Courtesy of my 11 yr old: why don't you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she will just let it go.

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?

I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"...

What do you put in a female balloon?

Shelium.

What were the balloon’s last words to his dad...

... watch me Pop!

What do you call a helium balloon shaped like Albert Einstein?

A stable genius.... (original)

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman were riding in a hot-air balloon.

The balloon was about to crash into a mountain, so the pilot says to them, "We need to lose more weight to get clear. One of you has to jump" So the Scotsman says "I do this for the glory of Scotland!" and he jumps out of the basket.

But the balloon wasn't high enough yet. "We need to lose m...

Two balloons in the desert.

One says: "look out for that cactus!"

The other replies: "what cactusssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss?"

If you see a balloon on the street, pop it.

We can't let him get any more DNA bubbles.

Baby balloon couldn't sleep

He had a bad dream so went to his parents room to sleep in their bed.
Papa balloon was so big that baby balloon couldn't fit in the bed.
He undid Papas' balloon knot and let some air out to make him smaller but he still couldn't fit in the bed.
He then undid Mamas' balloon knot to let some...

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Virginity is like a balloon.

One prick and it’s gone for ever.

My friend hired a hot air balloon for his wedding.

They quoted him 200 and on the day charged 400. Said it was due to inflation.

A clown who's job is going to parties and make all kind of balloons..

Is that considered a blow-job?

Why don’t Balloons do drugs?

Because they are afraid that the will get high and get busted

Two men decided to try riding in a hot air balloon...

Neither of them has any experience ballooning. They leave the ground and suddenly realize they are way off course. The decide to let out some air and get close enough to the ground to yell out and get someone's attention.


They see a small town and yell out, a man in a suit looks up and ...

I could afford to buy 100,000 balloons, but it wouldn’t be financially prudent...

I can’t afford the cost of inflation.

Have you heard about the tax on balloons?

They are taxing them to new heights!

Why are balloons expensive?

Inflation!

I’ll see myself out, unless this blows up.

Philosophers in hot air balloons.

They think highly of us.

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A man in a hot air balloon was lost in West Virginia

He looks down and sees a redneck so he screams down “where am I?” The redneck looks up and screams “you can’t fool me, you’re in that basket”

Why did the price of balloons go up?

Inflation

Why do balloons have a bad temper?

Because they are always blowing up.

What did the needle say to the balloon?

"I am the king of pop."

Do you know why ordering balloons for a party is so expensive?

Inflation.

What’s the difference between Lays potato chips and a balloon

Balloons should be filled with air

What kind of music is scary for balloons?

Pop music

In the 90s, most Europeans were tall, slender, relatively in shape. However, Brits were out of shape, their bodies blowing up, like a balloon. Scientists have now identified the reason behind this phenomena:

The Irish Republican Army

Why shouldn't you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she'll just let it go



frozen 2 coming soon

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[inventing the hot air balloon...]

I don't give a fuck where I go.

I have only ever seen hot air balloons in the morning

I guess they’re all early risers

First post please be nice

And English man a Chinese man and an Australian man were in a hot air balloon and it started to got down, the English man said quick we need to get rid of stuff we don't need so he throws out a tea pot and a mug, and says "we have to many of these in our country" the Chinese man throws out some ch...

The price of balloons have not gone up in over 50 years

Which is surprising considering inflation

I'm waiting to invest in a hot air balloon

I don't want to lose my life's savings to inflation

My list of jokes

I told my sister not to stand near the trees in our back yard. I don’t know what it is they just seem shady.

How do you have a party in space, you planet.

Why can’t Ewoks shout in the house. They have to use their Endor voices.

Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon. Because she’ll ...

So my nephew just wanted to know...

Have you heard the joke about the balloon that met the cactussssssssssssh

I got my weiner stuck in the DVD hole of that Pixar movie with the old man and the balloons.

TIFU.

I'm outraged at the price of helium balloons.

Bloody inflation.

