What has two wings and an arrow?

A Chinese telephone!

Wing wing, arrow?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger &am...

What do you call an Asian fly with no wings?

A wok.

TIL in 1954 the Detroit Red Wings held an exhibition match against inmates at Marquette prison.

The game had its pros and cons.

What’s the difference between you and a guy who dresses up in a toga & wings and shoots arrows at couples on Valentine’s Day

One’s a Cupid Stunt...

What do you call a chicken with no legs and no wings?

A chicken nugget

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I like to masterbate like I like my chicken wings

With a dry rub

Teacher: Give me an example of a bird that has wings but can not fly...

Student: A dead bird.

what bee no wing

walk

There are only two phone numbers in China the wings and the wongs

So you might wing the wong number

How do you know that chicken wings aren’t virgins?

Because they are always bone-in

The university president was inconsolable when the wing housing social sciences and languages burned down.

"Oh, the Humanities!" he cried.

What's Robert Kraft's favorite wing flavor?

Dry rub!

Why do right wing extremists hate winter?

Because of all the snowflakes

Why do late night comedians skew left wing?

Because the right wing viewers have to work in the morning.

What's got wings and sucks blood?

Always ultra

Which way does a cyclops wing their eyeliner?

It doesn’t matter because Nobody will judge them anyway!

I have 600 legs, 30 arms, a pair of wings, and 1000 eyes. What am I?

A liar.

I once tried to pay for my food at Hooters with an energy drink...

Apparently Red Bull doesn’t give you wings.

"What's the difference between a raven and a crow?" asked the Redditor. "Ravens have seventeen wing feathers with the end feather called a pinion, in contrast to crows having only sixteen wing feathers." answered the one known as Dan.

He continued, "Therefore, it's just a matter of a pinion."

I like my wings how I like my holy infant...

Tender and mild.

What haw two wings and an arrow?

A Chinese telephone.

(I'm Chinese and I give this joke the Chinese stamp of approval)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Kung Fu student asks his teacher

"Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated.

And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers: "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun, and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling m...

Did you hear about the new wing at Sea World for all critically injured dolphins?

It's basically a hospital for all intensive porpoises

What's got two eyes, but can't see, two wings, but can't fly, and two legs, but can't walk?

A dead bird.

I got called into Human Resources today because of a couple of incidents and was asked point blank, if I knew the difference between left and right wing. I told them to screw off, as my politics was my business! They still fired me though...

...turns out aircraft are really expensive to fix...

I just saw a man survive getting hit by a plane wing

Massive props to him.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I found a butterfly without wings...

So I poured some RedBull on it and BAM... It drowned.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There’s a fly flying over the water with a broken wing about to drop....

Underneath the water is a fish. The fish says “when that fly drops I’ll come up and eat him.”

Nearby a fisherman is in his boat and says “when that fly drops and the fish comes up I’ll catch that fish.”

A rat in the fisherman’s boat says “if that fly drops and the fish comes up, then t...

What is grey, has wings and is a terrible swimmer?

A castle.

China's Communist Party is starting a militia wing

They're training their members to be good Marxmen

What’s a bumblebee’s favorite wing sauce?

Pollenesian

A man came up to me today and said "I've invented an aeroplane without wings"

I thought, that'll never take off

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch...

It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I ...

What do you call a Pelican with a broken wing?

A pelicant.

I fed my chickens a chicken wing...

I guess you could say they enjoyed themselves. *ba dum tss*

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The administrator of a hospital is getting a tour of the new wing.

They walk into a room and see a man masturbating furiously.

"What's the meaning of this!?" thunders the administrator.

The head nurse explains "This man has a serious prostate condition, sir. it is very important that he ejaculates 6 times a day."

"Oh - so sorry, excuse us!" sa...

"We're going to be together for the rest of our lives!" smiled my wife as we flew on our dream vacation to Hawaii...

"You seem pretty sure of yourself." I replied.

"I am!" she said, gazing out the window. "The left wing's fallen off and the engine's on fire."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. But what happens when a Foghorn blows?

I say-I say, you get cum in your mouth

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A farmer goes out and buys a new, young rooster. As soon as he brings him home, the young rooster rushes and screws all 150 of the farmers hens. The farmer is impressed.

At lunchtime, the young rooster again screws all 150 hens. The farmer is not just impressed anymore,he is worried. Next morning,not only is the rooster screwing the hens but he is screwing the turkeys,ducks even the cow. Later farmer looks out into the barnyard and finds the rooster stretched out, l...

The Guggenheim opens a new Arts wing

Stan wins the first free guided tour.

They pass some statues with pink flamingos licking each others eyeballs.

'What's this?', says Stan?

- 'That's just our display of visual arts.

They move on and they pass some guys in wetsuits singing children's songs which lyrics wer...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Horse and Chicken were standing in farmer Brown's yard. [Long]

Horse was standing in the biggest puddle of mud you ever did see, not paying attention to anything. Before he knew it, he had sunk up to his haunches and couldn't get out.
"Help me Chicken!" He cried. "Go get Farmer Brown to pull me out with his tractor"
"Can't!" Squawked Chicken. "Farmer Brow...

Hooters

Two men grow up together, but after college one moves to Maryland and
the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to
play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Hoo...

An eagle checks in at the airline ticket counter with a dead rabbit under one wing. The agent asks, "do you want to check the rabbit?"

"No, this is carrion."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Everytime someone cuts me off in traffic, an angel gets its wings

Because I'm going to kill a motherfucker.

A pig with wings walks into a bar. Stunned, the bartender says

"You can't bring food in here from another restaurant! Even if you are a cop!"

A chicken walks into a library

A chicken walks into the library. It goes up to the circulation desk and says: "book, bok, bok, boook". The librarian hands the chicken a book. It tucks it under his wing and runs out. A while later, the chicken runs back in, throws the first book into the return bin and goes back to the librarian s...

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting with St. Peter at the pearly gates when all of a sudden she hears the most bloodcurdling screams.

"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings."

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation.

Ten minutes later, there are more loud and dreadful screams "Oh my God," says the old l...

What has six eyes, four wings and eight legs?

Two chickens and a goat.

Ready for hell?

A girl is standing at The Gates of Heaven when she hears horrible screams of pain and torture coming from inside.

She says to St. Peter, "What's going on?"

He says, "That's the sound of new angels getting big holes drilled into their backs for their wings, and small holes drilled int...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Women are like chicken to me...

I love breasts, thighs, and legs but if I see wings I'm not eating.

Just thought of this while eating fried chicken.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW - The Queen is touring a prestigious hospital...

They come to the special care wing and she is utterly disgusted when she sees a nurse giving a male patient a hand job.

"What is the meaning of this?!" she screams.

"Don't fret, your Majesty. This man has a rare condition that requires him to ejaculate once every hour or he will go int...

As a non-US-redditor I don't understand why right-wing gun nuts don't get along better with left-wing SJWs...

...they both seem to love triggers so much.

You Might be a Redneck Jedi If…

* You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with ya’ll."
* Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
* You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
* At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
* You have ever had a...

A vulture tries to board a plane whilst carrying a dead rabbit under his wing.

The flight attendant stops him, shaking his head.

"Sorry sir, you can't bring that on here. No carrion."

I had an idea for a plane with no wings

but it never really took off.

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