We all know Albert Einstein was a genius

But his brother Frank was a monster!

What do you call a genius who died in a guillotine?

Ahead of his time

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My neighbor has a son who is a genius. The kid graduated high school at age 13, graduated college magna cum laude at age 15, and graduated from one of the top law schools at age 17. He was admitted to the bar one month later. So, I asked my neighbor what his son's secret was.

He said that his son showed the bouncer his older brother's drivers license.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Isaac newton died a virgin. That means I have one up on history’s greatest scientific genius.

Because I’m not dead of course

The Brazilian the Argentine and the Genius

(To understand the joke you need to know that there is a lot of rivalry between Brazilians and Argentines) An Argentine and a Brazilian when walking through the desert found a magic lamp. A genie came out of it and began to speak: "You are my masters and each of you will be granted a wish." The Ar...

I said to my mate, my girlfriend had a stroke of genius the other day..

He said "oh, is she smart?"

I said, no, but I am.

I'm a literal genius. I finished this super hard puzzle in only 6 months!

The box said 2-4 years.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I finally get why Trump considers himself a stable genius.

Because he’s the best at shoveling horse shit.

"Talent hits a target no one else can hit. Genius hits a target no one else can see.”

So not trying to brag, but my baby has learned to count to "soup".

What does the J in Donald J Trump stand for?

Genius

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is Donald Trump convinced Jared Kushner is a genius?

He figured out how to fuck Ivanka.


(This was a series of comments on another thread that made me laugh so I thought everyone should hear it, but I can't remember the usernames so announce yourselves if you see this friends)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there is this scientist right? And the dudes a fuckin genius. I’m talking different dimension destroying genius aight.

But this guy, THIS FUCKIN GUY, decides “eh, fuck it I’m bored” and he turns himself into the most outrageous thing! Smartass dude turns himself into a pickle! A FUCKIN PICKLE. Funniest shit I’ve ever seen.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that

genius has its limits.

This man is a genius

There’s a man on a search for a A very specific magic lamp this particular magic lamp grants the person who finds it three wishes like all other magic lamps but it will also grant the persons significant other the same wish times two. After years of searching he finally finds it. Genie appears and t...

GenIus math level

I have an imaginary girlfriend. Does that mean I’m in a complex relationship.

Australians are geniuses.

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fu...

Yet another genius Australian.

The Park Ranger had been trying to catch a guy for illegal crayfish poaching, so he hid behind a bush and waited. Along came the guy and soon after he pulled a crayfish from the billabong.

The Ranger jumped out and said “Okay Billy I am arresting you for stealing crayfish. “

Billy said...

What does a genius says when admits his crime of killing 200 innocent people?

IQ 200

I’m the perfect girlfriend - I have the brains of a genius, and the body of a supermodel

They’re really starting to smell though, so I should probably get rid of them

My kid is a LEGO genius. The box said 6-12 years...

... and she finished it in less than a day. That's gotta be some sort of record.

Trump is a genius threatening to attack historical cultural sites in Iran

He knows that the Iranians won't find any of these in the US to retaliate

My mom made a horrible joke the other day and I said "oh wow look at this comedic genius"

She then replied to me saying "of course I am one. I mean I made you"

Trump is a genius

Bringing back the cold war to combat climate change.

Truly a man of the ages.

In the 60s, the Russians and the Americans were competing for the best space program

They both were determined to prove they had the greatest minds, the greatest technology. In one example, the Americans spent almost a million USD just to invent a no-gravity pen. They put their best minds to work, and came up with putting a small CO2 pressure cartridge into the back of the ink tub...

Whoever invented the shovel is a genius

It was a groundbreaking invention

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My penis was in the genius book of world records.

Until I got kicked out of the library.

Nothing says stable genius like...

A degree in equine sciences.

A man is on vacation in Spain.

He goes off the beaten path and decides to spend the night in a small local inn rather than pay extra at a tourist trap. He’s down in the inn’s lounge drinking and he sees a chicken sitting at the bar. He asks the bartender why there’s a chicken inside. She says that the chicken is actually a genius...

What does an evil genius say when he completes one of his diabolical schemes?

Done, done, donnnnnne.

