A senior West Wing staffer told Trump that...

...he had a dream, and in that dream Trump got his huge military parade after all, complete with hundreds of thousands of cheering, flag-waving people lining the streets.

"Was I smiling?" Trump asked.

"I don't know," the aide replied. "It was a closed casket."

What do you call a fly with no wings?

Still a fly. The irony is unfortunate but the name doesn’t change.

What has two wings and a halo?

A Chinese telephone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

WWII Army Major walks into the medical wing.

He approaches the first bunk

Major: Why are you here Soldier?

Soldier: Syphilis Sir!

Major: How are they treating it Soldier?

Soldier: 5 minutes a day with a wire brush Sir!

Major: What is your ambition Soldier?

Soldier: To get back to the front lines Sir!<...

Apparently Darth Vader has a right-wing billionaire cousin

His name is Tax E. Vader

Chicken walking down the road with a book under her wing

Walks past a frog saying: “Book, book, book, book, book”

Frog responds: “Reddit”

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around, he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.

The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."

"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me!"

"I understood every word," says the pa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Does the flap of a butterfly’s wings in Brazil set off a tornado in Texas?

I don’t know. But I know that a guy eating a pangolin in Wuhan, China can cause a toilet paper shortage in every single American mall

A bird broke his younger brother’s wing

He was grounded

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A burglar invades a house in the middle of the night

While he is slowly moving through the empty and dark house, he hears a strange voice voice coming from the darkness beyond, that said:

"Jesus is watching you!"

Surprised, the burglar points his flashlight at the direction of the sound, only to discover that the sound was made by a parr...

The coolest thing about my new Porsche is that it lets me know when the rear wing is raised.

Spoiler alert.

I saw a bird with broken wings but a resilient look in its eye.

It was unflappable.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a homeless man with a sign that said “1 dollar for dirty joke."

Seemed like a good investment to me so | gladly
handed over a dollar.

Homeless man: “There is black rooster alright? How many legs
does that chicken have?"

Me: “Two?”

Homeless man: “Right, now how many wings this black rooster
got?”

Me: “Two?”

Homeless man...

Why was the cannibal in the coma patient wing?

Hes a vegetarian

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I contemplated how to kill it

But then the cockroach slowly raised its wings.......

A NSFW joke.

What is a vampire's favorite storm? And what does a person say when they earn their red wings?

RAINING BLOOD

A man working at a plane manufacturer goes to his supervisor with a problem

“Sir, I think someone here isn’t attaching the wings. I’ve seen several planes with only one wing,” the man tells his supervisor. “I think it might be Joe.”

His supervisor looks alarmed and replies, “Well that won’t fly!”

What was Icarus’ least favorite food?

Hot wings.

Ben Shapiro dies in a plane crash. Wanna know why it crashes?

LEFT WING DESTROYED

A chicken walks into a library

It goes up to the circulation desk and says: "book, bok, bok, boook". The librarian hands the chicken a book. It tucks it under his wing and runs out. A while later, the chicken runs back in, throws the first book into the return bin and goes back to the librarian saying: "book, bok, bok, bok, boook...

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A lie.


Credit to my five year old

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a bar

Each orders a pint of the bartender's finest ale. The moment they are served, three flies appear, each fly diving into one of the men's pints.



The Englishman, disgusted, pushes his pint aside and orders another.



The Scotsman fishes the fly from his drink, and with a s...

What’s the difference between the political left wing and right wing?

It’s the big plane called Air Force One in the middle.

Your mama is so fat...

When she wants to eat some hot wings an ostrich must die

Why did Ben Shapiro destroy a KFC restaurant?

'Cause they served him left wings.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I saw a butterfly with no wings today, I poured some Red Bull on it and BAM!

It drowned...

9 Blondes and 1 Brunette are holding onto the wing of a weighed down rapidly descending aircraft.

They all realize one must let go to save the rest of them.

