A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.

When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcefuln...

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A British pilot was shot down behind enemy lines...

A British fighter pilot was shot down over German occupied airspace and was captured by the Nazis on the ground.

He was beaten up pretty bad in the dogfight and parachute landing, and they had to amputate his leg, so he begged them "Please, if you have to take my leg, can you drop it over my...

A proctologist gets sick of his medical career and decides it's time for a change. He does a bit of research and settles on trying his hand at being a mechanic. He attends mechanic school diligently and pays attention in the hopes of being the best mechanic in town.

After taking his final exam, he notices a mistake with the grade on the test and asks the teacher.

"Sir, you have me 150% out of a possible 100% on the practical exam. This must be a mistake!"

The teacher replies, "It's no mistake. 50% of the grade is for perfect disassembly of the en...

Stalin was visiting a town (actual joke from Soviet era)

Stalin was visiting a small town in Russia. Huge crowd was there to receive him, holding signs with words of praise for Stalin, Party, Union etc.

Among them, secret police officers spotted a particularly old man holding a sign saying "Thank you comrade Stalin, for a happy childhood!".
...

A young woman was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback soon came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the
horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would shout out a wild "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a-" so loud that it echoed off the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local servic...

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A rapist and con artist get caught by the sheriff in a small town.

The town doesn’t have much money to take care of prisoners so the sheriff gets an idea. He decides he’ll charge money to let the townspeople punish the crooks and use the money to keep them in jail for as long as he can. The sheriff figures even a short stay in jail will be plenty after a little “ju...

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A black man was shot in my local town last night with a starting pistol

The police think the shooting was race related.

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One night two drunks were wandering the town trying to get drinks

but between the two of them, they only had a dollar and change. So the first drunk says, "Hey, I've got an idea - we put our money together and buy a hot dog."

The second drunk, looking at him puzzled, says, "What the hell? I don't want a hot dog; I want a goddamn drink!"

The first say...

A man is showing his friend around his town. They pass a boy selling newspapers on the side of the road.

The man nudges his friend and says, "See that kid? He's got to be the stupidest kid in the whole wide world. Watch this."

He walks up to the kid as his friend watches, and holds out a five dollar and a ten dollar bill. "Hey kid, pick one."

The kid looks between the notes and eventually...

What's a Catholic priest's favorite town to visit?

Du Bois

There was once a homeless man in a small town

Everybody knew him, everybody liked him, he never bothered anybody, until one day someone saw him down by the beach catching an osprey and cooking it up, and they called the cops. The cops arrived as he was finishing his meal, telling him "ospreys are protected animals around here. Sorry, but we got...

How do you pronounce a Welsh town?

Caerphilly

Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."

The local farmer was voted in as mayor of his town.

The community always found him out-standing in his field.

10 puns entered the annual comedy contest of their town

At the end, someone from the audience asked - so who won ?

The judge replied : No pun in ten did

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A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a large jar filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, then you get all the money."

“What are the three tests?" asks the man

“Gotta pay first."

So the guy gives him the $10 bucks, and the bartender adds it to the jar.

“OK, here's...

I stumbled upon people arguing about trains in my town.

I told them, what’s the lo-commotion?

A Cowboy Walks Into a Saloon, Naked . . .

. . . except for his boots.

“Where your clothes at, Slim?”

“Back at the barn. I was feeding the horses when a beautiful blonde drove up. She says, ‘I wanna show you something in the barn. Follow me.’

So I followed her. She says, ‘Take off all your clothes.’ So I do. Then she tak...

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A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him.

He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine.
On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot.
They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and ...

A Doctor is running errands around town when a mugger with a knife stabs and robs him...

A bystander runs up to the injured Doctor and says:

"You're bleeding out, let me stitch your wound"

to which the Doctor says "I'm a Medical Professional, I can handle it alone"

"Fine, suture self"

I was driving around town the other day

I was driving around town the other day, when all of a sudden there it was. Something I hadn’t noticed before. A plot of land, maybe an acre in size, perfect size for a business, for sale. I got excited, I thought this would be a great location for a movie theater business. But when I asked the owne...

