UPJOKE
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How much does a furry suit cost?

Your dignity

The FBI was following a furry.

They were on his tail.

What does furrys and fastfood lovers have together?

They both love hot dogs

What do you get when you ask a furry to build a computer?

LenOWO, with WinRAWR pre-installed.

I got caught smuggling a gun to the furry convention

Security guard : *(notices bulge)* OwO what's this?!!

So I dated a furry once

I didnt know he was a furry at the time.

After a while, he showed me his true collars

I dated a furry once

The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah

Pacman must be a furry

Because he keeps going UWU~UWU~UWU~UWU

What's a furry's favorite file storage format?

.rawr

What do you call a furry that was blended into ice cream?

A McFurry.

what do people do if a furry nearly drowns

give them furs-taid


yeah its not that good ik

I met a furry dominatrix with an amazing sound system

You wouldn't believe how many sub woofers she has.

One furry asked another furry how she like it in bed

'Ruff', she said.

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I was hangin' with a couple of buddies

We got really toasted & for some reason we got on the subject of porn. Weird porn. Incest porn, furry porn. Just some kinks. One of my buds pulls up a weird incest/furry porn that was really unwatchable for me. We scrolled through some thumbnails and I said "stop, go back, that one." He clicked ...

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On the sixth day

**ON THE SIXTH DAY... **

**God Creating Spiders**

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

**God Creating Kittens**

God: make them fluffy & adorable li...

What did the furry spider say to its crush?

oOOowoOOo

What kind of car does a furry drive?

A subuwu

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What happens when a furry takes over nazi germany?

The Furred reich

So I read on a website to "treat your furry friend once a week."

So I bought him two tickets to Zootopia.

[NSFW] What do you call a submissive Furry?

A subwoofer

I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...

Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.

What's a furry's favorite line from Bohemian Rhapsody?

Mamaaaaa, OwO

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A man absolutely hated his wife’s cat

and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.


As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.


The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the furry fella out and headed home.
<...

What do you call an All-Furry Streaming Service?

hUwU

A woman and her husband are driving down the highway, when all of a sudden - splat - they've hit something furry

The woman pulls over, gets out and looks behind the car. A little bunny is squashed on the side of the road. The man, coming up behind him, says "Oh poor little guy."

"It's OK," says the woman, "I've got just the thing." She goes back, rummages in her handbag, and comes back with a spray can....

What do you call a furry hip hop group?

The Uwu-Tang Clan

If Dracula were a furry, what would his name be?

Nos-fur-atu

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck...

It’s a furry, cuz ducks shouldn’t be talking

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather.

The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch," said the fox.

"Wait," replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesi...

What does a furry reads to know his future ?

An owoscope

There are two wolves inside you.

You are in the dark room at a furry convention.

I went on a date last night and I knew the girl was a little kinky but then she showed me the furry outfit she wanted me to wear...

It gave me paws.

What is the difference between a furry and a person selling extended auto warranties?

Furries never bothered anyone.

What did the furry cowboy say when he was excited?

“Yiffy-ki-yay!”

If you’re a furry, and get turned on by chickens

Are you a Hen-Thigh enthusiast?

What's the similarity between a joke and a small, cute, furry mammal?

They both die when dissected

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As you know, last year's Furrycon got out of hand. This year, I'm cracking down. Zero furry porn, and figure-hugging fursuits that are tight against the buttocks will not be allowed. This rule is 100% non-negotiable.

No yiffs, no butts.

What's a furry's favourite board game?

Trivial Fursuit

If you get banned from a furry convention

You will be fursona non grata

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Never look up Furry porn

It a different type of rabbit hole.

There is an app called Monstr for finding the supernatural date of your dreams

Apparently it came out after the release of the Twilight franchise caused a spike in the popularity of mythical beings as romantic partners.

A friend of mine, I'll call her Bella for privacy, was on the app for a bit and her first match was a Lycanthrope. They went for a long walk and afterw...

After entering what appeared to be a whole new world I witnessed incredible things - a man-beast union composed of a human top and goat bottom, a queen who wore a gown made of icicles, a huge furry lion who ruled over it all.

Eventually though I decided to go home. I came out of the closet and told my parents of the adventures I'd had. They're very closed minded though - they said it was perverted and sent me to conversion therapy.

What would you call an insect version of a furry?

Creepy

I have green skin, a nose three times the size of the horn on my head, four brown teeth and my neck is covered in furry scales... what am I?

Ugly!

What do you call a furry that sometimes cosplays as star wars characters?

Ani-Kin

A blind rabbit and a blind snake were friends. One day the blind rabbit told the blind snake that he didn’t know what he was, because he couldn’t see. So he asked the snake for help in determining what he was.

The blind snake slithered up to the blind rabbit, felt it all over and said: “You have long, furry ears and a short little tail. You must be a rabbit.”

The blind rabbit was delighted with the news, and agreed to repay the favour so that the blind snake could find out what he was.

The b...

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A special talking koala was making his way from Australia to New York.

He wandered down a back alley one day and saw a sexy lady in heels and a short skirt smoking a cigarette.

