Genie: What is your final wish?

Boy: I wish I were you!


Genue: Weurd but alrught.

Genie: You have 3 wishes.

Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way.

Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does.

Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth.

Genie: You son of a...

What do “PETA” and “Make a Wish Foundation” have in common?

A 10% survival rate



I’m so sorry

I know this is r/Jokes but on a serious note, I need everyone to wish me luck.

I have a meeting at the bank later and if it's a success, I will be out of debt and own everything I have now. I'm so excited, I can barely put on my ski mask..

Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes

Me: I wish for a world without lawyers

Genie: Done, you have no more wishes

Me: But you said 3!

Genie: Sue me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Genie: You have two wishes left.

Me: I wish the letter G was the letter P instead

Penie: And your final wish?

Me: I wish that every E at the end of a word was an S instead

Penis:

Ms: Nics

A genie says: I’ll grant you three wishes but whatever you wish your ex gets double

The man answers: First I want a house, second I want a car, third I want you to beat me half to death.

My grandma was known all over town for her delicious strawberries. She made me promise that when she died I would plant strawberries over her grave so that everyone could visit her and enjoy them. I fulfilled her wish.

She’s dead and berried.

This genie has only 3 wishes

Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside this magic lamp is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.

"I want to go home," says the first friend. The genie grants her wish.

"I want to go home too," says the second friend. The genie then sends her ho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Genie: I will grant you one wish

Me: I wish for mor-

Genie: No wishing for more wishes

Me: I wish for more genies

Genie: Holy shit.

All the new genies: Holy shit.

Be careful what you wish for.

Somewhere in Africa this lion was chasing this christian. When the lion caught up with him, the lion knocked him to the ground with one swipe. The stunned christian got up on his knees and offered a prayer to god saying dear god please make this lion a christian lion so that maybe he will have mercy...

I wish I could be ugly for one day.

I hate being ugly everyday.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

Genie: Okay what’s your last wish?

Me: I wish I had a tail.

Genje: Wejrd but okay.

My girlfriend wishes I had the body of Thor, but I already do...

She just hasn't seen Endgame yet

What is every horses birthday wish?

A stable economy .

Genie: What's your first wish?

Dave: I want to be rich.

Genie: Done, and your second wish?

Rich: I want lots of money.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

my wife asked me if I wish she had been born with big tits.

I told her that I find big tits on babies disturbing.

I wish I was Tiger Woods...

18 holes a day, and he still finds the time for golfing.

Genie: You have 3 wishes

...but no wish for more wishes, more genies, or more lamps, ha!

Me (being a smartass): I wish you were reaaaaally bad at counting.

Genie: Sure boy, you have zero wishes left.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A friend wished me a happy anniversary

"How long have you been married?"

Me: "Two fucking years."

Wife: "Umm, it's been five years."

Me: "Thank you honey. I was just getting to that part. ...and three non-fucking years."

I wish I can be Iron Man in Avengers:Endgame

Dead.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."

The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband and my life. I just want to go home."

Poof! The brunette gets her wish, and she is returned to her family.

The redhead says, "I've also been stuck here for years, and I wish I could go home, too."

P...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar with an emu and a cat.

He sits down at the bar, looks at the emu and says "Emu, want a drink?"

Emu replies: Yeah I'll have a drink!

He turns to the cat and says "Cat, want a drink?"

Cat says "Yeah I'll have a drink, but I'm not fucking paying!"

The man orders 3 beers, the bartender says "That'l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish man rubs a lamp. POOF: Genie. “You get one wish.”

Jewish man pulls out a map from his back pocket and points at Israel and Palestine. “See these two countries? I wish for peace here.”
Genie: “Can’t be done. You have another wish?”
Jewish man: “Sure. Before I die, I want my wife to give me one last blowjob.”
Genie: “Can I see th...

Sometimes I wish I was a Tree

So I could make a living from all the exposure I get from an unpaid internship.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife packed my bags and kicked me out of the house.

As I walked out the front door, she screamed,
"I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

A mom wishing her diabetic son to die

She tell him every night sweet dreams

Today I saw a man jump into a wishing well

I wish him well.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I really wish I was young and Japanese...

It seems like everybody is offering their support to youth in Asia.

How does a Muslim influencer wish for sponsored posts?

Installah

I wish the first word I said was "quote"...

....so that just before I die I could say "unquote".

Genie: You have three wishes

Me: I wish for the ability to know how to use my wishes wisely

Genie: Granted

Me: In retrospect that wasn't a brilliant idea

Genie: OK, I'm ready for your third wish.

