Nfl Jokes

Because their fans always love to talk about the past

The Chargers suck.

The Lions have been preparing for this their whole lives.

Longest hang time by a player who doesn't punt

NFL CUTS ONE TEAM

The NFL announced today that for financial reasons they had to eliminate one team from the league.

They've decided to combine the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team, causing many layoffs but saving millions of dollars in costs.

The... read more

Getting hit by Rice

...And here's the kicker...

Because they would bring up penalties from two years ago.

And why did you choose the Patriots?

She will throw the flag for penalties the team committed 5 years ago.

I said “wow, really?! You want me to play in the NFL?”

He said “No moron, this drink costs 75c and I gave you a dollar”

Understandable, it has a big list of pros and cons.

The offensive linemen

Even the Chiefs didn’t show up

Because it's a contact sport.

The cardinals

He was suspended.

When you pat an NFL player on the shoulder, they feel better. But the other gets hospitalized right away.

Everyone gets heated when someone takes a knee.

are their wives

The players could sue but I dont think it would stand up in court.

It will be considered a personal fowl.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "About time you got here," the bartender comments. "You missed all the excitement." "What happened?" the guy asks. "We had a NFL referee in here. He had too much to drink and was running around blowing his whistle at everyone. I finally had to warn him abou... read more

In Canada they say “Sorry”



When they beat their wife.

The injured reserve

The Panthers, the Bengals and the Cheetahs.

The Falcons, the Fourty-Niners and the F***ing Dolphins!

They're both places you can get a quarterback

The Thai-tans

Because there's a Giant fan in every seat.

Is suspended indefinitely.

But since going to prison he's become a wide receiver.

Drew Brees. The guy's a saint.

Didn't expect to see that as the highlight of the NFL game.

She threw a flag for something that happened last season.

When she throws a flag and just looks at a player is he supposed to know what he did wrong?

Will she throw a flag next season for something a player did this season?

He went in a tight end and came out a wide receiver.

she will *not* go down.

The first firefighters on scene notice that a couple is in a window 10 stories up, frantically waving their arms. They have a baby, and the smoke and fire is getting thick. The firefighters know that their ladder can't reach that high, and desperately try to come up with a plan.

A bystander,... read more

SP: Before I allow you to enter Heaven, you must tell me something truly extraordinary about your life.

BG: Sheeet, no problem. I was a star NFL QB for 15 years!

SP: One of many. What else?

BG: I have 2 Super Bowl rings & 3 MVP trophys!

SP: These things do not impress... read more

... and now he can destroy half the NFL with one snap

Clinton-Dix

They all have a cult following

After retiring from the NFL, Bronko lived out the rest of his 82-year life on the shores of Rainy Lake on the Canadian border. He preferred not to "toot his own horn" and refused most interviews. Other than farming, Bronko ran a service station in International Falls with his sons. He became famous ... read more

NFL Referee

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

Can anyone explain why so many NFL players are also pro bowlers?

Your rusty vehicle's resale value only goes up if you remember to put the snow tires on them during the winter.

You ever got into a shouting match based on which college hockey team you're a fan of.

You've ever used expired gas station sushi as bait for ice fishing.

(You're re... read more

Peyton Manning, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Colts flag in the window. “This house is yours for eternity, Peyton,” said God. “This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here.”

Peyton... read more

Mark Sanchez.

Two NFL coaches were looking a rosters when one of them came across an unusual name.

"Quasimodo? Why does that name ring a bell?"

His friend said, "He was at Notre Dame... a halfback."

And St. Peter says, "We're pretty full, so we're making people pass additional tests. I know this is going to sound weird, but God has been hanging out with Chuck Yeager this week, and he's only letting in people who have a connection to Jets." All three sets of eyes light up.

Sondheim step... read more

Dan Snyder, owner of the NFL Redskins, has announced that the team is dropping "Washington" from the team name, and it will henceforth be simply known as, "The Redskins." It was reported that he finds the word "Washington" imparts a negative image of poor leadership, mismanagement, corruption, cheat... read more

The Lord lets them ask a question about the future.

The Italian asks, “I’m a big F1 racing fan. When will Ferrari win another World Championship?” “In 20 years,” says God.

The Italian wails, “I’m an old man. I’ll never get to see my team win a championship.” He starts to cry.
... read more

It's their knees that go first.

and will be joining the Minnesota Twins as a switch hitter.

(Sorry, news was too depressing not to joke about it)

It's considered a personal fowl.

The NFL would just say he has an eating disorder

Tebowing is finally taking over the NFL.

The NFL will review the tape of the wide receiver getting hit

A couple of years ago, one night, I was about to propose to my girlfriend before an nfl game tbh, when my roommate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now, I didn't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remembe... read more