NEVER fight a cougar

Just give her a fake name and sneak her out in the morning

I got to bang a 10/10 cougar after a night at the club

Now I'm banned from the local zoo..

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A cougar....

A cougar is feeling a little frisky and decides that young Johnny at the store who bags her groceries will be her next conquest.

After she pays for her groceries, Johnny is wheeling the basket out to her car. She leans over to him and says in a low voice, "I have an itchy pussy!"

John...

I was hiking yesterday when suddenly I ran into a cougar

Almost made me puma pants

My buddy has stopped trying to date cougars and is chasing something older!

Are those called sabre-toothed tigers?

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Forget cougars, I'm a Puma hunter

On the hunt Looking for

Pussy Under My Age

What's the difference between a cougar and a leopard?

A leopard can drag something twice its weight up a tree.

A cougar can drag someone half her age into bed.

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What do you call a cougar into anal?

A pooma

What's the difference between a bobcat and a cougar?

You ride a Bobcat, a cougar rides you.

What do you get when you cross the mailman with a Cougar?

According to the Paternity Test: Me

What do you call a cougar that's hostile to you?

An enemilf.

What do you call a one-eyed cougar?

A Mountain L on

Where do watermelons and cantaloupes go for the summer?

John Cougar Mellen-camp

I dated an older furry once...

She was a cougar

If a cougar is a woman who likes younger boys... then a man who likes younger boys must be a

Nittany lion!

If a "cougar" is an older woman who is into younger men, what do you call an older woman who is into younger women?

a gym teacher

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3 men and their wives were walking through a Forrest late at night...

All of the sudden, a large cat crosses their path. Not knowing what to do, the 6 of them stop.

The first mans wife pipes up and says “don’t worry honey, I have to fight off cougars all the time when they try to hit on you at the bar, I got this”

The mans wife approaches the cougar and...

Cougar hunting

Two good Montana buddies were out hunting for a cougar that was
killing their sheep. They staked out an area of the woods near their
fields, and waited. After a while, sure enough, there came the
cougar. They patiently waited until it was close, and then they both
jumped up and shot ...

Cougars are hot.

But it's a dry heat.

So my parents were "debating" at the dinner table the other night

Mom: Cougar is the term used to describe an older woman who desires young men. I'm seeing a double standard here. Why isn't there a term for an older man who desires young women? What is he called?

Dad: Smart.

In the early 1970s, researchers discovered that a certain enzyme in a specific breed of seagull chicks granted dolphins that ate them a dramatically increased lifespan…

Hoping that this could be made viable for humans, they started extensive testing.

Unfortunately, the breed of gulls wasn't native to the area around their laboratory.

They sent a research assistant up the coast to gather additional specimens.

On his way back with a truckload o...

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First time cougar at grocery store

A newly divorced 40-ish woman is in the check-out line at the grocery store. The bag boy asks if she needs help out to her car, and he's cute, so she says yes.

When they are into the parking lot, she leans over and says to him, "I have an itchy pussy."

He responds, "I'm sorry ma'am, b...

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A cougar is at the grocery store.

She fills her cart with all the items on her list and gets to the cashier. While her groceries were being rung up, she happened to glance over and notice the young strapping 17-year old high school boy carry out that was bagging her groceries. She was quite taken by his good looks and build so she t...

There’s was a Mother’s Day retreat in the mountains

there were too many cougars

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So there's this duck...

...and one day he's walkin down the street when he gets a huge craving for some donuts. So he goes to the bakery and walks in and says to the baker "hey man can i get a dozen donuts, half glazed and half boston creme?" And the baker's like "No, you can't. We don't serve ducks here." And the duck's a...

Mother and Daughter Action

A man in his 20's and a few of his friend were at a bar for drinks. A lady in her mid-late 40's sent him a drink, and introduced herself.

Never hit on by a cougar before, our guy in his 20s let her buy him a few more drinks throughout the night as he was enjoying her company. She made it cl...

If you're ever being chased by a bear or a cougar, quickly lay on the ground for 5 seconds.

Have you ever heard of the 5 second rule?

Some people die from animals, but I was apparently brought to life from one.

According to my Mom, my Dad slept with a cougar once which is how I was born.


It's weird how science works.

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Itchipussy

A cougar had just finished purchasing groceries. The clerk asks if she would like any help out. The woman, seeing the bag boy was an attractive young man, she says she would. In the parking lot she sees her chance to make a move, and does:

Woman: (whispers) Hey cutie, I've got an itchipussy.<...

What's the difference between "Daddy" and "Motherf*cker"?

Daddy's not into cougars.

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The King of the Jungle [long] [nsfw]

The lion, the king of the jungle, once summoned all the animals to celebrate his new born child. Sure enough all the animals showed up and gazed with awe upon the famous lion's rock.

The lion roared fiercly and all animals awaited silently the big announcement of their king. After a brief mom...

A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Pastor make a bet.

They say, "Whoever goes into the woods and converts the most dangerous animal, wins". So a week goes by and they all return. The Pastor comes back with a rattlesnake and says "He goes to church every week!". The priest comes back with cougar and says "His first he's getting confirmed next month!". T...

What kind of summer camp would a toilet, a mountain lion, and a cantaloupe all go to?

A John Cougar Melon Camp

my face popped a vessel during this

I was at work today, just pricing a huge shipment of tools. This random customer comes up to me, he says Hello. I reply with a kind gesture. He then proceeds with this:
Customer "Do you know what a cougar is?"
Me "yep"
Customer "So, you know that there are two kinds?"
I giggled a bit ...

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