I always wanted to try Tony Hawk games

But they say there's too much grind

What do the Atlanta hawks and a bad powerlifter have in common?

They both have a weak bench.

You know what they're gonna say when Tony Hawk dies?

Tony Hawks Underground

What’s the opposite of Stephen Hawking ?

Stephen Walking.

Three hawks had a hunting contest

The first one went and came back with blood on its beak. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that tree over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I hunted a rabbit near it".


The second one went and came back with even more blood on its beak. They asked him what happened. He sa...

my great great grandmother has eyes of a hawk

she also has a lifetime ban on the bird park

A hawk, lion, and skunk are gathered in the woods...

A hawk, lion, and skunk are gathered in a forest arguing over who is the mightiest of the animals.

The hawk said "I am the mightiest for I can fly way up high and see my prey from far distances."

The lion said "No, I am the mightiest! For I can run the fastest and I am king of the jun...

I have the eyes of a hawk, the heart of a lion, the ears of a fox

And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a church and sits in the confession booth. He says to the priest,

"forgive me father, for I have sinned. I was golfing yesterday and I cursed"

The priest asks, "Would you like to tell me about it?"

"Well," the guy says. "I was on the seventeenth hole, and I had just hit my best drive of the day. It was straight ahead, middle of the fairway, perfect ...

What did the Australian say to the hawk?

Good eye!

What's the difference between a hawk and an eagle?

All birds have specialized tail feathers called pinions. An eagle has 8 pinions, while a hawk only has 7. So you could say the difference is only a matter of a pinion.

From my 7-year-old: What type of phone does a hawk use?

A hawkie talkie.

You must be a Tony Hawk game

because when I'm with you, I'm Neversoft.

A man stumbles out of a bar just before closing time.

An officer was already outside, waiting for drink-drivers. She watches as the man nearly trips down the stairs outside the bar, stagger over to his car, and fumble in his pocket for his keys.

Looks like I've got one, the officer thinks to herself.

15 minutes later, closing time finally...

A Nun is very distraught...

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.
'What troubles you, Sister?' asked the Mother Superior. 'I thought this was the day you spent with your family.'
'It was,' sighed the Sister. 'And I went to play golf with my b...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Mysterious Bottle of Ketchup

A man wants to throw a party, so he heads into a grocery store looking for supplies. He grabs a shopping cart and combs through the aisles, grabbing everything he could possibly need for the party.

He's about to head out and he does a final mental check of the things he needs. He realises he...

Sugar Shorts . . .

A group of Tennessee bikers were riding east on Highway 74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.

Walter Hawk, their leader, a man of 63, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down of...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

On the lowest branch of a tree, there is a caterpillar looking at a bud. Hungrily, it says: "I'll be damned if don't eat this bud. But I'll wait until it has bloomed so that I can go and fill my belly !!" and then it waits patiently for the bud to bloom.

Higher on that tree, a sparrow is looking at the caterpillar and says: "I'll be damned if don't eat this caterpillar. But I'll wait until it has eaten the bud so that I can go and fill my belly!! " and then it waits patiently for the caterpillar to eat the bud.

Watching from another branch, ...

How do you get rid of unwanted pubic hair?

*hawk cough spit*

Who wants to be a Millionaire?

A lady is on "Who wants to be a Millionaire" and she has already won $500,000. She is on her last question with only the phone a friend left.

Chris Harrison: You can leave now with $500,000 dollars, or you can try for the million. If you fail to answer this last question you lose all your mon...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Forgive me Father for I have sinned.

Forgive me Father for I have sinned.............. "go on" says the priest. "I swore the other day" says the man. "continue" says the priest. "I was on the golf course the other day and i hit my drive, it was looking perfect, heading dead straight. About 200 yards down my ball hit a power line crossi...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] Camping Sex

Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, “You know, we’re starting to get on each other’s nerves. Why don’t we split up today. I’ll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

For as long as anyone could remember ...

this indian chief was in charge of naming all the children that were born in the tribe.

