What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in his fur?

Chocolate chip wookie.

That old woman in a fake fur coat who had ink thrown on her really had it coming!

Does she even know how many innocent fauxes have been murdered to make that coat?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bear and a rabbit are shitting in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and says "Do you have any trouble with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replys "No not really".

So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

Why do Ivan Pavlov's dogs have the shiniest and softest fur?

Repeated conditioning.

What has six legs, green fur, red balls, and can kill you if it drops on you from a tree?

A snooker table.

What do you call a bear without fur?

Bare.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man finds a luxurious fur glove

Trying to reach its owner, he posts an advertisement.

Attention! If you have lost a fur glove...



...can you please give me the other one too?

Edit: syntax

(OC) Why do rappers wear so much fake fur onstage?

Faux show.

If I made a Mobius strip out of black and white dog fur,

would it result in eternal dalmation?

Charles ran a successful fur business in early 20th century New York.

He was always humane about the treatment of his animals before they were killed and made sure the rest of the animal didn't go to waste. However, rather than making a massive profit, he'd often donate warm fur clothes to poorer children. He lived comfortably, but always tried to maintain his philant...

What do you call a dog who loves children stroking his fur?

A petophile.

My dog kept growling at my girlfriend's toddler when he would punch him or pull his fur. It broke my heart to get rid of him

But now the problem is keeping the dog from digging him up.

I bought my G/F a nightie with fur around the bottom....

It helps keep her neck warm.

Did anybody see the article about the leopard whose fur was bleached solid white?

It was recently spotted

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bear and a rabbit are pooping in the woods

After the bear is done he turns to the rabbit and says "do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit looks confused and says "no, I've never had a problem with that"

The bear smiles and says "good" and picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt with him.

A woman was trying on her new fur coat.

Her teenage daughter walked up to her and said.

"Mother, do you realize that this coat is the result of the suffering of a poor, defenseless animal?"

The woman looked strictly at her daughter.

"Young lady, don't you dare talk about your father like that."

What fur do we get from a tiger?

As fur as possible.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

American tourists visit Russia...

... and decide they want to take a hike in a genuine Russian forest. While hiking, they suddenly encounter a huge bear. The bear starts chasing the tourists, who are running for their lives.


Not far from there, there is a campsite where a group of Russian campers is chilling out and drink...

What's 8 feet tall, covered in fur, and walks around the Himalayas undermining your arguments by attacking your character?

The Adhomineminal Snowman

A man attacks a woman wearing a fur coat..

..and shouts at her angrily - "Do you have any idea how many minks had to die for you to wear that fur??"

"It is not mink, it's polyester!"

"Doesn't matter!! Do you know how many polyesters had to die!?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Old Joe, the blind fur trader walks into a bar...

After sitting down and folding up his blind poking stick he says, "I'll bet anyone here $50 here I can guess what your pelt is and what you killed it with!"

The first taker throws a pelt on his table. Joe feels the fur, tests its texture and smell, feels the wound of the killing blow. Says, "...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Irish Daughter...

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her.
Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad.....

How many cats does it take to make a fur coat?

None! Cats can't sew!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A young man went shopping for his girlfriend's birthday present...

A young man went shopping for his girlfriend's birthday present in company with his girlfriend's sister. He chose an expensive pair of beige gloves and the sister bought a pair of white panties. Unfortunately in the process of wrapping, the gifts became mixed up with the result that the parcel from ...

I don't understand people wearing leather or fur...

Don't they realize that animals are suffering because of their sense of fashion? They should put themselves into the animals' skin and try to understand.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Fuckmonster....

This is probably a repost but I have not seen it and told this joke over twenty years ago...

​

One day a woman is out shopping for a gift to give her friend for her birthday. Her friend had tons of things and liked really weird items, the kind of things that most people wou...

What does a grizzly wear under his fur?

Under-bear.

Why does it take 100 mink to make a fur coat?

Because they are lazy and have small hands!

Why was the dog in the driver's seat of the limousine?

It was hired to show fur!

An explorer in the African jungle heard about a plan to capture the legendary King Kong.

And sure enough when he came to a clearing there before him, imprisoned in a cage, sat the imposing figure of King Kong.


It occurred to the explorer that he could be the first person ever to touch the great ape and so tentatively he inched towards the cage. Since King Kong appeared quite ...

What music do siamese cats listen to?

Fur Elise.

A group of adventurers embarks on a quest

"DragonFlameKing", who is the highest level in the party, gathers the others before they begin the quest to discuss strategies and check their supplies.

-Alright, gear and equipments look fine so hear me out for a little bit. This quest is not too demanding but it's still hard. I am a Juggern...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A koala wakes up next to a prostitute...

Without a sound he gets up, makes his way to the door and begins to open it when the prostitute wakes up and sees him.

"Hey, where do you think youre going?" the prostitute asks? She pulls out a dictionary and shows him the definition of prostitute. It says, "a person, in particular a woman,...