The plane is about 1000 meters away from crashing, when the brunette starts to say that she will heroicly let go of the wing of the plane to save the 9 others.

She gets a few a tears and cries of “Nooo” but as she finishes, a...

Teacher: Give me an example of a bird that has wings but can not fly...

Student: A dead bird.

What has wings, but cannot fly? What can run, but has no legs?

The nose.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman a Scotsman and an Irishman joke.

New here, so not sure if this is a repost.


An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a pub. They all sit next to each other at the bar, and all three order a pint of Guinness. Right as they get their pints, a fly lands in each one's drink. The Englishman turns up his nose disgu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Frenchman, German, and an Irishman walk into a bar

They all go up to the bar and order: Red Wine for the Frenchman, a pint of beer for the German, and glass of whiskey for the Irishman.

They all sit down together to enjoy their drinks and talk. They'd been sitting a bit when a fly buzzes around their heads and lands in the Frenchman's wine. ...

In response to the invitation for a rather unusual reunion of all time greats.......

\* Newton said he'd drop in.
\* Socrates said he'd think about it.
\* Ohm resisted the idea.
\* Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
\* Darwin said he'd wait to see what evolved.
\* Pierre and Marie Curie radiated enthusiasm.
\* Volta was electrified at the prospe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Master, why does my ability not improve?

Kung Fu student asks his teacher: "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated."

And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers: "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun, and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."
...

Why do late night comedians skew left wing?

Because the right wing viewers have to work in the morning.

Ordered a bucket of wings and an omelette today. Wanted to see which came first.

The chicken or the egg

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I started carrying a moist towelette in my wallet instead of a condom.

I run into chicken wings more often that I do sex.

As a crowded airliner is about to take off

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
...

I have 600 legs, 30 arms, a pair of wings, and 1000 eyes. What am I?

A liar.

Engineers take a bow!

During the development of a new jet fighter aircraft the wings on the prototypes kept snapping off where they joined the fuselage. The test-pilots who only barely survived by ejecting in time were terrified. No amount of re-design seem to solve the problem, so the aircraft company in desperation off...

what bee no wing

walk

What has two wings and an arrow?

A Chinese man imitating a phone ringing and answering the call.

"Wing, wing, arrow?"

There are only two phone numbers in China the wings and the wongs

So you might wing the wong number

What’s the difference between you and a guy who dresses up in a toga & wings and shoots arrows at couples on Valentine’s Day

One’s a Cupid Stunt...

What do you call a chicken with no legs and no wings?

A chicken nugget

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The mosquito that brings disease...

A village elder is brought a mosquito caught from a swarm. The townsfolks fear it may bring disease. So the elder says - "I will take this mosquito, and I will determine the aspects of the disease that it may bring." The elder rips up the mosquito into pieces. He places each one into a tiny square d...

Which way does a cyclops wing their eyeliner?

It doesn’t matter because Nobody will judge them anyway!

TIL in 1954 the Detroit Red Wings held an exhibition match against inmates at Marquette prison.

The game had its pros and cons.

The university president was inconsolable when the wing housing social sciences and languages burned down.

"Oh, the Humanities!" he cried.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know that chicken wings aren’t virgins?

Because they are always bone-in

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I like to masterbate like I like my chicken wings

With a dry rub

What's Robert Kraft's favorite wing flavor?

Dry rub!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger &am...

What did the maxipad say to the fart?

“You are the wind beneath my wings”

A mother traveled across the country to watch her only son get married and graduate from the air force on the exact same day.

“Thank you for coming,” the son said. “It means so much.” “Of course I’d be here,” the mother replied. “It’s not every day a mom watches her son get his wings and have them clipped all in one day.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irish guy, A Scot and British dude walk into a pub...

They all sit down and each orders a pint. Just then 3 flies swoop down and land in each one of their beers.
The British gent, thoroughly disgusted turns his nose up and pushes the beer away.
The Scot picks up the fly, looks at it, shrugs and continues to take a swig.
The Irishman see the fl...

