monet, to buy Degas, to make the Van Gogh...

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

My graffiti-artist girlfriend just left me

I should have really seen the writing on the wall.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the woman flash the tattoo artist.

It was tit for tat.

An artist, an engineer, and a scientist walk into a bar.

Thee barkeep says "What'll it be, Leonardo?"

I have the eyes of an artist, the mind of a scientist, the hands of a pianist, and the heart of a child.

Now I'm getting the electric chair after I was caught trying to get the liver of a politician.

Sketch Artist: [holds up drawing of a single strand of straw]

**Camel *[in a wheelchair, tears in his eyes]*:** that's him

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news...

I once insulted an artist about his bad painting

He just brushed it off.

Lady goes to a tattoo artist to get a tattoo of Mike Tyson on one thigh and Evander Holyfield on the other

The artist says "Sure, no problem. It's going to take a while and be expensive though". The lady explains she's a lifelong boxing fan and they are her all time favourites. She has to have them.

After hours and hours, and excruciating pain, the tattoo artist finishes and invites her to look a...

If you make 10 drawings, you’re not an artist

And if you cook 10 meals, you’re not a chef

But if you kill ONE person...

I just lost a lot of money to a con-artist

He had this great pitch about investing in an innovative company that could identify male sheep by their urine. Turns out it was a pee-ram-id scheme.

She fell in love with...

She fell in love with an electrician, and she got shocked.

She fell in love with an artist, and things got sketchy.

She fell in love with a musician, and she got played.

She fell in love with a photographer...

Why are artists such fans of gasoline?

Because it makes their Van Gogh

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you piss off an artist? By drawing in their sketchbook instead of your own...

...because that's where they draw the line.

A man had his portrait unveiled by a successful artist. The man was most unhappy with the result.

Artist: Are you happy with it?

Subject: I don’t think it does me justice!

Artist: it’s not justice you need, it’s mercy.

My tattoo artist loves her squid and the squid loves me. But I love both of them

I'll ink them both

What do you call an artist who gives off bad vibes?

Sketchy...

An accountant, an artist and an engineer are having drinks

The conversation turns to the most important person in their lives.

The accountant says his wife is his rock, his stability, the foundation of their life together.

The artist says his mistress is his muse and inspiration. He owes her his very soul.

The engineer says those are gr...

An Artist asks his model if she’s okay with nudity

Model-“Yes I am”
Artist- “Thank God! These pants were killing me!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Artist in Japan

An English Manga artist is offered a job in Japan - by Studio Ghibli. He arrives in Tokyo 7 hours early, so decides to visit the red light district. Here he bangs a geisha for 5 hours solid - with her screaming "Machigatta ana Machigatta ana" at the top of her voice. Which puts a big smile on his fa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Japanese Ministry of Artistic Affairs Warns the Art of Origami is in Decline!

More on this as the story unfolds.

What do you call an artist with plenty of storage?

A drawer.

Artists on Reddit are so uncreative,

Like get over it, someone else has already called theirs Untitled.

An artist talks to his curator about his recent sales

Artist: "So? Did I sell anything?"

Curator: "You won't believe this: a man came by and asked if the value of the paintings will rise after the artist's death. I told him that I think so. So he bought the entire gallery.

Artist: "Wow! That's great! who was he?"

Curator: "It was y...

What do you call a racist 19th century artist ?

Oppressionist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Hitler fail as an artist?

He refused to mix colors.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Unexpectedly, an artist's wife started having sex with him every day.

Though quite unusual, he didn't question his luck, deciding to just enjoy the ride.

One day, his wife approached him. "Honey? Can you sketch a picture for me?"

"Of course!" he replied. "What should I draw?"

"What you think our baby will look like."

He stared back at her,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman gets a free tattoo after showing the artist one of her breasts.

It was a tit-for-tat situation.

There once was a starving artist

Wherever someone offered to buy his work, he thought they were being patronizing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

an american history professor decided that he wanted a large mural painted in his home.

he called in a famous artist and explained to him that he wanted him to paint what he thought general Custers last thoughts were during his last stand. he went on holiday and he returned see a mural of a large praying heifer with a halo above its head surrounded by many native americans in erotic se...

Where do tattoo artists connect?

InkedIn

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rapist and con artist get caught by the sheriff in a small town.

The town doesn’t have much money to take care of prisoners so the sheriff gets an idea. He decides he’ll charge money to let the townspeople punish the crooks and use the money to keep them in jail for as long as he can. The sheriff figures even a short stay in jail will be plenty after a little “ju...

Banksy seems like a trustworthy artist.

Sure he's kind of shady, a bit sketchy, but he's not trying to frame me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man who has an interest in painters and their works has a child.

A man who has an interest in painters and their works has a child. A boy, who grows to have his father's passion for art. One day when the boy is coming of age they have a big argument and the young man leaves his father's house to go out on his own. He is gone for many years.

During tha...

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time...

... and a well known art critic is in attendance.

The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"

"Yes, " says the artist.

"It's worthless," says the critic

The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

Why was the artist in jail?