Me: Third? What about the first two?

Genie: Well, this is a little unusual, but after your first wish, you screamed like a madman and said "I wish I'd never made that wish!" So that counted as your second wish, and I erased your memory of both of them.

Me: Well, OK. I wish I real...

Me: I wish I can go to Hawaii again. Wife: What?? You've never been to Hawaii before.

Me: I know. But I wished it last year.

Patrick's wife Phyllis wanted to help Patrick be less literal minded, so she decided to present him with a scenario. "You're alone in the desert with a lamp that you've rubbed that produced a genie who said he'd grant you three wishes". Patrick didn't even have to think before responding...

"No I'm not".

The Make-A-Wish foundation flys hundreds of kids around the world for free and they are called heroes.

But when Jeffery Epstein does it, he’s called a monster and murdered.

A man on his deathbed is telling his friend his final wishes

Man: I have two final wishes

Friend: what are they?

Man: firstly I'd like my remains scattered over Disney Land

Friend: and?

Man: secondly, I don't want to be cremated.

A man is walking on a beach, and finds a lamp containing a genie that offers him 3 wishes, however, whatever his wish, his mother-in-law gets double of it.

The man is upset at first since he hated his mother-in-law, but decides to try it out.

"I wish for a hundred million dollars" the man told the genie.

The genie nods his head, and $100,000,000 appears before the man.

"Gtanted, but Your mother-in-law now has $200,000,000 as well" ...

I wish I were good at telling pizza jokes

But I always botch the DiGiorno

What do you call that thing you blow on and make a wish?

A breathalyzer.

"You know, it's times like this I wished I had listened to what my mother has always told me."

"What did she say?"



"I don't know, I wasn't listening."

"What do you wish to do in the future?" asks the teacher.

Pete: "I want to be a pilot"

Tommy: "I want to be a doctor"

Margaret: "I want to be a good mother"

Frank: "I want to help Margaret"

Hey Girl... I wish you were my Reddit karma

Because then you'd be going down on me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dylan was practicing his golf swing in his front yard when he swung a little too hard and sent the ball through his neighbors window.

Dylan ran over and rang the doorbell three times. After no one answered for a few minutes, he opened the door to see broken glass everywhere, a lamp lying on the ground, and a huge fat Arabian man wearing a turban sitting on the couch.

Dylan asked, "Who are you?"

The fat man replied,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Wishes

Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.

It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." P...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler commits suicide and appears in front of god

God:"You already know you're going to hell, but before that I'll give you one wish."

Hitler:"Alright, let me kill 10 million Jews and one Swedish man."

God:"Why the Swedish man?"

Hitler:"I knew you didn't give a fuck about the Jews."

My son was mad at me today, and said "I wish my dad was dead!"

My son was mad at me today, and said "I wish my dad was dead!" The sky went dark and there was a loud crack of thunder that freaked me out. But then nothing happened, so we went home.

My wife was home, and she was very upset. Her personal trainer had been killed by lightning.

A man decided to become a monk

The head Monk says to the man "This is a silent order. You will only be allowed to speak once every 15 years."

The man says "Ok" and begins his time with the silent order.

15 years pass and the man is sitting in the refectory when the head monk approaches and says to the man "It has be...

If you donate to Make A Wish, a kid gets to meet John Cena

But if you don't, they'll get to meet Macho Man Randy Savage

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Wishes

A genie gave three men one wish each, as they were friends travelling far journey. They were to run and jump of a cliff and call the name of who they wanted to transform in.

The first man ran off the cliff and jumped and shouted, "Superman!" and he transformed into Superman.

The secon...

I wish I could be a fossil.

Only then would someone dig me.

I often wish I could just kill my boss

I'm self-employed

I wish my lawn was emo

so it would cut itself.

Today a girl kissed me

I wish I could post it in another subreddit

Best joke I have still ever overheard. Dad to his buddies while I’m 10 years old listening from the porch.

This guy walks into a bar with his briefcase in hand and he’s mad. He sits at the bar, puts his case down and orders a drink. The bartender serves him right up and asks the man what’s got him down.

The man gives a disappointed grin and tells the bartender that he can just show him. He opens ...

Me at age 10: "I wish I was a dog. They're always happy, get to run around all day, and everyone loves them!"

Me at age 24: "I wish I was a dog. I'd have died by now."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four nuns go to the church, wishing to confess their sins.

One of the nuns go first, talking to the priest.
"Forgive me father, for I have witnessed a man's flesh sword," she says with regret.