She was shocked when he asked her for one of her cigarettes. "Omg you can talk?"

After talking she invited him inside and before she knew it he was up her skirt and performed cunni...

What do you call a furry that cant hear?

Def Leopard

What do you call a furry that got laid off and laid at the same time.

A furloughed fur load.

Pet store joke. This one is at least a half century old, but fwiw, I don't remember seeing it here yet...

A woman goes by a pet store and sees a sign saying "We specialize in the rare and unusual." Curious, she steps inside, and casually passes by the almost-usual: snakes, ferrets, tarantulas, macaws. She then notices a steel cage at the back of the store with a terrier-sized furry indistinct animal ...

A man goes on vacation and leaves his cat with his brother

He's gone for a few days and decides that he misses his furry friend, so he calls his brother up to check on her. His brother answers the phone.

"Hey! I'm just calling to check on how Fluffy's doing without me"

His brother on the other end gets quiet before saying, "I dont know how t...

Did you hear about the Furry Convention in King’s Landing this year?

It drag-on, and on, and on.

What does a furry say when having a gun pointed at them?

ONO

First trip to the USA

My friend and I visited the USA. We landed at LAX and after an epoch, we cleared Homeland Security and got our luggage.

My friend immediately pulled out a pair of brown, furry, shoulder length gloves and pulled them on. I stared at him. He looked ridiculous - the gloves even had claws. ...

Dog asks cat, "We sorta look similar, have four legs and are both furry, you even are a bit smaller. Why in the hell do you have so much respect but I don't?"

Cat: "You 'bow' while me 'owe'."

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What's furry and contains cat shit?

A cat.

Why are there so many furry flat earthers?

Because they don't have Occam's Razor.

What do you call a semiaquatic, furry little animal than never amounted to anything in it's life?

An *otter* failure (I'll see myself out)

A rabbit says to a fox, "I'm writing a dissertation on how rabbits eat foxes"

"Come on, you know that's impossible! No one will publish such rubbish." says the fox

"Well, follow me and I'll show you." They both go into the rabbit's dwelling and after a while, the rabbit emerges with a satisfied expression on his face.

Then comes a wolf. "Hello, what are we doin...

Centuries ago, on a remote island in the North Atlantic...

Vikings arrived and began a settlement with help from their Irish thralls. But they weren't alone. All manner of otherworldly beings lurked in the island's hidden corners. The Vikings called these beings *vættir*; the Gaels called them *Aes Sídhe*.

Among these beings were the selkies who frol...

My friend told me he is attracted to Christmas trees and people in animal costumes

He identifies as a douglas furry

Looking dog tired...

A three-legged dog walks into a Texas saloon, spurs clinking as he walks. His six-shooter slapping against his furry hip, he bellies up to the bar staring down the bartender and proclaims, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

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Bears in Bars in Butte, Montana

One beautiful springtime day, a bear wakes up after a long winter's sleep, smacks his lips, and decides he's going to go to town to get a beer.

Just so happens that this bear's home is nearby Butte, Montana, and he found it pretty easy to find a bar. He walks on in, takes a stool, lays his bi...

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Knock knock 2021

“Knock knock”
“Get tf outta here I can see you on my ring doorbell. I told you last week that I’m not into that shit”
“You can’t deny the chemistry we had last week” replied the guy in the furry perry the platypus costume

What do you call an all panda furry orgy?

Panda-moan-ium

Rabbit and Frog

One day a Rabbit and a Frog were hopping through the forest, when all of a sudden they bump into each other. They both apologise and exclaim that they are each blind. The Rabbit says that he has always been blind and doesn't actually know what he is. So the Frog said, that he has not always been...

An man goes in for a job interview. Unfortunately, he is told that his degree and experience are not enough and he is turned away.

The man decides he's gonna get that job whatever it takes. So he first gets large round head, big furry ears and big black nose. Then, he begins to grow grey-brown and white fur all over his body and claws extend from his fingers and toes. Finally, he thinks he's ready. So clutching his eucalyptus l...

How would the Church of England deal with the statement that "the cat sat on the mat" if it appeared in the Bible?

The liberal theologians would point out that such a passage did not of course mean that the cat literally sat on the mat. Also, cat and mat had different meanings in those days from today, and anyway, the text should be interpreted according to the customs and practices of the period.

This ...

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Koala bears are smart

A koala bear picks up a prostitute and after tries to sneak out of the motel room before the prostitute wakes up. As he opens the door, the protitute wakes up and says "where do you think you're going? You haven't paid me yet". The koala is confused and refuses to pay, so the protitute says "let's ...

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The No Poo Kangaroo

You know how you can buy booze cheap at the airport in foreign countries? Well this world traveler told me that some airports also sell exotic animals. He was in Australia recently and decided to buy the cutest kangaroo. He took it home and a few weeks later noticed that his furry friend hadn't p...

What's green and furry and smells like pig?

Kermit the Frog's finger

My sister came out as a furry

Let's just say she's purrrrrfect... for being hunted

Who’s the happiest person at a furry convention?

Whoever has the flamethrower!

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