My next door neighbour just knocked on my door with her dinner in her hands.

With Facebook and Instagram down she wanted me to see what she was having

I was delivering a parcel. I walked up to the front door and knocked, before noticing a sign.

"If not in, leave with neighbours."

I tried one more time and nobody answered, so I walked to their neighbour's front door.

A young couple answered. I said, "Get in the van, I've been told to take you with me."

A man knocked on my door...

.. and asked if I could make a small donation to help the neighborhood public pool.

I gave him a glass of water.

Can you believe that ! My neighbour knocked on my door at 1:30am this morning.

Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

the day after halloween, a trick or treater knocked on my door.....

he was dressed in just red tights and a red spandex shirt, red sneakers, red hat.

i said to him, "sorry little buddy, halloween is over, i dont have anything for you today...what are you supposed to be anyway>?"

he said "im a period, sorry im late..scared ya didnt i?"


...

The cops just knocked on my door upset about my dogs chasing people on bikes

Which is ridiculous, of course. Dogs can't ride bikes.

I ordered a new kitchen sink and by golly that thing grew legs and knocked on my door.

Let that sink in.

What did Herb say when Rosemary knocked at the door?

Cumin

My neighbor knocked on my door and said it was too early to decorate my house for Halloween

Big talk from someone who wears her witch costume year-round.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his wife are lying in bed when they hear a knock at the door.

The man hears that the wind is blowing a gale and the rain is is getting heavier and decides it was just the wind and goes back to sleep.

A few minutes later they hear it again so his wife says "Honey, go check it out. It might be bad news"
The man reluctantly agrees and goes to the front ...

Before my operation, the anaesthesiologists asked if I wanted to be knocked out via gas or boat paddle.

It was an ether/oar situation.

Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist said I could be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle.

So I guess it was an ether/oar situation.

What does Hermione say when Weasley gets knocked out?

Keep calm and carry Ron.

Today, someone knocked on my door.

Today, someone knocked on my door. I opened the door and a visibly upset person was standing at my door. They said "Do you have a cat, I was driving down the street and a cat ran out in front of me. I tried to avoid hitting it but was unable."

I replied that yes, I did have a cat and asked...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My next door neighbour is an inconsiderate asshole. He knocked on my door at 3AM last night!! 3AM!!

Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.

This bloke knocked on my door and said, "Can I come into your house and talk about vacuuming your carpets?"

I am sure he was a Jehoovers Witness.

Someone knocked on my door.

"Who's there?" I asked.

"Police," replied two men.

I asked them what they wanted. "We need to investigate your property for cannabis."

"I haven't got any," I said. "Now be on your way."

"Sir," they said, "what harm is there in us checking?"

"Because you might find ...

A man knocked on Mrs Smith's door.

"I'm afraid there's been a terrible accident at the brewery," he said.
"Your husband fell into a giant vat of beer and drowned."

Mrs Smith started crying. "Oh poor thing, he had no chance!"

"I don't know about that," the man replied. "He got out three times to use the toilet."

My wife knocked on the fridge door before opening it…

I said, ‘excuse me but what’s happening?’

She said, ‘there might have been a salad dressing’

A farmer got an idea for how to make money off his farm in the off-season. He had a huge property all bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country road where few people drove. He decided he would set up a Christmas light display.

It took him some time to gather all the lights necessary, but eventually through the sweat of his farmhands and an absurd number of extension cords, he was finished. When sunset came, the first car to come down that road got an amazing sight.


The entire fence was covered in lights! Fenc...

I got knocked off my bike by a salt spreading truck last winter.

"You IDIOT" I shouted through gritted teeth.

I went to see a psychic and knocked on her door.

She said "Who is it?" so I left.

After the dalmation knocked up the neighbor's Jack Russell...

...he experienced post-mutt clarity.

I walked up to a Chinese laboratory and confidently knocked on the door.

WHO's there.

Confucius say it's better to be knocked down and held up...

... than held down and knocked up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some asshole knocked on my door today, telling me I needed to be “saved” or else I would “burn”. I told him to fuck off.

Stupid fireman.

A farmer drove to a neighbour’s farmhouse and knocked at the door.

A boy, about 9, opened the door.

"Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.

"No, they went to town."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" 

"No, he went with Mom and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbl...

I was waiting in line and this guy knocked me out cold with a right hook. When I came to it, he told me:

This is the punch line.

My girlfriend has always been a bit on the heavy side

One morning, while standing in front of the mirror together she asked me if she should change anything in her life. I said, go workout and lose 20-30 pounds, it would change you for the better. At that moment, the sheer passion I saw in her eyes I will never forget.



After the first d...

My neighbor. She’s single. She’s shapely & beautiful and she lives right across the street.

I watched her as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on my door.

I opened the door, she looked at me and said, ”I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and have fun tonight. Are...

Today, some bathroom appliances knocked on my door and asked for shelter...

I only thought "Woah, I gotta let that sink in for a while."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Santa Claus breaks down in the hood

So, one Christmas Santa Claus's sleigh broke down in the hood, around a bunch of hookers, and Santa Claus got knocked the fuck out, and the cops rolled up and asked what happened, and the hooker said, ain't nobody gonna be callin me a hoe 3 times

The cow Elsa

A wealthy farmer is away from home for a business meeting shortly over a week now when suddenly his phone rings in the middle of the night. The calling number is that of his country estate!

Caller: "Yes, this is your butler. I just wanted to tell you that your cow Elsa had died."

Farme...

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.

She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?!" she asked.


"I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work," the daughter-in- law answered.


"But you're naked!"...

Waiting game

A policeman, patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot, saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting.

Stopping to investigate, he walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.