"Alright, head up and wash your eyes with this holy water bowl." Says the priest and pushes her aside. "What about you, sister?" He asks the second nun.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctors of reddit - who is that one patient you really wish you'd seen again?

It was actually during my junior year. A man, about 50, came in with walking difficulties - you could tell he was really struggling when he arrived at the surgery and even looked uncomfortable when he sat down. I was expecting a leg, hip or even back complaint but once the door was shut he admitted ...

A Make-a-Wish child wanted to know, if his favorite TV show was staged or real. The producers told him that he will need to wait for a little longer.

Now he's dying to know the truth.

"Wish you were here!"

My ex always sends me this SMS when he enters a cemetery.

Over 500 children have had their last request granted by John Cena for the Make-a-Wish foundation. That’s because anytime a child ask to see John Cena all they have to say is,

“You Can’t.”

A brunette, redhead and blond went to a remote fitness spa deep in the mountains for some fun and relaxation.

After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, "Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded ...

Genie: You have one wish

Guy: I've always wanted to go to England, but I've always been too scared to fly. I think I would like a bridge from America to England.

Genie: That's pretty hard. I dont know if I can do it. Can you choose something else?

Guy: I've always wanted to be able to understand women.

...

I pointed my gun at the sky and asked my girl to make a wish?

Coz I was shooting star.

I wish I could drop my body off...

at the gym and pick it up back when its ready.

What is the difference between Charles Manson and A make-a-wish kid?

Manson got life

What do you call the fries at the bottom of the bag you find after finishing your food, wishing there were more?

Consolation frize.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a man I wish I had boobs. I bet you can guess what I want to do with them...

Use them on my baby so he'll go to freakin sleep.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking on the beach when he discovers a bottle containing a genie. He rubs it and a genie comes out, promises to grant him one wish. He says, "Peace in the Middle east, that's my wish." The genie looks concerned, then says "No, I'm sorry, that's just not possible."

"Some things just can't be changed. Do you have another wish?" The guys says "Well... for my whole life I've never received oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says, "How would you define peace?"

The Genie offered me one wish. I asked for a McDonald's ice cream. When he told me the machine was broken and he couldn't do the impossible I got to pick another wish. I asked him for an original joke on reddit. He agreed to grant my wish but had one last question...

Would you like that in a cone or a cup?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wish my ex could look down from heaven and see me now…

But nooooooo! The mother fucker is still alive.

A guy walks into a bar with an Ostrich

A man walks Into a bar with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a beer,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”
“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two statues were standing in the park, one, a nude man and one, a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years.

One day an angel comes down from the sky and with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."
...

A man finds a lamp on a beach. He rubs it, and out pops a genie.

“I will give you three wishes,” the genie says. “But be warned: whatever you wish for, your ex will get twice that.”

“I wish for a fabulously large mansion,” the man says.

“Are you sure?” asks the genie. “Your ex will get a mansion twice as large, twice as opulent.”

“I’m sure.” ...

Today my son threw a quarter in the well at the mall and said "I wish my dad was dead." And because of his attitide we went home without buying anything.

When we got to our house we saw an ambulance and the coroner at Jim's house, apparently he had a freak heart attack about thirty minutes before hand, it was odd because he was a personal trainer and in great shape, my wife seemed real upset by his passing. Though it was strange because I've never ev...

"I wish i had enough money to buy a dinosaur"

"What would you do with a dinosaur?"

"Who wants a dinosaur? i just want the money."

I wish my dad had shared more things with me,

but he never had good internet.

Man is granted 3 wishes

I didnt write this but I still want to share...

A man was digging through old junk in his attic and finds a lamp that he had never seen before. He starts to clean the dust off of it and then it starts to smoke and flash bright light. Finally a Genie comes out and says with a powerful voice,...

i wish people would stop bringing god into everything

jesus christ, it's so annoying.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wife said: "Bulls can engage in sexual activity more than 20 times in a day. I wish you could do that..."

And the husband replied: "Just remember they do it with more than one cow..."

I wish I grew up during the 50s

but then I remember I'm black

Genie: you have three wishes

me: make math go away

Genie: ok, that one's on the house

me: yay, so I still get three wishes?

Genie: huh?

Be careful for what you wish for

I live in my childhood home with my beloved wife and an amazing son. Wishes granted.

Now she wants half of everything..

Our kid is torn between us!

A bus full of ugly people had a head-on collision with a truck.

When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This went on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysteri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Frenchman wished to assess the buoyancy of the common household cat.

