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The NFL should start showing Dallas Cowboys games on the history channel

Because their fans always love to talk about the past

What do Apple and the NFL have in common?

The Chargers suck.

The NFL is considering having their teams play to empty stadiums and no fans.

The Lions have been preparing for this their whole lives.

Aaron Hernandez set a new NFL record

Longest hang time by a player who doesn't punt

More NFL news

NFL CUTS ONE TEAM

The NFL announced today that for financial reasons they had to eliminate one team from the league.

They've decided to combine the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team, causing many layoffs but saving millions of dollars in costs.

The...

After the first 2 rounds of the NFL draft, this team's fans didnt think things could possibly get any worse...

...And here's the kicker...

What's the worst part of an NFL wedding?

Getting hit by Rice

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What does NFL football and the Bachelor have in common?

Both involve a bunch of people fighting over some balls and a ring

Why doesn’t the NFL like having women refs?

Because they would bring up penalties from two years ago.

If you could choose one NFL team to not come back after the Corona Virus, which one would you choose?

And why did you choose the Patriots?

The NFL has hired their first female referee.

She will throw the flag for penalties the team committed 5 years ago.

Bill Belichick was in my store earlier and whilst I was serving him he said “listen, I need a quarterback. Think you could do that for me son?”

I said “wow, really?! You want me to play in the NFL?”

He said “No moron, this drink costs 75c and I gave you a dollar”

There is a huge debate about letting NFL teams play against prison inmates as part of their rehabilitation program.

Understandable, it has a big list of pros and cons.

Which NFL players swear the most?

The offensive linemen

What is the Pope's favorite NFL team?

The cardinals

Covid restrictions on the NFL are so tight

Even the Chiefs didn’t show up

Why don't NFL players wear glasses?

Because it's a contact sport.

Did you hear what happened to that NFL player that murdered several people?

He was suspended.

What’s the difference between an NFL player and football player?

When you pat an NFL player on the shoulder, they feel better. But the other gets hospitalized right away.

How is the NFL like the Police?

Everyone gets heated when someone takes a knee.

The only people who get more concussions than NFL players..

are their wives

A newly released Harvard study links NFL head trauma to erectile dysfunction...

The players could sue but I dont think it would stand up in court.

For the 2020 NFL season, the players will no longer be allowed to keep chickens as pets.

It will be considered a personal fowl.

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "About time you got here," the bartender comments. "You missed all the excitement." "What happened?" the guy asks. "We had a NFL referee in here. He had too much to drink and was running around blowing his whistle at everyone. I finally had to warn him abou...

What’s the difference between the NFL and the CFL

In Canada they say “Sorry”



When they beat their wife.

Whose the best team in the NFL this year?

The injured reserve

There are now 3 undefeated cat teams in the NFL!

The Panthers, the Bengals and the Cheetahs.

Can you name the 3 NFL team's mascots that start with the letter "F"?

The Falcons, the Fourty-Niners and the F***ing Dolphins!

What do aldi and the nfl draft have in common?

They're both places you can get a quarterback

If people in Bangkok had a favorite NFL team, what team would they root for?

The Thai-tans

Why is MetLife Stadium the windiest stadium in the NFL?

Because there's a Giant fan in every seat.

The NFL announced today that Aaron Hernandez

Is suspended indefinitely.

Before his conviction, Aaron Hernandez was a tight end in the NFL.

But since going to prison he's become a wide receiver.

Who's the nicest player in the NFL?

Drew Brees. The guy's a saint.

I saw a dolphin kissing a raven.

Didn't expect to see that as the highlight of the NFL game.

Did you hear about the first female NFL referee?

She threw a flag for something that happened last season.

Just learned NFL has female referee

When she throws a flag and just looks at a player is he supposed to know what he did wrong?

Will she throw a flag next season for something a player did this season?

Did you hear about the NFL player who went to prison?

He went in a tight end and came out a wide receiver.

My gf could be a an NFL running back

she will *not* go down.

A large apartment building is on fire, and people are trapped...

The first firefighters on scene notice that a couple is in a window 10 stories up, frantically waving their arms. They have a baby, and the smoke and fire is getting thick. The firefighters know that their ladder can't reach that high, and desperately try to come up with a plan.

A bystander,...

A black guy dies & finds himself at the Pearly Gates with St. Peter....

SP: Before I allow you to enter Heaven, you must tell me something truly extraordinary about your life.

BG: Sheeet, no problem. I was a star NFL QB for 15 years!

SP: One of many. What else?

BG: I have 2 Super Bowl rings & 3 MVP trophys!

SP: These things do not impress...

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I asked my priest if I would go to hell for all the bad things I've done.