"What's the difference between a raven and a crow?" asked the Redditor. "Ravens have seventeen wing feathers with the end feather called a pinion, in contrast to crows having only sixteen wing feathers." answered the one known as Dan.

He continued, "Therefore, it's just a matter of a pinion."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got called into human resources today because of a couple of incidents and was asked if I knew the difference between left and right wing. Outraged, I told them to fuck off as my politics was my business! They still fired me though...

...turns out aircraft are really expensive to fix.

For valentine's day, I gave my wife a back-rub.

I told her, "Wow, they did a good job... when they removed your wings."
I kissed her forehead and whispered, "They did a good job on the horns too!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There’s a fly flying over the water with a broken wing about to drop....

Underneath the water is a fish. The fish says “when that fly drops I’ll come up and eat him.”

Nearby a fisherman is in his boat and says “when that fly drops and the fish comes up I’ll catch that fish.”

A rat in the fisherman’s boat says “if that fly drops and the fish comes up, then t...

What's got two eyes, but can't see, two wings, but can't fly, and two legs, but can't walk?

A dead bird.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do the small grass-like substance that grows on the side of rocks and small winged insects similar to butterflies have in common?

The way Mike Tyson pronounces them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a vulture who had a rebellious son.

He would preen his feathers so they stood up, hang out with raccoons, and generally be a nuisance to the rest of the flock. Thinking that it was just a phase, his father didn't worry too much about it and hoped that one day his son would grow up.

However, one day his son came home with terrib...

A woman goes to the pet store to buy a parrot

(Long)

She walks in and the merchant shows her the only parrot they have available. "I must warn you" the merchant said, "this parrot was owned previously buy a sailor and has very foul language". Well the woman, like most of us, thought she could change the parrot so she takes the parrot hom...

Hooters

Two men grow up together, but after college one moves to Maryland and
the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to
play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Hoo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British sinner goes to hell

He arrives at the gates of hell and since He's the worst sinner of all time, The Devil comes to recieve him himself. The Devil then starts walking him into a huge building and tells him that sinners don't get to choose as to the kind of punishment they will recieve but the British guy being the wor...

What haw two wings and an arrow?

A Chinese telephone.

(I'm Chinese and I give this joke the Chinese stamp of approval)

An American man, a Russian man and a Chinese man are in a car...

They reach an unmarked intersection and stop to decide where they should continue.

The American man scoffs: "I'm for pure capitalism, and that's right-wing. We'll turn right!"

The Russian frowns: "Communism is the natural order, and that's left-wing. We shall turn left!"

The Chi...

I just saw a man survive getting hit by a plane wing

Massive props to him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bar Joke Alert

Guy walks into a bar. There's a blind pianist with a dancing monkey there, but the man thinks nothing of it and orders a beer.

The monkey chitters, runs over, and dips his ass in the guy's beer before scarpering off.

Guy cusses out the monkey and orders a second beer. Monkey runs over ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard about the new right wing extremist card game that must be played at sea?

It's called Nazi yacht yahtzee.

A young man buys a chicken farm out in the country

He doesn't know much about chickens, so he decides to go consult with some of the locals. He finds an old farmer and asks if he might be able to give him some pointers. The old farmer tells him "sure, meet me here at 6am tomorrow and I'll show you the ropes.


The young man gets up and ...

I fed my chickens a chicken wing...

I guess you could say they enjoyed themselves. *ba dum tss*

What is grey, has wings and is a terrible swimmer?

A castle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The administrator of a hospital is getting a tour of the new wing.

They walk into a room and see a man masturbating furiously.

"What's the meaning of this!?" thunders the administrator.

The head nurse explains "This man has a serious prostate condition, sir. it is very important that he ejaculates 6 times a day."

"Oh - so sorry, excuse us!" sa...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.