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Subdue Jokes

How did the dyslexic cop subdue the violent male suspect ?

He used his NUTS gun.

Why are amputees the easiest to subdue?

They’re always unarmed

Why did the serial killer use a Hoover to subdue his victims?

That way he could always ensure a clean kill.

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A man in Alberta wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof.

So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough..there's an ad for "Alberta Bear Removers."
He calls the number and the man says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
The bear remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, 12-gauge shotgun, and a mean heavily scarred old pi...

Two dogs and a cat die and go to heaven.

Two dogs and a cat die and go to heaven.



They are brought before God, who interviews them to determine their fate. He asks the first dog, "What did you do when you were alive on earth?"



The first dog answers, "For 15 years I was a guide dog for a blind person. I was kil...

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An Octopus in the Highlands

One lovely evening in the Scottish Highlands, a lad walked into a local pub with his octopus in tow. There was a general start in the otherwise subdued and cozy establishment. The lad takes a seat at the bar, props his octopus in the seat next to him, and proclaims for all to hear:

“I hereby ...

It is a summer night and a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit...

...A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. The cop says to the man, "Are you aware of how fast you were going?"


The man replies, "Yes I am. I'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in."


The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, "Were you the one bei...

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Gorilla Removal

A man came home from work to an escaped gorilla on the roof of his house. He quickly Googled how to remedy this situation and stumbled upon a phone number for a gorilla removal expert.
He called.
When the expert arrived, he hopped out of his truck with a baseball bat, shotgun and his rottwe...

A man before marriage, is a dude.

A man after marriage, is subdued.

There was once a land, far away, and many years ago, that had three kingdoms around a triangular lake.

There was once a land far away and many years ago that had three kingdoms around a triangular lake. They often warred and casualties were fierce. So they agreed to hold a tournament of all their champions on an island in the middle of the lake. The first being rich and influential sent twenty Knight...

Islamic joke I saw somewhere

A man walking in New York’s Central Park sees a Rottweiler attacking a little girl. He subdues the dog and saves her life.

A passing Fox News reporter says: “You’re a hero. Tonight’s TV news bulletin will say: ‘Brave New Yorker Saves Child.”

The man replies: “I’m a tourist from Saudi A...

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A Science-Minded Deviant

There's this scientist that loves dolphins. He loves dolphins so much, he wants to figure out a way to make them live forever. For years he slaves away in his basement laboratory, and he believes that he has found a compound that when given to dolphins, will make them live forever. The only probl...

A woman walks past a pet store and sees a beautiful parrot on display.

She looks at the price. $20. She asks the store clerk as to why the parrot was so cheap.

"Well, you see, the parrot used to belong to a grizzled old sailor who swore a lot. He has quite a vocabulary but a rather foul mouth."

She stares at the bird. Realizing just how good a dea...

A man goes to Spain

He arrives, and of course, the first thing he has to go see is the daily bull fight.
The match is drawn out, a banderillero is gored, but eventually the bull is subdued and the matador emerges victorious.
The man is famished at this point, and so, entranced by the fight, he finds his way to t...

A blonde and a brunette both receive flowers one day...

The blonde is ecstatic, squeeing and showing off her flowers to everyone in her office, talking about how fantastic her boyfriend is. The brunette is more subdued, leaving the flowers on her desk but otherwise not really happy about it.

"What's the matter," asks the blonde, "your flowers are ...

An Australian, a Frenchman and an Englishman are hiking in the amazon.

an Australian, a Frenchman and an Englishman are hiking in the amazon. they are approached by a group of very angry natives who are appalled that the travellers are hacking through their sacred forrest. they subdue the travellers and take them to the chief. the chief says:

"how dare you cut t...

The captured explorer...

There was once an intrepid explorer called Eric, he was wandering in a hitherto unknown part of Africa. One day in the jungle, his guides are ambushed and killed with poison darts. Eric is the only one taken alive and he is bound and gagged. They drag him back to their village and present him to the...

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The Tale of Kevin Bopper

Back in high school there was this kid named Kevin Bopper. He was... strange, to say the least. He was that quiet kid with long, greasy, dandruff-ridden hair, a face full of acne, and wore a leather jacket- you know the type. The thing that made him stand out, however, was his weird fixation on traf...

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The Great White Hunter

A wealthy American man has retired and is entering old age. Fearing that he hasn't lived his life to the fullest, he decides that the first thing he will do with his funds will be to fulfill a childhood dream of his: to go hunting in Africa and take down a gorilla.

He promptly arranges a flig...

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