I know a bunch of good jokes about umbrellas

but they usually go over people's heads

How can four people go out with only one umbrella and not get wet?

It isn’t raining.

Doctor doctor my girlfriend is pregnant..

Guy: But we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor: Let me tell you a story. There was once a hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his umbrella instead of his gun and went out. A lion suddenly appeared and jumped in front ...

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday.

That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo’ Drizzle

What do you call a fat parrot with an umbrella?

A Polly-unsaturated fat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Japanese person say when the Mexican asked to borrow his umbrella?

Mi kasa es tu kasa

I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’...

But he hesitated...

On a rainy night , a man says to his girl. "Here, take this umbrella and get home safely." The girl asks, "What about you 😢 ?" The man says

I'll take the taxi

Asked my iPhone, “Surely I don’t need an umbrella today?”. Siri replied “Yes, and don’t call me Shirley”.

Turns out I left Airplane mode on.

I don't trust umbrellas.

They're shady.

My wife screamed, "Give it to me! I'm so f*cking wet! Give it to me now!

But she can scream all she wants, I'm not giving her the umbrella

One umbrella turns to another and says

"You don't really look that good bro".

The other replies, "Yeah, I've been feeling kinda under the weather".

An engineer dies and is sent to hell

He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the...

A teacher asks class to draw and colour a duck holding an umbrella

She notices Jerry colouring his duck blue and asks "where did you see a blue duck?" He replies "where did you see a duck holding an umbrella?"

I'm sick of tired of people soaking my floor with their wet umbrellas when they come over to visit.

I think it's time to make a stand.

Why do people carry umbrellas when it rains?

Because umbrellas can't walk. Ba'dum tssss

Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella?

There was a Lil Wayne outside

Translated Indian Joke

A man is leaving his village for the first time to visit the big city. His fellow villagers don't want him to get ripped off, so they give him some advice - never agree to the seller's price... always ask for half the price.

So the man arrives at the city, and sees an umbrella store. He heads...

Whose point is it anyway?

A ninety-year-old man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, my eighteen-year-old wife is expecting a baby."

The doctor said, "Let me tell you a story. A man went hunting, but instead of a rifle, he picked up an umbrella by mistake. When a bear suddenly appeared and charged at the man - he pic...

why do people carry umbrellas?

because umbrellas cant walk.
(ba dum tsss)

i suck at jokes :((((

80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling... ...."I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."

The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and...

I hope to work at an umbrella factory.

Ever since being a child, I have appreciated the unique motions of the umbrella. Unparalleled in all of man's creation, and unrivaled in nature, the conic beauty of the umbrella has become iconic in my heart.


I have wanted to work at an umbrella factory for years because of my deep rooted...

Saw a man selling umbrellas in the rain today.

He ironically was umbrella-less. When I asked him why, he replied: "Man, I don't stay dry off my own supply."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A LONG ONE( but worth it): One wet, cold morning...

A bus driver was just starting along his route. It was still dark and raining and the temperature hovered just above freezing.

As he approached the first stop on his route he could see some poor soul laying on the bench. He stopped the bus, opened the doors and called out to the soaking wet p...

3 friends are driving through the desert when their car breaks down.

They each decide to take just one thing with them as they go and search for help. They see a small village on the horizon, and so set off in that direction.

The first friend is carrying an umbrella, the second a whiskey flask, the third the car door.

After hours of walking, they find ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four friends meet for their morning tee time,

they step onto the first tee box and rip their drives down the middle. As they are walking towards their balls the 1st Golfer says, "You guys don't realize how much this round of golf is costing me! I've had to let my mother-in-law stay over for a month!"
The 2nd Golfer says, "I've had to buy my...

Dad, where did my name come from?

One day a man was sitting on the porch, reading a book while keeping an eye on his 3 kids who were playing in the yard. The eldest, Rose, comes up to him and says "Dad, I was wondering, why did you name me Rose?"

"Well you'd never believe it, but when you were born a rose petal fell from a bo...

What can go up a chimney down but not down a chimney up?

An umbrella.

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