Courtesy of my 11 yr old: why don't you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she will just let it go.

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?

I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"...

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I got my dick stuck in the center of that Pixar DVD with the old man and the balloons.

TIFU.

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Welshman, and a Scotsman are all on a hot air balloon.

The conductor almost panicked says, “there’s too much weight! Someone needs to jump off, or we’re going to crash!” The Welshman bravely steps up, “For the glory of wales!” And the Welshman throws himself off. The conductor still panicked says, “okay, we’re close but there is still too much weight!” ...

Once upon a time there 3 balloons, mummy balloon, daddy balloon and baby balloon.

Tired of baby balloon creeping into their bed every night, "Tonight you must stay in your own bed" said mummy.

When he was sure his mummy and daddy were asleep baby balloon crept into their room and tried to squeeze into their bed.

But try as he might he just couldn't fit in, so he...

I went on a ballooning holiday ...

I put on 4 stone in 2 weeks

How do I determine the cost of a balloon after adjusting for inflation?

Pls help me. The size of the problem is growing by the second.

I was at the dollar store and saw balloons labeled $1 a piece. I grabbed 3 and went to the cashier who told me the total was $5.28.

I guess that’s the price of inflation

A little boy blows up his balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger.

His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something.

The boy continues.
"Johnny!" mom screams. "Knock it off. You're going to break something."

He stops and eventually mom leaves for a short trip to the store.

Johnny starts up with the balloon again. He gives i...

Son: Dad why does mom have balloons in her chest?

Dad: Ummmm, you blow them up when your mom dies so that she can fly to heaven

Son: Oh ok

*THE NEXT DAY*

Son (on phone): Dad come home quick mom is dying!

Dad: Wait what happened?

Son: Uncle John is blowing her balloons!

A Scottish man, English man and an American are in a hot air balloon.

A Scottish man, English man and an American are in a hot air balloon. It's sinking fast. They need to throw something out that they have a lot of or they will crash into the houses below. The Scottish man throws out a haggis. English man throws out a cup of tea. The American throws out a bomb. They ...

Johnny and Mommy’s Balloons (Dirty)

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father t...

Two balloons in the desert.

One says: "look out for that cactus!"

The other replies: "what cactusssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss?"

I shouldn’t have bought balloons from a salesman with commitment issues.

There were no strings attached.

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman were riding in a hot-air balloon.

The balloon was about to crash into a mountain, so the pilot says to them, "We need to lose more weight to get clear. One of you has to jump" So the Scotsman says "I do this for the glory of Scotland!" and he jumps out of the basket.

But the balloon wasn't high enough yet. "We need to lose m...

What do you put in a female balloon?

Shelium.

Two men decided to try riding in a hot air balloon...

Neither of them has any experience ballooning. They leave the ground and suddenly realize they are way off course. The decide to let out some air and get close enough to the ground to yell out and get someone's attention.


They see a small town and yell out, a man in a suit looks up and ...

What do you call a helium balloon shaped like Albert Einstein?

A stable genius.... (original)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when someone is paid to inflate balloons?

A blowjob

What were the balloon’s last words to his dad...

... watch me Pop!

Why don’t Balloons do drugs?

Because they are afraid that the will get high and get busted

A chap is flying in a hot air balloon but is lost. He sees paddy below and shouts, "Hey, do you know where I am?"

Paddy says, "You can't fool me, you're in that box."

I could afford to buy 100,000 balloons, but it wouldn’t be financially prudent...

I can’t afford the cost of inflation.

If you see a balloon on the street, pop it.

We can't let him get any more DNA bubbles.

Ha Ha Ha...i just in inhaled a Helium balloon..

He He He

An assistant to Donald Trump

>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.** 
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confett...

Have you heard about the tax on balloons?

They are taxing them to new heights!

My friend hired a hot air balloon for his wedding.

They quoted him 200 and on the day charged 400. Said it was due to inflation.

Baby balloon couldn't sleep

He had a bad dream so went to his parents room to sleep in their bed.
Papa balloon was so big that baby balloon couldn't fit in the bed.
He undid Papas' balloon knot and let some air out to make him smaller but he still couldn't fit in the bed.
He then undid Mamas' balloon knot to let some...

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Virginity is like a balloon.

One prick and it’s gone for ever.

A clown who's job is going to parties and make all kind of balloons..

Is that considered a blow-job?