Priest: Let me tell you a secret, hell ain't so bad.

Priest: Do you drink?

Me: Hell yeah

Priest: Well on Mondays It's open bar night, all the booze you want, no hangover!

Priest: Do you do drugs?

Me: Hell yeah, everyday!

Priest: on Tuesday, all the drugs you...

Tom Brady has 6 rings...

... and now he can destroy half the NFL with one snap

Who is Monica Lewinsky's Favorite NFL Football Player?

Clinton-Dix

What does the NFL, NBA, and the Catholic Church have in common?

They all have a cult following

Bronko Nagurski story

After retiring from the NFL, Bronko lived out the rest of his 82-year life on the shores of Rainy Lake on the Canadian border. He preferred not to "toot his own horn" and refused most interviews. Other than farming, Bronko ran a service station in International Falls with his sons. He became famous ...

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First day working at the nuthouse.

A guy starts his first day at his new job in the local mental institution. The boss tells him his first day all he has to do is check on 4 patients, and write down how they are doing. He walks to the first patient's room and opens the door. The patient is pretending to play football. He then asks th...

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I knew Antonio Brown was a rapist before the accusation

He fucked over two nfl teams i the last 2 years.

I have 2 eyes and can't see, but millions of eyes on me. What am I?

NFL Referee

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NSFW - Sammy the journeyman NFL player

Sammy was your less than average NFL player. He always managed to land on a roster, but in 13 years had never felt the glory of playing on Sunday. Every game he'd put on his gear, smear his cheeks with eye-black, don his helmet and rush onto the field with his teammates. But play after play, game...

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I don't get what this whole NFL anthem controversy is about...

I thought the right-wingers *WANTED* to see black people on their knees.

What did the NFL Commissioner say when Adele turned down the Superbowl Halftime Show?

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

I'm not really a sports person

Can anyone explain why so many NFL players are also pro bowlers?

You Know You're A Northneck (Northern Redneck) If......

Your rusty vehicle's resale value only goes up if you remember to put the snow tires on them during the winter.

You ever got into a shouting match based on which college hockey team you're a fan of.

You've ever used expired gas station sushi as bait for ice fishing.

(You're re...

Peyton Manning goes to heaven

Peyton Manning, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Colts flag in the window. “This house is yours for eternity, Peyton,” said God. “This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here.”

Peyton...

How do you say Tony Romo in Spanish?(X-post r/nfl)

Mark Sanchez.

A rather old one.

Two NFL coaches were looking a rosters when one of them came across an unusual name.

"Quasimodo? Why does that name ring a bell?"

His friend said, "He was at Notre Dame... a halfback."

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Apparently, an NFL football player sat his team down, in a locker room, and told them he was gay.. and they didn't tell anyone.

When I was in high school, the football team sat ME down and told ME I was gay, and then told everyone.

Stephen Sondheim, John Madden, and Betty White walk up to the Pearly Gates

And St. Peter says, "We're pretty full, so we're making people pass additional tests. I know this is going to sound weird, but God has been hanging out with Chuck Yeager this week, and he's only letting in people who have a connection to Jets." All three sets of eyes light up.

Sondheim step...

The Washington Redskins finally decided to drop their offensive name.

Dan Snyder, owner of the NFL Redskins, has announced that the team is dropping "Washington" from the team name, and it will henceforth be simply known as, "The Redskins." It was reported that he finds the word "Washington" imparts a negative image of poor leadership, mismanagement, corruption, cheat...

An Italian, an Englishman and an American are granted an audience with God.

The Lord lets them ask a question about the future.

The Italian asks, “I’m a big F1 racing fan. When will Ferrari win another World Championship?” “In 20 years,” says God.

The Italian wails, “I’m an old man. I’ll never get to see my team win a championship.” He starts to cry.
...

What do Monica Lewinsky and NFL players both have in common?

It's their knees that go first.

Adrian Peterson just announced his retirement from the NFL

and will be joining the Minnesota Twins as a switch hitter.

(Sorry, news was too depressing not to joke about it)

Fact: It is against league rules for an NFL player to own a pet duck.

It's considered a personal fowl.

If Hannibal Lecter ran a 4.3 40

The NFL would just say he has an eating disorder

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The young woman who submitted the tech support message presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself.

The query:
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications and intimacy, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 unin...

It took a few years, but...

Tebowing is finally taking over the NFL.

What's the difference between a wide receiver and Ray Rice's wife?

The NFL will review the tape of the wide receiver getting hit

one night, I was about to propose to my girlfriend

A couple of years ago, one night, I was about to propose to my girlfriend before an nfl game tbh, when my roommate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now, I didn't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remembe...

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