UPJOKE
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Umbrella Jokes

I like to imagine that the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the brella.

But he hesitated.

Why does snoop dog carry an umbrella?

Fo drizzle!

I bought an umbrella with brand name Napoleon.

On a strong windy day it got blownapparte.

Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went.

One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lio...

I gave a woman my umbrella yesterday

That brings the total number of women I’ve made wet this year to -1

An umbrella is:

A shelter for one and a shower for two.

As a teenager I had a summer job pumping gas….

As a teenager I had a summer job pumping gas. One week an older guy drove up and said he wanted a fill-up. Then he got out of the car with an umbrella, opened it, and followed me around as I worked, holding the umbrella over my head to keep the sun off me. I awkwardly thanked him as he paid his tab ...

What’s the difference between my wife and an umbrella?

Only one of them gets wet

The person who invented the umbrella was going to simply call it 'brella'..

Then they thought about it for a second....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife didn’t understand why the Umbrella salesman was being so vague.

I had to remind her it’s a shady business.

My umbrella broke in half today, which sucks

But it's OK, because the weatherman said there's only a 50% chance of rain.

Why did the Penguin open his umbrella at Batman’s family reunion?

Because it was a Wayne-y day.

An Engineer accidentally goes to Hell instead of Heaven

An Engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly.

The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily.

The TV was grain...

Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella?

There was a Lil Wayne outside

What do an umbrella and the 12th Academy Award winner have in common?

They're both gone with the wind.

I always thought it was strange that Snoop Dogg has an umbrella with him in any outdoor photo. Just the other day my buddy explained the reason.

Fo Drizzle

Why did I regret sharing my umbrella with a girl on a rainy day?

Because it takes the grand total of women i made wet to -1.

An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, “Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.”

The doctor paused and said, “There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot.

But one day he was in a hurry, and took his umbrella instead of his rifle by mistake.

When he encountered a bear, he still didn’t realize his mistake and pointed the umbrella and shot the...

A bear joke

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup, and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.

"I've never been better!" he boasted.

"I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant, and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment,...

A teacher asks class to draw and colour a duck holding an umbrella

She notices Jerry colouring his duck blue and asks "where did you see a blue duck?" He replies "where did you see a duck holding an umbrella?"

Asked my iPhone, “Surely I don’t need an umbrella today?”. Siri replied “Yes, and don’t call me Shirley”.

Turns out I left Airplane mode on.

How can four people go out with only one umbrella and not get wet?

It isn’t raining.

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!"

She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

I stole a woman's umbrella

That's another woman I made WET this week!

Why was the gentleman with the umbrella arrested?

He was A gent under cover

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Japanese person say when the Mexican asked to borrow his umbrella?

Mi kasa es tu kasa

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ruffling some feathers.

A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella.

The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green. Little Johnny, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire-truck red.

After seeing th...

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