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A man in a hot air balloon was lost in West Virginia

He looks down and sees a redneck so he screams down “where am I?” The redneck looks up and screams “you can’t fool me, you’re in that basket”

Why did the price of balloons go up?

Inflation

Do you know why ordering balloons for a party is so expensive?

Inflation.

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English Literature Class

Professor starts the literature class. "Today's lesson is metaphors. A metaphor conceptualizes and exaggerate a big thing into a small creative image. As an example you can say 'The snow is a white blanket' instead of saying that snow is white. Can anyone say a similar metaphor ? "

"Tom Crui...

What kind of music is scary for balloons?

Pop music

Funeral of my dad

A guy named Temel was walking on road with his head down and great sadness, some familiar faces saw him and asked Temel what happened Temel said his dad died and he is going to the funeral so they asked how did he die? Temel started telling

My dad was next to the window of a 10 floored workin...

Philosophers in hot air balloons.

They think highly of us.

Why are balloons expensive?

Inflation!

I’ll see myself out, unless this blows up.

HOT AIR BALLOON

One day an American, Asian and an Australian were in a hot air balloon when they started to fall so the pilet said "each of you need to throw out one thing you have too much of". So the American started by throwing out hamburgers saying " we have too many of these in our country". Then the Asian wen...

Why do balloons have a bad temper?

Because they are always blowing up.

What did the needle say to the balloon?

"I am the king of pop."

I finally realised that my parents favour my twin brother.

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

What’s the difference between Lays potato chips and a balloon

Balloons should be filled with air

Why shouldn't you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she'll just let it go



frozen 2 coming soon

The price of balloons have not gone up in over 50 years

Which is surprising considering inflation

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[inventing the hot air balloon...]

I don't give a fuck where I go.

I have only ever seen hot air balloons in the morning

I guess they’re all early risers

Had a water balloon fight with some of the kids in my neighbourhood today. I won!

No one is a match for me and my kettle.

I'm waiting to invest in a hot air balloon

I don't want to lose my life's savings to inflation

Balloon prices have gone up.

Damn inflation.

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I called in a psychic radio show while I was taking a ride in a hot air balloon.

Psychic: Go ahead caller, you’re on the air.

Me: Holy shit, how did you know??

There once lived a family of balloons, there was: A mommy balloon, a daddy balloon and a kid balloon.

Each night the kid balloon would get nightmares and go into the parents bed when they were asleep. The daddy balloon constantly told the kid balloon not to do this as it was disrupting his sleep schedule. But as the kid got older and older he began not to fit. So one night he released some air from ...

Keep your money away from any balloons

Otherwise it will be affected by inflation.

My friend decided to use balloons to propose to his online girlfriend, but then he met her face to face for the first time.

He immediately popped the question.

A man bought a balloon a long time ago and is selling it on eBay. What does he do first?

He adjusts the price for inflation!

I wrote “Will you marry me?” on a balloon to propose to my girlfriend.

Then I chickened out at the last moment, and had to pop the question.

I'm outraged at the price of helium balloons.

Bloody inflation.

The balloon was very happy when I rubbed on my hair.

It was ecstatic.

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back is was meant to be.

That was definitely not a balloon.

A balloon seller was selling his balloons.... His sign read DEFLATED BALLONS-$1.... INFLATED BALLOONS-$250

When asked why, he said he'd adjusted the pricing for Inflation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This one time I got my dick stuck in the hole of a DVD of a Pixar film about an old man who made his house fly with balloons

I guess it’s pretty apparent how badly I screwed Up

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20 men and a witch are in a hot air balloon

One man says "We are losing air, some of us are going to have to jump out!"
The witch says "Don't worry, if you drink this potion whatever you say will appear below you, when you jump out!"
One man drinks the potion and says "Pillows" and lands in 20 pounds of pillows
Another man drinks the...

What do you call a balloon animal made out of a condom?

A Trojan horse.

Breaking :A man was arrested yesterday for impersonating a helium balloon.

A spokesperson for the police said.. We held him for a while and then let him go..

I met this guy who liked to put helium balloons in his ship

Whatever floats your boat I guess

At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen.

I sighed as she squeezed and pulled expertly. It was the best balloon giraffe I'd seen.

Why can’t clowns afford balloons anymore?

Because balloon prices are rising due to inflation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why were all the male employees happy at the balloon inflating factory ?