A man, new to town, walks into a bar and asks for three pints of Guinness, served all at once.

The bartender mentions that he might better enjoy them one at a time, so they don’t get warm, but the man tells him this story:

“You see, I’m an identical triplet, and I just moved here from my hometown. My brothers and I all agreed that every Tuesday night, we would go to the bar and order t...

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My town has a homosexual mayor

Every time we go down to city hall we can’t get a straight answer out of him!

A christian hears that there is a flood coming to his town. (long)

A fireman knocks on his door and says, "You need to come with me, there's a flood coming."

The christian says, "No, no, I'm a faithful christian, God will save me."

The fireman leaves and the flood waters come in. Eventually the flood waters get so high that he has to move to the first...

There was once, in a small town, a man named Don.

One day Don was walking on top of a fence, and he slipped. When he slipped, the fence split him in half, right up the middle, but miraculously, each half of Don survived! Each half got up, started hopping away, and essentially started living separate lives.

The left half, more prone to rati...

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A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street...

...and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks, 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?’

The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff..."

...

Last week all the toilets were stolen from the local police station in my town...

The sheriff just recently released an update; unfortunately they still have nothing to go on.

Just a week after joining the Bloods, a rival gang member tied me to his bumper and dragged me around town.

It was a Crip-pulling experience.

I was gonna have my baby at the hospital down town but then all the nurses quit and bought Corvettes.

I guess they were having a midwife crisis.

Out of town trial

A lawyer tries a case out of town, accompanied by his corporate client. After the case is given to the jury, the lawyer and his client wait for the verdict, which doesn't come in for days. After the second day, the lawyer the tells his client to go home, and he'll let him know as soon as the verdict...

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#nsfw A new gym opens in town

A guy decides to try it, he enters and sees a sign : " lose 5 kg for 20€ or 10 kg for 40€" . He chose to try to lose 5kg, after paying they put him a big dark room and closed the door then the light turned on and he found a hot woman looking at him and said:
"if you catch me you can fuck me"...

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Who’s the horniest person in town?

The butcher; he’s always beating his meat

What did the old man say when the local blacksmiths caught him trying to scare everyone away from town so he could buy up all the property for himself?

I would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for you metaling kids.

A man was found at a farmers market in a small town in yorkshire, kissing a girl that was not his wife

Turns out he was having a Scarborough affair.

Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer...

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've bee...

A young cowboy walks into the saloon in a rough and dusty Western town in Texas.

He sits at the counter, and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chowder.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked the old cowboy, “If you ain’t gonna eat that, do ya mind if I do?”

The older cowb...

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

"One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One ...

They're gonna beat this horse down the old town road until it can't die no more

This song has been rereleased twice now since December with just different artists added in

The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.

"Howdy, stranger..."

"Howdy, Sheriff..."

The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss were the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, and stepped up on the walk and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon. "Hold on there, M...

The circus arrives in town with a novel act - make the bull elephant kneel down and win $1000.

After watching various people trying everything Jimmy steps up to the elephant and gives it a mighty kick in the balls. The elephant collapses and its owner, cursing Jimmy's foul methods, hands over the cash.

The circus moves on to the next town and Jimmy, recognising a good opportunity, foll...

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.

"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complai...

A couple go to the new farmers' market just outside of town

They walk past the various stands selling fresh produce, looking for things to take back home. They see gigantic, ripe watermelons on one table. Another holds plump, vibrant tomatoes. A dazzling array of berries fills baskets on another.

Finally, they see a table at the end of the market, whe...

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In the middle ages a French town was under siege by an army from Marseille.

The general of the invading army sent a message to the besieged defenders, "Surrender, you have nothing to lose, Marseille".