So the genius kid in my computer class got an F on a test. It was only 15 question.

Good thing is was a test on hex

Person woman man camera tv

Genius

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I named my penis Genius

So when people ask me what I did last night, I can tell them I had a stroke of Genius

What do you call a room of geniuses who've simultaneously had brainfarts?

A Stink Tank!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A genius walks into a bar with no money.

A genius walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cra...

How's life Johnny? (translated from Spanish)

George: So, how's life Johnny?

Johnny: Terrible.

G: Aw, well what about that Ferrari you got?

J: It got wrecked in a car crash.

G: Ooh, but what about that genius son of yours?

J: He was in the car.

*G, hoping to get away from this horrible conversation:*...

The local drunk rushes into his favorite bar

The local drunk rushes into his favorite bar and yells at the bar man "Hurry up and give me a bear I got a scary feeling of claustrophobia"

The bar man goes "Claustrophobia? Do you even know what that means?"

The drunk responds "Oh look at this genius that knows everything, Claustropho...

Two blondes are chatting in a bar.

Eventually it's time for one to leave. She'd kicked off her shoes whilst sitting. As she slipped them back on the second blonde noticed an R and an L on them.
"Hey, what are those letters for, " she asked.
"Oh it's so i get them on the correct feet. L for left and R for right."
The second...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to the doctor to complain that his voice is too squeaky

... he says ^^"Doctor, ^^I ^^have ^^a ^^very ^^squeaky ^^voice ^^and ^^my ^^wife ^^can't ^^stand ^^it"

The doctor responds: "Drop your pants"

The guy drops his pants and reveals a massive schlong.

The doctor says, "Aha! There's your problem! Your dick is so big that is pulling o...

Genius Boyfriend

A worried father confronted his daughter one night.

'I don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough, common and bloody stupid.'

'Oh no, Daddy.' the daughter replied, 'Fred's ever so clever!'

'Amuse me', the father said.

'Well, we've only been going out nine weeks and he's ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is staying at an old fashioned pub/inn

Downstairs in the tavern he is drinking before retiring to his room. The innkeep approaches him and proposes a challenge. He has a magical chicken that will grant him one wish if he can beat her in a trivia contest. The man is bemused but accepts the challenge, figuring there’s no harm in indulging ...

Maths teacher: What is line?

A genius answered : A line is a dot, going for a walk....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who was the first computer genius in the Bible ?

Adam, he had one hand on the Apple and one on the WANG

50 shades of grey is a genius title but had they thought about it

They should have added 19 more shades

What's the difference between crazy and genius?

A psych degree.

Paddy and Mick are fishing

.. and they're not catching anything.
As they're about to give up for the day past them walk two Englishmen with huge baskets of freshly caught fish.


"BEJEYZUS!" Paddy exclaims, "How on Eart did ya catch soo many fish?"
The Englishmen explain that it's a life-hack they've been...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Jewish man was finally allowed to emigrate to Israel from the Soviet Union.

When he was searched at the Moscow airport, the customs official found a bust of Lenin.

Customs: What is that?

Old man: What is that? What is that?! Don't say "What is that?" say "Who is that?" That is Lenin! The genius who thought up this worker's paradise!

The official chuckle...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every time I masturbate...

I have a little stroke of genius.

What does an Italian genius say to a stinky person?

Eureka!



(I'll see myself out)

Did you here about the genius pyromaniac?

Whenever he had an idea, he sure lit up!

I wonder if when Trump said he was a stable genius he was referring to knowing a lot about horses...

Cause he's not very smart.

You wanna know the difference between a Genie and a Genius?

One grants wishes, and the other wishes for grants

What do you call a picture of a wizard working at a Genius Bar?

An iMage.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An incredibly wealthy genius loves riddles.

Bored with being smarter than anyone he meets the man decides to offer his fortune to anyone who is able to stump him with a question or riddle. Thousands of people come to try and trick the man and without effort he answers every riddle and piece of trivia he is challenged with.
Finally an old...

Confident genius

A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. 

The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours I will give you $5,000." 

The idiot says, "Okay." 

The gen...

When a musician's fingers move really fast across a piano, they're considered a prodigy and a genius.

