An American man seeking peace among the religions of the East found a new guru.

After his new teacher had spoken for an hour on the importance of following one's inner nature along the path, the man interrupted to say: "I thought the idea was to lose one's desires and attain enlightenment."

"No, no," the teacher admonished. "That was Zen. This is Tao."

A yoga guru is caught loitering on a corner and is asked to leave by police.

He replies “Namaste”.

I'm tired of explaining to my spiritual Guru how E-mails work.

He can't just understand what attachments are!

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Guru and student

A guy highly devotional to his guru buys a house. He goes to his guru to get a suitable name for his house.

Guru: My son, Name your house with the first thing you see tomorrow morning.

He wakes up next day morning and sees the ass of his toddler.

He names his house as 'Ass'...

My Eastern philosophy guru told me ...

"To grow in enlightenment, you must live in harmony with the mystical Source of everything."

"Wait," I said. "I thought you told me last week that enlightenment came from sudden bursts of insight when meditating on a koan."

"Well," he replied, "that was Zen. This is Tao."

Tourist: "Guru, what's the secret of happiness?"

Tourist: "Guru, what's the secret of happiness?"
Guru: "Don't argue with stupid people."
Tourist: "That's nonsense."
Guru: "You are right."

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The Guru (potentially NSFW depending on words used)

Bill and Jeff are sitting at the local - Bill is complaining to Jeff that his elbow his hurting him and that he will have to go to the doctor and pay the high medical bills/etc that will come with it...


Jeff tells Bill to forget that, he should visit 10th and 3rd and see The Guru! Basical...

A man arrives at the top of a mountain and the Guru who lives there greets him.

"I can answer any question you have."

The man replies, "Where are my sun glasses? It's really bright up here."

The Guru replies, "On the top of your head."

The man finds his sunglasses and says, "Thank you for sharing your perspective. I just couldn't see."

As the man t...

What do you do when a yoga guru goes missing?

Nothing. They’ll find themself.

A man asked a wise Guru: "What is the secret to eternal happiness?"

The wise Guru answered: "To not argue with fools."

The man says: "I disagree."

The wise Guru replied: "Yes, you are right."

Why did the guru refuse novocaine at the dentist?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Where does the guru go after a long day of work?

Hooooommmmmmmmmmmmme

Our guru told us this joke when my mom told him I got scared by a stray cat at night while taking out the garbage.

There was this one cowardly guy who was scared of many things and once he took a journey to another town. While at it, he came upon a tunnel. He quickly got scared of the tunnel and started to look around for help. He saw a person standing by and asks him for help. The person says he's a guide and y...

Did you hear about the guru who refused to let the dentist use Novocain to numb his mouth?

The guru said he wanted to transcend dental medication

How to know everything you need to know

Once upon a time, a woman moved to a cave in the mountains to study with a guru. She wanted, she said, to learn everything there was to know. The guru supplied her with stacks of books and left her alone so she could study. Every morning, the guru returned to the cave to monitor the woman’s progress...

polygon

the guru was happily teaching math to the students at his home. He said

"5 sides --> pentagon"

"6 sides -->hexagon"

"8 sides -->octagon"

.....then suddenly, the guru got a sudden heart attack, he fell onto the ground making a loud "thud" sound and died on the spo...

My life ambition is to have a lot of karma on Reddit.

Unfortunately, it is a hard job. I tried doing it alone first, leaving insightful comments and making quirky posts - but I had no luck. So I decided to ask for advice.

First, I went to a wise guru who had a thousand karma. And I asked him, "Oh wise guru, how do you have so much karma?"
...

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Okay I have never seen this here and I have searched with 0 results but it’s in honor of my 50 year old brother who told it too me and recently passed away, (not related).

A man went to the circus and he sat with his wife a children, the circus began and all went well until the clown arrived, for some reason the clown focused on the man and humiliated him with he greatest of ease. He called him names, laughed at his clothes, joked about his accent, ridiculed where he ...

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A man walks into a bar.....

he goes to the barman and asks "if I show you something amazing would you give me a free drink"?
The barman obliges. The man pulls out of his pocket a little piano along with a little woman. Then all of a sudden the little womman plays Beethoven 3rd symphony perfectly.

The barman astonishe...

Temple of Eternal Light

Three couples are meeting with the Grand Guru of the Temple of Eternal Light, hoping to increase their sense of meaning and connectedness with the world. After listening to his sermon in rapture they ask how to join the Temple of Eternal Light.

"You must first demonstrate your commitment to t...

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So how about a real joke about Bulgarians for a change?

A flying saucer beams up a German engineer, an Indian guru and a Bulgarian. The three of them are informed by an alien in a lab coat that standard procedure when contacting an unfamiliar species is to subject them to the standardized intergalactic intelligence test.

"You will be put in an air...

How do you call an australian who is a spiritual leader and a ruler in mongolia ?

A Khan Guru

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A man with a really tiny penis seeks help

A friend suggests him to visit a guru. The guru is sitting on top of a rock and asks the man to climb it with the help of a rope hanging from it. The man climbs up and tells him about his problems.Guru gives him a lotion and asks him to apply it daily.

Rejoiced, the man exclaims "you must be...

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The American and the Camel

An American tech guru made a bunch of money from selling his Bitcoins and decided that now was the time to visit Egypt to see the various ancient tombs of the pharaohs.

He went to Jamal's Used Camel lot to purchase a camel to ride across the desert, as he had seen in many video games.

...

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A friend joined a weird cult

She found this weird offshoot of Scientology that has a guru named Evannnnn at the top. Their deal is to go through mental training to increase concentration; to try to become super human like Evannnnn. The cult can sell her a little box (damned expensive!) she will strap to her head that synchron...

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The secret to living forever

There was an Indian Guru who knew the secret to living forever, so a guy decides to go find him. After years of searching, the guy finally finds the guru and asks: "do you know the secret to living forever?"

The guru says: "yes, but you will have to give up a few things."

"First you m...

A disciple asked, “Master, is it okay for a monk to use emails?”

“Yes, son,” the guru quipped, “as long as there are no attachments.”

A Southern Man vs. a Yankee for a job

After a lengthy interview process, the HR department selected 2 Gentlemen for a final interview for a top spot in an advertising firm, a Yankee and a Southern man. The final interview challenge was simple enough, come up with a poem for the advertising firms newest client Timbuktu. The Yankee was ...

The devotee and the mad elephant

There once was a wise Guru who lived in a temple. He had several devotees who studied under him. Every day, he would teach them things about God and world.

"Guru, where is God?" asked a devotee one day.

"Everywhere, my son," said Guru.

"Everywhere?"

"Yes, everywhere. In e...

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