What do all the Rainforest Animals say when the Jaguar finishes their shower?

They can't say anything, as the Jaguar is totally spotless.

How many people have died in the Amazon rainforest fire?

About a brazilian.

I think the Rainforest Cafe takes the whole rainforest theme too far.

This one time I was sitting there eating my chicken tenders and they bulldozed 40% of the restaurant.

The rainforest cafe is getting to realistic

I was just sitting there enjoying my chicken tenders when a bulldozer destroyed 30% of the cafe

I feel that Disney is taking the "Rainforest Cafe" theme a bit to seriously

I was just sitting there eating when they bulldozed half of the place down.

Some European explorers were traveling through the Amazon rainforest with some natives as guides...

when they started hearing drums in the distance. Puzzled the Europeans inquired, “we hear drums? What does that mean?”

The Natives answered, “When drums stop, very bad.”

Reluctantly the exploration continues. After 5 minutes the drums had started getting louder and the explorers star...

Nobody seems to talk about the Amazon Rainforest

I thought it'd be a hotter topic by now

Brazil owns 65% of the Amazona rainforest

Sorry, I meant 60%

Edit: 50%

Edit2: 35%

Edit3: 10%

Edit4: Weird, Brazil doesn't even have a rainforest

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Kinda long, but I couldn't get the flair to work.

An explorer gets lost in the Amazon rainforest. While searching for a way out, he stumbles upon a tribe of cannibals. They all want to eat the man, but the chief pities the man. He says to the explorer:

"Look. I know you're lost, so I'm gonna give you a chance to save your life." And with tha...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman and an American were venturing through the Amazon rainforest

When they got ambushed by a tribe of warriors. They said, "You are trespassing on our sacred land, so we must kill you and make canoes out of your skin. However, we will let you choose how you wish to die". The Frenchman asked for poison, the Englishman askes for a gun and the American asked for a f...

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Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest?

Because it would be economically unsound to attempt to establish a pharmaceutical distribution network in such a sparsely populated area

What do you call a sleepy rainforest

Pajamazon

A Tree Falls In A Rainforest And Nobody Notices But Me

"Ha ha ha! My illegal tree cutting business is working!"

What did the climate change journalist say to their boss when they couldn’t find anyone to interview in the rainforest?

“I’m sorry sir, but there are scant tree-sources out here.”

I'm taking a trip to the Amazon rainforest, but I was warned to look out for the head-shrinking indigenous tribes that still live there.

I'm not sure what the fuss is about. Who doesn't enjoy a little head?

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A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde are adventuring in the jungles of the rainforest

Upon entering a clearing they are suddenly ambushed by a remote cannabalistic tribe. They are bound, gagged, and marched into the village.

They old tribe shaman emerges from his hut and approaches them slowly. He squares up to the brunette, cuts her bound wrists and says with broken English ...

My memorial service for all the trees burnt down in the Amazon Rainforest didn't have any female attendees

It was full of guys mourning wood.

Scientists claims that 85% of rainforests will be gone by 2025

but if we worked really hard, we can do it by the end of 2017

A particular species of frog, found in South American rainforests, has been observed to leap higher than a 1 story house.

This is due to the extremely powerful hind legs of the frog, and the fact that houses cannot leap.

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A couple of German jokes...

Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of
strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies:
'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Becau...

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A Frenchman, a Englishman, and a American go to a rainforest

A Frenchman, a Englishman, and a American all go wandering through a rainforest when all of a sudden three man jumps out of the bushes and says "Halt! You are on our sacred land you must be killed and turned into a canoe. But we are not savages so you may choose how to die.". The man from France say...

I got a new SUV. My hippie friend says to me, "What about the Rainforests? What about the glaciers?"

.. I'm like "Man, it's got 4 wheel drive... We can go anywhere you want!"

-Michael Palascak

Amazon

Has anyone noticed before the Amazon rainforest caught fire, Amazon the company made a product called the "Kindle"?

