What's a bungee jumper's least favorite app?

Discord

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Me: *licking lips in anticipation* I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.

Instructor: don't lick my lips again.

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What are the similarities between doing a bungee jump and sleeping with a prostitute?

Both cost £50.
Both last 30 seconds.
And if the rubber snaps you're fucked.

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What does a bungee cord and a hooker have in common?

They're cheap and fast, but if the rubber breaks you're fucked.

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What’s the similarity between having sex and bungee jumping?

If the rubber breaks, you’re doomed.

A man is asked by his colleagues why he never goes on their annual bungee-jumping trips.

He says, "A broken rubber brought me into this world. I'm not letting one take me out of it."

"Mike, why do you keep calling your bungee jumping accident "the pregnancy scare?"

Mike: "The rubber broke."

”I tried to hang myself with a bungee chord.

I kept almost dying.”-Steven Wright

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Getting oral sex from an ugly person is like bungee jumping.

You know it’s gonna be fun but for fuck sakes don’t look down!

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Did you hear that they cancelled bungee jumping for blind people?

It scared the shit out of the guide dogs.

My friend asked me to go Bungee Jumping...

I told them "No, because a broken rubber brought me into this world, it sure as hell ain't taking me out."

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What does sex and bungee jumping have in common?

The thrill only lasts about 30 seconds,and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

I'm never going bungee jumping.

I came into this world due to broken rubber, I'll be damned if I leave because of it.

**Edit:** Wow, never knew this was so original. My dad told me it years ago, thought it was a typical dad joke.

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico.

"The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more p...

What's the difference between a suicidal bungee jumper and a professional one?

Where they tie the rope.

I tried bungee jumping the other day.

It had its ups and downs.

Daddy, am I allowed to go for a Bungee-Jump?

No way son! Your life began with a broken rubber. It shall not end the same way.

My friend was told that bungee jumping would be safe.

It turned out to be quite a stretch.

My first time bungee jumping.

*Licks lips nervously*

Me: This is my first time bungee jumping.

Instructor: Can you please stop licking my lips.

TIL: It's possible to bungee jump without a rope.

But just once.

A 16 y/o boy asks his mom if he can go bungee jumping

His mom's answer: "No, you were born of broken rubber and I don't want you to go out the same way!"

Two guys go bungee jumping on a bridge in Mexico

The first guy gets his gear all on and steps up to jump, he jumps down and comes back up, and his face is bloody?...
So down and up again and his face is even more bloody...
down and up again and his face is swollen, bloody and bruised so his friend grabs him and say “are you okay what happe...

Go bungee jumping for free!

No strings attached.

Im kind of sad I don't see more bungee jumping jokes around

I guess they never quite seem to land

I wasn't afraid of heights until my significant other told me about her bungee jumping accident

I got the fright of my wife.

I organised a day of sponsored bungee jumping for the local disabled group...

Perhaps calling it 'spastic on elastic' wasn't one of my greatest ideas...

Two Americans decide to start a bungee jumping business in Mexico.

They're almost done setting up on a bridge by a city but first they have to test to see if the cord will work.

So one of the men ties the cord to himself, jumps off, and comes back up with scratches on his face.

So they get a shorter cord and the same guy tests it again.

Before ...

What's every bungee-jumper's favorite pasta?

Farfalle

What happened when the Prague Bungee Jumping team couldn't afford proper equipment?

Their Czechs bounced.

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A guy asks a doctor how long he will live

So the doctor, looking at his clipboard and taking notes, begins to ask him a series of questions.

Doc: Do you eat red meat?

Patient: No

Doc: Do you smoke cigarettes, cigars, or a pipe?

Patient: No

Doc: Do you use any illicit drugs?

Patient: No

Doc: D...

Why did the bungee jumper hit the ground?

He didn't pay a tension.

What do you call a bungee jumping cow.

Cow-a-bungee.

"Mom I wanna go bungee jumping."

"NO!"

"But all my friends are going"

"Oh! So if your friends jump off a cliff, will you too?"

"Er...yes"

So this entrepreneur is setting up a bungee jumping tower in Mexico.

And of course all the construction and publicity has garnered a crowd. Well the entrepreneur, seeing an opportunity to wow the crowd, volunteers to be the first person to jump. So he is strapped in and over the edge he goes, and the crowd goes wild. But when his crew goes to retrieve him after his j...

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Frenchman in Morocco

A Frenchman seeking some thrills travels to Morocco and decides to go bungee jumping off the top of mosques. As he bounces back into the air, all of the passerby in Morocco are in awe and one Moroccan passerby decides that he wants to try it himself.

He finds the Frenchman at a nearby cafe a...

During quarantine - Lonely at home

I am lonely at home quarantined:

Day 1. Oh, that's nice.

Day 3. I read books and rest.

Day 5. I bingwatched "Friends".

Day 7. I talked to the washing machine, but I had worse days.

Day 9. My washing machine is angry. I never had worse days.

Day 11. I'm fine…...

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Why do tampons have strings?

Because crabs like to bungee jump too.


Told this to my friend's dad.His answer:So you can floss when you're done eating.

My wife had to die because she lied about her weight one time too much.

Bungee jumping...

Yo mamma is so fat...

When she does bungee jumping she goes straight to hell.

One of my proudest memories as a father was the day I got to cut the cord...

Needless to say my son won’t be bungee jumping again.

I'm no longer with a girl because she lied about her weight.

She died in a bungee jumping accident.

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What is courage??

COURAGE?

What is the meaning of courage?

Is it to fight a Bull in a bullfight without any weapon?

Is it to undertake a cross-country auto trip in a Chrysler Corporation car?

Is it to fly a fighter plane in combat?

Is it to undergo open-heart surgery knowing that th...

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