Courtesy of my 11 yr old: why don't you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she will just let it go.

What kind of music is scary for balloons?

Pop music

Why is a blown-up balloon more expensive than a balloon that isn't

Inflation

What’s the difference between Lays potato chips and a balloon

Balloons should be filled with air

What do you call a helium balloon shaped like Albert Einstein?

A stable genius.... (original)

I'm waiting to invest in a hot air balloon

I don't want to lose my life's savings to inflation

Had a water balloon fight with some of the kids in my neighbourhood today. I won!

No one is a match for me and my kettle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man in a hot air balloon is lost over West Virginia

He looks down and sees a redneck on the porch of his trailer and shouts down to him

“Where am I ?”
The Redneck looks back up and shouts back,

"You can't fool me. You're in that basket up there."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I called in a psychic radio show while I was taking a ride in a hot air balloon.

Psychic: Go ahead caller, you’re on the air.

Me: Holy shit, how did you know??

A man bought a balloon a long time ago and is selling it on eBay. What does he do first?

He adjusts the price for inflation!

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.

He ***reduces*** his ***altitude*** and ***spots*** a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, ***hoveri...

The balloon was very happy when I rubbed on my hair.

It was ecstatic.

I got my weiner stuck in the DVD hole of that Pixar movie with the old man and the balloons.

TIFU.

A balloon seller was selling his balloons.... His sign read DEFLATED BALLONS-$1.... INFLATED BALLOONS-$250

When asked why, he said he'd adjusted the pricing for Inflation.

I'm outraged at the price of helium balloons.

Bloody inflation.

Keep your money away from any balloons

Otherwise it will be affected by inflation.

Two balloons were floating around a desert.

One said to the other, "look, a cactussssssssss..."

My friend decided to use balloons to propose to his online girlfriend, but then he met her face to face for the first time.

He immediately popped the question.

I’m sick of my wife blowing everything out of proportion.

She’s single handedly ruining my balloon animal business.

2 balloons get married

And they have a baby balloon. Baby balloon stays in bed with mummy and daddy balloon until one day, Baby balloon grows too big to stay in mummy and daddy balloon's bed, so he gets his own room.

He misses sleeping with his parents, so he decides one night to be a rebel.

He goes into his...

I don't think that balloons can be inflated.

Edit: well did not expect this to blow up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This one time I got my dick stuck in the hole of a DVD of a Pixar film about an old man who made his house fly with balloons

I guess it’s pretty apparent how badly I screwed Up

At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen. I gasped as she squeezed and pulled expertly.

It was the best balloon giraffe I'd ever seen.

Why don't balloons do a lot drugs?

Because they think if they get too high they'll get busted.

Breaking :A man was arrested yesterday for impersonating a helium balloon.

A spokesperson for the police said.. We held him for a while and then let him go..

Balloon prices have gone up.

Damn inflation.

What do you call a balloon animal made out of a condom?

A Trojan horse.

Baby balloon sneaks into Mom and Dads room

He can't get into their bed because they are taking up too much room so he sneaks up and let's little air out of Dad balloon and squeezes in between them. Dad wakes up and tells him off and brings him back to his own bed.

Later on he comes back into Mom and Dads room,he still cant get into th...

What’s a balloon’s least favorite thing to drink?

Pop.

Are those Balloon animals ?

Going on a family vacation with a lot of kids can be a trial.

We found a really nice campground with all the amenities, to park the camper.

We met several other families, as the children all played outside.

For hours, the kids kept coming back inside asking for quarters over and...

I sell balloons for 10p each or if you want them blown up it's 15p.

I've adjusted the price to allow for inflation.

I met this guy who liked to put helium balloons in his ship

Whatever floats your boat I guess

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

20 men and a witch are in a hot air balloon

One man says "We are losing air, some of us are going to have to jump out!"
The witch says "Don't worry, if you drink this potion whatever you say will appear below you, when you jump out!"
One man drinks the potion and says "Pillows" and lands in 20 pounds of pillows
Another man drinks the...

Why can’t clowns afford balloons anymore?

Because balloon prices are rising due to inflation.

How come balloons don't do drugs?

Because they're afraid of getting high and getting busted

PS: Heard in a TV show and wanted to share the laughter to everyone in here.

If I bought a balloon for $0.99...

How much should I sell it for when I adjust for inflation?

I went to a pharmacy and asked for 50 condoms.

There were 2 girls behind me who started laughing. I turned around and looked them straight in the eyes and said, "make that 52".
.
.
.
.
.
.
Now both of them have condom balloons :D

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

An English man, Irish man, and Scots man are in a sinking hot air balloon...

An English man, Irish man and Scots man are in a hot air balloon. It's starting to go down, and they decide they each have to throw 1 thing over board. The Irish man takes his pic-axe and throws it over, the scots man throw over a bottle of whiskey and the English man a grenade.

