A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?

I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"...

3 men are on a hot air balloon

3 men are on a hot air balloon but it’s losing altitude. They need to get rid of things quickly.

The first man grabs some planks of wood and throws them off the side of the balloon.

The second man throws 3 heavy rocks off of the balloon.

The last man drops a bomb off the side....

Outnumbered 6 to 5, John brought grenades to a water balloon fight.

Isn't that a little... excessive?"

"No, I'm just trying to level the playing field.

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Welshman, and a Scotsman are all on a hot air balloon.

The conductor almost panicked says, “there’s too much weight! Someone needs to jump off, or we’re going to crash!” The Welshman bravely steps up, “For the glory of wales!” And the Welshman throws himself off. The conductor still panicked says, “okay, we’re close but there is still too much weight!” ...

Johnny and Mommy’s Balloons (Dirty)

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father t...

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I got my dick stuck in the center of that Pixar DVD with the old man and the balloons.

TIFU.

A girl wrote ‘will you marry me?’ on a balloon

and her boyfriend immediately popped the question

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So I was looking for a job, and found a vacancy in some balloon company

turns out it was a blowjob...

What was the balloons last words to his dad?

Watch me Pop!

What did the cactus say to the balloon?

Nothing, they cant talk.

Why did no one give Elsa a balloon for her birthday?

Because she'll just Let It Go.

told to me by a 7yo that thought it was the funniest thing they've ever heard.

For the first time in my life I can walk past a balloon and it doesn’t stick to me

I’m absolutely ex-static!

A Scottish man, English man and an American are in a hot air balloon.

A Scottish man, English man and an American are in a hot air balloon. It's sinking fast. They need to throw something out that they have a lot of or they will crash into the houses below. The Scottish man throws out a haggis. English man throws out a cup of tea. The American throws out a bomb. They ...

Son: Dad why does mom have balloons in her chest?

Dad: Ummmm, you blow them up when your mom dies so that she can fly to heaven

Son: Oh ok

*THE NEXT DAY*

Son (on phone): Dad come home quick mom is dying!

Dad: Wait what happened?

Son: Uncle John is blowing her balloons!

What do you put in a female balloon?

Shelium.

Once upon a time there 3 balloons, mummy balloon, daddy balloon and baby balloon.

Tired of baby balloon creeping into their bed every night, "Tonight you must stay in your own bed" said mummy.

When he was sure his mummy and daddy were asleep baby balloon crept into their room and tried to squeeze into their bed.

But try as he might he just couldn't fit in, so he...

Did anyone hear about that country who started using balloons as currency?

They ended up with a massive inflation problem.

I was at the dollar store and saw balloons labeled $1 a piece. I grabbed 3 and went to the cashier who told me the total was $5.28.

I guess that’s the price of inflation

A little boy blows up his balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger.

His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something.

The boy continues.
"Johnny!" mom screams. "Knock it off. You're going to break something."

He stops and eventually mom leaves for a short trip to the store.

Johnny starts up with the balloon again. He gives i...

Jerry Seinfeld had to quit telling his jokes from a hot air balloon.

They all went over our heads.

Two balloons in the desert.

One says: "look out for that cactus!"

The other replies: "what cactusssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss?"

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman were riding in a hot-air balloon.

The balloon was about to crash into a mountain, so the pilot says to them, "We need to lose more weight to get clear. One of you has to jump" So the Scotsman says "I do this for the glory of Scotland!" and he jumps out of the basket.

But the balloon wasn't high enough yet. "We need to lose m...

I shouldn’t have bought balloons from a salesman with commitment issues.

There were no strings attached.

Two men decided to try riding in a hot air balloon...

Neither of them has any experience ballooning. They leave the ground and suddenly realize they are way off course. The decide to let out some air and get close enough to the ground to yell out and get someone's attention.


They see a small town and yell out, a man in a suit looks up and ...

Ha Ha Ha...i just in inhaled a Helium balloon..

He He He

How do I determine the cost of a balloon after adjusting for inflation?

Pls help me. The size of the problem is growing by the second.

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What do you call it when someone is paid to inflate balloons?

A blowjob

Why don’t Balloons do drugs?

Because they are afraid that the will get high and get busted

My friend hired a hot air balloon for his wedding.

They quoted him 200 and on the day charged 400. Said it was due to inflation.

