The inventor of the umbrella was originally going to call it the brella

But he hesitated.

Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?

Fo drizzle

Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then...

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday.

That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

An engineer dies and goes to hell.

He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor is jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to t...

Why did the German carry three umbrellas?

Because he wanted to stay drei

I know a bunch of good jokes about umbrellas

but they usually go over people's heads

My girlfriend moaned and said “please give it to me! i’m so wet!”.

She could complain all she wanted, I wasn’t giving her the umbrella.

How can four people go out with only one umbrella and not get wet?

It isn’t raining.

Why was the gentleman with the umbrella arrested?

He was A gent under cover

So this couple goes on vacation to Moscow

One night they decide to take a horse and buggy sight-seeing. They get in a carriage and the driver introduces himself as Rudolf. Off they go.

Unfortunately, the weather turns foul on them. "Darn. It looks like rain," the husband says.

"No. Is drizzle," says the driver.

"Actuall...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple at the doctors and the doctor tell the woman she’s pregnant...

... the man says “there’s just no way we always use protection without fail every single time we have sex”

The doctor says, sir, let me tell you a story;
There once was a hunter who took his gun with him everywhere he went, he was never without his gun. One day he accidentally picked up h...

On a rainy night , a man says to his girl. "Here, take this umbrella and get home safely." The girl asks, "What about you 😢 ?" The man says

I'll take the taxi

What do you call a fat parrot with an umbrella?

A Polly-unsaturated fat.

I made a lot of girls wet last year

but I ain't snatching umbrellas anymore.

I don't trust umbrellas.

They're shady.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Japanese person say when the Mexican asked to borrow his umbrella?

Mi kasa es tu kasa

She kept screaming: "Give it to me, Give it to me, I'm so WET!"

So i responded: "You can scream all you want, but I won't give you my umbrella"

A drunk man walks into a music store...

...and slurs: "I want to buy the trumpet and the accordion there".
The seller replies: "Sorry, I'm not selling those".

The drunk man starts grunting and leaves the store.
The next day he comes back and says: I want to buy the instruments there!
The seller reacts annoyed: Not. for. sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend was shouting “Give it to me now! I’m so fucking wet!”

I simply told her “This umbrella is mine. Go get your own.”

I'm sick of tired of people soaking my floor with their wet umbrellas when they come over to visit.

I think it's time to make a stand.

Bored at work so I wrote my first joke. It’s extremely dumb but maybe it’ll make someone laugh.

An extremely wealthy family owned countless successful companies, bought out competitors and even purchased new ventures if they looked promising enough. Nothing was too big or small, and nothing was off limits.

The family consisted of a mother (Linda), father (Robert) and 3 sons (Robert Jr.,...

Asked my iPhone, “Surely I don’t need an umbrella today?”. Siri replied “Yes, and don’t call me Shirley”.

Turns out I left Airplane mode on.

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant, and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season, but one day, went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun. So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appea...

"What a terrible boyfriend!",

an old man said to his wife. A young straight couple was passing by their window in the rain, with the man hogging the umbrella.

"Yeah?" replied the wife, "Well, at least he gets his woman wet!"

I'll tell what catches my eye

Short people with umbrellas...

A teacher asks class to draw and colour a duck holding an umbrella

She notices Jerry colouring his duck blue and asks "where did you see a blue duck?" He replies "where did you see a duck holding an umbrella?"

Why do people carry umbrellas when it rains?

Because umbrellas can't walk. Ba'dum tssss

One umbrella turns to another and says

"You don't really look that good bro".

The other replies, "Yeah, I've been feeling kinda under the weather".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A LONG ONE( but worth it): One wet, cold morning...

A bus driver was just starting along his route. It was still dark and raining and the temperature hovered just above freezing.

As he approached the first stop on his route he could see some poor soul laying on the bench. He stopped the bus, opened the doors and called out to the soaking wet p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A silly joke my grandpa used to tell me

A man is walking down a roadside when he sees a street vendor selling umbrellas. One of them catches his eye, so he walks over, points at the umbrella and asks, "How much for this one?"

"$20," the vendor says.

The man knew that an umbrella being sold on the street would barely last in ...

I realized placing a long umbrella on my back does not make me like a ninja samurai...

But more like a Teletubbies.

Understanding Pregnancy

A man goes to the doctor and says to the doctor "My wife is pregnant but we always use protection and I KNOW that it never broke, how could this happen?"

The doctor sits the man down and says "let me tell you a story, there was a hunter who always brought his gun with him everywhere he went. ...

A blonde once owned a big, beautiful garden

Since there were so many flowers, she hired a gardener to do all the watering, weeding etc., and the gardener did everything perfectly.

One day, she told the gardener to water the plants. Once the gardener went to the garden, it suddenly rained. Knowing that his work wouldn't be needed that ...

why do people carry umbrellas?

because umbrellas cant walk.
(ba dum tsss)

i suck at jokes :((((

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