Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?

Fo' drizzle

I stole a girls umbrella

That means I've made a girl wet

On a rainy night , a man says to his girl. "Here, take this umbrella and get home safely." The girl asks, "What about you 😢 ?" The man says

I'll take the taxi

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Japanese person say when the Mexican asked to borrow his umbrella?

Mi kasa es tu kasa

I stole a woman's umbrella

That's another woman I made WET this week!

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday.

That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then ...

Why can’t umbrellas remember anything?

Because they’re *rain*washed.

My wife screamed, "Give it to me! I'm so f*cking wet! Give it to me now!

But she can scream all she wants, I'm not giving her the umbrella

I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’...

But he hesitated...

Asked my iPhone, “Surely I don’t need an umbrella today?”. Siri replied “Yes, and don’t call me Shirley”.

Turns out I left Airplane mode on.

One umbrella turns to another and says

"You don't really look that good bro".

The other replies, "Yeah, I've been feeling kinda under the weather".

I don't trust umbrellas.

They're shady.

An engineer dies and is sent to hell

He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the...

They say opening an umbrella indoors is bad luck,

but I think if it's raining indoors you've probably already had some bad luck.

Haven't seen this on here before and it made me chuckle so here.
credit Jimmy Carr

A teacher asks class to draw and colour a duck holding an umbrella

She notices Jerry colouring his duck blue and asks "where did you see a blue duck?" He replies "where did you see a duck holding an umbrella?"

Why do people carry umbrellas when it rains?

Because umbrellas can't walk. Ba'dum tssss

I'm sick of tired of people soaking my floor with their wet umbrellas when they come over to visit.

I think it's time to make a stand.

Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella?

There was a Lil Wayne outside

What do you get when you buy a $5 umbrella?

Wet.




Source: me, now.

Translated Indian Joke

A man is leaving his village for the first time to visit the big city. His fellow villagers don't want him to get ripped off, so they give him some advice - never agree to the seller's price... always ask for half the price.

So the man arrives at the city, and sees an umbrella store. He heads...

I realized placing a long umbrella on my back does not make me like a ninja samurai...

But more like a Teletubbies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A LONG ONE( but worth it): One wet, cold morning...

A bus driver was just starting along his route. It was still dark and raining and the temperature hovered just above freezing.

As he approached the first stop on his route he could see some poor soul laying on the bench. He stopped the bus, opened the doors and called out to the soaking wet p...

Whose point is it anyway?

A ninety-year-old man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, my eighteen-year-old wife is expecting a baby."

The doctor said, "Let me tell you a story. A man went hunting, but instead of a rifle, he picked up an umbrella by mistake. When a bear suddenly appeared and charged at the man - he pic...

why do people carry umbrellas?

because umbrellas cant walk.
(ba dum tsss)

i suck at jokes :((((

I bought myself a new umbrella

Saving it for a rainy day..

Saw a man selling umbrellas in the rain today.

He ironically was umbrella-less. When I asked him why, he replied: "Man, I don't stay dry off my own supply."

What can go up a chimney down but not down a chimney up?

An umbrella.

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling...

"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day ...

I will tell you what always catches me eyes

Short people with umbrellas

Broccoli: I look like a tree

Mushroom: wow I look like an umbrella!

Wallnut: I look exactly like a brain!

Banana: Man can we change the topic please

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife

No matter how much she was moaning and how wet she was getting... I still wasn’t gonna give it to her! She can get her own fucking umbrella!

In the first photo of a black hole

, scientists will find a large number of headphones, lipstick, umbrella, charging treasure, data cable, single socks, ...

A train conductor was arrested.

The police suspected him of murder but they didn't have any evidence. They did have motive though. They claimed that he killed his neighbor because he moved an umbrella out back and that blocked the sun light from his plant. This killed his plant and the conductor claimed that his neighbor was tr...

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