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Florence Jokes

Florence+The Machine replaced one of their members with a former Portuguese footballer.

They are now called Florence+The Maniche.

In Florence, a young woman, somewhat of a simpleton, was on the point of delivering a baby.

She had long been enduring acute pain, and the midwife, candle in hand, inspected her secret area, in order to ascertain if the child was coming. “Look also on the other side,” said the poor creature, “my husband hath oft taken that road.”

[This is translated from a joke book from the Middle ...

How is Hurricane Florence like my ex wife?

They start off wet and wild but in the end, they take your house.

The nuns

Two nuns are cycling through the old streets of Florence. Out of breath, the first nun says, "I've never come this way before."

"It must be the cobbles", says the other.

I proposed to my wife while in Florence...

... I can't say either of them were particularly impressed.

Secretary walks into the President's room

Secretary: Mr.President, Hurricane Florence is causing trouble.
Trump: Offer her the same deal as Stormy Daniels.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I did the math on Hurricane Florence rain fall...

There is predicted to be 17 Trillion gallons of rain falling from Florence.

The width of a milk jug is 5.5"

Rain x Width = 93 Trillion inches

93 Trillion divided by 12 gets you 7,791,666,666,666 Feet

Divided by 5280

1,475,694,444 Miles

Divided by 93,000,000 ...

If Michael Sheen has a daughter he should name her Florence.

And her middle name? Andthema.

Something light in light of Hurricane Florence

Q: What do corals get stressed about?
A: Current events

A hurricane named Florence and no "Aunt Flo" jokes?

Hope there's no red tide.

Son: Dad, why is my sister's name Florence?

Dad: Because we conceived her in Florence, Italy.

Son: I guess that's a nice way of naming your kids.

Dad: Yeah, Backseat, it is.

I asked my Hindu friend whether he plans to evacuate for Hurricane Florence.

He said, Na-ama-ste.

How does an old man prepare for Florence when he's in a pinch?

He grabs his hurry cane and leaves.

What was the governor of North Carolina criticized for responding to Hurricane Florence so quickly?

Because women don’t like premature evacuations

Did you hear about a guy who collected memorabilia of Rosa Parks, Florence Nightingale, Joan of Arc, and Wonder Woman?

Apparently, he was a heroine addict.

A Irishman is on his deathbed with a priest by his side.

The Irishman is surrounded by his wife, his two children and a priest and as he feels death near, states his will.
He says to his wife Mary,
"My dear wife, you are the love of my life, so you shall receive the houses in Belfast"
He says to his son Tim,
"Tim, you were always a good lad, s...

I once tricked a cop by pointing my water gun at him.

\- Sent from ADX Florence

Why is it super hard to sneak up on a hurricane?

Because they’re always turning around. Be safe with Florence.

Because the Hurricane Made Landfall at Night...

...does that make it Florence Night-in Gale?

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...

It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.


The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.

His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, li...

Map jokes

How do you get around in Italy? You Rome.
Why does everyone love Thailand? They Bangkok.
I Congo to Africa, Kenya?
Why do the French take there time? They hate to Russia
What's the unhappiest state? Misery
Who are the unhappiest Europeans? The Hungary ones.
Why are the so many Subw...

Sarah Pippilini

Three nuns arrive at the pearly gates, and are told that because they have devoted their lives to the world they can return to Earth for three months, taking on the identity of whatever person they should choose.

The first nun said she wanted to return as Helen of Troy.

"Why Helen?" as...

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