UPJOKE
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Have I told you about the time I got kicked out of a Vietnamese restaurant?

I left without paying so they had to Banh Mi

Imagine mario teaching music

Student: keeps making the same mistake at the same spot*

Mario: “Mama mia, for the hundredth time it’s a mi”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Microsoft made cars.

Disclaimer: This Joke was made in the 1990's in response to comments that if the automobile industry kept pace with Silicone Valley cars would be much more advanced. The origin is the Mid 1990's
However at close retrospect some of this now happens.





At a computer expo (...

Why did the flight of mi-24s get confused when a bee flew into the lead helicopter?

Because the lead helicopter is now beehind.

I wanted to make a post with a joke about musical notes. I first attempted to use Do or Mi, but in the end I went with

a Re post.

I posted some misinformation about Vietnamese cuisine on Facebook

Now i regret. I should've known they'd banh mi for that.

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A few Indian pilots went to Russia for the training of modern MiG-27 aircraft

Russian instructor:

Press this button to takeoff.

Press this button to turn the plane right.

Press this button to turn the plane left.

Pressing this button to go up.



At the end of the training, Indian pilots stood up and asked.



But how will w...

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Last week, an asteroid named 2019 OK passed close to Earth at a speed of 88,500 kilometres (55,000 mi) per hour.

Scientist say that if it had passed even closer its name would have been 2019 OFUCK.

What’s a singer’s favorite sandwich?

So-la-mi

Mi amigo Jesus is a great work out partner but...

He just won't shut up about how he invented *Cross-Fit*

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What do you call a peanut butter jelly sandwich in Flint MI?

Pb and j

What do cats in china say?

Mi Hao!

The Ohio and Michigan Institute of Lions and Tigers and Bears.

OH,MI.

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Hello! Mr. Hussein?

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy up in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Sadd...

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States...

Wandering aimlessly and starving, They are about to lie down and accept their death when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune,...

A Mexican is strolling down the street in Mexico City and kicks a bottle lying in the street.

Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Mexican is stunned and
the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish; anything
you want."

The Mexican begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking tequila."
Finally the Mexican says, "I wish to drink tequila whenever I want,<...

A college student writes a letter to his parents back home.

Dear Mom and Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. My profe$$or$ are al$o $uper cool! With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Mi$$ you guy$!
<...

What did the cheese say to when it saw itself in the mirror?

Hallou mi

I used to date an opera singer, but it didn't work out.

She was all mi, mi, mi.

What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?

“Why does Reddit keep making the same joke about MI accent?”

What did Yoda say when he moved to Menominee?

Now in U.P. MI !

What's a Canadians favourite alcoholic beverage?

A mi-moose-a!

Found this in my timeline...

I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood. So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch.
I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIL in its centre.
Now,the Yorkshire police, th...

How do chinese cats say hello?

Mi Yao
[this is my first post here be nice pls]

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My turn to translate a joke (from french)

So the school inspector enters a spanish course, and takes a sit in the back of the room, next to little Johnny.

The class begins, and the spanish teacher asks :
“Who can translate this sentence?” and writes the sentence on the board : “Mi perro es moreno”

Only little Johnny is rais...

What a jamaican reccomends for a healthy diet

Everybaddi needs to eat a three fruits a day maan, an mi hav a way to learn while dem doin dat yaknow? Ya kyan always remember to eat dem fruits by remembering di presidents maan.





George Bush? Im be a banana man.





Barack Obama? Im apple.



<...

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A Man Who Loves His Wife... [NSFW]

A man who loves his wife decides one day to get a tattoo to commemorate their love.

He decided to get a tattoo on his penis of his wife's name, Wendy. So he goes down to the tattoo parlor and gets a big WENDY in all capitol letters down the length of his shaft. He goes home, and his wife love...

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A British Jew is waiting to be knighted.

He is to kneel before the Queen and recite a sentence in Latin as she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, in the excitement of the moment, he panics and forgets the Latin phrase. Thinking fast, he recites the only other foreign phrase that comes to mind, which comes from the Passover ...