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I called in a psychic radio show while I was taking a ride in a hot air balloon.

Psychic: Go ahead caller, you’re on the air.

Me: Holy shit, how did you know??

Had a water balloon fight with some of the kids in my neighbourhood today. I won!

No one is a match for me and my kettle.

A man bought a balloon a long time ago and is selling it on eBay. What does he do first?

He adjusts the price for inflation!

There once lived a family of balloons, there was: A mommy balloon, a daddy balloon and a kid balloon.

Each night the kid balloon would get nightmares and go into the parents bed when they were asleep. The daddy balloon constantly told the kid balloon not to do this as it was disrupting his sleep schedule. But as the kid got older and older he began not to fit. So one night he released some air from ...

Keep your money away from any balloons

Otherwise it will be affected by inflation.

My friend decided to use balloons to propose to his online girlfriend, but then he met her face to face for the first time.

He immediately popped the question.

Little Boy

A little boy blows up his balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger.

His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something.

The boy continues.
"Johnny!" mom screams. "Knock it off. You're going to break something."

He stops and eventual...

The balloon was very happy when I rubbed on my hair.

It was ecstatic.

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The best way to avoid IT issue when working from home during our current circumstances...

...is to avoid the red balloon.

A balloon seller was selling his balloons.... His sign read DEFLATED BALLONS-$1.... INFLATED BALLOONS-$250

When asked why, he said he'd adjusted the pricing for Inflation.

I wrote “Will you marry me?” on a balloon to propose to my girlfriend.

Then I chickened out at the last moment, and had to pop the question.

Balloon prices have gone up.

Damn inflation.

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20 men and a witch are in a hot air balloon

One man says "We are losing air, some of us are going to have to jump out!"
The witch says "Don't worry, if you drink this potion whatever you say will appear below you, when you jump out!"
One man drinks the potion and says "Pillows" and lands in 20 pounds of pillows
Another man drinks the...

Why did I get a divorce?

Well, last week was my birthday and my wife didn’t even say anything to me. My kids forgot too. I got to work and my friends and co-workers said nothing. I felt so alone and forgotten, until my secretary came up to me and said “happy birthday boss, can I take you to lunch for your special day?” It s...

I don't think that balloons can be inflated.

Edit: well did not expect this to blow up.

What do you call a balloon animal made out of a condom?

A Trojan horse.

My friends said they'd pick me up for the drive by so I strapped up and waited for them on the porch...

They yelled, its Karen's birthday we have signs and balloons for you why the f*** do you have a gun??

Why can’t clowns afford balloons anymore?

Because balloon prices are rising due to inflation.

How come balloons don't do drugs?

Because they're afraid of getting high and getting busted

PS: Heard in a TV show and wanted to share the laughter to everyone in here.

If I bought a balloon for $0.99...

How much should I sell it for when I adjust for inflation?

Breaking :A man was arrested yesterday for impersonating a helium balloon.

A spokesperson for the police said.. We held him for a while and then let him go..

I think that we should officially change our currency to balloons.

You could much more easily control inflation.

What do you say to a relative of someone who died in an air balloon accident?

My Gondolences

I sell balloons for 10p each or if you want them blown up it's 15p.

I've adjusted the price to allow for inflation.

I met this guy who liked to put helium balloons in his ship

Whatever floats your boat I guess

What’s a balloon’s least favorite thing to drink?

Pop.

Son: Daddy what are those big round things on mummies chest?”

Dad: They’re balloons son. When mummy dies we can blow them up and she’ll float to heaven.”

Son: Really? Because Uncle Dave was blowing them up yesterday and mummy kept saying “Oh God, I’m coming” but she didn’t float anywhere!

Balloons remind me of my dad

They don't come back

The Balloon family.

Daddy balloon decided one day to tell his baby balloon son, that he now had to sleep in his own bed. The son gets upset as he likes to share his parents bed. That night, the son wakes up and decides to climb back into bed with his mum and dad.

