Getting my kite stuck in a tree isn't my favorite thing...

But it's up there.

Why did Elsa lose her kite?

She let it go.

A man is out in the yard flying a kite with his son

but the kite keeps nosing-over and crashing. After a while the upstairs window flies open and his wife yells out "You need more tail!"

,,,And he yells back "I told you that last night, and you told me to go fly a kite!"

I caught my teenage son flying a kite during a thunderstorm, after I told him not to do it.

So I immediately grounded him.

Kite Flying

I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite. I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth. I tried this a few more times with no success.


All the while, my wife Karen is watching from the kitchen window, mut...

This guy at the beach offered me a free kite. I turned him down. You know why?

He said the deal was no strings attached.

Which medication kites behind your boat?

Parasailtamol

I went to the doctor the other day and said: "Have you got anything for wind?"

So he gave me a kite.

Hi! I'm Ben Franklin and this is Jackass!

\*Flies a kite in a thunder storm\*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three not-so-wise men

Three men are preparing to go on a sightseeing plane ride. They were just about to leave, but then they decided that they wanted some snacks for their plane ride, so they head to a local grocery store before going to the airport. While there, the first man buys an apple. The second man buys a pear. ...

One morning I was wondering

One morning, I was wondering what the hell was that flying in the sky.

Is it a bird? I think its not. It does not have wings

Neither is a plane. Its shape is circle. So I'm very sure its not a plane.

Its not a kite because it doesn't even around move.

But I noticed a very...

Kite Flying

My friend and I were flying a kite, and we couldn't decide whether or not to let it go or bring it down. After talking for a couple minutes, we still couldn't decide, so the issue remained up in the air.

A farmer has to deliver a goat to a friend of his

So the farmer goes to the local train station with his goat. He buys tickets for him and his goat and heads to his train.

Just before he enters the train he gets stopped by the conductor and says to the farmer:

" Animals are not allowed on this train, you'll have to leave him behind." ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was at the bar.... [NSFW]

And some lady dressed like a tramp kept trying to rub my arms. I kept telling her to quit handling me like I was her boyfriend when I didn't even know her. She wouldn't leave me alone, and finally she offered me a desktop computer in exchange for sexual favors. I swear this lady was high as a kite t...

During a family visit, my 6 y/o nephew showed me his handicrafted kite.

Then I showed him my Apple watch and said "Nice, but look what kids in China can do at your age."

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A man gets hit by a bus, dies and goes to Hell..

Upon his arrival, he is greeted by Satan's secretary who begins to process his paperwork and give him the run down on what it's like for eternity.

Secretary: "Hell really isn't all that bad, buddy. We have themed daily activities to keep our residents occupied. Were you by any chance a drinke...

[Long] HOW DOES THE CHINESE STAY PUT IN ITALY

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Chinese had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Chinese community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Chinese community. If the Chinese win, they could stay. If the Pope wins, ...

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There was once a kingdom known as Penisland

In this kingdom, your social status was decided by the length of your penis. A traveler went to the kingdom to see if this was true. As he walked toward the great palace, he saw the peasants and commoners around him. They had penises which wrapped around their waist twice and the tip still touched t...

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They're having sex

Little Jhonny and his mama and papa lived in a one bedroom apartment with a balcony. Now with little Johnny being little the parents would send him out into the balcony whenever they wanted to get frisky, to make it seem routine they'd ask him what he saw when he was out. So one Saturday afternoon h...

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Neighbours

A spaced out man decides to visit his neighbor in the apartment below him and share a joint. Whilst high as kites he asks his neighbour: heyyyyy, I love the paint job you did. Since my apartment is identical in size to yours tell me how much paint did you buy to paint this place? The neighbour says:...

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Cigarette's and Tampons

I called my wife while she was shopping and asked her to bring me some cigarettes. She comes home with a can of Tobacco and rolling papers and said here, roll your own they are cheaper this way. Well I went to the store and she calls and asked if I would bring her some tampons. I brought her a bag o...

Deer Hunter

A hunter was stalking a deer on the ridge across from him when he noticed the deer was somewhat wobbly and seemed to be squinting. Looking carefully through his rifle scope, he soon realized that the big buck was standing in the middle of a patch of marijuana, happily chewing away. Taking careful ...

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Meanwhile, in a different part of the Jingle....

...a lizard is walking along when he smells marijuana smoke. Having a good sense of smell, and not a stranger to the occasional toke, he follows it to the source and comes to the base of a truly mighty tree. High up in the branches is a monkey smoking a joint.

"Hey monkey" he yells.

T...

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Roll your Own

A man walks into a store and asks the clerk where he can find the tampons, so he can pick some up for his wife. He is directed to the appropriate "nasty women stuff" isle. He returns a few minutes later with a bag of cotton balls and a roll of kite string. The clerk hesitantly asks, " I know it's no...

I walked up to a windmill and said,

"What do you think of this, you spin really fast and I'll fly a kite from the wind you make?"

"...I'm not a big fan."

I just can't understand women

A guy is outside in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. Every time the kite gets up in the air, it comes crashing down.

After this goes on for a while, his wife sticks her head out the front door and yells, "You need more tail."

The guy turns to his son and says, "Son...

Found some gems in my grandpa's old journal, thought r/jokes would appreciate them...

I'll try and transcribe them the way he writes them down, but it is pretty hard since most of them are written in cursive.

Husband got up early Sunday morning to fly a kite. He is having a hard time, kite is going up and down. Wife is watching from the window in her nighty. Finally, she becom...

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