The 80+ Best Hawk Jokes

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How does Stephen Hawking have sex?

Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace...

I've tried calling Stephen Hawking many times

I keep getting his answering machine

“There is no God” -Stephen Hawking, 2011

“There is no Stephen Hawking” -God, 2018

What does Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashes?

Nothing.

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A snake, a rock, and Steven Hawking walk into a bar...

The bartender says "how the fuck did yalls do that?"

First Stephen Hawking, now Avicii?

Tough year for the Electronic community.

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Professor Stephen Hawking rolled into a fancy dress shop..

"Good morning." He said to the shopkeeper, in his famous robotic voice. "It's my science department's annual Dr Who fancy dress party tonight. Would you have a Tom Baker outfit for rental?"

"I'm sorry Mr Hawking." He replied. "I just rented the last one out yesterday."

"Oh dear." artif...

Very few people know this, but legendary motorcycle daredevil Evel Knievel was a very intelligent man, and had the same IQ as professor Stephen Hawking.

They also shared a love of ramps.

Why couldn’t Stephen Hawking get into heaven?

Because it’s a stairway to heaven.

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners?

Because he can't do stand up

I finally managed to finish one of Stephen Hawkings’ books yesterday.

It was about Time.

What's the worst christmas gift you could give to Steven Hawking?

A Walkie-Talkie.

I have the eyes of a hawk, the heart of a lion, the ears of a fox

And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

A passenger brings his pet hawk onto the plane.

The flight attendant stops him and says he can’t bring that on this flight.

Passenger informs the flight attendant he has a permit, a ticket and permission from the airline to bring the bird.

The flight attendant says “No, not the bird, I mean that bag with two dead mice.”

Passe...

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A hawk is feeling horny...

The first partner he meets is a dove.

He pulls her into the bushes and there's a bunch of shaking and rustling sounds. A few minutes later, they both come out looking happy.

The dove says, "I'm a dove and I've been loved."

The hawk is still horny, though, ...

What's with all of the rude Stephen Hawking jokes??

The man can't even stand up for himself

Whenever I make a decision, I think about what Stephen Hawking would do.

So every time my friend asks me if I want to go for a walk, I decline.

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I played golf with Steven Hawking

He was shit. He lied about his handicap.

Stephen Hawking was busted cheating by his wife

"- Honey, wait, *I can explain EVERYTHING*!"

Why does Stephen Hawking only do one line jokes?

Because he can't do stand-up.

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Tried kidnapping Stephen Hawking the other day...

Had the blindfold the bastard so he'd stop yelling for help.

A guy is out hunting and sees a hawk flying high above him, so he shoots it. As he's retrieving the dead bird a game warden happens by and arrests him for killing a federally protected bird of prey.

At the courtroom, the man tells the judge he's been out of work for many months and only shot the hawk because he hadn't eaten in days. The judge decides to let him off with 6 months probation.

As the guy is leaving the judge says, "hey, what does hawk taste like anyway?"

The guy say...

What do Stephen Hawking and Tony Hawk have in common?

The both love ramps.

The hawk on the patio

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Hey look at that big hawk out on the patio," he tells the bartender. "It looks like its eating some avocado toast." "Oh, that bird again," the bartender sighs. "I think its a Millennial Falcon."

Neil DeGrasse Tyson, Stephen Hawking, and Bill Nye walk into a bar.

Neil and Bill look at Stephen Hawking and yell, "My God, Stephen, you're cured!"

Why is Stephen Hawking successful?

He can't run away from his responsibilities.

My uncle has the heart of a lion, the eyes of a hawk, and the legs of a cheetah

He's also a trained taxidermist

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What is Stephan Hawking's favorite porn genre?

Ebony. The dude loves black holes.

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

Then Stevie Wonder "says wait you can walk!" Then Hellen keller says "wait you can see!"
Then hitler says "wait you're still alive!"
And that's the story about how my bartender stopped doing drugs.

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A nun walks into the Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair.

She lets out a sigh, heavy with frustration.

"What troubles you, Sister?" asked the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family."

"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You k...

Tony Hawk walks into a bar....

The bartender doesn’t recognize him.

Stephen Hawkings' last paper on space is finally going to published posthumously...

It's about time too.

A fish, a snake, and Stephen Hawking walk into a bar...

Just kidding. None of those things walk.

I knew a guy who used to get Tony Hawk and Stephen Hawking confused

Understandable, they both loved ramps.

what if stephen hawking was the real slim shady

but he couldn’t stand up

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to?