He finds there is no room, so he unties his fath...

At the touch of her lips, it grew hard an swollen...



I gasped as she squeezed and pulled expertly. It was the best balloon giraffe I´d ever seen.

Baby Balloon

Baby Balloon cannot sleep so wants to get into bed with Mummy Balloon and Daddy Balloon.

He goes into Mummy & Daddy Balloon’s room, wakes them up and asks but Mummy & Daddy Balloon say ‘sorry Baby Balloon, there just isn’t enough room for you in here with us. Go back to your own room...

My Grandfather invented the cold air balloon

It never really took off.

Baby balloon sneaks into Mom and Dads room

He can't get into their bed because they are taking up too much room so he sneaks up and let's little air out of Dad balloon and squeezes in between them. Dad wakes up and tells him off and brings him back to his own bed.

Later on he comes back into Mom and Dads room,he still cant get into th...

I heard balloons have gotten really expensive lately.

It must be because of inflation.

A man sees an ad for a local sporting goods store

There's a buy 1, get 1 free offer for shirts with a nautical theme print.

Later that day as he enters the store, lights begin to flash, balloons fall, and the store manager walks over holding a tent.

The man is confused. "I just came in for the sale of two sea tees!"

The ...

Outnumbered 6 to 5, John brought grenades to a water balloon fight.

"Isn't that a little... excessive?"

"No, I'm just trying to level the playing field.

Did you hear the price of balloons is going to increase?

I blame it on inflation. But on the positive side, sales are supposed to go up!

Friends are like balloons

If you stab them they die.

In the toy shop in my area, packet balloons cost $0.10 each, but $10 when filled with air?

God damn inflation.

I started a cold air balloon business.

I'm having trouble getting it off the ground.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, an American and a Mexican are in a hot air balloon.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, an American and a Mexican are in a hot air balloon.

They're running out of fuel, and losing height, having already thrown all of their ballast overboard.

A range of mountains is coming up in the distance, and they need to lose weight the clear them.

A...

An English man, Irish man, and Scots man are in a sinking hot air balloon...

An English man, Irish man and Scots man are in a hot air balloon. It's starting to go down, and they decide they each have to throw 1 thing over board. The Irish man takes his pic-axe and throws it over, the scots man throw over a bottle of whiskey and the English man a grenade.

They finally ...

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

I am considering making a balloon of my subconscious...

But I’m afraid it will only inflate my ego...

There were three balloons...

A mummy balloon, a daddy balloon and a baby balloon. The mummy and daddy balloon were watching TV and sitting on the lovely two seater sofa. The baby balloon ask his parents 'can I please sit on the sofa with you?' his father replies 'no, son. There is simply not enough room on the sofa for you.' De...

I took my girlfriend to see a movie about an old guy flying his house around on balloons.

It was an up-date.

What does a hot air balloon and a homeless person have in common

No visible means of support

A teacher, a nurse, and an Army man were in a hot air balloon.

The balloon was too heavy so each of them dropped something off it. The teacher dropped an apple, the nurse dropped her medical bag, and the Army man drops a grenade. After they land, they go for a walk. They come across a little girl who's crying. They ask her what's wrong and she says an apple fel...

I had an interview for a party supplies store where I had to inflate a balloon as a test...

...I blew it :(

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NSFW I got a blowjob today,

They where hiring product testers at the balloon factory.

Three men are in a hot-air balloon

Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. One of the three men says, "I've got an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices far."

So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Helllloooooo! Where are we?" (They ...

On prom night, my father gave me a pack of condoms and said, use them wisely, and not as water balloons. Because I'd end up where he did.

He was put in lock up for twenty four hours for vandalising the neighbour's property.

What do you do for a sick balloon?

You helium up.

A physicist insisted on his wife giving birth on a hot air balloon.

When his son turned out to be a shame on the family, he told him: "You had so much potential!"

How are a hobo and a balloon alike?

Both are without visible means of support.




(My son found that in a children's joke book)

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