Old farmer Joe just uses all his savings to buy 51 sheep...

To pass the season he plans to reproduce the 50 female sheep he bought with one ram doing the work.


To his misfortune the ram dies suddenly just after he got it. He goes to complain to his neighbor Bob about his problems and Bob, who also was a farmer, told him he had to do the job him...

Misfortune Teller

Three men are traveling the world and happen upon a fortune teller. Once they enter, the fortune teller tells them each to take a seat. Before than can ask her any questions, she tells them that they will each learn how they will die. Intrigued, they decide to stay.

The fortune teller leaves ...

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Two nuns were walking to the market when a man jumped from the bushes and flashed at them and ran away!!!

"What shall we do now ?" Asked the first nun.

"We are sworn to neither lie nor hide the truth" said the second nun " we should report to Mother Superior that we had the misfortune of seeing a man's penis twice".

"Twice?" Exclaimed the first nun" we just saw it once".

"Aren't you...

A Jew, an Hindu and Karen survive a plane crash in the woods

They walk together trough the woods throughout the day and into the night looking for help.

At last, they find a little wooden house with a lit window and a barn next to it.

The Jewish man says:

"Finally, someone who can help us! Let's ask the owner if we can stay the night and ...

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A man is lined up to putt on the 8th hole with some friends

Out of nowhere a ball comes flying in and hits him. The man doubles over cursing and clutching his hands tightly to his crotch. His friends giggle at his misfortune as a woman comes running over apologizing.

"Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry. I didn't see you gentleman when I teed off!"

T...

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A Camel and a Captain

An army captain got sent to a remote desert outpost. On the first day his lieutenant shows the new captain around, he shows him the weapon depot, the officers mess and then takes him to a small tent. Inside the tent, lies a sleeping female camel.

The confused captain asked him why they had a...

Two cars get into a minor crash, the cars a bit dented, the drivers completely fine...

The Pope gets out of one car and a rabbi gets out of the other. They are tolerant, cultured people and so there is no fight, no cussing.

"God giveth, God taketh away", the Pope says.

"Things come and things go", the ~~rabbit~~ rabbi replies and asks, "Shall we have a drink over our mis...

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At the gates of heaven Gabriel is deciding fates.

A man walks up ranting of misfortune. When asked why he's so mad he explained

" I was sure my wife was cheating on me. So one day I left work early to catch her in the act. When I walked into our apartment she was surprised. Nude and sweaty so I knew someone was there. I look under the bed i...

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The devil was feeling generous one day

So he decided to give three guys a chance to leave hell and make it to heaven.

"See that ladder over there?" he asked them, pointing to an ornate golden ladder reaching up out of the flames and into white fluffy clouds beyond.

"If you can make it to the top without laughing, I'll let h...

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The Terrible Legend of Bahuda

Three explorers are making their way through a one of those generic jungles that always shows up in these sorts of jokes, when they are suddenly ambushed by a tribe of massive cannibals. (That's "massive" in the sense that they are very large, although they are also particularly passionate about eat...

A Lobster Walks Into a Bar

He goes up to the bartender and says: "Look, before you can serve me, I need to advise you that I'm a lawyer."

"Blimey... A lobster lawyer? That is impressive," says the bartender.

The Lobster puts his briefcase up on the bar, deftly opens it with his claws, and produces a document tha...

Did you hear about mrs. fortune cookies divorce?

Now shes misfortune cookie.

There was a woman with a hundred children

There was a woman with a hundred children. She lacked the creativity to name all of them, so she just named them 1 through 100.

Eventually, through a series of misfortunes, 99 of the children died. Only the one named 90 survived. 90 grew up healthy, thankfully. She found a man and fell in lo...

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A man was in line to meet the Pope. He was wearing his best suit.

The Pope came towards him. But, he stopped and whispered something in the ear of the man right next to him. This man was a bum dressed in a dirty shirt, ripped pants, and he smelled bad. “Of course,” thought the man.”He wouldn’t stop to meet me.The Pope only talks to the needy and misfortune.” So, h...

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I saw a pirate at the bar, he had a claw for a hand, a peg leg, and an eye patch on.

I saw a pirate at the bar, he had a claw for a hand, a peg leg and an eye patch on.

I asked what misfortune caused the loss of his leg. “A shark bit me leg clean off”

Curiosity piqued, I asked about his hand. “This beheaded fish still had the gall to bite down mighty fierce”

Las...

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A pirate walks into a bar... [Long]

A pirate walks into a bar. He has two peg legs, two hooks for hands, and is wearing two eyepatches. As he sits at the bar, one of the patrons turns to him and says, "Excuse me, I can't help but notice you have two peg legs. How did that happen?"


The pirate responds, "Yarrr, matey. I...

An old but gold Soviet joke

Q: Rabinovich, what is a fortune?

A: A fortune is to live in our Socialist motherland.

Q: And what's a misfortune?

A: A misfortune is to have such a fortune.

Magic Trick

A cruise ship hired a magician to entertain the passengers. Since the passengers changed every four or five days, the magician was able to perform the same tricks over and over.

Unfortunately, the Captain of the ship had a parrot who sat around and watched the magician perform his tricks, ov...

A Jewish businessman sent his son to Israel for a year...

...so he could know a bit more about their culture. When he came back home, the son said:

'Dad, Israel was great! Oh and by the way, I became Christian.'

'Oh no!' said the father. 'What have I done?'

The father then went to hang out with his best friend and told him about his mi...

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Three guys are stranded on an island populated with cannibals.

The king of the cannibals tells them that there is a way to get out of the island if they accomplish a certain task.

So the king says to the three men, "Collect ten of any single type of fruit and bring them to me."

The three men quickly get to work and starts looking for fruits. The...

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Night out at the casino

So this one night I go out to the casino, I feel it's gonna be my lucky day today. I get to the ATM, take up all my motherfucking money (I'm poor so it's like 1000 Euro's). And I proceed to pimp-walk into the casino. I go hard, I'm up like 10K at one point, but even though I got swagger like Mick Ja...

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The One with the cannibals...

So three men where in Africa on a mission trip, when they had the misfortune of being captured by a wild tribe of cannibals. They were hogtied, and brought into the tribal village, where the whole tribe was gathered, banging on their drums and chanting.

The Chieftain came out of his hut, and...

This is a joke my very Catholic grandma used to tell me: A little boy was walking past the church when he dropped his snack of crackers and cheddar in a puddle...

Angry at his misfortune, he loudly cursed, "Jesus Christ, God Almighty!!" The priest overheard and exclaimed, "What did you say, young man? You know it's a great sin to take the Lord's name in vain!" The little boy looked around frantically and responded, "Umm, I said my cheese and crackers got all ...

Motivational Story

One Day A Fisherman got up very early in the Morning.
There was not enough Sunlight to get into the Sea.
He saw a Pack of Stones...
To Pass Time he started throwing the Stone into the Sea.
While having the last stone in the Hand,
The Sun came up then he saw that the Stone was a Diamo...

A Golfer's Confession

"I swore yesterday, father."

"Continue," said the priest.

"Well, I was playing in a local golf tournament, and on the eighteenth hole, a par three, I needed a birdie to win. My drive was perfect, but it hit a power line crossing the fairway."

"I see...and you swore at your misfo...

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