What do all the Rainforest Animals say when the Jaguar finishes their shower?

They can't say anything, as the Jaguar is totally spotless.

Have you heard the news about the Amazon rainforest?

It’s spreading like wildfire.

How many people have died in the Amazon rainforest fire?

About a brazilian.

Some European explorers were traveling through the Amazon rainforest with some natives as guides...

when they started hearing drums in the distance. Puzzled the Europeans inquired, “we hear drums? What does that mean?”

The Natives answered, “When drums stop, very bad.”

Reluctantly the exploration continues. After 5 minutes the drums had started getting louder and the explorers star...

Nobody seems to talk about the Amazon Rainforest

I thought it'd be a hotter topic by now

I feel that Disney is taking the "Rainforest Cafe" theme a bit to seriously

I was just sitting there eating when they bulldozed half of the place down.

My memorial service for all the trees burnt down in the Amazon Rainforest didn't have any female attendees

It was full of guys mourning wood.

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An Englishman, a Frenchman and an American were venturing through the Amazon rainforest

When they got ambushed by a tribe of warriors. They said, "You are trespassing on our sacred land, so we must kill you and make canoes out of your skin. However, we will let you choose how you wish to die". The Frenchman asked for poison, the Englishman askes for a gun and the American asked for a f...

What did the climate change journalist say to their boss when they couldn’t find anyone to interview in the rainforest?

“I’m sorry sir, but there are scant tree-sources out here.”

I bought a book about how to save the Amazon rainforest at CVS

Asked for a receipt.

I think the Rainforest Cafe takes the whole rainforest theme too far.

This one time I was sitting there eating my chicken tenders and they bulldozed 40% of the restaurant.

The rainforest cafe is getting to realistic

I was just sitting there enjoying my chicken tenders when a bulldozer destroyed 30% of the cafe

What do you call a popular joke about the rainforest?

Tropical humor

Brazil owns 65% of the Amazona rainforest

Sorry, I meant 60%

Edit: 50%

Edit2: 35%

Edit3: 10%

Edit4: Weird, Brazil doesn't even have a rainforest

Scientists claims that 85% of rainforests will be gone by 2025

but if we worked really hard, we can do it by the end of 2017

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A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde are adventuring in the jungles of the rainforest

Upon entering a clearing they are suddenly ambushed by a remote cannabalistic tribe. They are bound, gagged, and marched into the village.

They old tribe shaman emerges from his hut and approaches them slowly. He squares up to the brunette, cuts her bound wrists and says with broken English ...

Bought the 'Sounds of the Rainforest cd,

not as relaxing as I hoped. The 1st half was birds chirping, rest was chainsaws and bulldozers.

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Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest?

Because it would be economically unsound to attempt to establish a pharmaceutical distribution network in such a sparsely populated area

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An Airforce Pilot, Army Engineer, and Marine crash land in the rainforest.

They are surrounded by a tribe of cannibals and are approached by the chief of the tribe. The chief says they are going to eat them and use their skin for canoes, but they can choose their own method of death. The pilot shoots himself with his sidearm, and the engineer asks for some fast acting pois...

A particular species of frog, found in South American rainforests, has been observed to leap higher than a 1 story house.

This is due to the extremely powerful hind legs of the frog, and the fact that houses cannot leap.

What do you call a sleepy rainforest

Pajamazon

My wife and I had a long journey because of her illness. Finally we found an Indian doctor deep in the Amazon rainforest who was able to cure her.

Too much salt, if you ask me.

So there was a lizard who was walking through the rainforest

He looked up in the tree and saw a koala bear smoking a few joints. So the lizard goes up the tree and smokes a few more joints with the koala bear. After a little while, the lizard decides to go down to the pond to get a drink for his dry mouth, so he scurries down the tree and over to the pond whe...

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A woman visited an Amazonian tribe on a research trip...

She spent several days taking notes on the lifestyle and habits of the tribe and interviewing their ruler, King Paolo, via an interpreter. As the tribe's land was near several rich gold mines, the king and his people were extremely wealthy.

During the woman's time with him, the king fell hop...

