I proposed to my wife while in Florence...

... I can't say either of them were particularly impressed.

PRIEST: Do you take Florence to be your wife?

**THE MACHINE:** I do

**PRIEST:** Does anyone have anything-

**RAGE [from the back]:** I'M AGAINST THIS

If Michael Sheen has a daughter he should name her Florence.

And her middle name? Andthema.

How is Hurricane Florence like my ex wife?

They start off wet and wild but in the end, they take your house.

Florence+The Machine replaced one of their members with a former Portuguese footballer.

They are now called Florence+The Maniche.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I did the math on Hurricane Florence rain fall...

There is predicted to be 17 Trillion gallons of rain falling from Florence.

The width of a milk jug is 5.5"

Rain x Width = 93 Trillion inches

93 Trillion divided by 12 gets you 7,791,666,666,666 Feet

Divided by 5280

1,475,694,444 Miles

Divided by 93,000,000 ...

A hurricane named Florence and no "Aunt Flo" jokes?

Hope there's no red tide.

I asked my Hindu friend whether he plans to evacuate for Hurricane Florence.

He said, Na-ama-ste.

What was the governor of North Carolina criticized for responding to Hurricane Florence so quickly?

Because women don’t like premature evacuations

Something light in light of Hurricane Florence

Q: What do corals get stressed about?
A: Current events

Secretary walks into the President's room

Secretary: Mr.President, Hurricane Florence is causing trouble.
Trump: Offer her the same deal as Stormy Daniels.

Son: Dad, why is my sister's name Florence?

Dad: Because we conceived her in Florence, Italy.

Son: I guess that's a nice way of naming your kids.

Dad: Yeah, Backseat, it is.

Did you hear about a guy who collected memorabilia of Rosa Parks, Florence Nightingale, Joan of Arc, and Wonder Woman?

Apparently, he was a heroine addict.

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...

It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.


The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.

His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, li...

I once tricked a cop by pointing my water gun at him.

\- Sent from ADX Florence

Because the Hurricane Made Landfall at Night...

...does that make it Florence Night-in Gale?

Why is it super hard to sneak up on a hurricane?

Because they’re always turning around. Be safe with Florence.

Sarah Pippilini

Three nuns arrive at the pearly gates, and are told that because they have devoted their lives to the world they can return to Earth for three months, taking on the identity of whatever person they should choose.

The first nun said she wanted to return as Helen of Troy.

"Why Helen?" as...

Map jokes

How do you get around in Italy? You Rome.
Why does everyone love Thailand? They Bangkok.
I Congo to Africa, Kenya?
Why do the French take there time? They hate to Russia
What's the unhappiest state? Misery
Who are the unhappiest Europeans? The Hungary ones.
Why are the so many Subw...

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