What has two wings and an arrow?

A Chinese telephone

“Wing Wing” “Arrow”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger &am...

What do you call a chicken with no legs and no wings?

A chicken nugget

Teacher: Give me an example of a bird that has wings but can not fly...

Student: A dead bird.

what bee no wing

walk

What's Robert Kraft's favorite wing flavor?

Dry rub!

The university president was inconsolable when the wing housing social sciences and languages burned down.

"Oh, the Humanities!" he cried.

Why do right wing extremists hate winter?

Because of all the snowflakes

Why do late night comedians skew left wing?

Because the right wing viewers have to work in the morning.

Which way does a cyclops wing their eyeliner?

It doesn’t matter because Nobody will judge them anyway!

I once tried to pay for my food at Hooters with an energy drink...

Apparently Red Bull doesn’t give you wings.

"What's the difference between a raven and a crow?" asked the Redditor. "Ravens have seventeen wing feathers with the end feather called a pinion, in contrast to crows having only sixteen wing feathers." answered the one known as Dan.

He continued, "Therefore, it's just a matter of a pinion."

I have 600 legs, 30 arms, a pair of wings, and 1000 eyes. What am I?

A liar.

What do you call a fly without wings?

A Walk

I like my wings how I like my holy infant...

Tender and mild.

I got called into Human Resources today because of a couple of incidents and was asked point blank, if I knew the difference between left and right wing. I told them to screw off, as my politics was my business! They still fired me though...

...turns out aircraft are really expensive to fix...

Star Wars X-Wing pilot

"my navigation and targeting drone keeps making bad puns about the old west.. I guess I shouldn't have gone with an RD-R2"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Have you heard about the new right wing extremist card game that must be played at sea?

It's called Nazi yacht yahtzee.

What do you call someone who likes both the flat and drum chicken wing types?

Biwingual

What haw two wings and an arrow?

A Chinese telephone.

(I'm Chinese and I give this joke the Chinese stamp of approval)

A duck walks in to an alternative medicine practicioners office. It points a wing at the man behind the desk and says with a frown:

"Quack"

What's got two eyes, but can't see, two wings, but can't fly, and two legs, but can't walk?

A dead bird.

What has two wings and a halo?

An Asian phone call; "Wing, Wing, Halo!?"

I just saw a man survive getting hit by a plane wing

Massive props to him.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I found a butterfly without wings...

So I poured some RedBull on it and BAM... It drowned.

Hooters

Two men grow up together, but after college one moves to Maryland and
the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to
play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Hoo...

Why are mobile phones being banned in China?

There are so many wings and so many wongs, you might wing the wong number...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There’s a fly flying over the water with a broken wing about to drop....

Underneath the water is a fish. The fish says “when that fly drops I’ll come up and eat him.”

Nearby a fisherman is in his boat and says “when that fly drops and the fish comes up I’ll catch that fish.”

A rat in the fisherman’s boat says “if that fly drops and the fish comes up, then t...

China's Communist Party is starting a militia wing

They're training their members to be good Marxmen

What is grey, has wings and is a terrible swimmer?

A castle.

What’s a bumblebee’s favorite wing sauce?

Pollenesian

A man came up to me today and said "I've invented an aeroplane without wings"

I thought, that'll never take off

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The administrator of a hospital is getting a tour of the new wing.

They walk into a room and see a man masturbating furiously.

"What's the meaning of this!?" thunders the administrator.

The head nurse explains "This man has a serious prostate condition, sir. it is very important that he ejaculates 6 times a day."

"Oh - so sorry, excuse us!" sa...

Right wing terrorism and left wing terrorism are similar

But left wing terrorism is worse. Because right wing terrorism burns foreigners, and left wing terrorism burns cars, and it could have been my car.

What happens when a red and white X-Wing crashes into green water?

It gets wet.

"We're going to be together for the rest of our lives!" smiled my wife as we flew on our dream vacation to Hawaii...

"You seem pretty sure of yourself." I replied.

"I am!" she said, gazing out the window. "The left wing's fallen off and the engine's on fire."

I fed my chickens a chicken wing...

I guess you could say they enjoyed themselves. *ba dum tss*

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. But what happens when a Foghorn blows?

I say-I say, you get cum in your mouth

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was walking down main street and there was a homeless man with a signt hat said “1 dollar for dirty joke.”

Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar.

Homeless man: “Alright sir whats your name?

Me: “Username-valid ”

Homeless man: “So username-valid, there is black rooster alright? How many legs does that chicken have”

Me: “two?”

Homeless man: ...

What do you call a Pelican with a broken wing?

A pelicant.

An eagle checks in at the airline ticket counter with a dead rabbit under one wing. The agent asks, "do you want to check the rabbit?"

"No, this is carrion."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Everytime someone cuts me off in traffic, an angel gets its wings

Because I'm going to kill a motherfucker.

A pig with wings walks into a bar. Stunned, the bartender says

"You can't bring food in here from another restaurant! Even if you are a cop!"

What has six eyes, four wings and eight legs?

Two chickens and a goat.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all sitting in a pub

The Englishman looks down, sees a fly in his beer, and calls out to the bartender, "Hey mate, there's a fly in my beer. Get me another pint!"

The Scotsman looks down, sees a fly in his beer, scoops it out and keeps drinking.

The Irishman looks down, sees a fly in his beer, picks it up...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Marine

A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious.
On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the Sq...

Ready for hell?

A girl is standing at The Gates of Heaven when she hears horrible screams of pain and torture coming from inside.

She says to St. Peter, "What's going on?"

He says, "That's the sound of new angels getting big holes drilled into their backs for their wings, and small holes drilled int...

As a non-US-redditor I don't understand why right-wing gun nuts don't get along better with left-wing SJWs...

...they both seem to love triggers so much.

A vulture tries to board a plane whilst carrying a dead rabbit under his wing.

The flight attendant stops him, shaking his head.

"Sorry sir, you can't bring that on here. No carrion."

I had an idea for a plane with no wings

but it never really took off.

You Might be a Redneck Jedi If…

* You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with ya’ll."
* Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
* You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
* At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
* You have ever had a...

A man is an aircraft engineer for the army.

However, he is having some trouble with planes. Whenever a plane flies too high or too fast in the sky, the wings will break of the plane. One day, the Engineer decides to go to the park. He sits down on a bench with a rabbi. He tells the rabbi about how his planes’ wings always fall off. The rabbi ...