They replied, "We shall not surrender, we have too much, Toulouse".

Once in a small town lived a guy, who dreamt of having a car

He was fascinated by their speed and beauty, yet his parents wouldn't agree to fulfil his dream and buy it for him. So he changed various jobs, worked part-time and ran errands, anything just to get a bit closer to saving up for that final trophy. But as time came by his bank account didn't seem to ...

Two doctors in practice in a small town clinic in Bluebell had to hire a new nurse when the one they had won the lottery and quit. They interviewed Nurse Nancy and decided to hire her.

She had only worked two days when one doctor called the other to his office and said that they would have to let Nurse Nancy go.

"Why, we just hired her?"

"Well, I think she is dyslexic and does things backwards. I told her to give Mr. Smith two shots of morphine every 24 four hour, bu...

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A cowboy rides into town on a hot day

He ties his horse to the hitching post outside the saloon, then walks around behind the horse, lifts up the tail and kisses it right on the asshole. Then he walks into the saloon, orders a whiskey and downs it.

The cowboy tips his hat to the bartender and walks back outside where he proceeds...

An old lady decides to go to the new butcher shop that just opened in town

So she walks in, the butcher welcomes her with a big smile

\- "Welcome, what can I do for you today"

\- "I'll need 400 grams of ham please"

The butcher goes to his ham, get his chopper, does a clear cut in one go, put it on the scale : 400.0g. The old lady says :

\- "You ...

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The cops in our town are looking for a guy who keeps pooping on people’s yards at night.

The police are calling him Public Enemy Number Two.

What do you call a town moving West?

A velo-city

There was an asteroid impact event in the neighborhood town. I went to see the spectacle.

I saw a glowing green celestial stone inside the impact crater. As I was moving towards it, I became all gloomy and suicidal that's when I heard a man shouting

"Mate! You are in a depression"

Two old ladies met up in town

Hello Mavis, did you come on the bus?

I did yes, but i made it look like an asthma attack

Walking through town, a guy on a corner offered to draw a picture of me and my wife and showed me some of the other things he was working on...

...I would have bought one, but his portfolio was super sketchy.

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In town and all alone!!!

Ethel checked into a motel on her 65th birthday. She was lonely and a little depressed at her advancing age. So she decided to risk an adventure. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages”.


She looked through the phone bo...

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My buddies and I where out for a night on the town.

We ended up at a high end bar with a dress code.All my buddies being the suave dudes they are where dressed accordingly with suits and ties but I alas was not. See you on the other side fucker they all yelled out as they went in laughing. Well there I was, out in the cold left out,abandoned.Not to b...

I ran into a buddy in town earlier today. He only has one arm God bless him, lost it in Iraq.

Anyway I asked him where he was off to.

"To change a light bulb" he replies.

"Won't that be difficult?" I ask.

"Nah" he says, "I've still got the receipt".

Why did the farmer lose the race with his cow through the town square?

Because you can't beat your meat in public.

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Three men, Joe, Bro, and Buddy, all lived in a small town.

One day, Joe went hunting alone, and for the next few days no one heard from him. About a week afterwards, a body was found and brought into the coroner’s office.

The coroner, after thoroughly examining the body, needed a positive identification in order to verify that the body was indeed Jo...

A group of thieves have been going around stealing all the toilets in town

Local authorities say they have nothing to go on

First grade teacher: John, how did you manage to stop having spelling errors in your homework this week?

John: My mom is out of town.

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A couple from a conservative town are getting hot and heavy...

...and the guy asks the girl for a blowjob. The girl was lost, but not wanting to seem sexually inexperienced, decides to go for it. She lets him guide her head towards his crotch, at which point he stops, waiting for her. She's thinking hard and fast now, and in a moment of inspiration, begins to f...

A cowboy strolls into town on his horse fireball and goes straight to the saloon. He drinks straight whiskey for a few hours, never moving except to take another drink. When he's done he gets up and walks out of the saloon.