The computer runs.

I finally got around to reading that book by Stephen Hawking.

It was about time.

I met Stephen Hawking after he went on his first date,

he came in with a broken nose, smashed glasses and a dislocated hip...

She stood him up.

Why do fruit flies hate stephen hawking

He was a vegetable

My friend said we should tear down statues of Stephen Hawking

I didn’t know there were any statues of Stephen Hawking still standing.

Not only was Stephen Hawking a great physicist, he was also a great comedian.

Sadly, his stand-up wasn’t very good.

Why did Stephen Hawking only eat meat?

Because eating vegetables would be cannibalism.

How does Steven Hawking refresh after a long work day?

F5

(sorry Imgoingtohellforthis)

Steven Hawking came back from his first date in 10 years. His Glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, twisted ankle and grazed knees.

Apparently she stood him up.

I'm smarter than Einstein, Hawking, Da Vinci and Aristotle combined...

cuz ther al ded

What was Steven Hawking’s last words?

Did Stephen Hawking have a donor card?

. .Cos I really need bits for my kids go-kart

Stephen Hawking diagnosed with erectile dysfunction.

It was easy to fix, they just uninstalled his pop-up blocker.

It’s a shame that Steven Hawking died

He’s been on a roll since age 21.

Say this hockey team name 5x FAST: Black Hawks

Bbc

Einstein, Hawking, Heisenberg and Schrödinger formed a band.

It's called "The Inconvenient Truths."

They play music with that old Al Gore Rhythm.

What do you call a handjob from Stephen Hawking?

A stroke of genius.

I could do some great stand up comedy about Stephen Hawking...

but then it wouldn’t be stand up comedy

Stephen Hawking went on a date the other day.

When he went back to his family, he had a dislocated shoulder, 2 broken ribs, and a popped kneecap. It was because she stood him up.

Three hawks

Three hawks sitting on a tree one goes and comes back later with blood on his beak the other hawks say tell us he said do u see that rock there they say yes he said there was a rabbit and i ate it

the second hawk goes and comes back with more blood on his beak then the first hawk the other h...

A hawk, lion, and skunk are gathered in the woods...

A hawk, lion, and skunk are gathered in a forest arguing over who is the mightiest of the animals.

The hawk said "I am the mightiest for I can fly way up high and see my prey from far distances."

The lion said "No, I am the mightiest! For I can run the fastest and I am king of the jun...

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I just got done playing Tony Hawk's Pro Masturbator 2. If you're not familiar with that game it's where you pretend you are Tony,

while grinding away on a gnarly rail bro.

Stephen Hawking

If Stephen hawking started a company, What would his position in the company be?

The Chairman

Why was Stephen Hawking always so quick with the one liners?

Well, he wasn't exactly gonna try stand-up, was he?

Sometimes I feel like Stephen Hawking in the morning

Because I can't get out of bed.

Stephen Hawking was a master at the violin

He had an adept understanding of string theory

Why isn’t Steven Hawking in heaven?

He’s still uploading to the cloud

my great great grandmother has eyes of a hawk

she also has a lifetime ban on the bird park

Whats Stephen Hawking’s least favorite song?

Stairway to Heaven

Stephen Hawking - "The doctors finally removed my pop up blocker"

"Now I can finally get an erection"

Why did Steven Hawking have to die?

His wheelchair was worth more without him.

You must be a Tony Hawk game

because when I'm with you, I'm Neversoft.

Stephen Hawking is a very paranoid man

He's always looking over his shoulder.

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If Stephen Hawking, given his physical ailments, were to develop a machine to help him masturbate...

Would it be a *stroke of genius*?

What did the Australian say to the hawk?

Good eye!

Have you ever walked past Stepehen Hawking's house?

Neither has he.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He accidentally hit alt+f4

My friend said they'd finally read Stephen Hawking's book.

I said, "It's about time."

From my 7-year-old: What type of phone does a hawk use?

A hawkie talkie.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

Ctrl + Alt + Del

Did you hear about Stephen Hawking?

His computer suffered a fatal error.

What's the difference between a hawk and an eagle?

All birds have specialized tail feathers called pinions. An eagle has 8 pinions, while a hawk only has 7. So you could say the difference is only a matter of a pinion.

Just saw a post about Stan Lee, Avicii, Stephen Hawking and Burt Reynolds.

It was a rip-post.

Stephen Hawking’s final theory, written just before he died, was released yesterday.

It's about time

Do you know if Stephen Hawking still has his old phone number?

Everytime I call, a machine answers.

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