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Balloon Jokes

Courtesy of my 11 yr old: why don't you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she will just let it go.

3 men are on a hot air balloon

3 men are on a hot air balloon but it’s losing altitude. They need to get rid of things quickly.

The first man grabs some planks of wood and throws them off the side of the balloon.

The second man throws 3 heavy rocks off of the balloon.

The last man drops a bomb off the side....

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?

I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"...

Baby Balloon

Baby balloon wants to get into mummy and daddy's bed.
Daddy says: No, son. You're too big and you've got your own bed, now off you go.

Baby balloon waits till mummy and daddy balloon are asleep and sneaks into bed beside them.
At first, there isn't much room, so he squeezes a bit of air...

I ordered a balloon on aliexpress

Tracking showed it was on the way and then it just disappeared. Has anyone seen it?

President Biden ordered an F16 missile attack to destroy the Chinese spy balloon

Americans are thrilled. It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation.

What kind of music do balloons really hate?

*POP* music

Putin, Biden and Zelensky are all in a hot air balloon

... when suddenly they started to lose altitude. They need to lose some weight to stop from crashing.

Putin throws out a bottle of vodka and says “don’t worry I’ve got too much of that in my country anyway”

Biden throws out an AR-15 and says “don’t worry I’ve got too much of that in my...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got my dick stuck in the center of that Pixar DVD with the old man and the balloons.

TIFU.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Given that the US has now shot down three balloons (or suspected balloons) this week....

Whoever is flying the Goodyear blimp at the Super Bowl tonight had better have balls of steel.

Instead of actual serious spying gear, the Chinese used a balloon. Why?

Because of inflation.

Airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under control.

But cases continue to rise.

Why did the famous balloon artist hate his own work?

It was blown out of proportion!

My friend hired a hot air balloon for his wedding.

They quoted him 200 and on the day charged 400. Said it was due to inflation.

What do you put in a female balloon?

Shelium.

Why are balloon prices up?

Inflation.

I tried to start a business offering balloon rides for fat people

But it never got off the ground.

My balloon elephant wouldn’t fit on the back seat of the car...

...so I had to pop the trunk.

Why shoot down so many balloons?

It’s a fight against inflation.

What's the difference between this joke and the Chinese balloon?

This joke will be shot down immediately.

Blowing up a Balloon.

My niece had a premature baby that spent 2 weeks on a ventilator because her lungs were not fully developed yet. She continued to have breathing problems as a toddler and needed to you inhalers to get enough oxygen.
On her 3rd birthday, she insisted on helping her mom decorate for her party. And ...

I tried to start a hot air balloon company

but it never really took off.

2023 is a bad year to be a hot air balloon pilot without a radio.

credit to iBeej for this one!

Some people say that it’s wrong to fill up balloon animals with helium.

But whatever floats your goat.

There was a family of 3 balloons - long

Mummy, daddy and baby balloon. The time had come that baby balloon had grown so big he no longer fit between his mum and dad in bed so they decided it was best he slept alone in his own bed from there on out.

Bedtime comes and off baby balloon goes to be tucked in, only to still be awake an ...

I bought a balloon for $0.99

How much should I sell it for after I adjust for inflation?

For a surprise proposal, I wrote “Will you marry me?” on a balloon and handed it to my girlfriend.

Unfortunately she…popped the question.

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

I opened up a balloon stand recently

They’re going for 50¢ a ‘pop’

The price of balloons is said to rise.

It's only logical with all the inflation.

What do Michael Jackson and a fighter pilot shooting down a balloon have in common?

Both are King of Pop.

What do you call a balloon animal made out of a condom?

A Trojan horse.

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman were riding in a hot-air balloon.

The balloon was about to crash into a mountain, so the pilot says to them, "We need to lose more weight to get clear. One of you has to jump" So the Scotsman says "I do this for the glory of Scotland!" and he jumps out of the basket.