One day, this one brave comes up to him and says " Chief, how do you name these children? How do you think of their names ?"

The chief says "Very simple, when a child is born and i see snow gently f...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A nun walks into a bar looking like she'd just been in a dog fight.

Her clothes are all torn and raggedy and covered in crap. She sits down and orders a beer.

He pours her a pint and watches as she downs it in one, burps, then hawks up some phlegm and spits it on the floor. She follows this up by lifting her ass to the side and letting out a humongous resona...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A long-assed golf joke- but a decent, long-assed golf joke...

A man goes to see his priest:

“Father”, the man begins, “I took the Lord’s name in vain today while I was golfing.”

“I see. This is certainly an egregious sin in the eyes of our Lord, but perhaps you could tell me the circumstances around which this happened. As a golfer myself, I un...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bear and a rabbit uncover a magic lamp.

A bear is looking for honey in a big, old tree when he spots something mysterious down in a hole. After a whole lot of struggling he finally asks a rabbit if he could help retrieve the thing.

So with a little wiggling and waggling the rabbit drags out from the tree a tarnished and weathered o...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Hitler was bored

One day hitler was visiting one of his prisonercamps and he got a bit bored. He ordered a sergeant to bring in 3 prisoners and let them into his office one by one .

The first one arrived and he spoke to him .
Hitler: I'm going to ask you 3 questions , get them all right and you're free to ...

Jesus, Moses, and a bearded guy are all playing golf together

They get to the first hole and it's a long one with a big deep water hazard in the middle. Par 4

Jesus takes a shot. It lands on this tiny patch of dirt on the right edge of the hazard. Jesus doesn't want to take a penalty for a drop and he stinks at shooting left handed so he decides to just...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three men were running from a Persian army when they came to the edge of a cliff...

With nowhere else to run, they prayed to their God for help, and an angel appeared. The angel said, "I will allow you to run and jump off this cliff to test your faith, and the first thing you scream after jumping will be what you transform into..."

The first man without hesitation ran and ju...

I encountered an eagle with an identity crisis...

He's watching me like a hawk.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man goes to see his priest...

A man goes to see his priest to confess his bad behavior.

Man: “I’m sorry father but I took the lords name in vain.”

Priest: “My son, you still seem upset at the matter. Why don’t you explain what happened and get it off your chest. You will feel much better afterwards.”

Man: “...

Four physicians are out in a field...

... a general internist, an emergency physician, a surgeon, and a pathologist. They see a bird fly overhead.

- The internist says "looks like a sparrow, sounds like a sparrow, its probably a sparrow.'

- The emergency physician says "it's not a falcon, it's not a hawk, I'm not sure ...

Jesus, Moses, an an old man are playing golf...

And the first hole is on the other side of a pond. Moses is the first to go. He sets his ball on the tee, then gives hit a hard whack. It soars right into the pond before the hole. So, he walks up, parts the waters, and hits the ball right into the hole.

Next up is Jesus. He sets his ball, s...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A native Indian was asked by his son how the tribe chose names

Well son, I’m Running Bear, because when I was born your grandfather came out of the tepee and saw a bear running through the forest. And your mothers farther, saw a Red hawk in the sky and so that’s why she is called Little Red Hawk. Anyway why do you ask Two Dogs Fucking ?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bird is shivering on the fence of a barnhouse on a cold evening...

...A dog passes by, on seeing the bird grabbed it carefully with its teeth and places it in a heap of freshly laid cow dung on the floor of the barn an plodded off. The bird who was already cold became quite pissed at the dog, it tried to move but the dung was too thick. It then felt the warmth of t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Pirate in a Bar

A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a pirate walk in the front door. The pirate had a peg leg, a hook for one hand, and a patch over one eye. Feeling sorry for the pirate, the man said, "Come over here friend. You look like you've had a hard life and I'd like to buy you a drink." The pirate c...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How native Americans get their names

A Native American boy ran up to the chief and asked how they got their names. The chief looks at the boy and said when your sister was born I saw a hawk fly over so we named her sky hawk. And when your brother was born a deer ran by so we called him running deer, why do you ask two dogs fucking?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three animals were having a huge argument

Three animals were having a huge argument over who was the best.The first, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above, and his prey had hardly a chance.The second,a lion,based his claim on his strength. No animal in the forest dared to challeng...

