Bamboo

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a meal. After the meal the waiter comes to the table to give the panda the check. Without a word the panda draws a gun and shoots the waiter dead. He then gets up nonchalantly and heads for the door. Seeing what just transpired the manager confronts the pan...

Did you hear about the guy who had his bamboo plant stolen?

He was bamboozled

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What do you get when you cross shaggy and a stick of bamboo?

Mr.bamboostick

Knock knock

Who's there?

Bam

Bam, who?

No. It's pronounced bamboo.

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There is a global interest in survival and the ability to thrive after an apocalypse or major crisis.

Scientists decide that sending 3 men to a deserted island for 5 years with no hope of rescue or assistance would be a good indicator.

The United States, France, and China each offer up 1 person for the study and they all get sent to their fate.

5 years later a helicopter lands on the i...

Why are pandas endangered?

Because bamboo shoots.

Why do panda bears keep buying bamboo?

They just like the stock!

Why did the panda get drunk?

Because it had too much bamboos. (courtesy of my 10 year old).

There was a south pacific island village...

Far away in the south pacific, there once was an island village with the custom of electing a new chief every year. By tradition, the laborers of the village would work for months every year to create a giant, ornate bamboo throne for each new chief.

The thrones from previous chiefs began to...

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Two communists are in a nudist club, reclining in the nude in bamboo chairs, when one turns to the other and asks "Have you read Marx?"

The reply he gets: "Yeah; wouldn't have happened if these were couches!"

Why did the male koala invite the female koala over to his bamboo.

He wanted to have a treesome.

Not stupid joke at all involves no puns.........

There was a bamboo stalk and a corn stalk who lived in the same neighborhood. The corn didn't really know the bamboo but the bamboo liked to watch the corn and sometimes follow him. The bamboo sometimes said "Sup my HUSKY bro". One day the corn turns around and yells at the bamboo, "STOP STALKING M...

The lonely fish

Deep in the bamboo forest, there lived a tiny fish alone in a pond. Every day he swam around the pond in solitude. His little heart longed for a companion. He gradually became incredibly sad, he stopped eating and he started losing the color in his scales. A fairy, passing by, was taken with the pl...

(real news) Chinese archaeologists have discovered the country's oldest mathematics document, written on bamboo more than 2,200 years ago!

Even more amazing - one of the answers is wrong.

What doea a panda call a jumpscare?

bamBOO

Just had Little Richard round to trim the garden

He lopped all the rhubarb, he lopped bamboo

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A Panda Bear wins a free trip to NYC....

This Giant Panda boards his flight from China and after a long flight he arrives in New York. He decides to do some tourist stuff and go sightseeing. As he is walking down the crowded and busy streets of NYC, so many people are taking photos and selfies with him. The panda is feeling like a rocksta...

An old Tahitian legend...

As the legend goes, when the Tahitians first found their island, after they had settled in, they decided to build a grand central hall for their new settlement. Unlike contemporary Europeans, though, they built their dwellings not out of timber or stone but out of the materials they had at hand: ree...

A man takes a panda skydiving.

On the day of the jump, he follows the bear out of the plane and down they plummet.

When it comes time, he reaches for his cord but can't find it. He starts panicking for his life.

The panda sees what's happening and produces two pieces of bamboo. After careful coaxing, it gets the man...

A Christian man ends up on a deserted island...

He is stranded there for a few years until a rescue boat finds him. When the rescuers get onto the island, they are amazed to see what the man has built to survive. The man had built three different structures out of bamboo and leaves. They asked the man what the first structure was. The man said,”T...

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A panda walks into a steakhouse...

*A panda walks into a steakhouse.*

Panda: Can I get some bamboo?

Server: Sorry, we only have steak here.

Panda: I'll have some steak then.

*The panda eats the steak.*

Server: So how was the food?

Panda: It was one of the most delicious meals I've ever had!...

How do you confuse a panda?

You bamboo-zle it.

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Death or Kutomba? [possibly NSFW]

Three men go hunting in jungles of central Africa. Unfortunately, they get caught by the local tribes.


Tribal Chief to the first man," Do you want death or Kutomba?"
The man thinks, anything is better than death.

He replies,"Kutomba."

Immediately he is grabbed by other ...

Gentlemen...BEHOLD! Puns.

What do you call a cool mushroom?...A fun guy!!!

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

A guy walks into a restaurant, and takes a seat. Acr...

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three guys are on a deserted island...

Just recently shipwrecked. As they each regain consciousness they realize they are surrounded by cannibals. The cannibals put each man into a bamboo cage and hold them there over night. The next morning the natives hand each man a palm leaf sack and explain to them that they are to gather a single f...

What happened to the dude tricked by a panda?

He was bamboo-zled!

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A panda walks into a restaurant

The panda sits down and orders bamboo. The waiter, completely confused tells the panda that they don’t serve bamboo. The panda gets very angry and demands that they serve him bamboo. The waiter, again, tells the panda that they don’t serve bamboo. The panda points to a decorative bamboo plant near t...

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A group of scientists are performing research on building civilizations...

they decide to put three people on an island. Not wanting to ignore cultures, they choose an American, a European, and a Japanese man. The three men are told they will be left on the island for three months and after which their survival and civilization building skills will be evaluated.
The Am...

Give a man a fish and he has food for a day. Teach a man to fish and...

...he has to buy bamboo rods, graphite reels, monofilament lines, neoprene waders, creels, tackleboxes, lures, flies, spinners, worm rigs, slip sinkers, offset hooks, gore-tex hats, 20 pocket vests, fish finders, depth sounders, radar, boats, trailers, global positioning systems, coolers, and six-pa...

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What did the ghost in the Japanese Forest say to surprise those walking through it?

Bamboo.

3 Bears walk into a bar

I made up this joke in the shower the other day and have been trying to decide if it is a Great Bad joke or an Awful real joke. I hope you have an opinion on it.

A Black Bear, a Grizzly Bear, and a Panda walk into a bar.

The Black bear walks up to the bartender and says, "Excuse me si...

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Saw The Dark Knight Rises tonight. Thought back to this joke during a scene (NSFW)

Three missionaries get caught by cannibals, and the cannibals throw them in a bamboo jail.
The chief pulls one of them out of the bamboo jail and says, "You have two choice...death or bunga bunga."

The missionary thinks to himself, "I don't want to die...", so he says, "I'll take bunga bun...

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