But the balloon wasn't high enough yet. "We need to lose m...

I want to offer Cold Air Balloon rides

for people afraid of heights.

An assistant to Donald Trump

>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.** 
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confett...

Friends are like balloons.

If you stab them, they die.

Two balloons in the desert.

One says: "look out for that cactus!"

The other replies: "what cactusssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss?"

What did Beyonce say to the boy who lost his balloon?

If you liked it then you shoulda put a string on it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman gets off a roller coaster at an amusement park. Feeling dizzy from the ride, she immediately falls to the ground, unconscious.

She wakes up to find a man rubbing her breasts. "What are you doing?" she asks.

"I was just reviving you," replies the man. "When I saw you unconscious on the ground, I lightly slapped you, but nothing happened. I rubbed your wrists, but nothing happened. I even gave you mouth to mouth, but s...

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A guy is flying in a hot air balloon and is lost

So he lowers himself over a field and shouts to a guy on the ground:

"Can you tell me where I am, and which way I'm headed?"

- "Sure! You're at 43 degrees, 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north; 123 degrees, 8 minutes, 12.8 seconds west. You're at 212 meters above sea level. Right now, you'r...

Why don’t Balloons do drugs?

Because they are afraid that the will get high and get busted

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A boy and his balloon

A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the boy continues.

"Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off." You're going to break something. He stops and eventually Mom leaves for...

Man, balloons sure are getting expensive…

…I guess that’s inflation for ya.

A mummy balloon, daddy balloon and baby balloon are watching TV...

When the parents announce they are ready for bed, but the baby balloon is OK to stay up a little while longer. They head off to bed, and an hour later, baby balloon finishes his show, and goes to the bedroom.

As they are balloons and have no real sources of income, they live in a 1 bedroom a...

3 balloons: Daddy balloon, mummy balloon and baby balloon

Daddy balloon says to baby balloon:

"Look son, you are much to old to sleep with mummy and daddy, you will have to sleep in your own bed."

Baby balloon protests: "I like sleeping with you and mommy."

"No, you are not sleeping with us and that is final!" says daddy balloon. ...

I was having an argument about balloons the other day . . .

I may have blew things out of proportion.

Did you know that, with enough pressure, the human lung will burst like a balloon?

Anyway, I lost my medical license today.

What did the cactus say to the balloon?

Nothing, they cant talk.

There's a trick to eating hot air balloons.

They're really good when you get it down.

What was the balloons last words to his dad?

Watch me Pop!

Why did no one give Elsa a balloon for her birthday?

Because she'll just Let It Go.

told to me by a 7yo that thought it was the funniest thing they've ever heard.

Once upon a time there 3 balloons, mummy balloon, daddy balloon and baby balloon.

Tired of baby balloon creeping into their bed every night, "Tonight you must stay in your own bed" said mummy.

When he was sure his mummy and daddy were asleep baby balloon crept into their room and tried to squeeze into their bed.

But try as he might he just couldn't fit in, so he...

Baby balloon couldn't sleep

He had a bad dream so went to his parents room to sleep in their bed.
Papa balloon was so big that baby balloon couldn't fit in the bed.
He undid Papas' balloon knot and let some air out to make him smaller but he still couldn't fit in the bed.
He then undid Mamas' balloon knot to let some...

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Cardi B was seen running in fear from a water balloon fight.

What a wet ass pussy.

Why are balloons expensive?

Inflation!

I’ll see myself out, unless this blows up.

Two hobbyists get into their balloon for an excursion.

After a while, the wind unexpectedly picks up, and the balloon goes out of control. The two balloonists, with great effort, manage to keep the balloon stable, upright, and away from power lines. But they are lost. With more effort, they get the balloon near the ground. While floating over a country ...

There once lived a family of balloons, there was: A mommy balloon, a daddy balloon and a kid balloon.