Apparently he was framed.

In New York there are many tattoo artists from all over the world, but for some reason the artists from Spain have trouble getting business.

Why? Because nobody expects the Spanish ink precision!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to the tattoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist $1,000 to put a $100 bill on his penis

The artist agrees, but is curious and
asks the man why he wants to do this.

The man replies, “I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now.”

So, the artist goes ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious with curiosity over why this man wants a $100 bill...

Who is a grain harvester's favorite musical artist?

Hall'n Oates

Who’s a hairdresser’s favorite musical artist?

Harry Styles

What's a poor artist's favourite style?

Baroque.

What surprise did the artist give to the nun?

Unsolicited diptychs

Police just arrested a local artist down the street.

*In the interview with them, they said he looked a little sketchy.*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Poor Dyslexic James (long, original)

James was dyslexic. Because of this, he always struggled in school. He was embarrassed by his dyslexia and never let on or got help for his problems, so his grades suffered. His teachers and guidance counsellors told him he’d never amount to anything. All his life, James just wanted to prove them wr...

A lot of people mistake Johnny Cash for a country artist.

I understand though, as far as genres go he walks the line.

When I’m older and can afford it, I want to commission an artist to make a bust of me

But that’s getting a head of myself.

What does a graffiti artist call an empty wall?

A blanksy

Me: Being a great artist is all about finding the right medium.

The 5th psychic I’ve been to today: judging by your work here, I see disappointment in your future.

What do you call an artist who had a vasectomy?

Seriously, does anyone know?

I'm drawing a blank here.

Q. Why did Germany provide aid to artists hit by coronavirus?

A. They know what happen when painter suffer setbacks.

I was voted most artistic in Highschool

I was also voted most dyslexic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s it called when a stripper and a tattoo artist trade services?

Tit for tat.

A magical spanish thief was caught trying to steal an early work of a famous artist

In his defeat, he declared they could keep the work, but he would set himself free on the count of three. He said "Uno...Dos...." and then poof, he vanished without a trace.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Woman goes to a tattoo Artist

“On my right inner thigh, I want a tattoo of John Lennon,”she says. “On my left inner thigh I want a tattoo of Paul McCartney.” The tattoo artist agrees to it and they settle on a price and a day to do the piece.

The day finally comes and the woman arrives early. Although she’s super excit...

My friend is a pickup artist but has no success with women

Its probably because he spends most of his time drawing F-150s

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man requested a female painter to paint him in the nude.

"No" the talented artist said. "I don't do that sort of thing.

"I'll increase your fee two times," he said.

"No, no thanks!!"

"I'll give five times as much as you normally get."

Okay, said the artist, "but you have to let me at least wear my socks. I need somewhere to...

Why did the fetish art meme get removed?

Because I didn’t credit one of the artists. I didn’t want to give them any foot traffic.

A shady robed man walks into Disney studios.

As he takes off his hood, he reveals the skull of a face he has underneath. The artists and director pause and murmur with each other.



"Are you lost?", they finally ask him.

"No. I'm fairly certain this is the right place. I bring back the dead with just a touch, a skill requir...

A lady goes into a tattoo palor...

to get a tat of Elvis on the inside of her thigh.

Her and the artist pick out an Elvis she likes and he goes to work.

When he's finished, she looks down and flips out! "That doesn't look anything thing like Elvis"!

They argue back and forth for a bit, and he tells her he'll do o...

An artist came out naked after going to the studio

He was paid with exposure

What’s a artists favorite drink?

Subtle-tea

My guitar teacher was a magician turned artist

So he would always start our lessons with, "Pick a chord, any chord"

What type of bedding does a hip-hop artist sleep on?

A rap sheet.

As an artist, I feel there's no difference performing between normal people and ghost

Cause in the end they just boo at me.

My parents were both artists

I call them MoMA and Dada

My grandpa was an artist. He had an amazing stroke.

That's how he died.

What do you call two digital artists in a fight?

Graphic Violence

Everyone knows of famous martial artist, Bruce Lee

But no one ever talks about his family.

His brother, the revolutionary vegetarian activist, Brocco Lee.

His cousin, the hesitant statistician, Probab Lee.

His uncle, the trustworthy politician, Honest Lee.

And of course, the Spanish inquisitor, Juan "Expected" Lee.

After having his title stripped and funds cut off by the Royal Family, Harry has taken up painting to supplement his income.

He’s the Artist formerly known as Prince.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woman in the 1800s becomes very upset after seeing the painting an artist had done for her. She says to him, "I tell you I want a painting commemorating my husband's last thoughts, and you give me cows with halos and Indians making love?”

"Miss," he says. "Those are your husband's last thoughts." "Holy cow, look at all those fucking Indians."

It’s hard for artists to live off their craft

Sooner or later they all run out of Monet.

The government will send a martial artist after you if you violate copyright law

IP Man

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nurse is bathing a female patient who is in coma

She notices that whenever she touches the genital area, patient's heart rate increases. She gets the idea that oral sex might help her regain consciousness. The nurse then calls patient's husband and tell him that oral sex might revive her and so the husband agrees to help.