So he took three cats down to the canal and threw them in, and *un, deux, trois* cats sank.

Fortunately a kindly German saw this and jumped in (after punching the Frenchman on the nose) and rescued the cats. He looked them over and said "Huh. Bit ze vorse for vair, but I zink I can save zem"....

Sometimes I wish was a lawyer.

Then I wish that I was defending a Penguin.

This way I could one day stand in front of a judge and mutter the words "Clearly, your Honor, my client is not a flight risk!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do I hate going to church?

I hate all the sitting kneeling and standing. I wish the priest would just pick a position and fuck me

I got thrown out of DisneyWorld for spreading my dead mother’s remains around the park. It was her dying wish.

The security guards said I probably should have cremated her first.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a genie today who said he would grant me one wish.

"I want to live forever," I said.

"Sorry" said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"

"Fine," I said, "I want to die after the Republicans get their heads out of their asses!"



"You crafty bastard," said the genie.

I wish!

I got a compliment on my driving today said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.

I wish I could see what mischief my students are getting up to at the far end of the school yard.

Alas, I've never had good pupils.

A man spoke to each of his 3 sons when he sent them off to college...

"I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that.  However, I want you to appreciate it.  As a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."

And so it happened.  His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a financial pl...

Genie: what are your 3 wishes ?

me: make every word 4 letters long

geni: wish gran

meee: make ever word star with "br"

brni: brsh bran

bree: brke brer brrd brnd brth "uh"

bruh: bruh bruh

bruh: bruh bruh bruh

bruh: bruh bruh

A teacher goes for a long walk on the beach. She finds a shiny magic lamb, picks it up, and rubs it.

There is a puff of blue smoke and a genie pops out. “You have three wishes. I can give you anything in the world. If I fail, I must become your personal genie for eternity.”

The teacher thinks for a moment and says, “For my first wish, I want jewels. Silver, gold, platinum, whatever you have....

I was playing video games last night while my son was sitting next to me watching. He said, "dad I wish real life was more like video games."

So I locked him in his room and told him if he wants access to the rest of the house he will have to pay .99 for the DLC.

[NSFW] I wish I could remember my safe word...

I want life to stop screwing me.

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.

One goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to Spain and is named Juan.

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum.

Upon receiving it, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband said: "But they are twins. If...

A child is ill and the make a wish foundation asks what he would like more than anything. The child thinks about it and says, "I'd like to trade places with Donald Trump!"

They interpret as he wants to know what it's like to be president for a day.

So they ask Trump, he obliges.

Trump meets the child and asks, "So you want to know what it's like to be
president?"

The child, disappointed, retorts "No, I just wanted you to have cancer."

A Scotsman, an Englishman and a Frenchman are walking through the jungle...

They’re very tired, and they decide to take a shortcut across a nearby river to quickly reach their camp.

As they cross the river, a tribe of savages charge out of the trees and surround them. The tribe Chief steps forward and says

“This river sacred ground... you trespass on sacred ...

No good genie

Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "Yes I do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie." The first man asks "Can I make a wi...

A man walking on the beach stumbled on a bottle.

He picked it up and pulled the cork and a genie jumped out.

Genie: Thank you for freeing me. I will grant you one wish.

Man: I've heard this one, whatever I wish for will come back and bite me.

Genie: Nah man I won't do that. In fact if that happens I'll give you unlimited wishe...

I wish I could see what it was like to be fat for just one day.

I'm tired of being fat every day.

I wish Youtube would only allow videos in 1080p or higher from next year on

That would be a nice New Year's resolution.

I really do wish Marvel would re-release The Avengers with Clark Gregg and Samuel L. Jackson swapping roles...

Black Coulson, wontcha come...

Joe was walking around town when he found a magic lamp.

As usual, on rubbing it, a genie appeared.

Genie: "I'll grant you two wishes but no loopholes."

Joe: "Make me rich."

Genie: "Done! Your next wish?"

Rich: "Ok, give me 10 billion dollars."

Two long time friends, Ollie and Brock, woke up early for work as they always do.

They each got into their trucks and headed to the local Ag plant where they work as produce haulers.

"What do you have for us today Flower?" asked Brock as they walk in. Their secretary’s real name is Ava but they always jokingly call her Flower.

"Well we've got three shipments that a...

My doctor wished me good health

So that he will never have the displeasure to run into me again in the hospital setting.

A zookeeper wishes to buy some new animals from another wildlife park.

She writes:

Dear sir, We are a recently opened zoo and are looking to purchase 2 mooses. "No that doesn't sound right." She thinks.

