UPJOKE
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What do all the Rainforest Animals say when the Jaguar finishes their shower?

They can't say anything, as the Jaguar is totally spotless.

I got lost in the rainforest and I needed supplies

So I ordered from Amazon!

What do you call a popular joke about the rainforest?

Tropical humor

The rainforest cafe is getting to realistic

I was just sitting there enjoying my chicken tenders when a bulldozer destroyed 30% of the cafe

What do you call a sleepy rainforest

Pajamazon

To survive in a rainforest, it is important to remember.....

To survive in a rainforest, it is important to remember that when you are being chased by a jaguar, jumping in a piranha-infested river is no help.

Jaguars are excellent swimmers.

Nobody seems to talk about the Amazon Rainforest

I thought it'd be a hotter topic by now

For the nursery, my wife and I went for a rainforest theme.

I hope our little guy likes the sound of chainsaws.

I think the Rainforest Cafe takes the whole rainforest theme too far.

This one time I was sitting there eating my chicken tenders and they bulldozed 40% of the restaurant.

Some European explorers were traveling through the Amazon rainforest with some natives as guides...

when they started hearing drums in the distance. Puzzled the Europeans inquired, “we hear drums? What does that mean?”

The Natives answered, “When drums stop, very bad.”

Reluctantly the exploration continues. After 5 minutes the drums had started getting louder and the explorers star...

How many people have died in the Amazon rainforest fire?

About a brazilian.

Brazil owns 65% of the Amazona rainforest

Sorry, I meant 60%

Edit: 50%

Edit2: 35%

Edit3: 10%

Edit4: Weird, Brazil doesn't even have a rainforest

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An explorer goes on an excursion into the Amazon rainforest...

(long but I don't believe I have seen this yet)

A rich explorer goes on an excursion into the Amazon rainforest. He has heard of all the wondrous wildlife there is to see, so he sets off with a guide and travels deep into forest. The deeper he goes, the more magical and strange the creatures...

Two explorers take a flight to one of the yet unexplored parts of the South American rainforests.

They enter the thicket but quickly get lost. After walking for many hours, without food at water, they finally spot a native inhabitant of one of the forests tribes. They quickly shout and make wild gestures until he notices them. After they slowly approach him, one of the explorers asks: “You nativ...

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A woman visited an Amazonian tribe on a research trip...

She spent several days taking notes on the lifestyle and habits of the tribe and interviewing their ruler, King Paolo, via an interpreter. As the tribe's land was near several rich gold mines, the king and his people were extremely wealthy.

During the woman's time with him, the king fell hope...

I feel that Disney is taking the "Rainforest Cafe" theme a bit to seriously

I was just sitting there eating when they bulldozed half of the place down.

Bought the 'Sounds of the Rainforest cd,

not as relaxing as I hoped. The 1st half was birds chirping, rest was chainsaws and bulldozers.

A Tree Falls In A Rainforest And Nobody Notices But Me

"Ha ha ha! My illegal tree cutting business is working!"

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Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest?

Because it would be economically unsound to attempt to establish a pharmaceutical distribution network in such a sparsely populated area

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An Airplane flying over the Amazon Rainforest crashes in a remote part:

Soon, the local tribals reach the crash site and upon seeing the 3 survivors, take them to their King in captivity.

When presented in front of the king, he says "People of the sky! If you want to live you have to do as I say. Each of you have to go out in the jungle and forrage for fruits and...

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An Airforce Pilot, an Army Engineer, and a Marine crash land in a rainforest...

They are surrounded by a tribe of cannibals and are approached by the Chief of the tribe. The Chief says that they are gonna eat them and use their skin for canoes, but they get to choose how they die. The Pilot chooses to kill himself with his sidearm, the Engineer asks for some fast acting poison....

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A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde are adventuring in the jungles of the rainforest

Upon entering a clearing they are suddenly ambushed by a remote cannabalistic tribe. They are bound, gagged, and marched into the village.

They old tribe shaman emerges from his hut and approaches them slowly. He squares up to the brunette, cuts her bound wrists and says with broken English ...

My memorial service for all the trees burnt down in the Amazon Rainforest didn't have any female attendees

It was full of guys mourning wood.

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A Frenchman, a Englishman, and a American go to a rainforest

A Frenchman, a Englishman, and a American all go wandering through a rainforest when all of a sudden three man jumps out of the bushes and says "Halt! You are on our sacred land you must be killed and turned into a canoe. But we are not savages so you may choose how to die.". The man from France say...

A particular species of frog, found in South American rainforests, has been observed to leap higher than a 1 story house.

This is due to the extremely powerful hind legs of the frog, and the fact that houses cannot leap.

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Kinda long, but I couldn't get the flair to work.