The following nigh...

I dont like artists

They seem sketchy to me

When does the artist die?

When she draws her last breath.

Hip-hop Music Artist Lil' Wayne announced that he's tested positive for COVID-19

The rapper said that he's okay and mostly recovered though, just a lil'weezy.

Why did the police officer arrest the artist as a murder suspect?

He was a sketchy dude.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tattoo Artist

A lady walks into a tattoo parlor and asks the artist to tattoo John Lennon and Paul McCartney on each of her inner thighs... The artist did his work, bandaged her up and told her to remove them the next week. The lady came back into the store angry as she felt neither tattoo looked like John or Pau...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A homosexual, a con artist and a child molester walk into a bar.

"What can I get you, father," asks the bartender.

The artist named “Feat” has a monopoly on the music industry and should be tracked down.

Every time I see a song, Feat is always on it. This is too suspicious, and must mean he has a monopoly on the recording industry. Maybe he has parents with connections, maybe he is holding someone hostage, or maybe it is something much worse. What is apparent though, is that he is definitely breakin...

What type of shoes does an artist wear?

Sketchers.

Why was the photo I took of an artist not good?

It had too much exposure.

What's the difference between an artist's folder and a diseased fortress?

One's a portfolio, the other is Fort Polio.

what do you call an artist during a global pandemic?

Vincent Van Cough

There once was a man named Ishmael.

Ishmael was known far and wide as the world's greatest tattoo artist. He was not only a master of his craft, but was the foremost scholar on the topic of tattooing.

Ismael didn't only know all the best tattooing techniques, old and new, but had rigorously studied the history of tattoos includ...

Ive just been molested by a group of mime artists...

They did unspeakable things to me.

My favorite high stakes parkour artist hasn't posted in months.

Not only is it a cliffhanger its most likely a cliff faller.

A police officer was facing a dilemma.

A handful of individuals were brought into the precinct, each with different amounts of cash and gold stuffed in their pockets. Some were professional heisters, others were just average con artists.

He was asked to distinguish between both groups based on how much they had hidden in their po...

It was my childhood dream to become a painter...

ever since my doctor first told me I was artistic.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

Artists on Reddit are pretty unoriginal

Does every one of them have to call their painting Untitled ?

An artist is alone and wants to be pleasured (NSFW)

Masturclayshon

I asked a tattoo artist to tattoo a picture of a pigeon into my pubic region.

He took a look at the picture and agreed to do it for $120.

It looked amazing. So, a couple weeks later, I went back and asked him to give me a matching tattoo on my palm. He looked again at the picture and said, “That will be $240.”

I said, “Why the price jump? You did the exact same...

Never trust people who sketch facial composites for police reports.

They're con artists.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was once a couple who were very, very dumb.

They used to listen to everything said to them without thinking any deeper.

After about a year after their marriage, a beautiful baby boy was born to them. They decided to baptize him and name him according to a very popular astrologer's idea. So they took him to the astrologer's sanctum
<...

There was a curly haired painter who was very successful.

There was a curly haired painter who was very successful. But then there came a new artist who's painting rivaled even his own best pieces. The usually very calm and docile curly haired man started to resent this competition and plotted how to get rid of him. Over the years he tried, unsuccessfully...

An artist, an architect, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to have a wife or a mistress.

The architect said that it was better to have a wife, because you could build the relationship on a firm foundation.

The artist said that no, it was better to have a mistress, because the freedom allowed endless variations.

The engineer said that it was best to have both a wife and a m...

A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery

A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery. An art critic approaches him:

-Would you like to hear my professional opinion on your painting?

-Sure.

-It's pretty much worthless.

-I don't mind, you can tell me anyway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plastic surgeon and a tattoo artist made a deal, where the surgeon did a breast enhancement operation for free for the tattoo artist, and in return she promised to tattoo the surgeon for free

Tit for tat

I hate all 1970s Female Solo Artists

What a bunch of Pre-Madonnas

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People are praising the Germans right now for having an aid package for artists during quarantine..

But they’re definitely doing it because the last pissed off artist started World War 2.

What is an artist's favorite thing to draw?

Unemployment

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Both a surgeon and a tattoo artist have to have a steady hand,

With the surgeon it's the difference between life and death, with the tattoo artist it's the difference between a beautiful mermaid and a fat bitch with an fish up her ass

The true reason behind why Germany 's government aid artist in time of crisis

Because they have seen what an artist from Austria was capable of during the great recession.


P.s go read some ww2 history if u dont get it

Music artists need stop attacking people for no reason

They producing the wrong hits.

What are New Wave artists’ least favorite fruit?

Durian Durian

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you’re a tattoo artist who gives free tattoos in exchange for being flashed

Are you then a believer of tit for tat?

What do you call a martial artist who's masking his identity?

Not sure, but you might want to use his judonym.

A new tattoo studio opened in my neighbourhood which offered free sessions to any women who flashed the artist.

It was called 'Tit for Tat'

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.