Mi Jokes - 72 Hilarious Mi Jokes

Does anyone else have trouble remembering whether the postal abbreviation for Maine is ma, mi or mn?

Or is it just me?

A pianist goes into a bar that he wasn't there for 3 years

The pianist goes to the piano and starts to play: do re mi fa sol la do re mi fa sol la do re mi fa sol la... just like that for an hour, after he finishes the bartender asks him: what the heck did you play us now?
The pianist said: "long time no si"

A friend of mine invited me over for a threesome with a girl.

I was hesitant at first but eventually agreed. So I went over to his place and we got started. I just couldn't get into it. A half hour in, I started wondering when the girl is going to show up.

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage

I accidentally texted my wife “I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her.”

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The brunette thinks "I bet that di...

Sisters

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says, 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 15 mi.’

He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought.

Soon, he sees another sign tha...

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2 college students accidentally miss the math final exam

The next day they both went to plead with their professor. He was feeling pretty good that day so he allowed them to retake it. He told them to both come back tomorrow for an oral exam. When they both showed up he told one of them to wait outside while he tests the other. So one enters and the other...

An American biker decides to travel the world...

Once upon a time there lived an American biker named Rick. Now, Rick loved to ride his motorcycle, but was tired of driving up and down the same roads, day after day.

One morning, he woke up, and decided to travel the world. So he saved up some money, got on a plane, along with his trusty Ha...

What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4k?

“HDMI”

Found this in my timeline...

I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood. So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch.
I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIL in its centre.
Now,the Yorkshire police, th...

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A young man and his boss have to travel to a city 500 miles away. Due to cost cutting measures put in place by the boss, they take the train instead of the flight which was four hours faster.

As they entered their train compartment, the young man and the boss found themselves opposite to a gorgeous twenty something girl and her sixty year old looking mother.

Within a few minutes, the young man and the girl start giving quick glances at each other. After twenty minutes or so, the ...

I walked into a vietnamese restaurant

To be annoying, I purposely mispronounced all the food items on the menu.

I only did it to test the waiters’ patience.

I was having fun, but knew they were going to banh mi.

My friend, Karen, and I visited a place you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri..

Karen opened up that she was actually in a fourth state, crippling depression.

I said, "I'm so sorry."

-

"But you can't count Missouri twice."

Why did the flight of mi-24s get confused when a bee flew into the lead helicopter?

Because the lead helicopter is now beehind.

Mi amigo Jesus is a great work out partner but...

He just won't shut up about how he invented *Cross-Fit*

What was Oedipus’s favorite flavor profile?

Umami

What else can you call a milk dud

A udder failure

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A few Indian pilots went to Russia for the training of modern MiG-27 aircraft

Russian instructor:

Press this button to takeoff.

Press this button to turn the plane right.

Press this button to turn the plane left.

Pressing this button to go up.

At the end of the training, Indian pilots stood up and asked.

But how will w...

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What do you call a peanut butter jelly sandwich in Flint MI?

Pb and j

Natalie

A guy hails a cab at the airport and tells the driver to go to a certain address. When he gets there he sees a beautiful three story townhouse in a upper-class part of town. He knocks and an attractive woman opens the door.

"I wanna see Natalie"

The lady looks the man up and down, he c...

Did you know

the telescope was invented by a Chinese guy?

Yeah, his name was Tzu Minh..

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States...

Wandering aimlessly and starving, They are about to lie down and accept their death when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune,...

What did Yoda say when he saw Star Wars in 4k?

>!HD … MI!<

I wanted to make a post with a joke about musical notes. I first attempted to use Do or Mi, but in the end I went with

a Re post.

I used to date an opera singer, but it didn't work out.

She was all mi, mi, mi.

I got kicked out of my favorite Vietnamese restaurant and told I can never come back.

How dare they banh mi!

Why did all the residents of Flint, MI switch from the hip hop station to the classic rock radio station?

They wanted to get the lead out.

A mother has three sons who have unusual names.

After getting picked on at school for being called Feather, the oldest son approaches his mother one day and asks,
"Mum, why is my name feather?"
Mum replies. "That's because when we left the hospital, a feather landed on your head."

A few years later, the second son approaches his mot...

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What did the Spanish scientist say when asked if he wanted lime in his cocktail?

A mi no acid.

What do you call a cow that gets sent to the slaughterhouse by accident?

Miss Steak

I posted some misinformation about Vietnamese cuisine on Facebook

Now i regret. I should've known they'd banh mi for that.

The butcher

Once there was a man in a small town who decided that he wanted to be a butcher, so he bought a small store and started his own butcher shop. It was a very modest store, consisting of only a couple display cabinets, a meat grinder, and a few shelves in the refrigerator. This man quickly became known...

What’s a singer’s favorite sandwich?

So-la-mi

What do cats in china say?

Mi Hao!

Why is it hard to have Opera singers as friends?

...it's aways about "mi mi mi".

The Ohio and Michigan Institute of Lions and Tigers and Bears.

OH,MI.

A police officer is eating chicken with rice, sitting across from a stranger

While eating he says, "Boy do I sure love Jasmine rice."

The stranger sitting across from him says, "That's not Jasmine rice, it's Basmati."

The police officer replies, "Are you sure? Do you mind if I ask you some questions about it?"

To which the stranger responds, "No, I know ...

How do chinese cats say hello?

Mi Yao
[this is my first post here be nice pls]

What did Yoda say when he moved to Menominee?

Now in U.P. MI !

What's a Canadians favourite alcoholic beverage?

A mi-moose-a!

How do you spot a egocentric vocalist?

