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Headmaster Jokes

Today I asked my mom what she did for a living, she replied "I'm a headmaster".

To which my dad replied "yeah she is"

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Stone skipping

Three boys were sent to the headmaster’s office.

“What have you been up to?” the headmaster asked the first one in his sternest voice.

“I played ‘Stone Skipping’ by the pond,” he answered.

“Stone skipping? I see nothing wrong with that, I did that a lot when I was young too. Ju...

My Headmaster gave me head today

I guess she is overrated.

Once there was an inflatable boy.

He lived in his inflatable house with his inflatable parents, and every morning when the inflatable clock struck seven, he would come down the inflatable stairs and eat his breakfast at the inflatable table, then go and catch the inflatable bus to his inflatable school.

But one day for some r...

Why did the one eyed headmaster close down his school....

Because he only had one pupil

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Miss Jones wanted to teach her class about vegetables

So she drew a large cucumber on the blackboard and said "what's that"

"It's a cock, miss" piped up Little Johnny.

"That's *it*, Little Johnny, I've had *enough* of your filthy cheek, I'm getting the headmaster" pronounced Miss Jones.

A few moments later the headmaster stomped in...

Late for school

Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what's worse is that he always has to tell a big lie explaining why.

The teacher tells the headmaster that she is fed up with his exaggerations.

The headmaster tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he turns up late.

He'll t...

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Why does Dumbledore give the best blow jobs at Hogwarts?

Because he's the headmaster.

The headmaster of a school arranges a meeting with a student's parents

"I'm sorry to inform you but your son has been blowing smoke in the locker-rooms everyday for around a week" The headmaster says

"What? I can assure you i have no idea where he learns such things! Could You call him here please?" The woman asks, angrily

A few minutes later a boy arrive...

The Headmaster/Principle/Head teacher

Once there was this fantastic head teacher, let's call him... Mr Johnson. He had single-handily turned around the fortunes of three failing schools in his city with his tight intelligent financial control, understanding of the school's inherent needs and great relationships with all staff/pupils....

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[NSFW] Little Jonny's dad is called into the headmasters office for his sons misbehaviour. He arrives 10 minutes late.

"Sorry I'm late Mrs Deeny, I forgot to polish some nobs at work before leaving tonight. "

Mrs Deeny, looks up from her desk in disgust

"Yeah, I almost lost my job at the door knob factory last time I did that. To be fair they weren't too happy that I was walking around with my cock out...

Professor Snape and Eearmus

There was once a terribly misbehaving student at Hogwarts. His name was Eearmus. He wouldn't finish his homework or practice any of his incantations. The teachers were getting really impatient with Eearmus.

One day, Eearmus was extra mischievous and decided to play a prank on professor Snape...

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There is a new teacher of foreign language in Pepes class

The teacher writes sentences in foreign language on blackboard. Then she calls up the students one by one and asks them for translation until its Pepes turn. Before he can respond they can hear loud knocking.

It is a headmaster. As the teacher is new to her job and freshly graduated the head...

Once there was an inflatable boy who lived in an inflatable house with his inflatable parents.

Every morning when the inflatable alarm rang, he would leap out of his inflatable bed and into the inflatable shower, then when he was dressed he would go and sit at the inflatable table in the kitchen to eat his inflatable breakfast, and then run off and catch the inflatable bus to his inflatable s...

Two brothers go to Catholic school...

... and they are always getting into trouble. But whenever they get caught in their mischief, the older boy, Frank, says to the younger, Henry, "It'll be ok, as long as we stick together." And even though Henry is much more nervous than Frank, this always gives him the confidence to withstand the la...

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So turns out dumbledore was gay

Brings a whole new meaning to his title of “headmaster”

So I read J. K Rowlings announcments.

I finally understand how dumbledore got The title of headmaster.

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At school, children learn about cucumbers

Miss Campbell starts the class by drawing a large cucumber on the blackboard. The whole class starts laughing. Miss Campbell blushes and questions Little Johnny:

'What do you think I drew on the blackboard?'

'A dick!' exclaims Little Johnny.

Miss Campbell is taken aback and runs...

A mother wakes her son in the morning

'Get up, son, you have to get to school!'

'But Mum, why do I have to go? I hate it!'

'Tell me two reasons why you think you shouldn't go.'