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An Airforce Pilot, Army Engineer, and Marine crash land in the rainforest.

They are surrounded by a tribe of cannibals and are approached by the chief of the tribe. The chief says they are going to eat them and use their skin for canoes, but they can choose their own method of death. The pilot shoots himself with his sidearm, and the engineer asks for some fast acting pois...

My wife and I had a long journey because of her illness. Finally we found an Indian doctor deep in the Amazon rainforest who was able to cure her.

Too much salt, if you ask me.

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A woman visited an Amazonian tribe on a research trip...

She spent several days taking notes on the lifestyle and habits of the tribe and interviewing their ruler, King Paolo, via an interpreter. As the tribe's land was near several rich gold mines, the king and his people were extremely wealthy.

During the woman's time with him, the king fell hop...

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Welcome to the jungle

An Englishman, Frenchman, and a New Yorker all decide to go on an adventure through the amazon rainforest.

While they are traveling down the river, the men all get lost. They then come together to decide the best course of action. They decide to go to the shore in order to gain their bearing...

CIA, MI5 and the Turkish secret service (MIT) are in a contest

And they are tasked with finding a monkey in a rainforest.

CIA goes in with its drones and tech, and comes back with the monkey in 2 hours.

MI5 goes in and with their network in the jungle villages and infiltration techniques they come back with the monkey in 1 hour.

MIT,the Tur...

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Those be calm and listen to rain apps are terrible....

I just put the Amazon rainforest on and I thought the fucking house was on fire.

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An Aussie favourite.

So there was a lizard who was walking through the rainforest, he looked up in the tree and saw a koala smoking a few joints. So the lizard goes up the tree and smokes a few more joints with the koala. After a little while, the lizard decides to go down to the pond to get a drink for his dry mouth, s...

We all can do better to help save the planet

With this in mind, i’ve just published a book on preserving the rainforest, and what we can do as a human race to help protect it.

Its over 2000 pages long.

Honestly, vegans should stop

If they continue eating the Amazon rainforest we won't be able to breathe.

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An African, an Indian and a Chinese...

were hiking in the rainforest when they were captured by a tribe of savages. All tied up and about to be killed the chief told them the only way he'll let them go is if their dicks add up to 20 inches in length. The African whips his out and and it's an impressive 11 inches, the Indian pulls his out...

What do you call a jungle where animals talk about current events?

A topical rainforest.

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Three Scientists

Three scientists, a German, an Iranian, and an American, go to the Amazon rainforest to study plants. They parachute into middle of the rainforest and almost immediately get caught by a tribe of rainforest cannibals. The cannibals take the scientists to their leader and he tells them," we're going t...

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An Englishman, a Welshman and an Irishman...

were wandering through the rainforest when they were suddenly ambushed by a tribe of cannibals. They were told by the chief they were each to go into the forest and collect 10 fruits and return to the tribe to learn their fate.
They all go their separate ways into the forest and after a little wh...

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Three stereotypical ethnically diverse explorers are captured by cannibals..

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman are out exploring the rainforest but are captured by cannibals. The chief informs them their fate which is to eventually be killed, eaten and their skins turned into canoes. The cannibals, not wishing to appear uncivilised in all this offer each of their captive...

Why can't you get hold of painkillers in the rainforest?

Because the paracetamol.

Scottishman, Englishman and Irishman Joke *Long*

A Scotsman, Englishman and Irishman are traveling through the amazon rainforest. Suddenly they are captured by an indigenous tribe and taken to camp. The chief approaches the three and manages to communicate: “ we kill you, eat your flesh, make tools with bones and canoe with skin! First, we grant a...

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A Spaniard, a Frenchman, and an American are on a rain-forest expedition...

When suddenly, out of nowhere, they are captured by a tribe of cannibals. The chief of the tribe has the men brought before him.

"Our tribe has lasted for many, many seasons." he says, "Mainly due to our chiefs being able to make changes to benefit our tribe. I have decided that during **my**...

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