If you see a balloon on the street, pop it.

We can't let him get any more DNA bubbles.

Baby balloon couldn't sleep

He had a bad dream so went to his parents room to sleep in their bed.
Papa balloon was so big that baby balloon couldn't fit in the bed.
He undid Papas' balloon knot and let some air out to make him smaller but he still couldn't fit in the bed.
He then undid Mamas' balloon knot to let some...

The other day I put out a big dangerous open fire!

The other people on the hot air balloon didn't appreciate me for some reason.

What kind of music is scary for balloons?

Pop music

What do you call a helium balloon shaped like Albert Einstein?

A stable genius.... (original)

It was getting close to my wife’s birthday. She was looking at herself in the mirror. I asked her what she’d like for her birthday. She sighed and said I’d like to be eight again...

On the morning of her birthday. I woke up early and made her a nice big bowl of coco pops. I then took her to for a special trip to Legoland. On the way home we stopped at McDonald’s where I got her a Happy Meal together we a special McDonalds balloon. We then went to the cinema where they were pl...

Have you heard about the tax on balloons?

They are taxing them to new heights!

Why was their gastric acids' pH balance 7?

Because they was so basic

*Crickets chirping*

Well that joke went over like a lead balloon

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Virginity is like a balloon.

One prick and it’s gone for ever.

Do you know why ordering balloons for a party is so expensive?

Inflation.

A clown who's job is going to parties and make all kind of balloons..

Is that considered a blow-job?

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A man in a hot air balloon was lost in West Virginia

He looks down and sees a redneck so he screams down “where am I?” The redneck looks up and screams “you can’t fool me, you’re in that basket”

Why are balloons expensive?

Inflation!

I’ll see myself out, unless this blows up.

Philosophers in hot air balloons.

They think highly of us.

What did the needle say to the balloon?

"I am the king of pop."

An assistant to Donald Trump

>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.** 
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confett...

A man is lost in a hot air balloon

He sees a field below and descends to shout:
"Hey can you tell me where I am? I'm trying to get to a friend whom I said I would meet in 30 minutes."


The man in the field says: "Yes, you are in a red hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above the ground, in the middle of this field"
...

What’s the difference between Lays potato chips and a balloon

Balloons should be filled with air

Why do balloons have a bad temper?

Because they are always blowing up.

A cop saw a car weaving all ov

A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking woman behind the wheel. There was a strong smell liquor on her breath.
He said, "I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol."
She b...

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Today I fucked Up

This morning I put my dick inside the center hole of that CD with the picture of an old man and a house with balloons.

The price of balloons have not gone up in over 50 years

Which is surprising considering inflation

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[inventing the hot air balloon...]

I don't give a fuck where I go.

We had an explosion in one of our chemistry labs last week.

Nobody got hurt, but the chemist responsible is the laughing stock of his group.

We use a lot of helium in the military, that's why when there's a shortage you can't get it for balloons - it's being stockpiled by the DOD. We use it to stabilize a variety of substances for storage.

On...

I have only ever seen hot air balloons in the morning

I guess they’re all early risers

Had a water balloon fight with some of the kids in my neighbourhood today. I won!

No one is a match for me and my kettle.

Balloon prices have gone up.

Damn inflation.

I wrote “Will you marry me?” on a balloon to propose to my girlfriend.

Then I chickened out at the last moment, and had to pop the question.

I'm waiting to invest in a hot air balloon

I don't want to lose my life's savings to inflation

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English Literature Class

Professor starts the literature class. "Today's lesson is metaphors. A metaphor conceptualizes and exaggerate a big thing into a small creative image. As an example you can say 'The snow is a white blanket' instead of saying that snow is white. Can anyone say a similar metaphor ? "

"Tom Crui...

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I called in a psychic radio show while I was taking a ride in a hot air balloon.

Psychic: Go ahead caller, you’re on the air.

Me: Holy shit, how did you know??

There once lived a family of balloons, there was: A mommy balloon, a daddy balloon and a kid balloon.

Each night the kid balloon would get nightmares and go into the parents bed when they were asleep. The daddy balloon constantly told the kid balloon not to do this as it was disrupting his sleep schedule. But as the kid got older and older he began not to fit. So one night he released some air from ...

My friend decided to use balloons to propose to his online girlfriend, but then he met her face to face for the first time.

He immediately popped the question.