They warm up singing, 'Mi, mi, mi.... Mi!'

A man and a priest are playing golf.

The man hits the ball but it goes wide, landing far away from the hole. "Damnit, missed!" he shouts angrily. The priest turns to him and says, "if you swear like that, one day god will strike you down"!

The mab ignores him and tries for another shot. Once again he misses and once again he sho...

What did the Italian Dictator say to those dang Allies?

Get off Mi-Lan!

What’s a selfish person’s favourite musical note?

I was making too many puns in r/sandwiches...

the mods had to banh mi

It’s not fa la la la la, la la la la.

It’s la la la la sol, fa mi re do.

Did you know that Do and Re are being taken off the Solfège scale?

Mi either.

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A night of drunken sex cost the Chinese man his relationship.

He woke up and realised: it's not Yu, it's Mi.

What kind of food should you order while in r/Pyongyang?

The banh mi

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What did the Japanese person say when the Mexican asked to borrow his umbrella?

Mi kasa es tu kasa

What do you call the shareholders of a bankrupt company?

MiStake Holders.

(It's bad I know)

What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?

Mi to sis

What a jamaican reccomends for a healthy diet

Everybaddi needs to eat a three fruits a day maan, an mi hav a way to learn while dem doin dat yaknow? Ya kyan always remember to eat dem fruits by remembering di presidents maan.

George Bush? Im be a banana man.

Barack Obama? Im apple.

<...

What did you call beef that didn't make the cut

a miSTEAK

I was browsing a Vietnamese sub the other day...

The mods tried to kick me out, but I said "You can't Bahn mi!"

A college student writes a letter to his parents back home.

Dear Mom and Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. My profe$$or$ are al$o $uper cool! With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Mi$$ you guy$!
<...

I keep ordering things that aren’t on the menu at this Vietnamese Sandwich Shop...

The lady behind the counter said: “If you keep doing that you’re gonna get in trouble!”

I replied: “Whadya gonna do...Bahn Mi?!”

What's DoodleBob's favourite drink?

Mi hoy LaCroix

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A Man Who Loves His Wife... [NSFW]

A man who loves his wife decides one day to get a tattoo to commemorate their love.

He decided to get a tattoo on his penis of his wife's name, Wendy. So he goes down to the tattoo parlor and gets a big WENDY in all capitol letters down the length of his shaft. He goes home, and his wife love...

The Voice Coach

Voice Coach: "Let's start with a scale."

Student: "Do, re, muuuhh, fa, so, la, ti, doooh!"

Voice Coach: "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't take that tone with mi!"

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A British Jew is waiting to be knighted.

He is to kneel before the Queen and recite a sentence in Latin as she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, in the excitement of the moment, he panics and forgets the Latin phrase. Thinking fast, he recites the only other foreign phrase that comes to mind, which comes from the Passover ...

The bacon tree.

Juan and Carlos have been stranded in the desert for 2 days. They are on the verge on dying of thirst when Juan sees something in the distance.

He gets closer to confirm his suspicions - off in the distance is an incredibly juicy bacon tree. "Mira!!" (Look!) "Carlos! Up ahead, it's a bacon t...

A student writes her parent's, "Deare$t Mom and Dad,

college i$ going well. I am making many friend$ and learning lot$. But $omething i$ mi$$ing, I ju$t wi$h I knew what it wa$. Anyway$, be$t wi$hes and I'll talk to you again $oon.

Her parents respond,

Dearest Daughter,
NOthing makes us happier than kNOwing you're doing well. We NOtic...

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My turn to translate a joke (from french)

So the school inspector enters a spanish course, and takes a sit in the back of the room, next to little Johnny.

The class begins, and the spanish teacher asks :
“Who can translate this sentence?” and writes the sentence on the board : “Mi perro es moreno”

Only little Johnny is rais...

If I keep making all these Pho-related puns...

...eventually they're gonna bahn mi.

A Mexican is strolling down the street in Mexico City and kicks a bottle lying in the street.

Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Mexican is stunned and
the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish; anything
you want."

The Mexican begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking tequila."
Finally the Mexican says, "I wish to drink tequila whenever I want,<...

In honour of St Patrick's day, can you guess my Irish name?

Pat MiGroin.

Yeah, my grandpa just told me that one...some visual images cannot be unseen.

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If Microsoft made cars.

Disclaimer: This Joke was made in the 1990's in response to comments that if the automobile industry kept pace with Silicone Valley cars would be much more advanced. The origin is the Mid 1990's
However at close retrospect some of this now happens.

At a computer expo (...

A Mercedes picks up a Hungarian hitchhiker...

This being Hungary, the hitchhiker isn't used to seeing Mercedes on the road, and asks what [that thing on the front of the car](http://www.automotive-stock-images.com/photos/hood-ornament-1928-mercedes-benz-680s.jpg) is. The driver, somewhat amused, jokes:

"Why, that's the car's sights. Like...

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Alessandro was all excited to emigrate to America from Italy

But just few days later he was back in his home town. His friends asked him “Alessandro wha happen?”
Alessandro said “Well I landa in New York and its a too cold. I say America land of the free, I go anywhere do anything. I taka the train to Florida. On the train, I smoka cigarette. The conducta ...

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Hello! Mr. Hussein?

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy up in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Sadd...

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Two men and a wheel of cheese

Two men and a wheel of cheese (Long)

*** This joke is better said than read, but imagine the accents and it’s funny as heck (I think at least...)

A Mexican man is down on how luck. His hours were cut at work so he is having trouble making ends meet. Because he’s a man of faith, he de...

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