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Problem Jokes

Whats the problem with 9/11 jokes

they're two plane

The problem isn't that obesity runs in your family

The problem is that nobody runs in your family

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A guy goes to the doctor and says "Doc, I have a problem"

"My girlfriend is sleeping over this Friday, my ex-wife is sleeping over this Saturday, and my wife is coming home Sunday. I need three Viagra pills to satisfy them all."

The doctor says "You know, taking Viagra three nights in a row can be very dangerous. I will give them to you on the condi...

I bought a book titled “How to Solve Half Your Problems.”

I read it twice, now I’m problem free.

I was having a problem with my rear end so I went to see the doctor...

... The doc said, "well let's have a look". I dropped may pants and the doctor gave a thorough look and then said, "well, nothing is obviously wrong, what seems to be the problem?".

I said, "I can't stop showing it to people".

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A couple were having money problems.

One day the wife went to her husband with an idea to make some quick cash. He listened and after arguing for a little while, finally agreed.

Dressed in her sexiest most revealing dress, the wife jumped out of the car and posing provocatively under the street light, she waved her husband goodb...

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A lady approaches a priest and shyly tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots but, they only know how to say one thing... they keep saying ‘Hi, we’re hot... do you want to *fuck us*?’

"That's terrible!" says the priest. "But, I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house tomorrow. I will put them with my two male talking parrots... to whom I've taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible filt...

The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”

I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”

I have a drug problem.

I can't find any.

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems…

… but then again, neither does milk.

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I had to go see my doctor today because I’m having an unusual problem. I say to him, “I’ve got a problem, every time I finish masturbating I sing the American national anthem”.

The doctor said, “Don’t worry, a lot of wankers sing that”.

If you're having tuning problems I feel bad for you son

I got 99 problems but a pitch ain't one

When I was younger I struggled with a serious drug problem

These days I have a much more reliable dealer.

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An Elderly Woman Gets Pulled Over For Speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one.

Traffic Cop: Don't have one?

O...

What is the best angle from which to approach a problem?

The TRY-angle.

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A couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist’s office. The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”

The man said, “Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?” The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.


When the couple finished, the doctor said, “There’s nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse,” and charged them $80. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appo...

What do you call a girl who is always considering surgery to deal with her weight problem?

A lipochondriac

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.

He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and aft...

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I have got a serious problem.

My girlfriend and my sister have a same name, that made my life into a living hell. Whenever we are making love in bed and she's about to orgasm, she wants me to yell her name; but it make me uneasy quiet a lot. Because doing it reminds me of my girlfriend. What should I do?

When I was in the shop today, I saw a book that said "Guide how to solve 50% of your problems"

so I bought 2 of them

Why Bilbo had to be Male

Fun fact: Bilbo Baggins had to be a male in order for the plot of The Hobbit to work. If he was instead female, everything would have fallen apart in the goblin cave. Bilbo would have gone off wandering around in the dark and dreary caverns, found the ring, and seen Gollum fishing like in the origin...

A physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer are all found guilty of treason and sentenced to death by guillotine.

The priest reads them their last rites, then the king orders the executioner to kill the physicist.

The executioner offers the physicist two choices: would he like a hood on or off, and would he like to be executed face up or face down. The physicist replies, "I spent my whole life studying t...

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Young Couple gets banned from church.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no ...

My friend got a Scandinavian car but he keep complaining about all the problems he’s having with it.

It’s a really just a “Saab story.”

While walking down the street one day a female head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

Her soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. . “Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”


“No problem, just let me in,” s...

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Why does Finland have a problem increasing it's population?

Because the sex haven't even started yet and they are already Finnish

Everyday I keep telling myself: “Chris, you have to stop drinking, it’s becoming a serious problem ”

Thank god my names not Chris

Police found a large number of dead crows on the A251 just outside Ashford yesterday morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Bird Flu...

A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and it's been confirmed the problem was not Bird Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts, however, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.

By analysing...

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Memory problems

My dad’s getting old. He has trouble remembering where he left his keys, sometimes stumbles over finding words.

But weirdly he can remember in graphic detail every dump he’s ever taken.

He has a crap memory.

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The Green Dickie!

A nymphomaniac just couldn't get enough pleasure. Not from any man, nor any of the many toys she had collected over the years.

One day, while having coffee with a girlfriend, she told her friend about this problem. Her friend knew exactly what she needed, and gave her the name of a ...

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Doctor, I came to pick up my wife’s results…

- Well… I had a little problem with the results. I accidentally scrambled them with another patient, we don’t know if she has aids or alzheimers.

+ What should I do now?

- Leave her in the middle of the forest, if she comes back, don’t fuck her.

The problem with the goose

A peasant goes to a country fair and buys two chickens, a bucket, an anvil, and a goose. Walking back to his village he meets a woman who asks him for directions to the village.
- Come with me, but let’s take a shortcut through the woods, much faster.
- No way! I know you men, once we’re in t...

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000.

He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.

An old man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?"

The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a milli...

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Polly wants a working girl

So a woman walks into my church and she's like, 'Father, I got a problem. I got two parrots, but they're both female and all they know how to say is one thing.'

And I'm like, 'What do they say?'