An eagle goes looking for a mate...

He swoops down and picks up a loon. "I'm a loon, I'm a loon, I love to spoon."

The eagle realizes this will not work, so he kicks the loon out and finds a hawk. "I'm a hawk, I'm a hawk, I just want to talk."

Realizing that that will not work, he kicks out the hawk and finds a dove. "I'...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The rabbit, the bear, and the wish granting frog (My first post, please be gentle)

A rabbit was sitting in the forest straining to expel the demons caused from a bad meal he had eaten the night before, when he heard a rustling in the bush not far from him. Knowing he was near the bottom of the food chain, he tried to hurry it up.

Just as the rabbit finished his business, ...

Jesus, Moses and an Old Man go golfing

and they come up to the par 3. Moses steps up to take a swing and plop, right in the pond. So he steps up to the water, raises his hands and separates the water. He strolls up and chips it into the hole for a birdie. Jesus' turn and he plunks it in the drink, too. He walks on the water, takes a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 guys decide to go mountain climbing

After a few days of climbing, they finally reach the summit. All of them are in awe of the spectacular beauty they can see from being so high up.

One of them men, tired from the trek, decides to sit down. He feels something underneath him. Curious, he pulls it out of the ground and he sees t...

Moses, Jesus and a third man are playing golf one day.

Moses is up first. He hits a nice shot, but it dips and lands in a water trap. Moses quickly raises his club, the water parts, and the ball rolls out of the trap.

Jesus is up next. He hits an almost identical shot, again landing in the water trap. The ball hovers a few inches over the surface...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

a classic

A hawk was feeling incredibly horny one day but could not find a suitable female for procreation, in his search he came across a fairly attractive dove and figured "why not". He swooped down and fornicated with said dove. As he flew away the dove shook the loose down from her derriere and said "I'm ...

A Golfer's Confession

"I swore yesterday, father."

"Continue," said the priest.

"Well, I was playing in a local golf tournament, and on the eighteenth hole, a par three, I needed a birdie to win. My drive was perfect, but it hit a power line crossing the fairway."

"I see...and you swore at your misfo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A joke an old man told me....

Out at the farm there were two birds sitting up in a tree. They were faced to where they were looking down at the chickenhouse. One of the birds was a buzzard and the other was a chicken hawk. The chicken hawk started to move closer to the chickenhouse. "I can't stand it," he said to the buzzard, "I...

A few Irish Jokes

With an Irish joke being posted earlier, I'll add a few of my Irish one liners.

What do you call the Irish man who hangs from the ceiling?

Shaun D'Leer


What do you call the Irish cowboy?

Rick O'Shea


What do you call the Irish Indian?

Tom O'Hawk...

So Jesus and St. Peter go out to play golf

Jesus and St. Peter go to play golf one day. St. Peter tees off first and hits a beautiful drive straight down the fairway and lands perfectly 3 feet away from the hole. "Good job," says Jesus, "now let me see what I can do." Jesus tees off and shanks miserably. The ball bounces off a tree and lands...

The worker at the match factory.

This guy works in a match factory on the assembly line.

One day he has an epiphany, the next day he marches up to the presidents office.

*"I figured out how to save you millions"* he says.

*"For my idea I want 1 million dollars, if you implement it and it works you have to p...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three guys are walking up a mountain

Legend had it that if you made a wish and jumped off, your wish would instantly come true.
The first man goes to the edge and says "I wish to be a fish"
He jumps off, turns into a fish, and swims away in the river below.
The second man goes to the edge and says "I wish to be a hawk"
H...

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