He immediately runs back in and yells, "Alright! Who took fireball?" But nobody makes a noise.


He continues, "Okay, I'm gonna give y'all to the count of three then we're gonna have a repeat of what happened back in '71."


"ONE!" He pauses and nobody moves a muscle.

...

Last night I rode my bike to a bar here in town

and I had a few beers, followed by a few bourbons and a number of shots.....
I still had the sense to know I was over the limit. That's when I decided to do what I have never done before, I locked up my bike in a secure place, and I took a cab home.
Sure enough, there was a police check point ...

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I pulled into a town I couldn’t believe still existed.

A dusty, dirt road, a little old wooden store that actually said “General Store”, and that was it.

There was an old man sitting in front of the store in a rocking chair. I said to him, “What do you fella do around here for fun?”

He said, “We don’t do nothin’ but hunt n’ fuck.”

I...

A small-town preacher was known for getting around town on his bicycle. One day, a neighbor noticed him walking and asked him about his missing bike.

The preacher said, "Can you believe someone stole it?!"
The man replied, "I have an idea. On Sunday, give a sermon on the Ten Commandments. When you get to *Thou Shalt Not Steal,* really rail on it, and the thief is sure to feel guilty and return your bike."
The preacher agreed and went on his...

Basketball players don't like to leave their home town

We hate travelling so much.

Imagine a world where ducks reign supreme, one of the jobs is that some of the ducks have to pay water to the towns. What is the job called?

An aquaduck(t).

Passing through his son’s college town late one night, a father decides to drop in and pay his kid a visit.

The father knocks on the fraternity house door. No one answers. He knocks louder, but still no answer. He begins to bang angrily on the door. Finally, a head pops out of a window on the second floor. “You need something, pal?” a frat brother asks from the window.



“Yes, does Billy Powe...

A cowboy's horse died on the trail so he had to walk for three days to the next town.He looked everywhere in that town but nobody had an extra horse they could sell.So he took a two day journey to the next town only to find himself in the same situation.However,he did stop by a stable and a man

Suggested he see his brother who runs a stable two days walk just south of town.He finds the stable and near death from exhaustion asks"hey mister,I hear you might have a horse for sale."The stable owner says"well I have one,but he don't look so good."The man replied"I've been walking for nearly a w...

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My hot ex from high school messaged me saying she’ll be in town for a day, but it just so happens to be on my fathers birthday.

So now I have to choose between the person I lost my virginity to, or my ex-girlfriend.

I was taking pictures of the scenery as my mom drove me around town.

Police stopped us for committing drive-by shootings.

In a small town, there were two brothers who, over the course of many years, cheated, swindled, robbed and generally stole from everyone that they ever did business with.

The entire town and surrounding community reviled and despised these two brothers as everyone was aware of just how disreputable and dishonest they were.

One day, one of the brothers mysteriously died.

Although they had never attended church, the one remaining brother ...

A Russian jazz pianist is coming to town.

His name is Vladimir Slips-his-licks-in

In another town, the cowboy rides in wearing a paper suit. Paper pants, paper jacket, paper chaps. Even a paper holster!

He wasn't in town ten minutes before he was arrested for rustling.

There's an innuendo competition in town tonight.

I'm thinking of entering my wife.

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Old Town Road is a new type of song: a combination of country and rap.

I call it: Crap

A man moves to town and hunts around for an apartment to rent

A man moves to town and hunts around for an apartment to rent, but he’s turned down by most landlords because of his large dog (mastiff, doberman, etc.). He finally secures a carriage house that’s in the backyard of a house owned by two old women by assuring the ladies that the dog is perfectly frie...

In a town as small as ours, you don't get divorced...

You take turns.

A pony just won my town's battle of the bands.

He was a rockin' horse.

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Sy...

