What's with all of the rude Stephen Hawking jokes??

The man can't even stand up for himself

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A hawk is feeling horny...

The first partner he meets is a dove.


He pulls her into the bushes and there's a bunch of shaking and rustling sounds. A few minutes later, they both come out looking happy.


The dove says, "I'm a dove and I've been loved."


The hawk is still horny, though, ...

It's a little-known fact that legendary stuntman Evel Kneivel had an IQ of 160, the same as genius professor Stephen Hawking.

Ironically, they also shared a love of ramps.

What do Stephen Hawking and Tony Hawk have in common?

The both love ramps.

I'm smarter than Einstein, Hawking, Da Vinci and Aristotle combined...

cuz ther al ded

Tony Hawk walks into a bar....

The bartender doesn’t recognize him.

Why do fruit flies hate stephen hawking

He was a vegetable

My friend said we should tear down statues of Stephen Hawking

I didn’t know there were any statues of Stephen Hawking still standing.

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

Then Stevie Wonder "says wait you can walk!" Then Hellen keller says "wait you can see!"
Then hitler says "wait you're still alive!"
And that's the story about how my bartender stopped doing drugs.

I could do some great stand up comedy about Stephen Hawking...

but then it wouldn’t be stand up comedy

I finally got around to reading that Stephen Hawking book!

It's about time!

What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?

Nothing.

What’s one job Stephen hawking would be no good at?

Stand up comedy.

Stephen Hawking doesn't do well against bullies

What, you think he's gonna stand up for himself?

Why didn't Stephen hawking host a talk show?

because he can't do stand-up comedy

Stephen Hawking went on a date the other day.

When he went back to his family, he had a dislocated shoulder, 2 broken ribs, and a popped kneecap. It was because she stood him up.

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar

Just kidding

I hope Stephen Hawkins was an organ donor

I really need some parts for my go kart

I knew a guy who used to get Tony Hawk and Stephen Hawking confused

Understandable, they both loved ramps.

One sunny day, Jesus, Moses and a small elderly man were playing golf.

Jesus was the first to tee off. He hit the ball a little to the left, and it ended up in the water hazard. Because it was Jesus his ball floated, and when he got down to the hazard, he walked upon the water and hit the ball into the green.

Moses was the next to tee off, and like Jesus, he too...

Why was Stephen Hawking always so quick with the one liners?

Well, he wasn't exactly gonna try stand-up, was he?

Three hawks

Three hawks sitting on a tree one goes and comes back later with blood on his beak the other hawks say tell us he said do u see that rock there they say yes he said there was a rabbit and i ate it

the second hawk goes and comes back with more blood on his beak then the first hawk the other h...

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The Golfing Nun - and why life is never perfect.

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.


'What troubles you, Sister?' asked the Mother Superior. 'I thought this was the day you spent with your family.'


'It was,' sighed the Sister. 'And I went to...

“There is no God” -Stephen Hawking, 2011

“There is no Stephen Hawking” -God, 2018

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A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Australian were hiking through some remote mountains.

The weather was oppressively hot when they saw this beautiful lake. They ran down to the lake, stripped off and swam in the wonderfully cool water.

Natives appeared on the shore and captured them and took them before the Chief.

"Lake is our most sacred site. You have violated sacred si...

Teacher asks students for their favourite stand up comedians

Students start naming their favourite comedians.

Then one kid says : Joe Biden.

Another kid follows with : Donald Trump.

Political debate starts. When the teacher finaly quiets down the class there is only the person who didn't say who their favourite is, is the quiet kid.
...

School report.

My teacher gave us an assignment to tell her our idols and then say what we would do if they walked in our house. I got off easy because I said Stephen Hawking.

Before he died Stephen Hawking went on his first date for years

When he returned he'd broken his glasses, fractured his wrist and broken his knee.

Apparently she stood him up

Stephen Hawking was a master at the violin

He had an adept understanding of string theory

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden:...

Why isn’t Steven Hawking in heaven?

He’s still uploading to the cloud

I've tried calling Stephen Hawking many times

I keep getting his answering machine

Stephen Hawking - "The doctors finally removed my pop up blocker"

"Now I can finally get an erection"

First Stephen Hawking, now Avicii?

Tough year for the Electronic community.

What was Steven Hawking’s last words?

<The windows xp log out sound >

What do you call a handjob from Stephen Hawking?

A stroke of genius.

Neil DeGrasse Tyson, Stephen Hawking, and Bill Nye walk into a bar.

Neil and Bill look at Stephen Hawking and yell, "My God, Stephen, you're cured!"