An explorer gets lost in the Amazon rainforest. While searching for a way out, he stumbles upon a tribe of cannibals. They all want to eat the man, but the chief pities the man. He says to the explorer:

"Look. I know you're lost, so I'm gonna give you a chance to save your life." And with tha...

Amazon

Has anyone noticed before the Amazon rainforest caught fire, Amazon the company made a product called the "Kindle"?

What do you call a jungle where animals talk about current events?

A topical rainforest.

I'm taking a trip to the Amazon rainforest, but I was warned to look out for the head-shrinking indigenous tribes that still live there.

I'm not sure what the fuss is about. Who doesn't enjoy a little head?

Scientists claims that 85% of rainforests will be gone by 2025

but if we worked really hard, we can do it by the end of 2017

I got a new SUV. My hippie friend says to me, "What about the Rainforests? What about the glaciers?"

.. I'm like "Man, it's got 4 wheel drive... We can go anywhere you want!"

-Michael Palascak

My wife and I had a long journey because of her illness. Finally we found an Indian doctor deep in the Amazon rainforest who was able to cure her.

Too much salt, if you ask me.

A man enters a brothel...

he talks to the Madame and tells her:" I am an exceptional pervert, i have tried unimaginably disgusting acts, but now i have run out of ideas, do you have something disgusting and unusual for me?"
The Madame tells him to go to a room on the 2nd floor and talk to the girl there.
He goes to...

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A couple of German jokes...

Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of
strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies:
'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Becau...

CIA, MI5 and the Turkish secret service (MIT) are in a contest

And they are tasked with finding a monkey in a rainforest.

CIA goes in with its drones and tech, and comes back with the monkey in 2 hours.

MI5 goes in and with their network in the jungle villages and infiltration techniques they come back with the monkey in 1 hour.

MIT,the Tur...

Honestly, vegans should stop

If they continue eating the Amazon rainforest we won't be able to breathe.

We all can do better to help save the planet

With this in mind, i’ve just published a book on preserving the rainforest, and what we can do as a human race to help protect it.

Its over 2000 pages long.

Why can't you get hold of painkillers in the rainforest?

Because the paracetamol.

Why is Amazon a rainforest?

Because it has all the clouds.

Lame tech joke, sorry!!

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Welcome to the jungle

An Englishman, Frenchman, and a New Yorker all decide to go on an adventure through the amazon rainforest.

While they are traveling down the river, the men all get lost. They then come together to decide the best course of action. They decide to go to the shore in order to gain their bearing...

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An Aussie favourite.

So there was a lizard who was walking through the rainforest, he looked up in the tree and saw a koala smoking a few joints. So the lizard goes up the tree and smokes a few more joints with the koala. After a little while, the lizard decides to go down to the pond to get a drink for his dry mouth, s...

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An African, an Indian and a Chinese...

were hiking in the rainforest when they were captured by a tribe of savages. All tied up and about to be killed the chief told them the only way he'll let them go is if their dicks add up to 20 inches in length. The African whips his out and and it's an impressive 11 inches, the Indian pulls his out...

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A penis enlargement drug made of duck beaks.

About half a year ago, Elon Musk and Bill Gates were taking a holiday together at an undisclosed location somewhere deep in the tropical rainforest. During their stay they encountered several tribes of natives. The members of those tribes all looked similar to each other, with one very noticeable ex...

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An Englishman, a Welshman and an Irishman...

were wandering through the rainforest when they were suddenly ambushed by a tribe of cannibals. They were told by the chief they were each to go into the forest and collect 10 fruits and return to the tribe to learn their fate.
They all go their separate ways into the forest and after a little wh...

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Three stereotypical ethnically diverse explorers are captured by cannibals..

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman are out exploring the rainforest but are captured by cannibals. The chief informs them their fate which is to eventually be killed, eaten and their skins turned into canoes. The cannibals, not wishing to appear uncivilised in all this offer each of their captive...

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Three Scientists

Three scientists, a German, an Iranian, and an American, go to the Amazon rainforest to study plants. They parachute into middle of the rainforest and almost immediately get caught by a tribe of rainforest cannibals. The cannibals take the scientists to their leader and he tells them," we're going t...

Scottishman, Englishman and Irishman Joke *Long*

A Scotsman, Englishman and Irishman are traveling through the amazon rainforest. Suddenly they are captured by an indigenous tribe and taken to camp. The chief approaches the three and manages to communicate: “ we kill you, eat your flesh, make tools with bones and canoe with skin! First, we grant a...

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A Spaniard, a Frenchman, and an American are on a rain-forest expedition...

When suddenly, out of nowhere, they are captured by a tribe of cannibals. The chief of the tribe has the men brought before him.

"Our tribe has lasted for many, many seasons." he says, "Mainly due to our chiefs being able to make changes to benefit our tribe. I have decided that during **my**...

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