Why can't you give Elsa (from Frozen) a balloon?

Because she'll let it go.


My 5-year-old son just told me this.

Two balloons were floating around a desert.

One said to the other, "look, a cactussssssssss..."

2 balloons get married

And they have a baby balloon. Baby balloon stays in bed with mummy and daddy balloon until one day, Baby balloon grows too big to stay in mummy and daddy balloon's bed, so he gets his own room.

He misses sleeping with his parents, so he decides one night to be a rebel.

He goes into his...

What music are balloons most afraid of?

Pop.

I’m sick of my wife blowing everything out of proportion.

She’s single handedly ruining my balloon animal business.

I wrote “Will you marry me?” on a balloon to propose to my online girlfriend.

But then I saw her face, and popped the question.

What kind of music is a balloon scared of ?

Pop music.

What do you call a balloon animal made out of a condom?

A Trojan horse.

Why can’t clowns afford balloons anymore?

Because balloon prices are rising due to inflation.

I met this guy who liked to put helium balloons in his ship

Whatever floats your boat I guess

Baby balloon sneaks into Mom and Dads room

He can't get into their bed because they are taking up too much room so he sneaks up and let's little air out of Dad balloon and squeezes in between them. Dad wakes up and tells him off and brings him back to his own bed.

Later on he comes back into Mom and Dads room,he still cant get into th...

What do you say to a relative of someone who died in an air balloon accident?

My Gondolences

What’s a balloon’s least favorite thing to drink?

Pop.

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Hot air balloon

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hove...

I sell balloons for 10p each or if you want them blown up it's 15p.

I've adjusted the price to allow for inflation.

How come balloons don't do drugs?

Because they're afraid of getting high and getting busted

PS: Heard in a TV show and wanted to share the laughter to everyone in here.

Why don't balloons do a lot drugs?

Because they think if they get too high they'll get busted.

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost...

He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says ...

I don't think that balloons can be inflated.

Edit: well did not expect this to blow up.

At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen. I gasped as she squeezed and pulled expertly.

It was the best balloon giraffe I'd ever seen.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

20 men and a witch are in a hot air balloon

One man says "We are losing air, some of us are going to have to jump out!"
The witch says "Don't worry, if you drink this potion whatever you say will appear below you, when you jump out!"
One man drinks the potion and says "Pillows" and lands in 20 pounds of pillows
Another man drinks the...

If I bought a balloon for $0.99...

How much should I sell it for when I adjust for inflation?

I went to a pharmacy and asked for 50 condoms.

There were 2 girls behind me who started laughing. I turned around and looked them straight in the eyes and said, "make that 52".
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Now both of them have condom balloons :D

Baby Balloon

Baby Balloon cannot sleep so wants to get into bed with Mummy Balloon and Daddy Balloon.

He goes into Mummy & Daddy Balloon’s room, wakes them up and asks but Mummy & Daddy Balloon say ‘sorry Baby Balloon, there just isn’t enough room for you in here with us. Go back to your own room...

Balloons remind me of my dad

They don't come back

I think that we should officially change our currency to balloons.

You could much more easily control inflation.

There were three balloons...

A mummy balloon, a daddy balloon and a baby balloon. The mummy and daddy balloon were watching TV and sitting on the lovely two seater sofa. The baby balloon ask his parents 'can I please sit on the sofa with you?' his father replies 'no, son. There is simply not enough room on the sofa for you.' De...

I had an interview for a party supplies store where I had to inflate a balloon as a test...

...I blew it :(

I am considering making a balloon of my subconscious...

But I’m afraid it will only inflate my ego...

Outnumbered 6 to 5, John brought grenades to a water balloon fight.

"Isn't that a little... excessive?"

"No, I'm just trying to level the playing field.

why are balloons getting so expensive nowadays?

inflation

Investing in balloons just isn't as profitable as it used to be.

I blame inflation.

I heard balloons have gotten really expensive lately.

It must be because of inflation.

The Balloon family.

Daddy balloon decided one day to tell his baby balloon son, that he now had to sleep in his own bed. The son gets upset as he likes to share his parents bed. That night, the son wakes up and decides to climb back into bed with his mum and dad.

He finds there is no room, so he unties his fath...

Friends are like balloons

If you stab them they die.

A teacher, a nurse, and an Army man were in a hot air balloon.

