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Confederate Jokes

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My dad told me people shouldn't get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his confederate flag.

Confederate statues these days...

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Pretty soon the only place you will be able to buy a Confederate flag will be the black market.

Oh the irony.

Flying the Confederate flag doesn’t make you a racist.

It’s usually the other way around.

Apparently NASCAR is banning all Confederate flags from its races.

But how will drivers know they’ve entered the last lap of the race? 🏳

Confederate states be like

When you try your best but you don’t secede.

The US confederate flags supporters should be proud.

They are part of a long line of countries that lost wars to the USA.

How would the leader of the Confederate Army answer the phone?

Generally speaking

Why did the Confederate general get mad at his family?

Because they wanted to have a reunion.

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Did you hear the government is banning participation trophies?

They start taking down all confederate statues next week.

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My dad says we shouldn’t reward people with ribbons after participating. It is like they are being rewarded for losing.

So i took down his confederate flag.

Edit: this blew up!! Thank you for the gold n silver kind strangers!

Edit : grammar

Did the Confederate Army think they were racist?

General Lee speaking, no.

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Confederates are reverse Hitlers.

Hitler first sucked at art and then lost the war while Confederates first lost the war and then sucked at art.

NASCAR can't ban the confederate flag

They wave it every race with one lap to go!

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I don’t understand why people keep tearing down Confederate statues?

Shouldn’t the losers get to keep their participation trophies?

Worry not confederate flag supporters! You may have lost the battle...

But you haven't lost the w- oh right.

So NASCAR has decided to ban confederate flags at all events...

Looks like all those years of turning left rubbed off on them.

NASCAR got rid of the confederate flag from race tracks

Another true end to race wars.

What do you call a confederate that's bleeding out?

A rebel without a gauze

What did Confederate soldiers used to eat off of?

Civil wear.

I never understood people who have the confederate flag and the american flag bumper stickers.

It seems like a bad relationship. It's like, "this one is to commemorate my love for Steve! And this one is to commemorate the time I tried to escape from Steve...."


Credit goes to Neal Brennan

To all the people who are upset at the fact that confederate statues are coming down, don’t worry.

You may have lost the battle, but you have won the....never mind.

My friend was angry when NASCAR banned the Confederate flag from the races

But he got angrier when I pointed out they still wave it on the final lap every race

The police were called to a NASCAR event when belligerent fans became violent after being asked to remove the Confederate flags they had brought to the event.

Authorities believe it to be race-related.

The commander of the confederate army didn’t going into great detail when he talked.

Generally speaking.

Dear confederate flag supporters, you may lose the battle but

You haven’t lost the wa-Oh wait....wow that’s awkward

Why do old people in the South want to keep Confederate statues around?

So they can at least have something that will stay up after 60 years.

How does a Confederate flag and a rainbow flag differ?

The latter represents people that win.

I was sitting at a stoplight yesterday, minding my own business...

...when a carload of gun toting, young and very loud tea partiers, shouting anti-Obama, anti-Muslim slogans, with a Gadsden flag duct taped on the trunk and a confederate flag taped to the hood, "All I need to know about Islam, I learned on 9/11" spray painted to the side, pulled up and stopped next...

Upon admitting defeat, a proud Confederate leader said, “The Union was pretty much right.”

(General Lee speaking)

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I don't know why the right is so in favor of confederate statues.

I don't know why the right is so in favor of confederate statues. They're pretty adamant about losers not getting participation trophies.

What's the difference between how flour is sifted, a parking citation issued to the leader of the Confederate army and 45% of this nation's pets?

One is generally fine, one is a General Lee fine, and one is generally feline.

You Might be a Redneck Jedi If…

* You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with ya’ll."
* Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
* You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
* At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
* You have ever had a...

So close

I was driving home yesterday when I came up to one of those half barrier level crossings. The red lights were flashing and the barriers were on their way down so I pulled up sharply. Suddenly this truck covered in Trump and confederate flags comes up behind me, but rather than stop, they pulled out...

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Black people making fun of Confederates for losing the war...

Like they were doing any better at the time.

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We really shouldn't be surprised that NASCAR banned the Confederate flag and is participating in charity auctions for pride month

They've been going left for years

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A Nazi, a Confederate and a Fascist have a competition to jump off a cliff. Who wins?

Society

What do you call it when a man uses a Confederate flag as a blanket?

A white power nap.

Me: "Dude! Help! I'm convinced that I'm possessed by the ghost of an American Civil War General!" Ed: "That's incredible! Are you sure, man?"

Me: "Nope, but 'Grant,' Ed - that's a good guess."

Ed: "Are you ever possessed by confederate commanders?"

Me: "General Lee? No."

The Confederacy could have won if they built a bridge over Chesapeake bay.

But the confederates would have a hard time getting over it

Confederate supporters say that we need to leave their statues up to teach history, and that is absolutely true

After all, it's not like they can read.

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My grandpa was complaining about how participation trophies reward losing

So I asked him why he proudly displayed a Confederate Flag

I was walking in the Bronx when a black guy stopped me and said, “Hey man, did the Yankees win?”

I said, “Yes, Of course. The South is still fighting over confederate statues though.”

3 Drunken southern men are asking for one more round of drinks

The bartender says “no way, look at how drunk you’ve become!”

The 3 drunk southerners keep insisting.

The bartender says “Alright, whoever can name the southern most state in America gets another drink.

The 1st drunk Shouts “TEXAS! it’s where most people in the world think of wh...

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A Southern Oldie But Goodie....

**Disclaimer: Must be read in a deep Southern drawl.**

A woman was standing in front of the window in the maternity wing looking at her newborn baby when another new mom walked up beside her. She pointed at a baby and said, "Is that your baby boy there?" The first woman replied, "Why, yes it ...

Captain Smith is an officer of the Union army.

One day, his unit gets overran by an overwhelming ambush by the Confederate army. He is captured and taken to a Confederate garrison where he is brought up to General Jones. To his surprise, he is greeted warmly and served a sumptuous lunch and aged bourbon by his captors.

"I'm sorry, Captain...

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A doctor, a psychologist, and a mathematician go to a horse race.

They all make their bets and plan to meet at their favorite watering hole after the race to compare their results. The doctor arrives last, orders a round for the group saying:

"I sure cleaned up! Lake Cookie was pegged for second place so I snuck into his stable just before the race and juic...

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Dad: “Participation trophies are bad. It rewards people for losing and is unfair to the winners.”

Me: *slowly takes down his confederate flag*

You have to learn to accept that you lost

said the Trump supporter waving the Confederate flag.

Yo Mamma so ugly...

Yo momma so ugly that we created a global conspiracy "plandemic" and ruined the world economy and expedited the new world order and ruined Trump's rally and banned the Confederate flag from nascar and cancelled major league baseball just so she'd wear a mask.

Trump fired Jeff Sessions

The only confederate Monument he is actually willing to take down.

Somewhere in Africa...

a bunch of orphans are about to be running around in confederate flag shirts.

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