'Firstly: all the kids hate me. Secondly: the teachers hate me even more.'

'Hmph, excuses! C'mon, go get ready!'

'Tell me two ...

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I was at the opticians the other day.....

“I got cum in one of my pupils recently, should I be worried?” I asked.
“I think you’ll be fine.” He replied.

“That’s a relief. Her parents were banging on about telling the Headmaster and the Police.”

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A kid goes to a chabad school and gets kicked out

Then his parents frustrated send him to a Jewish day school and the administrators say no he is too bad we can’t take him. So his parents even more frustrated decide to send him to military school and the general tells the parents they can’t deal with him either. The parents all out of ideas decid...

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Inflatable boy

There was an inflatable boy, and he goes to an inflatable school. While there, he finds himself having a really bad day. Bored with the lesson, he gets up and walks out of the inflatable classroom but, while walking down the corridor, he sees the inflatable headmaster approaching him.

The inf...

Mother is waking her son: “Paulie, come, wake up, you have to go to school.”

“Aw mom, just a bit more sleep, please.”

“No, it’s really high time, now get up.”

“But I don’t want to. The children annoy me and the teachers are a complete pain!”

“Stop it, now. Get up and off to school with you!”

“Mom, give me two good reasons why I should go to ...

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Why do school Principles always give great blowjobs?

I don’t know, all I know is they are the headmasters

break it up

A teacher at a primary school sees three children fighting "Timmy! Sally! Jerome! Stop that at once and go see the headmaster!" so the children dust themselves down and trudge off to the headmaster's office. "Well children," said the stern headmaster "Its very naughty to fight and I might have to gi...

Son - Mom, I dont feel like going to school today. The kids are too loud, unruly and mean.

Mom - Remember now, you are the headmaster of the school.

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Timbuktu

The teacher told the class to make up a poem about Timbuktu, to recite in front of the class.

The first child recited hers:

"When I was lying in my bed

I dreamt of a ship with funnels red

A beautiful ship, its hull was blue

I think it was going to Timbuktu."
...

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There is a boy who is always in trouble, he is constantly upsetting the other children and damaging the school property. Eventually, a letter is sent home to his parents...

...saying the school has put up with his bad behaviour long enough. This morning, they found him masturbating in class so they have expelled him. The letter continues: “I
suggest you talk to your son about his dirty little habit as soon as possible. Tell him he’ll go blind if he carries on.
Yo...

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I'm absolutely fuming..

My son got sent home from school yesterday. He has been suspended for running around the girls toilets waving his willy around. Idiotic yes but it seems he had done it for a bet.

Suspension seemed to be a bit harsh, so I rang the headmaster to explain that it was just a bit of tomfoolery gone...

I call my girlfriend Dumbledore

Because she's the real headmaster

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Young boy comes home from school early from school, his mother asks him why he's home early...

Boy: 'the headmaster expelled me from school for using the C word in class!'

Mum: 'That wasn't clever was it'

Boy: 'No, it was cunt'



Sorry if repostage :/

I don’t want to get up, Papa.

An elderly gentleman knocks on his son’s bedroom door. “John,” he says, “wake up!”

John answers, “I don’t want to get up, Papa.”

The father shouts, “Get up, you have to go to school.”

John says, “I don’t want to go to school.”

“Why not?” asks the father.

“Thre...

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Why was the hot teacher promoted to principal?

Because she was the Headmaster!




My first submitted joke :)

At school there's this kid named Euell. He's kinda slow and gets picked on a lot.

Apparently this group of kids have really taken advantage of Euell this week.

They pretend to be his friend so they can push infront of him in the lunch line. He went out with them last night so they could use his car, but they ditched him when they arrived. They even stooped low enough to m...

Purple lemon

So this little boy is in the playground when some bullies come along, and they say to him:

“Hey, purple lemon, you suck!”

And the boy doesn’t know what a purple lemon is, so he asks. And the bullies say:

“Well, you’ll just have to ask a teacher then, won’t you?”

And so h...

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead undergo spy training

The pass all test with ease, and score top marks on all exams. Finally, after an easy year of training, they are told to go the headmaster's office, James Bond himself. "First of all, congratulations for you excellent grades in all classes, he said, but you have one final exam to pass. In the room b...

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