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One night a lone cowboy rode into a small town. He immediately went to the only saloon in town and ordered a drink.

While drinking he asked the bartender if there was a room and any women around. The bartender told him he had a room for rent and then glanced over to his friends drinking at another table.

They decided to play a joke on the cowboy. As the evening drug on, the cowboy became very drunk but was...

A new jokes store opens up in town.

A kid walks in to check out the place early the next day. Looking all around, he sees that the store has several recognizable items (such as whoopie cushions) and some unique items that he'd never seen before. There was also a wall full of candy, with weird names such as "Hoot Gummies" and "Woof Bar...

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A rapist and con artist gets caught by the sheriff in a small town.

But he gets released because sitting presidents can't be indicted.

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My wife said if this post gets 1000 upvotes she'll give up her anal virginity tonight!

Please don't. She's out of town on business until Tuesday.

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A guy in my town is hiding from the cops after he was caught having sex with a laundry machine.

Nut screws washer and bolts.

Small fishing town

There is a small town by the side of a lake where fishing is allowed and quite popular. There is a shop that sells fishing supplies. Differently skilled people use different quality baits. For example: a novice would use novice bait, a mediocre fisher would use mediocre bait, a good fisher would use...

The cops in my town are looking for a racist attacker, so I called them up.

Apparently it wasn’t a job interview.

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A man and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant in town.

"Did you smell that food?" she asked.."it smells absolutely incredible!"
Being a kindhearted fella, he thought "what the hell..I'll treat her"

So he walked her past it again

Pompeii must be the ultimate party town

Look at the locals, they're stoned 24/7

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My girlfriend finally convinced me to try this new French restaurant in town. Everything went great, except my escargot was WAY too chewy.

I'm telling you, it was tough ass snails.

A man finally got engaged to his dream woman. Eager to show off his new fiance, he took her to his home town.

Upon arrival, he approached his mother and said, “I’m going to bring home three girls and I want you to guess which one is my fiance.”

Sure enough, twenty minutes later, the man walked in the door with three girls following behind him.

Without a moment’s hesitation the mother pointed t...

The best thing about living in an isolated small town is also the worst thing.

It's all relative

Why don’t skeletons ever go out on the town?

They have no body to go out with.

A man was trapped on his houses roof after his home town was flooded

a man in a row boat approached his house and said "hope in i will take you to safety"

the man declined and said "god will save me"



a short while later a man in a yacht came by and told the man to climb aboard to safety

again the man declined with the answer that god wi...

What do you call a guy who needs to go somewhere across town but does not own an automobile?

A taxi.

The town drunk stumbles over to a parking meter, stands in front of it, and reads that there are sixty minutes left until it expires.

“I don’t believe it!” he cries out. “I’ve lost 100 pounds!”

A Police Officer is patrolling the streets of his town.

Suddenly he sees something weird, a car that is approaching has a dog behind the steering wheel while on the passenger's seat sits a man.

So of course he signals the car to pull out to the sidewalk.

Man in passenger's seat has a window already rolled down so the Police Officer starts t...

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A man was walking through a rather seedy section of town.

A bum walked up to him and asked the man for two dollars.

The man asked, "Will you buy booze?"

The bum replied, "No."

Then the man asked, "Will you gamble it away?"

The bum said, "No."

Then the man asked the bum, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see ...

Two cycling girls decide to explore the old town...

"I never came this way before!"

"Me neither, must be the cobblestones."

A mime in my town was arrested yesterday for getting into a bar fight and breaking his left arm.

But he still has the right to remain silent.

Today I was stopped mid-speech at my town's Dentists' conference

All I said was, "Ladies and Dentalmen, welcome!"

The United Nations are putting on an event with carousels, candy floss and a ferris wheel a couple of towns away.

I wish they'd come to my town. It's UNfair.

My town is holding their annual incest competition...

...I entered my sister.

A poor farmer who lived in a small mining town came to its mayor and asked him if his son could marry his daughter.

