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Logging Jokes

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it…

…then my illegal logging business is a success

A Canadian logging company needed to hire another lumberjack.

The first guy to apply was a short little skinny fellow, who was laughed at by the manager and told to leave.

"Just give me a chance," the little guy pleaded.

"Okay," the manager replied, "Grab your axe and cut down that cedar over there."

Two minutes later he was back at the ma...

Two Irishmen walked up to a logging company...

Two Irishmen walked up to a logging company, when they saw a poster :

"Tree fellers wanted! We are hiring"

"That's a shame" , said one of the Irishmen , "There's only two of us!

Canada is a logging nation.

Maple trees, spruce tress, and indigenous family trees.

My boss asked the difference between logging in vs logging on ...

I replied "It is only the amount of I/O required."

A German, an Italian and a Chinese man arrive at a logging camp up north looking for work.

The boss sees the strapping young German and says, "you look strong and fit, here's a chainsaw, go join the fellers and help cut down some trees."
Next he looks at the Italian, a bit of a belly on him and looking well fed, and says, "You look like you know your way around the kitchen, go help in ...

An African Lumberjack

An African lumberjack is interviewing for a job at a major logging company. The foreman decides to take a practical route and hands the lumberjack an axe.

"Take a couple swings at that tree over there." The foreman said.

The lumberjack walks over to the tree and fells it in a single ch...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scoutmaster

Dear Dad & Mom,

Our scoutmaster told us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 Sleeping bags got washed away.

Luckily, none of us got drowned because we we're all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happen...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the logging camp...

A Newfie goes to northern Ontario to work in a logging camp. His first day, the foreman gives him a chainsaw and sends out to cut trees. He comes back at the end of the shift and the foreman asks him how it went.

“Jeeze, dat was hard work, but I did cut down two trees.”

The foreman say...

My brother-in-law is missing half of his hand due to a horrific logging injury,

so I asked him do you get half off when you get your palm read?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A city guy decides to pursue his dream to be a lumberjack

So he moves to a remote logging town in the northern woods. It's just 40 men in this little community, hundreds of miles from the nearest town of any size, and he wonders how they manage their "loneliness," if you know what I mean.

One evening in the spring, after the day's work has ended, a ...

I got kicked out of the Karaoke bar last night for singing Danger Zone, then Footloose, then I'm Alright ...

...too many attempted Logging's...

What do you call a journal, found in a shipwreck, detailing the hydration levels of lumbejacks?

A waterlogged logging water log.

The forest animals were concerned that their habitat was being destroyed by logging, so they consulted the oldest wisest tree in the middle of the forest to ask what they could do to save it.

The wise old tree thought about it and said "Perhaps the bears can scare the loggers away.” The bears snarled and charged the loggers to scare them.

It worked initially, but then the loggers hired hunters and soon there were no bears left to scare anyone.

The logging resumed and the fo...

Logjammin'

A lumberjack is applying for a job at a logging operation, and the foreman asks his qualifications.

"I'm the fastest lumberjack you ever saw. Set me loose in those woods with my axe and I'll lay down a thousand trees a day."

The foreman is incredulous. "That's impossible," he says. "An...

I just bought my first oakwood theme laptop and I'm so excited.

I'm having trouble logging in though.

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