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A Frenchman, a Englishman, and a American go to a rainforest

A Frenchman, a Englishman, and a American all go wandering through a rainforest when all of a sudden three man jumps out of the bushes and says "Halt! You are on our sacred land you must be killed and turned into a canoe. But we are not savages so you may choose how to die.". The man from France say...

I got a new SUV. My hippie friend says to me, "What about the Rainforests? What about the glaciers?"

.. I'm like "Man, it's got 4 wheel drive... We can go anywhere you want!"

-Michael Palascak

CIA, MI5 and the Turkish secret service (MIT) are in a contest

And they are tasked with finding a monkey in a rainforest.

CIA goes in with its drones and tech, and comes back with the monkey in 2 hours.

MI5 goes in and with their network in the jungle villages and infiltration techniques they come back with the monkey in 1 hour.

MIT,the Tur...

Amazon

Has anyone noticed before the Amazon rainforest caught fire, Amazon the company made a product called the "Kindle"?

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A penis enlargement drug made of duck beaks.

About half a year ago, Elon Musk and Bill Gates were taking a holiday together at an undisclosed location somewhere deep in the tropical rainforest. During their stay they encountered several tribes of natives. The members of those tribes all looked similar to each other, with one very noticeable ex...

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Those be calm and listen to rain apps are terrible....

I just put the Amazon rainforest on and I thought the fucking house was on fire.

We all can do better to help save the planet

With this in mind, i’ve just published a book on preserving the rainforest, and what we can do as a human race to help protect it.

Its over 2000 pages long.

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Welcome to the jungle

An Englishman, Frenchman, and a New Yorker all decide to go on an adventure through the amazon rainforest.

While they are traveling down the river, the men all get lost. They then come together to decide the best course of action. They decide to go to the shore in order to gain their bearing...

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Three men are captured by cannibals

Three men are lost whilst navigating the Amazon rainforest. They are eventually trapped by a tribe of cannibals, when one of them manages to barter a deal with the chief.

The chief decides that if each man can complete a set of three tasks he sets, the tribe will show them the way back to the...

Honestly, vegans should stop

If they continue eating the Amazon rainforest we won't be able to breathe.

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An African, an Indian and a Chinese...

were hiking in the rainforest when they were captured by a tribe of savages. All tied up and about to be killed the chief told them the only way he'll let them go is if their dicks add up to 20 inches in length. The African whips his out and and it's an impressive 11 inches, the Indian pulls his out...

What do you call a jungle where animals talk about current events?

A topical rainforest.

Why can't you get hold of painkillers in the rainforest?

Because the paracetamol.

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An Englishman, a Welshman and an Irishman...

were wandering through the rainforest when they were suddenly ambushed by a tribe of cannibals. They were told by the chief they were each to go into the forest and collect 10 fruits and return to the tribe to learn their fate.
They all go their separate ways into the forest and after a little wh...

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Three stereotypical ethnically diverse explorers are captured by cannibals..

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman are out exploring the rainforest but are captured by cannibals. The chief informs them their fate which is to eventually be killed, eaten and their skins turned into canoes. The cannibals, not wishing to appear uncivilised in all this offer each of their captive...

Scottishman, Englishman and Irishman Joke *Long*

A Scotsman, Englishman and Irishman are traveling through the amazon rainforest. Suddenly they are captured by an indigenous tribe and taken to camp. The chief approaches the three and manages to communicate: “ we kill you, eat your flesh, make tools with bones and canoe with skin! First, we grant a...

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Three Scientists

Three scientists, a German, an Iranian, and an American, go to the Amazon rainforest to study plants. They parachute into middle of the rainforest and almost immediately get caught by a tribe of rainforest cannibals. The cannibals take the scientists to their leader and he tells them," we're going t...

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A Spaniard, a Frenchman, and an American are on a rain-forest expedition...

When suddenly, out of nowhere, they are captured by a tribe of cannibals. The chief of the tribe has the men brought before him.

"Our tribe has lasted for many, many seasons." he says, "Mainly due to our chiefs being able to make changes to benefit our tribe. I have decided that during **my**...

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