I was making too many puns in r/sandwiches...

the mods had to banh mi

What did the Italian Dictator say to those dang Allies?

Get off Mi-Lan!

A man and a priest are playing golf.

The man hits the ball but it goes wide, landing far away from the hole. "Damnit, missed!" he shouts angrily. The priest turns to him and says, "if you swear like that, one day god will strike you down"!

The mab ignores him and tries for another shot. Once again he misses and once again he sho...

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Two men and a wheel of cheese

Two men and a wheel of cheese (Long)

*** This joke is better said than read, but imagine the accents and it’s funny as heck (I think at least...)

A Mexican man is down on how luck. His hours were cut at work so he is having trouble making ends meet. Because he’s a man of faith, he de...

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A night of drunken sex cost the Chinese man his relationship.

He woke up and realised: it's not Yu, it's Mi.

What’s a selfish person’s favourite musical note?

Mi

A student writes her parent's, "Deare$t Mom and Dad,

college i$ going well. I am making many friend$ and learning lot$. But $omething i$ mi$$ing, I ju$t wi$h I knew what it wa$. Anyway$, be$t wi$hes and I'll talk to you again $oon.

Her parents respond,

Dearest Daughter,
NOthing makes us happier than kNOwing you're doing well. We NOtic...

I keep ordering things that aren’t on the menu at this Vietnamese Sandwich Shop...

The lady behind the counter said: “If you keep doing that you’re gonna get in trouble!”

I replied: “Whadya gonna do...Bahn Mi?!”

Did you know that Do and Re are being taken off the Solfège scale?

Mi either.

I was browsing a Vietnamese sub the other day...

The mods tried to kick me out, but I said "You can't Bahn mi!"

What do you call the shareholders of a bankrupt company?

MiStake Holders.



(It's bad I know)

The bacon tree.

Juan and Carlos have been stranded in the desert for 2 days. They are on the verge on dying of thirst when Juan sees something in the distance.

He gets closer to confirm his suspicions - off in the distance is an incredibly juicy bacon tree. "Mira!!" (Look!) "Carlos! Up ahead, it's a bacon t...

What kind of food should you order while in r/Pyongyang?

The banh mi

What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?

Mi to sis

What did you call beef that didn't make the cut

a miSTEAK

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Japanese person say when the Mexican asked to borrow his umbrella?

Mi kasa es tu kasa

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Alessandro was all excited to emigrate to America from Italy

But just few days later he was back in his home town. His friends asked him “Alessandro wha happen?”
Alessandro said “Well I landa in New York and its a too cold. I say America land of the free, I go anywhere do anything. I taka the train to Florida. On the train, I smoka cigarette. The conducta ...

The Voice Coach

Voice Coach: "Let's start with a scale."

Student: "Do, re, muuuhh, fa, so, la, ti, doooh!"

Voice Coach: "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't take that tone with mi!"

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A mercurial rocker hands out backstage passes...

A mercurial rocker of a popular band was known to give out many backstage passes. Now this happens all the time in the music industry; however this rocker always handed out the same pass to many women, and never changed it. The pass was for Tulsa OK, and he'd give out the large TULSA backstage pas...

Why is it hard to have Opera singers as friends?

...it's aways about "mi mi mi".

What is a Vietnamese sandwich maker’s favorite pick up line?

Banh mi.

What's DoodleBob's favourite drink?

Mi hoy LaCroix

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Reaction to Snakes

• Civilian: Runs away from the snake screaming.

• Paratrooper: Lands on and kills the snake.

• Armor: runs over snake, giggles, and looks for
more snakes.

• Infantry: "Look, a putty cat. Come 'ere
kitty....Ouch! Hey, that's not a putty tat."

• Army Aviation: Has GPS...

In honour of St Patrick's day, can you guess my Irish name?

Pat MiGroin.

Yeah, my grandpa just told me that one...some visual images cannot be unseen.

If I keep making all these Pho-related puns...

...eventually they're gonna bahn mi.

How do you spot a egocentric vocalist?

They warm up singing, 'Mi, mi, mi.... Mi!'

I have an Asian cat.

Her name is Mi Yao.

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