A man goes into confession on his way home from the gold course

Forgive me Father I have sinned.

*Tell me what happened son*

Well, I used the Lords name in vain. I was out golfing this morning and hit the most beautiful drive of my life, straight as an arrow, it must've carried 300 yards, right down the middle of the fairway.

*So you got a l...

Did Stephen Hawking have a donor card?

. .Cos I really need bits for my kids go-kart

Why did Stephen Hawking only eat meat?

Because eating vegetables would be cannibalism.

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How does Stephen Hawking have sex?

Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace...

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What is Stephan Hawking's favorite porn genre?

Ebony. The dude loves black holes.

It’s a shame that Steven Hawking died

He’s been on a roll since age 21.

I don't know what job Steven hawking had

But I sure as hell know he wasn't a stand up comedian.

I have the eyes of a hawk, the heart of a lion, the ears of a fox

And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

What was internet medias' interpretation of the hawking effect and coronal mass ejections?

: "God rubbing one out".

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to?

The computer runs.

A fish, a snake, and Stephen Hawking walk into a bar...

Just kidding. None of those things walk.

Why is Stephen Hawking successful?

He can't run away from his responsibilities.

Whats Stephen Hawking’s least favorite song?

Stairway to Heaven

My friend said they'd finally read Stephen Hawking's book.

I said, "It's about time."

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He accidentally hit alt+f4

What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady

but you would never know because he can't stand up?

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An old farmer and his neighbor butt heads

An old farmer lives in a world that is always a few generations behind the modern era. As the city grows, the suburbs encroach upon the rural countryside inhabitants that have stewarded these hills for the last 3 centuries. The farmer has a city-folk neighbor that moved in last year who often visits...

Stephen Hawking diagnosed with erectile dysfunction.

It was easy to fix, they just uninstalled his pop-up blocker.

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Tried kidnapping Stephen Hawking the other day...

Had the blindfold the bastard so he'd stop yelling for help.

A hawk, lion, and skunk are gathered in the woods...

A hawk, lion, and skunk are gathered in a forest arguing over who is the mightiest of the animals.

The hawk said "I am the mightiest for I can fly way up high and see my prey from far distances."

The lion said "No, I am the mightiest! For I can run the fastest and I am king of the jun...

Stephen Hawking

If Stephen hawking started a company, What would his position in the company be?



The Chairman

How does Steven Hawking refresh after a long work day?

F5

(sorry Imgoingtohellforthis)

You know what they're gonna say when Tony Hawk dies?

Tony Hawks Underground

What do the Atlanta hawks and a bad powerlifter have in common?

They both have a weak bench.

my great great grandmother has eyes of a hawk

she also has a lifetime ban on the bird park

Why is being Steven Hawking so great?

Because he never gets nervous...

Have you ever walked past Stepehen Hawking's house?

Neither has he.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

Ctrl + Alt + Del

Just saw a post about Stan Lee, Avicii, Stephen Hawking and Burt Reynolds.

It was a rip-post.

Stephen Hawking’s final theory, written just before he died, was released yesterday.

It's about time

Did you hear about Stephen Hawking?

His computer suffered a fatal error.

Stephen Hawking is a very paranoid man

He's always looking over his shoulder.

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If Stephen Hawking, given his physical ailments, were to develop a machine to help him masturbate...

Would it be a *stroke of genius*?

Billy Graham and Stephen Hawking meet each other in the afterlife.

That was Amazing! Billy says to Stephen.
It sure was, let's do that again! Only this time I get to be the bad cop.

A guy is golfing by himself and shanks a ball hard.

He yells, "Goddamn it all to hell!"

St. Peter hears him and asks God, "Aren't you going to do anything about that?"

God says, "Yep."

Next hole is a long par five over water ending in a dog leg. The guy tees up and crushes the ball. It hits the water but just as it does, a turtle...

Sometimes I feel like Stephen Hawking in the morning

Because I can't get out of bed.

Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell?

Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.

You must be a Tony Hawk game

because when I'm with you, I'm Neversoft.

Did you know that Stephen Hawking wrote a cookbook?

It's called A Brief History of Thyme.

TIL Stephen Hawking is British

Never realized because of his accent.

Stephen Hawking's favorite Migos song is Walk it Like I Talk It

He couldn't do either

Toronto Raptors: We are the only sports team named after a dinosaur!

New Orleans Pelicans and Atlanta Hawks: Well technically -

Stephen Hawking was quite persistant in his older age

He never walked away from a challange

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