Gave my cat a bath

I gave my cat a bath the other day… they love it. He sat there, he enjoyed it, and  it was fun for me too. The fur would stick to my tongue, but other than that…

Did you hear about the sly woodlands creature that was killed for his fur?

He went from a cunning stoat to a stunning coat

If Dracula were a furry, what would his name be?

Nos-fur-atu

Two guys were talking about pets

"Yeah, so I have a couple of cats and a chihuahua. What about you, Flynn?"

Flynn looked at the man with a look of both pain and peace. "Well, Danny... I had a dog once."

Daniel sympathetically responded. "What happened?"

Flynn let out a quiet sigh. "It's a long story."

Da...

The Talking Cat.

A 2 bit magician had a show called "Goldie, the Magic Talking Cat". He wasn't that skilled of a magician, so he had to make up for his lack of talent with cheesy 2 bit tricks.

He found this cat that looked like it was clearly abandoned. It had fleas and ticks, wasn't fixed and it didn't ...

so, I was out walking my usual night walk.

a woman was walking, a few meters in front of me, she was about 5 years younger than me. She had a purse that looked kinda expensive and a fur coat.

suddenly she started to walk faster, I got startled why did she begin to walk faster? I was too scared to look behind me so I just started walki...

A cowboy's horse died on his way to town...

As he was walking down the dusty trail, he happened across a ranch. With a renewed sense of hope, he asked the stable keeper if he had any horses for sale.

"Sorry, I've fallen on hard times myself. I had to sell all of my horses!"

The cowboy noticed a rather strange-looking horse stand...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A passenger airliner just landed at Glasgow airport...

...and after coming to a halt, the Pilot does his customary speech, but forgets to switch the intercom off.

The Co-pilot asks the Pilot what he has got planned for the rest of the evening, and the Pilot replies, "First up I am going for a shite and then I am gonnae ride the arse off that new...

A narcissist bursts into the Emergency Room...

And she begins shouting words out very quickly. The waiting patients in the room perk up wondering what ails the newcomer.

The doctors enter from the other side of the room with a stretcher on their tails.

The first says "Lead us to your car so we can get the patient inside."

T...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is the difference between a priest and a tennis player?

The balls that the player plays have fur

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The creation of a pussy

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,

Created a pussy to their design.

First was a butcher, with smart wit,

Using a knife,he gave it a slit,

Second was a carpenter, strong and bold,

With a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole,

Third was a tailor, tall and t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Hunters

Bill and his three hunting buddies head out into the mountains to hunt some deer at a cabin they rented. They bring classic rifles not very strong but good enough to bring down a deer. One of Bill's buddies notices a bear and takes a shot at him. The bullet hits the bear but it does nothing but piss...

The German Shepherd cover up...

I found my German Shepherd, Hondo, with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit was dead, and I panicked.. I took the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. I gave it a bath, blew dried its fur, and put it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they would think it died ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a bunch of Nazi dogs???

The Fur'd Reich

What kind of car does a pirate furry drive?

A fur-ARR-y.

The Purple Gorilla.

Once upon a time there was a man driving down an old road at night when his car broke down on the side of the road. He saw a small house not to far away. He decided to see if the house had anyone willing to help him out. The man knocked on the door and almost instantly an old lady swung open the doo...

Why doesn't anyone listen to complaints by Furries?

Because they only have furs twirled problems.

Magic bunny!

A young texan cowboy is riding along his property when he spots an injured rabbit struggling to free itself from some wire mesh it's stuck in. He's about to put the furball out of its misery when the rabbit says:

"Wait!! I'm a magic bunny! If you free me and let me go, I'll grant you one wish...

A journalist travels to a village to interview a shepherd.

There, he finds him standing in a field, watching over a herd of white and black sheep mixed together. He greets the shepherd then begins the interview.

\-"How much fur can you get out of these sheep" \- the journalist inquires.

\-"Which ones the white sheep or the black ones?"

...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Bear Alert!

Montana Grizzly Bear Notice:

In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field. We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little...

What do you call a forgetful kitty?

A fur-gato

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My mum's all time favourite

A bear really had to take a shit in the woods a few minutes later a rabbit ran by, the bear stopped to talk to him and he asked the rabbit "does shit stick to your fur" the rabbit replied "no" so he wiped his ass with the rabbit

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bear and a rabbit pooped in the forest.

The bear asked the rabbit, ‘Doesn’t it matter if the poop sticks onto the fur?’ The rabbit replied, ‘It doesn’t matter.’ Thus the bear used the rabbit to wipe his ass.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Talking Dog for Sale

A guy is driving around the back woods and he sees a sign in front of a broken down, shanty-style house: Talking Dog For Sale. He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The hunter who didn't care

There was a hunter who simply didn't care.