Because their female boss gave them a blow job.

So my nephew just wanted to know...

Have you heard the joke about the balloon that met the cactussssssssssssh

If I bought a balloon for $0.99...

How much should I sell it for when I adjust for inflation?

First post please be nice

And English man a Chinese man and an Australian man were in a hot air balloon and it started to got down, the English man said quick we need to get rid of stuff we don't need so he throws out a tea pot and a mug, and says "we have to many of these in our country" the Chinese man throws out some ch...

I don't think that balloons can be inflated.

Edit: well did not expect this to blow up.

What do you say to a relative of someone who died in an air balloon accident?

My Gondolences

My list of jokes

I told my sister not to stand near the trees in our back yard. I don’t know what it is they just seem shady.

How do you have a party in space, you planet.

Why can’t Ewoks shout in the house. They have to use their Endor voices.

Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon. Because she’ll ...

Balloons remind me of my dad

They don't come back

How come balloons don't do drugs?

Because they're afraid of getting high and getting busted

PS: Heard in a TV show and wanted to share the laughter to everyone in here.

I sell balloons for 10p each or if you want them blown up it's 15p.

I've adjusted the price to allow for inflation.

Why did I get a divorce?

Well, last week was my birthday and my wife didn’t even say anything to me. My kids forgot too. I got to work and my friends and co-workers said nothing. I felt so alone and forgotten, until my secretary came up to me and said “happy birthday boss, can I take you to lunch for your special day?” It s...

The Balloon family.

Daddy balloon decided one day to tell his baby balloon son, that he now had to sleep in his own bed. The son gets upset as he likes to share his parents bed. That night, the son wakes up and decides to climb back into bed with his mum and dad.

He finds there is no room, so he unties his fath...

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The best way to avoid IT issue when working from home during our current circumstances...

...is to avoid the red balloon.

What’s a balloon’s least favorite thing to drink?

Pop.

I think that we should officially change our currency to balloons.

You could much more easily control inflation.

My Grandfather invented the cold air balloon

It never really took off.

I heard balloons have gotten really expensive lately.

It must be because of inflation.

I had an interview for a party supplies store where I had to inflate a balloon as a test...

...I blew it :(

A teacher, a nurse, and an Army man were in a hot air balloon.

The balloon was too heavy so each of them dropped something off it. The teacher dropped an apple, the nurse dropped her medical bag, and the Army man drops a grenade. After they land, they go for a walk. They come across a little girl who's crying. They ask her what's wrong and she says an apple fel...

My friends said they'd pick me up for the drive by so I strapped up and waited for them on the porch...

They yelled, its Karen's birthday we have signs and balloons for you why the f*** do you have a gun??

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend got a job offer making balloons.

He turned it down because he doesn't do blowjobs.

In the toy shop in my area, packet balloons cost $0.10 each, but $10 when filled with air?

God damn inflation.

Did you hear the price of balloons is going to increase?

I blame it on inflation. But on the positive side, sales are supposed to go up!

Friends are like balloons

If you stab them they die.

Outnumbered 6 to 5, John brought grenades to a water balloon fight.

"Isn't that a little... excessive?"

"No, I'm just trying to level the playing field.

I am considering making a balloon of my subconscious...

But I’m afraid it will only inflate my ego...

An English man, Irish man, and Scots man are in a sinking hot air balloon...

An English man, Irish man and Scots man are in a hot air balloon. It's starting to go down, and they decide they each have to throw 1 thing over board. The Irish man takes his pic-axe and throws it over, the scots man throw over a bottle of whiskey and the English man a grenade.

They finally ...

What does a hot air balloon and a homeless person have in common

No visible means of support

There were three balloons...

A mummy balloon, a daddy balloon and a baby balloon. The mummy and daddy balloon were watching TV and sitting on the lovely two seater sofa. The baby balloon ask his parents 'can I please sit on the sofa with you?' his father replies 'no, son. There is simply not enough room on the sofa for you.' De...

I took my girlfriend to see a movie about an old guy flying his house around on balloons.

It was an up-date.

Son: Daddy what are those big round things on mummies chest?”

Dad: They’re balloons son. When mummy dies we can blow them up and she’ll float to heaven.”

Son: Really? Because Uncle Dave was blowing them up yesterday and mummy kept saying “Oh God, I’m coming” but she didn’t float anywhere!

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