Getting my kite stuck in a tree isn't my favorite thing...

But it's up there.

Why did Elsa lose her kite?

She let it go.

Which medication kites behind your boat?

Parasailtamol

During a family visit, my 6 y/o nephew showed me his handicrafted kite.

Then I showed him my Apple watch and said "Nice, but look what kids in China can do at your age."

Flying a kite

I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite. I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth. I tried this a few more times with no success.

All the while, my wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to her...

One morning I was wondering

One morning, I was wondering what the hell was that flying in the sky.

Is it a bird? I think its not. It does not have wings

Neither is a plane. Its shape is circle. So I'm very sure its not a plane.

Its not a kite because it doesn't even around move.

But I noticed a very...

Kite Flying

My friend and I were flying a kite, and we couldn't decide whether or not to let it go or bring it down. After talking for a couple minutes, we still couldn't decide, so the issue remained up in the air.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cigarette's and Tampons

I called my wife while she was shopping and asked her to bring me some cigarettes. She comes home with a can of Tobacco and rolling papers and said here, roll your own they are cheaper this way. Well I went to the store and she calls and asked if I would bring her some tampons. I brought her a bag o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] So I met this girl at a bar...

She was looking at me for a while so I went in and I made my move. I said, "Hi". She said, "Hi."

She said, "Umm... I think you're the father of one of my children."

I was taken aback. I didn't say a word. Then I slowly remembered...

"O wait a minute," I said. "I've always tak...

Conversation with a wind turbine.

Wind turbine: *exists*

Man : "I'll hold up a big kite and you blow air at me until I lift off."

Wind Turbine: " ... "

Man : "What do you think of that idea?"

Wind turbine : "I'm not a huge fan"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They're having sex

Little Jhonny and his mama and papa lived in a one bedroom apartment with a balcony. Now with little Johnny being little the parents would send him out into the balcony whenever they wanted to get frisky, to make it seem routine they'd ask him what he saw when he was out. So one Saturday afternoon h...

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind.

He gave me a kite.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was once a kingdom known as Penisland

In this kingdom, your social status was decided by the length of your penis. A traveler went to the kingdom to see if this was true. As he walked toward the great palace, he saw the peasants and commoners around him. They had penises which wrapped around their waist twice and the tip still touched t...

[Long] HOW DOES THE CHINESE STAY PUT IN ITALY

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Chinese had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Chinese community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Chinese community. If the Chinese win, they could stay. If the Pope wins, ...

Deer Hunter

A hunter was stalking a deer on the ridge across from him when he noticed the deer was somewhat wobbly and seemed to be squinting. Looking carefully through his rifle scope, he soon realized that the big buck was standing in the middle of a patch of marijuana, happily chewing away. Taking careful ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Neighbours

A spaced out man decides to visit his neighbor in the apartment below him and share a joint. Whilst high as kites he asks his neighbour: heyyyyy, I love the paint job you did. Since my apartment is identical in size to yours tell me how much paint did you buy to paint this place? The neighbour says:...

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Meanwhile, in a different part of the Jingle....

...a lizard is walking along when he smells marijuana smoke. Having a good sense of smell, and not a stranger to the occasional toke, he follows it to the source and comes to the base of a truly mighty tree. High up in the branches is a monkey smoking a joint.

"Hey monkey" he yells.

T...

I walked up to a windmill and said,

"What do you think of this, you spin really fast and I'll fly a kite from the wind you make?"

"...I'm not a big fan."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Roll your Own

A man walks into a store and asks the clerk where he can find the tampons, so he can pick some up for his wife. He is directed to the appropriate "nasty women stuff" isle. He returns a few minutes later with a bag of cotton balls and a roll of kite string. The clerk hesitantly asks, " I know it's no...

I just can't understand women

A guy is outside in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. Every time the kite gets up in the air, it comes crashing down.

After this goes on for a while, his wife sticks her head out the front door and yells, "You need more tail."

The guy turns to his son and says, "Son...

Found some gems in my grandpa's old journal, thought r/jokes would appreciate them...

I'll try and transcribe them the way he writes them down, but it is pretty hard since most of them are written in cursive.

Husband got up early Sunday morning to fly a kite. He is having a hard time, kite is going up and down. Wife is watching from the window in her nighty. Finally, she becom...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.