One day, the hunter who didn't care was out hunting and bagged several animals that he intended to sell for furs. And when I say many animals, I mean *many* animals, well beyond his legal limit. But, alas, he didn't care. He just kept waiting for ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was once a shag everything bunny

This bunny had the reputation of screwing all the animals that he came across.
So one day, this snake moves in in the vicinity. As soon as the other animals find out, the warn him
-Mr snake, best stay away from the bunny as he will surely shag you.
-Nonse! says the snake.
-No really, sa...

So...

How much fur would a gopher go for if a gopher could go for fur?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Short Story

Bear: "Hey rabbit, do you have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?"
Rabbit: "Why no, Mr. Bear. I don't have that problem."
Bear: "Cool."
The bear then promptly wiped his butt with the rabbit.

The end.

The Baker

A Baker specializing in making Rye bread is disheartened. He works long hours and while his wages are decent, they are nothing special. He wants to strike it rich and make something of himself.

He hears that a lot of money can be make for trapping in the Canadian wilderness so he sells his ba...

A police officer was driving through an empty freeway in the woods one day, when he stumbled upon the corpse of a large animal laying on the side of a road...

A police officer was driving through an empty freeway in the woods one day, when he stumbled upon the corpse of a large animal laying on the side of a road, with a pickup truck parked nearby.

He parked his car, opened the door, and looked at the animal, a grizzly bear, with some of its limbs ...

Bad Dog

One winter day, a guy was walking down the street when he saw a mangy old dog lying in the middle of the sidewalk. It was covered in flies and seemed to be barely alive. Rather than try to help it, the guy gave it a sharp kick and laughed as it limped away.

Without warning, the guy became a s...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the worm say to the caterpillar?

Who did you fuck to get that fur coat?

A man made a bet at a bar...

A man made a bet at a bar that he could touch a fur and then tell what animal it was and how it was killed. For every one he got right he would get a beer.
the bartender blindfolded him and handed him a fur.
- Elk, shot with a remmington rifle.

the bartender handed him another fur.
-...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The creation of a pussy, improved version.

Each man was a master-of-craft at his trade,


Now by God in his wisdom a task they'd been laid.


See them gathered together, by calling divine


to fashion a vulva of peerless design.


The first man, a butcher of eminent skill


took a hold of his bla...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Prince Charles goes to Australia

On the last occasion that Prince Charles visited Australia, he attended a function at Wagga Wagga, where he was met by various dignitaries, including the Mayor of Wagga Wagga. Whilst having a cocktail, the Mayor said to the Prince “Your Highness, it’s quite a hot day and yet you have chosen an unusu...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A rabbit and a bear are having a conversation.......

The bear asks the rabbit, “Do you have problems with poop sticking onto your fur?”
“No”, says the rabbit
“Good then” says the bear, as he grabs the rabbit by the ears, reaches between his legs and wipes.

The hare and the tortoise

The hare and the tortoise were having a rematch. This time, they decided to race through Europe, starting with London. The plan was to race to Dover, get the ferry across, and go along the French coast, across Belgium, Germany, and head north through Denmark.

The hare figured that his fur wo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A family are sitting at the dinner table when their meal is interrupted when the family dog walks into the room with a dead rabbit in its mouth...

The family all panic as they identify the rabbit belongs as their next door neighbours'. In a desperate attempt to avoid being blamed for the rabbits death, they try to cover it up. Shampoo'ing the rabbits fur to make it look less obvious it has been mauled etc. Once the rabbit looks slightly more p...

Alaska

These two guys had both just got divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again.

They got up there and went into a trader’s store and tol...

Two old farmers were talking in a restaurant.

One says to the other "We hadda send my son's wife back ta her fambly"
The other says "How come?"
The first farmer replied " found out she was a virgin, and if she ain't good enough fur her own fambly she damsure ain't good enough for mine"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A door to door salesman knocks on a door...

An 8 year old kid wearing a fur coat, his boxers smoking a cigar with a glass of whisky opens the door.

Saleman- are you parents home?

Kid-What do you fucking think?

My girlfriend's dog came running up to us for a cuddle.

"I love you Freddy," she said, stroking his fur.

"I love him more than you," I replied.

She said, "I don't think so, I definitely love him most."

I said, "You misunderstood me."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bear and a rabbit uncover a magic lamp.

A bear is looking for honey in a big, old tree when he spots something mysterious down in a hole. After a whole lot of struggling he finally asks a rabbit if he could help retrieve the thing.

So with a little wiggling and waggling the rabbit drags out from the tree a tarnished and weathered o...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW A guy goes to get his girlfriend a dog for her birthday.

This guy's girlfriend wants a dog for her birthday. He decides he's going to treat her, and heads too a local dog breeder. He says, "I want to buy a dog for a girlfriend". He looks at a few of the various breeds, asks how much one of their cute puppies cost. The man replies, "$1,500 plus shots." He ...