We are looking to purchase 2 meese. "No that can't be right either."

Dear sir, I wish to inquire about purchasing a moose. Kind Regards.

P.S...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wishes to become a monk at a temple known to teach exotic martial arts...

He visited the temple and the head monk told him: "To become a monk, you will have to resist your lust towards women."

"I will give you a test," The head monk said. "I will tie a pair of bells on your penis, if you can look at a woman for 10 seconds without the bell ringing, you can be accept...

A girl goes to a psychiatrist and complains, “I don’t want to marry, I am educated, independent and self sufficient. I don’t need a husband but my parents are asking me to marry. What do I do?”

Psychiatrist: “You, undoubtedly will achieve great things in life. But sometimes you will not go in the way you want. Sometimes you will go wrong. Sometimes you will fail. Sometimes your plan won’t work. Sometimes your wishes will not be fulfilled. Then whom will you blame? Will you blame yourself?”...

"I will give one million dollars to the person who will fulfill my wish."

"What is my wish?" you ask?

"That somebody would give me two million dollars."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Green, pink and purple polka-dot ping pong balls

So, a few years ago, I met the owner of a multimillion dollar company, and he decided to tell me a very strange story.

The man told me that he had a son, for whom he cared about deeply, so much so that for his 15th birthday, he offered him anything he wanted in the world.

In response, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman visited an Amazonian tribe on a research trip...

She spent several days taking notes on the lifestyle and habits of the tribe and interviewing their ruler, King Paolo, via an interpreter. As the tribe's land was near several rich gold mines, the king and his people were extremely wealthy.

During the woman's time with him, the king fell hop...

The wishes conundrum...

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."



The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, ...

A blonde wants to travel abroad.

She parks her car in front of a bank near the airport and gets out with her trolleys. She then enters the bank and walks to the next teller.

Blonde: Hello, I want to get a loan for $1000,-

Teller: Very well. But I need a credit security in order to grant you that loan.

Blonde: ...

What kind of pasta grants wishes?

Fettugenie

There was a shipwreck off a deserted island in the middle of nowhere! The only survivors were three boys named Mike, Kyle, and Nate. After the wreck the boys decided to wander the island to see if they could find some food...

As the boys were wandering the island one of the boys stepped on a lamp and began to rub it when out of nowhere a genie popes out and grants them three wishes. They all think about it for a while until they came to the conclusion that they all get one wish. The first wish was Nate’s and he said that...

A man was walking along a beach in California when he stumbled across an old lamp.

As he rubbed it, a genie popped out and granted him a wish.

‘Let me see,’ said the guy. ‘I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I’m scared of flying and get seasick. So could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so that I can go there on vacation?’

The genie scratched his head. ‘A bridge f...

What do melancholic zombies wish for?

A brainy day.

Five Redditors are walking in a forest...

Five redditors are walking in a forest...

...when they find a lamp on the ground. One of them rubs it, and (as expected), a genie appears. Because he's feeling particularly generous, the genie decides to grant all five of them one wish each.

The first one steps forward. "I would like ...

I hate waiting in lines... I wish this woman...

...would hurry up and pick a suspect.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just wanna wish a happy father's day...

To all you mother fuckers out there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Went to the doctor's for a prostate exam

During the exam he said it's not unusual to become aroused or even ejaculate .......

But I still wish he hadn't

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What could possibly be making such a seductive sound?

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he he...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy wished for 10 ping-pong balls for his 10th birthday.

A little boy wished for 10 ping-pong balls for his 10th birthday.
When he turned 11 he wished for 11 ping-pong balls. This continued every year.

They boy grew up to a man. When he turned 18, he wished for 18 ping-pong balls and when he turned 25 he wished for 25 ping-pong balls.

H...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Theres a man on the beach with no arms or legs

3 girls walk by and start speaking to him.

Girl 1: Has anybody ever hugged you?

Man: No...

*she hugs him*

Girl 2: Had anybody ever kissed you?

Man: I wish but no...

*she gives him a kiss*

Girl 3: Have you ever been fucked?

Man: Never!!!
...

My grandpa’s last wish is that we should convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.

Two guys at a park see a dog licking its own junk.

One man turns the other end says, "I wish I could do that."

The other replies, "Dude, that dog would bite you."

Three married businessmen meet for their annual camping trip.

As they see each other only this time of the year, they have a lot to talk about. On their last day in the woods, the men decide to go for a little walk. Suddenly, they hear someone whimper. They follow the noise to a well and with combined efforts, they rescue a little fairy from its ground.
...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.