The mayor angry at this insolent request, asked: "Why would I ever let your miserable kid marry my princess daughter?" which the farmer promptly replied: "Because he is the new general manager of the mines". The mayor, surprised and impressed with this information, ended up accepting his daughter's ...

Everyone in this town is a bit tad strange.

Except, ironically, for Tad Strange.

He likes bread.

A man had been feeling sick for several days. Finally he decided to try a new doctor who had just moved into town...

After hearing the man's symptoms and listening to his belly with a stethoscope the doctor told him that he had a tapeworm. ''Oh, is that bad? How can I get rid of it?'' asked the man. ''Come in tomorrow and bring a hard boiled egg and a oreo cookie,'' said the doctor. When he saw a puzzled look cros...

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There was a new guy in town looking for some action...

He meets a guy at a new job and asks him where he can find a lady of the night. The friend tells the new guy he can find one downtown and she only costs 25 bucks!

The guy doesnt have much money at the time so he asks his friend for some. The friend says "Well, i cant loan you any money, but I...

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An interviewer goes to an old town.

She stops an old man to ask some questions.




They ask some "how are you''s and all and she starts to interview.




Woman: So, Mister Irons, what is your favourite memory of this town?




Old Man : One time, a woman in our town got lost. Every p...

A cowboy is riding his horse in a small town and decides to stop at a bar to go to the toilet

The cowboy gets off his horse and ties it to a pole right outside the establishment. He proceeds to walk into the bar and, right after entering, he smashes the floor with his foot three times. Everybody stops making noise and look at him attentively.

"Gentlemen," he says, "my horse is right o...

Did you hear about the new restaurant in town called Karma?

There is no menu. You get what you deserve.

Last night I dreamt that my town’s water tower exploded.

It was a wet dream.

Richest Man in Town

At the funeral of the richest man in town, a stranger saw a woman crying very loudly.  The stranger said, “Are you a relative of the deceased?”
“No.”
“Then why are you crying?”
“That’s why!”

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A guy moves to a new town and is looking for nearby place to get a drink.

He walks into the first bar he sees and orders a beer. The bartender serves him but says that if he wants to come back he has to become a member. The guy takes a drink and looks around the place then asks, "well what do I gotta do to be a member?" The bartender reply's, "Well, did you see that 7 foo...

A cowboy's horse died on his way to town...

As he was walking down the dusty trail, he happened across a ranch. With a renewed sense of hope, he asked the stable keeper if he had any horses for sale.

"Sorry, I've fallen on hard times myself. I had to sell all of my horses!"

The cowboy noticed a rather strange-looking horse stand...

My girlfriend is mad because I keep getting free drinks around town by saying I'm engaged

She said "Why is it that every time you say your engaged people congratulate you and buy you a drink, but when I say it they charge me double?"

I told her that when she says it they expect to see a ring but when I say it they expect to see an empty wallet

Two old soldiers are reflecting during a visit to the town where they grew up.

The first soldier had had both arms amputated at the elbow following after the war, and the second both legs at the knee.

After a while of gazing upon old buildings and storefronts, the men come across a statue in the town park; the statue shows signs of age and neglect.

The second rem...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man wants to get a sex toy for his wife while he's out of town...

So the man heads to a sex toy store. After a while browsing he goes to the man at the counter and asked if he had any thing that would keep his wife entertained while he was out of town for a couple weeks, the man replies with "I've got just the thing. It's called a voodoo dildo." The man was scepti...

What do noodles call the shady part of town?

The Spaghetto.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The church in my town fell on hard times recently...

There wasn't hardly enough money coming in to keep the lights on. So, with the approval of the priests, the friars began selling flowers from the Church's magnificent garden. They were a hit, and soon the flower money was rolling in in droves. A few days after they start, however, Tony, the local fl...

A bike in town keeps running me over

It’s a vicious cycle

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