But when i go even faster on full-screen rhythm games on my iPad, I'm "lazy", "going to get carpal tunnel syndrome", "unproductive", and "ruining the funeral, Emily".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whoever designed the clitoris emoji is a genius.

Because I can't find it anywhere!

A Genius, an Old Farmer, and a Boy Scout are on a plane...

...The pilot enters the cabin and says, "I'm terribly sorry. I've done everything I can, but the plane is falling and going to crash. Now, there are only 3 parachutes on this plane. I've got a wife at home with 2 young kids and another on the way, so I'm going to use one of them." He then picks up a...

Last night I was returning from a party. I was high and saw there was a Police checking

Last night I was returning from a party. I was high and saw there was a Police checking. Was scared at that very moment but then immediately got down from the driving seat and sat on the back seat.
After few mins. an officer came and asked me to move my car ahead for alcohol test.

I said:...

A genius high school chemistry student takes a test

A genius high school chemistry student takes a test, gets his score back, and is dismayed to find that he missed exactly one question and thus would not be accepted to his University of choice. He is especially bummed because the question he missed was "how many valence electrons does a Hydrogen ato...

Did you hear? Being the greatest business man and genius that he is, Donald Trump will be fixing the most original flaw of this great nation. And it will finally be known as America:

Land of the Fee! (Conditions may apply)

A programming genius named Sewter

Built a limerick-writing computer

The metre was fine

And the rhymes quite divine

But for some reason it always got the last line wrong

Give me an example of a genius:

The man who put the 'b' in subtle.

On a faraway island lived a solitary genius

On a tribal island, far far away from here, lived a man called Cong Clu. Mr. Clu was a physicist, and had lately taken a liking to particle physics.

His research, however, was disturbed quite a lot, by the strong magnetic flow from the ferrous rocks, that the island was made up of, and in the...

My farmer friend claims one of his horses can do math using its hooves.

It is a stable genius.

What do you call a moron that is actually a genius

An oxymoron

You are a Genius Boss

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

Little Johnny was a notoriously bad speller

He would always misspell words and just write them the way they sounded to a young child's ear. This was particularly embarrassing to his father, whose boss would always brag how clever his own son, Pete was.


One evening, the boss visited Little Johnny's house for dinner, bringing litt...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Genius!

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer was quite taken a back, and requested collateral. "Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said. The loan officer promptl...

The man

There was a man who had a stroke then after he survived he became a painter

You could say it was a stroke of genius

Little brother told me this joke, genius.

"Why did Beethoven kill his pet chicken?"
-why
"Because it kept saying "bok bok bok"

Did you hear about the depressed genius inventor?

He made a device to electrocute himself... He was shocked when it failed.

These Seniors Couldn't Get The $2.99 Special Without Eggs, So They Did Something Genius

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the ‘Senior Special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.

"Sounds good," my wife said, "but I don't want the eggs."

"Then I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.

"You ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop,he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please."

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop,he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth,and quickly closes the shop.
He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump goes to Japan...

One day Donald Trump goes to Japan for a diplomatic meeting. On the night of his arrival, he decides to hire a young Japanese prostitute and take her back to his hotel. The girl does not speak any English, but that doesn't stop things from getting hot 'n heavy in the Presidential Suite. Their pas...

Two genius economists were arguing about how incentives motivate changes in behaviour

Chinese joke from the 1990s.

Two genius economists A and B were arguing about how incentives motivate changes in behaviour. They walked past a pile of dog dung, and A said to B:

“I’ll give you 50 million dollars if you eat that pile of dog dung!”

B thought about it, worked out i...

Joe's Talking Trees

Joe was a simple and serious man. He was a carpenter in a small village named Arge Oaks where he owned the store "Joe's Carpentry."

For years Joe impressed his fellow neighbors with the highest quality carpentry work. Some people in town complained he was a bit too expensive, but no one ever...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A jokes of genius about DNA

Q: What did the DNA say to the other DNA?
A: Do these genes make my butt look fat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a genius with a hooker?

A fucking know it all!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, "Why are you home so early?"

He answered, "Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class." She said, "Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?"
Jimmy replied, "The question was 'Who threw the trash can at the principal's head?'"

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.