They finally ...

Whats a balloon's least favourite genre of music?

Pop!

why are balloons getting so expensive nowadays?

inflation

I heard balloons have gotten really expensive lately.

It must be because of inflation.

Outnumbered 6 to 5, John brought grenades to a water balloon fight.

"Isn't that a little... excessive?"

"No, I'm just trying to level the playing field.

I am considering making a balloon of my subconscious...

But I’m afraid it will only inflate my ego...

I had an interview for a party supplies store where I had to inflate a balloon as a test...

...I blew it :(

There were three balloons...

A mummy balloon, a daddy balloon and a baby balloon. The mummy and daddy balloon were watching TV and sitting on the lovely two seater sofa. The baby balloon ask his parents 'can I please sit on the sofa with you?' his father replies 'no, son. There is simply not enough room on the sofa for you.' De...

The Balloon family.

Daddy balloon decided one day to tell his baby balloon son, that he now had to sleep in his own bed. The son gets upset as he likes to share his parents bed. That night, the son wakes up and decides to climb back into bed with his mum and dad.

He finds there is no room, so he unties his fath...

Investing in balloons just isn't as profitable as it used to be.

I blame inflation.

Balloons remind me of my dad

They don't come back

I think that we should officially change our currency to balloons.

You could much more easily control inflation.

Friends are like balloons

If you stab them they die.

Did you hear the price of balloons is going to increase?

I blame it on inflation. But on the positive side, sales are supposed to go up!

My Grandfather invented the cold air balloon

It never really took off.

I started a cold air balloon business.

I'm having trouble getting it off the ground.

What does a hot air balloon and a homeless person have in common

No visible means of support

In the toy shop in my area, packet balloons cost $0.10 each, but $10 when filled with air?

God damn inflation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do balloons and virgins have in common?

One prick and its gone.

A teacher, a nurse, and an Army man were in a hot air balloon.

The balloon was too heavy so each of them dropped something off it. The teacher dropped an apple, the nurse dropped her medical bag, and the Army man drops a grenade. After they land, they go for a walk. They come across a little girl who's crying. They ask her what's wrong and she says an apple fel...

I took my girlfriend to see a movie about an old guy flying his house around on balloons.

It was an up-date.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, an American and a Mexican are in a hot air balloon.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, an American and a Mexican are in a hot air balloon.

They're running out of fuel, and losing height, having already thrown all of their ballast overboard.

A range of mountains is coming up in the distance, and they need to lose weight the clear them.

A...

On prom night, my father gave me a pack of condoms and said, use them wisely, and not as water balloons. Because I'd end up where he did.

He was put in lock up for twenty four hours for vandalising the neighbour's property.

A physicist insisted on his wife giving birth on a hot air balloon.

When his son turned out to be a shame on the family, he told him: "You had so much potential!"

What do you get if you cross a porcupine with a balloon?

*Pop*

I have a job working with hot air balloons

It has its highs and lows

What do you call the basket on a hot air balloon?

A balooney bin. Fuuuuuuck I hate myself.

What do you do for a sick balloon?

You helium up.

A man is flying a hot air balloon and thinks he's lost...

so he gets closer to the ground and sees a man walking by. He calls down to him, "hey, do you know where I am?"

The man thinks for a second and says, "you're at exactly 58.2 degrees north by 48.7 degrees west, you're standing still now but your approach velocity was 5.1 m/s at an angle of 2....

How are a hobo and a balloon alike?

Both are without visible means of support.




(My son found that in a children's joke book)

Three men are in a hot-air balloon

Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. One of the three men says, "I've got an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices far."

So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Helllloooooo! Where are we?" (They ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishmen, a Mexican and an American...

are all in a hot air balloon. The Englishman throws a teabag out of the balloon and the Mexican says "why did you do that?"
"We have too many of those in my country" replies the Englishmen. The Mexican then decides to throw a burrito out of the balloon and the American says "why would you do suc...

Three soldiers are in a hot air balloon

Three soldiers are in a hot air balloon, riding over a town with a mountain in the distance. As the mountain approaches, the sudden realization hits that they will not clear mountain.

In a last-ditch effort, they try to throw out everything they can. The first soldier throws out their weapon...

I have a good joke about a nice balloon.

Oh wait. It just got away from me.

You must be an Engineer...

(I'm fairly new to reddit, so I hope this isn't an old one.)

A guy is lost on a hot air balloon ride. After some time, he sees a man in a field and lowers the balloon to ask for directions.

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" he calls down.

The man in the field thinks ...

The kid next door challenged me to a water balloon fight.

I'm just going to update my Facebook status while waiting for the kettle to boil.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.