Why are panthers so much stealthier than their jaguar and leopard cousins?

Because they're never spotted.

Jimmy Carr was complaining that he had no mode of transport after a freak accident with a truck carrying dry fruits wrecked his Jaguar.

It was Carr's Rant on a car to rent cause his current car was rent by a currant current

A Lion and a Tiger escaped with a Jaguar from a British zoo.

They were caught 15 miles down the road when the Jaguar broke down.

Carolyn, a rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won't move at all...

After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a technician to her.

The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it.

So he turns to the blonde and asks, "Ma'am, are you sure you are usin...

What does Chris Hansen call a baby jaguar?

A child predator

Why did the jaguars stop playing poker at the safari?

Because all the others were cheetahs.

What do all the Rainforest Animals say when the Jaguar finishes their shower?

They can't say anything, as the Jaguar is totally spotless.

What do you do when you suddenly walk into a tiger and a jaguar?

You get in the jaguar and drive off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four affluent fathers meet for a yearly round of golf.

Four affluent fathers meet up for their yearly golf match with each other. As fathers tend to do, they all start bragging about their children. The first father brags, "my son is a successful real estate agent! He's so successful, he gave a beautiful house to one of his friends for free!"

Th...

I bought a jaguar for my wife

It tore her to bits

Jaguar just announced an XK-E Concept car they will show at the Frankfurt Auto Show this year.

They had been working on it for 10 years but they only recently figured out how to make it leak oil

If you had one bullet and there was a Lion, a bear and a jaguar. What do you do?

If you were in the middle of the forest and there was a lion, a bear and a jaguar. You had a gun with only one bullet. What do you do?

Shoot the lion, drink the beer and drive away in your jaguar. :)

... Obviously it's better told to someone than read.

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What are a woman's four favorite animals?

A Mink in the closet

A Jaguar in the driveway

A Tiger in the bedroom

and an Ass to pay for it all.

Two lions, two tigers and a jaguar escaped from a zoo...

It was a real big cat-astrophe.

What 4 animals does a woman like to have in her house?

A tiger in bed

A mink in the closet

A jaguar in the garage

and a jackass to pay for it all

What a woman she'll make

You've got to love this little girl. What a woman she'll make !

A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"

A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says".

The teacher asked, "R...

If the shortened nickname for the Buccaneers is the Bucs, the Jaguars are the Jags, and the Patriots are the Pats...

Then what do we call the Titans?

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly gates....

.....St. Peter met them there. St. Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big, what kind of car you get will
depend on your answer."

The first guy ...

Maybe its an XF?

A Lion wakes up in the jungle and finds that his fork is missing,

he goes to elephant and asks "Have you seen my fork?"

Elephant replies: "What does it look like?"

Lion: "Well it's got four points on it."

Elephant: "Sorry, I haven't seen it, try mouse."

So the...

A husband and wife are having dinner...

A husband and wife are having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. ‪‪ The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who in the hell was that?" "Oh," r...

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Smart Dachshund

An rich old lady decides to go on safari in Africa, along with her little pet dachshund, Frankie.
They set up camp and it isn't long before Frankie begins to explore his new surroundings.
Suddenly he finds himself far from the camp and feels eyes on him. Up in a tree is a large jaguar, ready...

{NSFW} CEO from a well-known company walked into his office one morning,

not knowing that his zipper was down. His beautiful secretary walked up to him and asked,
"Boss, this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?"
This was not a phrase that her Boss understood, so he went into his office looking a bit puzzled. When he was done with his...

A blonde is going door to door trying to find some paying work

She knocks on one door and an older man opens it up.

"Hey mister, do you have any odd jobs I could do for cash?"

He looks her up and down and surmises that she's an idiot whom he can take advantage of.

"I'll give you ten dollars if you paint my porch. There's paint, brushes, lad...

Officer couldn't believe his eyes.

A man was driving along in his beat up old dodge, when suddenly it broke down. He was parked on the side of the road trying fix it, when a Jaguar pulled up in front of him and offered to help. After a few minutes the two men obviously weren't going to get the old car going again, so the Jaguar drive...

Materialist Lawyer

A lawyer is getting out of his car when another vehicle comes along and rips the door right off the hinges. A cop sees the whole thing and comes over to assist the lawyer who is screaming profanities at the driver of the other vehicle.

The cop asks, "Are you alright, sir?"

The lawyer ...

The genie

So this guy is walking down the road when all of a sudden he finds a random lamp. Knowing what this could possibly mean he quickly rubs it and poof out pops a magic genie. The mighty genie looks at the small man and states "I will grant you three wishes however to keep you out of trouble what ever y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young lady is working at an old people’s home when she walks into an old gentleman’s room.

He’s holding a set of photographs and looks upset.

“What’s the matter?” She asks

“I’ve got no-one to pass these onto to when I go”. Says the old man, looking at his photos

“Let me show you” and he presents her with a photo of an old car, “this is my vintage E type Jaguar. It’s p...

There was once this Apache Indian

There was once this Apache Indian who had 3 squaws - but none of them were able to bear him a child. A medicine man advised him that animal skins were potent - following his advise, the Apache slept with his 3 squaws on different animal skins - a hippo skin, a jaguar skin & a leopard skin.
...

69 years ago

69 years ago both India and Pakistan got independence on this day.

Indians have become heads of Google, Microsoft, Pepsico, Jaguar, Land Rover and

Pakistanis have become heads of Taliban, Al-Qaeda, Jammat U Dawa, Hijbul Mujahideen

Also India entered Mars but Pakistan still try...

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