The balloon was too heavy so each of them dropped something off it. The teacher dropped an apple, the nurse dropped her medical bag, and the Army man drops a grenade. After they land, they go for a walk. They come across a little girl who's crying. They ask her what's wrong and she says an apple fel...

Did you hear the price of balloons is going to increase?

I blame it on inflation. But on the positive side, sales are supposed to go up!

The cost of balloons has risen drastically over the past few years...

...Due to inflation.

What does a hot air balloon and a homeless person have in common

No visible means of support

My Grandfather invented the cold air balloon

It never really took off.

I started a cold air balloon business.

I'm having trouble getting it off the ground.

I took my girlfriend to see a movie about an old guy flying his house around on balloons.

It was an up-date.

What do balloons and virgins have in common?

One prick and its gone.

A good mood is like a balloon-

It takes only one prick to ruin it.

What do you get if you cross a porcupine with a balloon?

*Pop*

I was going to invest in a hot air balloon.....

but it's a bit up in the air at the moment

In the toy shop in my area, packet balloons cost $0.10 each, but $10 when filled with air?

God damn inflation.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, an American and a Mexican are in a hot air balloon.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, an American and a Mexican are in a hot air balloon.

They're running out of fuel, and losing height, having already thrown all of their ballast overboard.

A range of mountains is coming up in the distance, and they need to lose weight the clear them.

A...

I have a job working with hot air balloons

It has its highs and lows

What do you do for a sick balloon?

You helium up.

A physicist insisted on his wife giving birth on a hot air balloon.

When his son turned out to be a shame on the family, he told him: "You had so much potential!"

Three men are in a hot-air balloon

Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. One of the three men says, "I've got an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices far."

So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Helllloooooo! Where are we?" (They ...

How are a hobo and a balloon alike?

Both are without visible means of support.




(My son found that in a children's joke book)

The price of balloons have been plummeting...

Specialists say it's due to inflation.

The kid next door challenged me to a water balloon fight.

I'm just going to update my Facebook status while waiting for the kettle to boil.

Why were there balloons in the bathroom?

There was a birthday potty.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Englishmen, a Mexican and an American...

are all in a hot air balloon. The Englishman throws a teabag out of the balloon and the Mexican says "why did you do that?"
"We have too many of those in my country" replies the Englishmen. The Mexican then decides to throw a burrito out of the balloon and the American says "why would you do suc...

Three soldiers are in a hot air balloon

Three soldiers are in a hot air balloon, riding over a town with a mountain in the distance. As the mountain approaches, the sudden realization hits that they will not clear mountain.

In a last-ditch effort, they try to throw out everything they can. The first soldier throws out their weapon...

I have a good joke about a nice balloon.

Oh wait. It just got away from me.

Our local council said they are going to get all the coins out of the wishing well and put them into a balloon.

Talk about getting everyone's hopes up.

What do you call a dad balloon that disappears?

Pops

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Irishman, a Frenchman, and an Afghani man are riding around the world in a balloon...

When they are over Ireland, the Irish man picks up an enormous bag of potatoes and says ‘I’m giving my country this bag of potatoes, in hopes that some hungry souls can find happiness from full bellies.’ He tossed the bag of potatoes over the edge of the balloon's basket.

The Frenchman and th...

Why'd the crazy guy jump out of the hot air balloon's basket?

He wanted to escape from the ballooney bin.

The price of a balloon has really gone up recently

I think it's because of inflation

Hilary Clinton and Donald Trump in a hot air balloon

Hilary invites Donald on a bury the hatchet secret meeting before the knives come out in the run up. A little while into the trip she springs a surprise on the other President hopeful..

" So Trump.. I would like you to say hello to our pilot, Pedro who happens to be Mexican, and my assistant,...

You must be an Engineer...

(I'm fairly new to reddit, so I hope this isn't an old one.)

A guy is lost on a hot air balloon ride. After some time, he sees a man in a field and lowers the balloon to ask for directions.

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" he calls down.

The man in the field thinks ...

A mummy balloon, daddy balloon and baby balloon are watching TV...

When the parents announce they are ready for bed, but the baby balloon is OK to stay up a little while longer. They head off to bed, and an hour later, baby balloon finishes his show, and goes to the bedroom.

As they are balloons and have no real sources of income, they live in a 1 bedroom a...