I'm sure my wife liked the new refrigerator that I bought her for Christmas.

When she opened it her face lit up!

I never really liked Nearly Headless Nick in the Harry Potter franchise.

He was a poorly executed character.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my girlfriend if she liked my penis

She said it was perfect. The big ones hurt too much.

I had an ex-girlfriend that liked it in the ear

"How the hell did you find that out?" asked my friend.

"Every time I tried to put it in her mouth she'd turn her head!"

I was gonna tell you the one about the necromancer who liked to abuse animals...

...but it'd just be beating a dead horse.

Men who are liked by girls, solely because of their bank balance...

....should be called Cashanovas

If Stephen King wrote a book about how he liked his women, what would it be named?

Thinner.

What did the scarecrow say when the farmer asked him how he liked his job?

It's not for everyone but, hey, it's in my jeans.

Disclaimer: I read this joke on here a couple years ago and it's still my favorite.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My gran asked me yesterday, completely out of the blue, how I liked to masturbate.

"Err, alone if you don't mind."

Did you hear about the engineer who liked gardening?

he was developing latest hedge cutting technology

Preacher Bob liked to coordinate his message with the choir every Sunday...

They met one week and Preacher Bob said, "Brothers and sisters, I'll be preaching this Sunday on the topic of steadfastness in our service to God. What hymn should we sing?"

Miss Bertha piped up, "I Shall Not Be Moved!"

They met the next week and Preacher Bob said, "Brothers and sister...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

George and Ted are showering after a workout when George notices that Ted's penis is about nine inches long.

"You were lucky to be blessed with such a huge penis!" says George.

"I wasn't blessed," replies Ted. "I had to work for it. I did it by masturbating once every day for two years, using butter as a lubricant. I know it sounds crazy, but this thing used to be only five inches long!"

"Tha...

I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.

If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "You know they always say, 'if you like it then you should put a ring on it,'" he comments to the bartender. "I must really like shower curtains," the bartender replies.

My Grandfather really liked Fall Out Boy

I never understood why, considering the age gap between him and the band. Every week, I’d go sit with him on his porch and we’d listen to the band, jamming out to some sick tunes and laughing our hearts out at each other’s awful singing. Unfortunately as time passed, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Indian salesman

A young guy from India moves to the US and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says "Yeah. I was an insurance salesman back in India ."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked...

*One never knows,,, A small boy named Arthur lived in the local village . None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Arthur!!!!!"

One day Arthur's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!! The mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew he...

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young boy says to his father "Dad, our math teacher is asking to see you."

"What happened?" The father asks.

"Well, she asks me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answer '63' , then she asks, 'and 9 * 7?' so I asked 'what's the fucking difference?' "

"Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''

The next day, the boy comes home from school...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My ex girlfriend had a role playing fetish. She liked to dress up as herself, and act like

a fucking bitch

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman asked if I liked thighs or breasts

I told her I liked shaved vaginas and anal. I now have a lifetime ban at KFC.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was told my joke belonged on this sub. (Original)

Two men are riding the subway in a big city, when one looks over to the other and says, "Say, how did you get those scratches all over your arms and face?"

The second man says, "Oh, these? I have an asshole cat who won't stop scratching me, but I'm about to rehome him to a friend. I'm actua...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.