Each night the kid balloon would get nightmares and go into the parents bed when they were asleep. The daddy balloon constantly told the kid balloon not to do this as it was disrupting his sleep schedule. But as the kid got older and older he began not to fit. So one night he released some air from ...

I went to a pharmacy and asked for 50 condoms.

There were 2 girls behind me who started laughing. I turned around and looked them straight in the eyes and said, "make that 52".
.
.
.
.
.
.
Now both of them have condom balloons :D

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Virginity is like a balloon.

One prick and it’s gone for ever.

I always assumed that China has extremely sophisticated spying technology that they use on their rivals.

Well, that balloon has burst.

I went on a ballooning holiday ...

I put on 4 stone in 2 weeks

Ha Ha Ha...i just in inhaled a Helium balloon..

He He He

Outnumbered 6 to 5, John brought grenades to a water balloon fight.

Isn't that a little... excessive?"

"No, I'm just trying to level the playing field.

Did anyone hear about that country who started using balloons as currency?

They ended up with a massive inflation problem.

What do you call a helium balloon shaped like Albert Einstein?

A stable genius.... (original)

"You must be an engineer"

A man is flying solo in a hot air balloon and he discovers that he is lost. He lowers altitude until he can see a guy walking through a field.

He says to the guy, "Hey, where am I"?
The guy replies, "You are in a hot air balloon about 8 feet above farmer Jack's field."
The balloon ...

In the toy shop in my area, packet balloons cost $0.10 each, but $10 when filled with air?

God damn inflation.

If you see a balloon on the street, pop it.

We can't let him get any more DNA bubbles.

Philosophers in hot air balloons.

They think highly of us.

Son: Dad why does mom have balloons in her chest?

Dad: Ummmm, you blow them up when your mom dies so that she can fly to heaven

Son: Oh ok

*THE NEXT DAY*

Son (on phone): Dad come home quick mom is dying!

Dad: Wait what happened?

Son: Uncle John is blowing her balloons!

Why do balloons have a bad temper?

Because they are always blowing up.

Why has the cost of balloons risen in the past ten years?

Because of inflation!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

20 men and a witch are in a hot air balloon

One man says "We are losing air, some of us are going to have to jump out!"
The witch says "Don't worry, if you drink this potion whatever you say will appear below you, when you jump out!"
One man drinks the potion and says "Pillows" and lands in 20 pounds of pillows
Another man drinks the...

Are those Balloon animals ?

Going on a family vacation with a lot of kids can be a trial.

We found a really nice campground with all the amenities, to park the camper.

We met several other families, as the children all played outside.

For hours, the kids kept coming back inside asking for quarters over and...

Ever since I made some changes in my life, people have been saying that I have that "It" factor.

The clown makeup and red balloon really do wonders!

What’s the difference between Lays potato chips and a balloon

Balloons should be filled with air

I shouldn’t have bought balloons from a salesman with commitment issues.

There were no strings attached.

We’re trying to come up with a plan to get my escaped helium balloon back. We’ve got some ideas.

But it’s still up in the air.

Balloons remind me of my dad

They don't come back

The shop I normally go to to blow up my balloons has increased their price by 50%

That's inflation for you.

How come balloons don't do drugs?

Because they're afraid of getting high and getting busted

PS: Heard in a TV show and wanted to share the laughter to everyone in here.

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I'm sick and tired of my wife blowing everything out of proportion," he complains to the bartender. "She's single handedly ruining my balloon animal business."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I was looking for a job, and found a vacancy in some balloon company

turns out it was a blowjob...

I'm outraged at the price of helium balloons.

Bloody inflation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when someone is paid to inflate balloons?

A blowjob

Have you heard about the tax on balloons?

They are taxing them to new heights!

I'm waiting to invest in a hot air balloon

I don't want to lose my life's savings to inflation

The balloon was very happy when I rubbed on my hair.

It was ecstatic.

Why can’t clowns afford balloons anymore?

Because balloon prices are rising due to inflation.

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