UPJOKE

### This is an actual medieval joke from 14th century Florence:

A Florentine had in his home a young man who instructed his children in the elements of knowledge. After a long stay, the young tutor felt himself so much at home that he had in turn the housemaid, the nurse, and finally the mistress herself.

When the master of the house, who was a jovial fel...

### In Florence, a young woman, somewhat of a simpleton, was on the point of delivering a baby.

She had long been enduring acute pain, and the midwife, candle in hand, inspected her secret area, in order to ascertain if the child was coming. “Look also on the other side,” said the poor creature, “my husband hath oft taken that road.”

[This is translated from a joke book from the Middle ...

### How is Hurricane Florence like my ex wife?

They start off wet and wild but in the end, they take your house.

### I proposed to my wife while in Florence...

... I can't say either of them were particularly impressed.

### Secretary walks into the President's room

Secretary: Mr.President, Hurricane Florence is causing trouble.
Trump: Offer her the same deal as Stormy Daniels.

### If Michael Sheen has a daughter he should name her Florence.

And her middle name? Andthema.

### The nuns

Two nuns are cycling through the old streets of Florence. Out of breath, the first nun says, "I've never come this way before."

"It must be the cobbles", says the other.

### Florence+The Machine replaced one of their members with a former Portuguese footballer.

They are now called Florence+The Maniche.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### I did the math on Hurricane Florence rain fall...

There is predicted to be 17 Trillion gallons of rain falling from Florence.

The width of a milk jug is 5.5"

Rain x Width = 93 Trillion inches

93 Trillion divided by 12 gets you 7,791,666,666,666 Feet

Divided by 5280

1,475,694,444 Miles

Divided by 93,000,000 ...

### Something light in light of Hurricane Florence

Q: What do corals get stressed about?
A: Current events

### A hurricane named Florence and no "Aunt Flo" jokes?

Hope there's no red tide.

### I asked my Hindu friend whether he plans to evacuate for Hurricane Florence.

He said, Na-ama-ste.

### What was the governor of North Carolina criticized for responding to Hurricane Florence so quickly?

Because women don’t like premature evacuations

### Son: Dad, why is my sister's name Florence?

Dad: Because we conceived her in Florence, Italy.

Son: I guess that's a nice way of naming your kids.

### Did you hear about a guy who collected memorabilia of Rosa Parks, Florence Nightingale, Joan of Arc, and Wonder Woman?

Apparently, he was a heroine addict.

### A Irishman is on his deathbed with a priest by his side.

The Irishman is surrounded by his wife, his two children and a priest and as he feels death near, states his will.
He says to his wife Mary,
"My dear wife, you are the love of my life, so you shall receive the houses in Belfast"
He says to his son Tim,
"Tim, you were always a good lad, s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Long one, and ya gotta act like it’s true til the end when telling it but when it works the payout is great.

So ya bring it up casually, as if it’s not a joke. To people like work crowd that doesn’t know your personal history. Again, sorry so long but here goes - -
U guys don’t know this but I was engaged before I met my wife. I was 18. Her name was Mary, she was a nurse. We’d been dating a few yrs &a...

### An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...

It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.

The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.

His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, li...

### Because the Hurricane Made Landfall at Night...

...does that make it Florence Night-in Gale?

### Humm

If the hurricane picks up a car, what do you call it?

Florence and the Machine!

### Sarah Pippilini

Three nuns arrive at the pearly gates, and are told that because they have devoted their lives to the world they can return to Earth for three months, taking on the identity of whatever person they should choose.

The first nun said she wanted to return as Helen of Troy.

"Why Helen?" as...

### Map jokes

How do you get around in Italy? You Rome.
Why does everyone love Thailand? They Bangkok.
I Congo to Africa, Kenya?
Why do the French take there time? They hate to Russia
What's the unhappiest state? Misery
Who are the unhappiest Europeans? The Hungary ones.
Why are the so many Subw...