What do you call a balloon animal made out of a condom?

A Trojan horse.

I'm outraged at the price of helium balloons.

Bloody inflation.

The balloon was very happy when I rubbed on my hair.

It was ecstatic.

A balloon seller was selling his balloons.... His sign read DEFLATED BALLONS-$1.... INFLATED BALLOONS-$250

When asked why, he said he'd adjusted the pricing for Inflation.

If I bought a balloon for $0.99...

How much should I sell it for when I adjust for inflation?

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20 men and a witch are in a hot air balloon

One man says "We are losing air, some of us are going to have to jump out!"
The witch says "Don't worry, if you drink this potion whatever you say will appear below you, when you jump out!"
One man drinks the potion and says "Pillows" and lands in 20 pounds of pillows
Another man drinks the...

I don't think that balloons can be inflated.

Edit: well did not expect this to blow up.

Funeral of my dad

A guy named Temel was walking on road with his head down and great sadness, some familiar faces saw him and asked Temel what happened Temel said his dad died and he is going to the funeral so they asked how did he die? Temel started telling

My dad was next to the window of a 10 floored workin...

A man bought a balloon a long time ago and is selling it on eBay. What does he do first?

He adjusts the price for inflation!

I finally realised that my parents favour my twin brother.

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

I met this guy who liked to put helium balloons in his ship

Whatever floats your boat I guess

Breaking :A man was arrested yesterday for impersonating a helium balloon.

A spokesperson for the police said.. We held him for a while and then let him go..

Why can’t clowns afford balloons anymore?

Because balloon prices are rising due to inflation.

How come balloons don't do drugs?

Because they're afraid of getting high and getting busted

PS: Heard in a TV show and wanted to share the laughter to everyone in here.

I sell balloons for 10p each or if you want them blown up it's 15p.

I've adjusted the price to allow for inflation.

The Balloon family.

Daddy balloon decided one day to tell his baby balloon son, that he now had to sleep in his own bed. The son gets upset as he likes to share his parents bed. That night, the son wakes up and decides to climb back into bed with his mum and dad.

He finds there is no room, so he unties his fath...

My Grandfather invented the cold air balloon

It never really took off.

I heard balloons have gotten really expensive lately.

It must be because of inflation.

I had an interview for a party supplies store where I had to inflate a balloon as a test...

...I blew it :(

What do you say to a relative of someone who died in an air balloon accident?

My Gondolences

Balloons remind me of my dad

They don't come back

I think that we should officially change our currency to balloons.

You could much more easily control inflation.

In the toy shop in my area, packet balloons cost $0.10 each, but $10 when filled with air?

God damn inflation.

Did you hear the price of balloons is going to increase?

I blame it on inflation. But on the positive side, sales are supposed to go up!

So my nephew just wanted to know...

Have you heard the joke about the balloon that met the cactussssssssssssh

Friends are like balloons

If you stab them they die.

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back is was meant to be.

That was definitely not a balloon.

I am considering making a balloon of my subconscious...

But I’m afraid it will only inflate my ego...

A teacher, a nurse, and an Army man were in a hot air balloon.

The balloon was too heavy so each of them dropped something off it. The teacher dropped an apple, the nurse dropped her medical bag, and the Army man drops a grenade. After they land, they go for a walk. They come across a little girl who's crying. They ask her what's wrong and she says an apple fel...

An English man, Irish man, and Scots man are in a sinking hot air balloon...

An English man, Irish man and Scots man are in a hot air balloon. It's starting to go down, and they decide they each have to throw 1 thing over board. The Irish man takes his pic-axe and throws it over, the scots man throw over a bottle of whiskey and the English man a grenade.

They finally ...

At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen.

I sighed as she squeezed and pulled expertly. It was the best balloon giraffe I'd seen.

There were three balloons...

A mummy balloon, a daddy balloon and a baby balloon. The mummy and daddy balloon were watching TV and sitting on the lovely two seater sofa. The baby balloon ask his parents 'can I please sit on the sofa with you?' his father replies 'no, son. There is simply not enough room on the sofa for you.' De...

First post please be nice

And English man a Chinese man and an Australian man were in a hot air balloon and it started to got down, the English man said quick we need to get rid of stuff we don't need so he throws out a tea pot and a mug, and says "we have to many of these in our country" the Chinese man throws out some ch...

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