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Games Jokes

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My husband and son getting competitive while playing games.

Husband said" I fucked your mom"

to which the son replied" I have been deeper inside her than you'll ever be"

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Grandpa tells his grandson, "All you kids do these days is play video games."

"When I was your age", he continued, "my buddies and I went to Paris; we went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, we didn't pay for our drinks all night and when the bartender complained we pissed on him”

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the M...

What do they call the Hunger Games in France?

Battle Royale with Cheese.

Hunger Games : Mockingjay

For the last installments of the Hunger Games series, the director has decided to make a change. In the new movies, Philip Seymour Hoffman will unexpectedly be killed by the heroine.

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As a guy, I refuse to play as a female character in online games.

Not because I’m sexist, I just don’t think it’s right to perpetuate the stereotype that girls are bad at games.

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his business.

His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!"

"I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"

A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"

The kid ignores him.

"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDr...

My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much...

What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

My son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

He considered this for a moment and replied: “When Abe Lincoln was your age he was The President of the United States.”

Making jokes about Trump taking us to war is all fun and games until

You realize you're a healthy young man

Telltale games is closing down.

'No matter what choices were made the outcome was going to be the same' said a spokesman

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I like my sex life like how I like my video games

Single player

Video games are great, they let you try your craziest fantasies

For example, on the sims, you can have a job and a house

I called up GameStop customer support

They told me to hold.

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Theres a wrestler training for the Olympic games.

Trainer trained him hard. Ran 10 miles a day. The day of the Olympics came and he was in amazing physical condition. First guy he had to fight was a German. He beat him. Next was an Australian beat him, the French beat them.

Last guy he had to fight was a great big hairy Russian. The co...

Video games never made me angry or want to hurt people.

Working in customer service already did that.

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth

Then it just becomes a soap opera.

Why does the foot fetishist keep losing his games?

Because he loves defeat

My girlfriend texted me that the relationship cannot continue because I played too much video games.

Looks like it was my Destiny 2 break up with her.

I went for a job interview at EA Games today.

The interviewer said to me, “The second part of your resume is missing.”


I said, “For the second part, you have to pay $20.”

I wish they would stop playing the national anthem before games

I'm not unpatriotic; I just don't like country music.

They should end soccer games with an art competition.

That way it would be win, lose or draw.

Did you hear about the priest who got carpal tunnel syndrome from playing too many old-timey card games?

He received the euchre-wrist.

I tried donating two classic board games to a thrift store, but they said they could only take one. I asked which one they wanted and they said...

Sorry. We don't want any Trouble.

My wife says I'm obsessed with my games console

I personally think that's a load of PS.

I asked a Frenchman if he played video games

He said ‘Wii’

Bugs annoy people in the Pokémon games,

but entertain people in the Space Jam movies.

bar games

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I stopped off at that new bar down the street last night. They were having a contest where the first person who talked lost," he tells the bartender. "It was quite the competition, to say the least."

Today I found out that King Charles is a gamer, and mostly plays Nintendo games.

He knows how to properly use the Royal Wii.

Why can't you play games in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs.

What's a chickens favourite games console?

Eggs-box

How do amputees win video games?

Single-handedly

Why does Jesus hates playing video games?

Because it takes him three days to respawn.

Dating in 2020's is like video games lootboxs

You don't know what you are getting unless you pay enough money and discover later on

Playing word games

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer then settles down to play a word game on his smart phone. "Hey, did you know that 'boredom' is an anagram of 'bedroom'?" he asks the bartender. "No," the bartender replies. "But I think my wife does."

Sandbox games

The newlyweds and young parents in town discover that the fine sand in the nearby nature resort makes for excellent sandbox sand. So people go in to get a big cart of sand and make some cheap garden sandboxes for their children. The park rangers forbid this and nobody can steal sand anymore. This gu...

Why does nobody like playing FPS games with Boy Scouts?

Because they're good at camping.


(Credit goes to the Scout's Life magazine I got today for making one of the worst scout jokes I've ever seen.)

Where do Pirates go to play games?

The Arrrr-cade!

Dracula got mad at Frankenstein while they were playing fighting games.

"He vouldn't stop doing the mash!"

War Games

Soldiers from 3 different nations, the US, UK, and China, were tasked with guarding a secret artifact in the middle of nowhere. But since it was a secret, and it was in the middle of nowhere, there really was no need to guard it as no one would be coming to steal it.

Bored out of their minds,...

I love video games with a female protagonist.

It's a breath of fresh air when you're married to a female antagonist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bobby loved board games.

His collection of board games was massive, he had games from the 40's, 50's, 60's up to today. But one day, the neighborhood bully came over and saw Bobby playing and took all of Bobby's player pieces and broke them, all the Monopoly tokens, all the Battleship ships, all the markers for Sorry!, etc....

We've had about 7 or 8 Resident Evil games so far...

when do we get our first Attending Physician Evil?

I like my men like I like my shooting games

Top Down

I was arrested for stealing board games, in my defence...

In life, you should take risks.

Went to the Olympic games today

I met a man carrying a long pole.


I asked him
"are you pole vaulter?"

He replied
"no, I'm German, and how did you know my name was Walter?"

what kind of video games do dogs like?

Anyone with a fetch quest

The NFL should start showing Dallas Cowboys games on the history channel

Because their fans always love to talk about the past

A Scotsman was competing in the highland games...

Carothers had a few pints after the caber toss and wanted to take a nap before all the dancing started. So he headed out to the woods and found a nice meadow to take a wee snooze.

Two young and beautiful lasses were picking flowers in the meadow when they stumbled upon him. Being curious on...

I don't like sidescrolling games on pc...

most of the time it's just d-pressing.

What do you call someone who's on top of everything when it comes to news, technology, video games, nsfw, and everything else?

an Apex redditor

I was playing video games last night while my son was sitting next to me watching. He said, "dad I wish real life was more like video games."

So I locked him in his room and told him if he wants access to the rest of the house he will have to pay .99 for the DLC.

I hate card games

They're all one-sided

My frien Ann and I played a board game

She wanted to play Quiz It, and got a rather interesting trivia question.

"Whom were the Dutch at war with from 1568 to 1648?"

"I don't know. It must have been a neighbour, because that makes sense. I guess it was the French."

"No sorry, it was the Spanish."

"The Spanish...

My family plays a lot of games during family game night, but one game never gets mentioned.

We don't talk about Uno.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife always cheats when we play board games

Just last night, we were all playing Monopoly in the den and she was next-door fucking the neighbor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Things I've learned from video games

My mother has been fucked to death many times.

I'm really a cigarette in disguise.

I'm also actually of African descent, my father will be very upset to find that one out. Though my real father is probably one of those random people who fucked her to death.

A lot of people are m...

why are bees great at games

they are hard to bee-t

I found out my wife has been playing board games with another man.

Turns out she's monopolyamorous.

I know a friend who keeps stealing board games...

He’s such a risk taker

[Video Games] I love all the Wolfenstein games but...

...I just wish there was an option to play as the good guys.

The Fallout games are the most unrealistic games I've ever played.

I mean, how is there no Skyrim remastered for the Pip-Boy?

5/7 unplayable.

If video games were a human body, which would be the worst part?

Defeat

Scotsman at a Yankees game

So a Scotsman goes on vacation to NYC, and decides to take in a Yankees home game, as he didn't understand baseball and wanted to learn more.

So he settles into his seat and the game starts. In the top of the second inning, he sees the pitcher walk the batter.

The Scotsman, not unders...

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