PLAYTHINGS

I was so poor growing up, that if i didn't wake up with an erection, I had nothing to play with

Psychedelic Playthings...

So I should probably stop covering my child's toys in LSD and leaving them out...

... I've heard they can be a trip hazard.

Crafty ex-wife

Out of the blue, John casually told his wife he wanted a divorce. – I’ve fallen in love with Stacy, that new young lady at the office, he said. – You can stay in the house until next week. We need to find a buyer quickly so Stacy and I can get an apartment in the city. Naturally Johns wife was devas...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, there was a teeny-tiny spider...

...and as the spider wanted to repent for its carnivorous days by becoming a vegetarian, it decided to live the rest of its days in a quiet, peaceful place to live off the land and to avoid the temptation of telling everyone about its transformation (he's trying to be better really hard, you know?)....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Idle Hands

If idle hands are the devil's playthings, he really likes to jerk me off.

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