And she gets all red in the face and she's like, 'They say "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you...

How does Ye explain his current problems to his kid?

“North West, I am sorry to say that my career is going south.”

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A horse is sitting in his stable one day when he hears music coming from the farmhouse. He waits patiently for the farmer to go out before making his way across to the farmhouse to see what's going on. As he peers through the window he can see MTV is on the television.

Horse goes into the house and sees a rock band on the screen. He is instantly taken by the guitar and decides there and then he wants to play. He uses the telephone and calls the local music shop. He explains that he has seen the band on TV, that he is a horse and that he wants to play guitar, The m...

A politician dies

So a politician dies and ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.


"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people...

My faithful old shredder has finally given up the ghost after 15 years without a single problem.

I'm tearing up here.

Me and the girlfriend went to the restaurant for the first time in ages.

The Waiter said, I am sorry but we are so busy tonight.

Would you mind waiting for a bit? I said no problem.

He said good, now take these drinks to table. 7.

Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes:

"A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?"
After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher called on Little...

A Winnipeg man dies and goes to hell.

When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says, "Sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here."

The man says, "No problem. I'm from Winnipeg."

So the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He then...

My feet are toasty, but I think my wife has a hearing problem...

After all, I'm not asking for socks every night

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A farmer is worried that his sex life with his wife is getting a bit dry They go to see a therapist, who asks them what they think the problem is.

The wife says, "I just don't have time for it, I'm too busy cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry and everything else. Sex is starting to lose its appeal".

The farmer is disheartened to hear this, but listens to the therapist, who tells him, "You need to change things up a bit. You'll just hav...

My wife is a hooker?

My wife woke me this morning after being out all night I asked her where she was and she told me that because we were going through some money problems she decided that she was going to go on the game and after a lot of arguing I asked how much money she made and she said 4 thousand 6 hundred 40 eur...

A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch...

As the bartender pours the drink, he remarks, "That's quite a heavy drink. What's the problem?"

After quickly downing his drink, the man replies, "I found my wife in bed with my best friend."

'Wow," says the barkeep. "What did you do about it?"

"I walked over to my wife, look...

blonde tried to sell her old car... She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250 000 miles. One day she told her problem to a friend she worked with. The friend told her,

“OK,” said the friend. “Here’s the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it shouldn’t be a problem selling your car.”






The following weekend, the blonde made the trip t...

Three soldiers are talking about how they would solve different problems...

When asked what would they do if they woke up in the middle of the night with a hole in their tent, the Army private says "I would dig through my pack to find something to repair it until morning"; the Marine says "I'd roll over and go back to sleep, a Marine can handle getting a little wet"; the Ai...

Problems at the door

I got sent home from work after the HR manager told me to leave my problems at the door.
She wasn't happy when I asked her to step outside.

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The fellow was being sold a very cheap suit. “But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm,” he complained.

“That’s why the suit is such a bargain,” the sales clerk explained. “Just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this.”


“But the right leg is way too short,” argued the customer.


“No problem,” the sales clerk answere...

A young couple was getting ready to give birth to their first child,

and they had determined that the child should not be named until after it was born, so that they could meet it and make the name based on that first magical moment. On the day of the birth, a beautiful baby girl was born and the parents were instantly smitten.

"It's 'Love.'" said the mother....

Only in math problems…

can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.

The Real Problem With Kleptomaniacs...

Is That They Take Things Literally

Why do so many restaurants have financial problems?

Because there's no Accounting for Taste.

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A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd grade class. The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Principal: 6+6.

Boy: 12.

The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send ...

Newlyweds and their problems

A young couple got married and the wife couldn't cook. But they were still in the honeymoon phase, so the first night after they got home, the husband comes home from work and the wife says "I'm sorry I burned dinner." So the husband says "That's all right honey let's just make love."


T...

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So there's this guy with a premature ejaculation problem

And he just comes out of nowhere

Being married is solving problems together.

Problems I wouldn't have, if I was single.

During the summer a local police station developed a mosquito problem

They deployed the swat team.

A Chinese doctor can't find a job in an America, so he opens his own clinic...

Six months later, a lawyer walks by the clinic and notices there's a sign outside that says "TREATMENT COST $20, IF WE CAN'T CURE YOU GET $100 BACK."
The lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic. The doctor comes right up to him as he enters.

Doctor: "W...

I went fishing this morning, but after a short time I ran out of worms...

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. "Frogs are good bass bait," I thought to myself. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket. Just then, I realized I h...

A programmer had a problem. He thought to himself, “I know, I’ll solve it with threads!”

has Now problems. two he

What do you call a heavy metal band With financial problems?

Megadebt

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Greece; but the custody of their children posed a problem.





The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story.

After a long moment of silence...

George Bush goes to hell. Classic. First posted on Reddit 13 years ago.

One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'...

If you ever meet a chemist, make sure to tell him all your life's problems.

He'll have a solution for sure.

A Rabbi is Traveling.

On his way, he stops through the town of Trid. As he walks through the town, he notices how empty it is. All the windows are shuttered and the doors are bolted shut. Eventually, he makes it to the center of town, where he finds a man hurrying through the streets.

“Excuse me, sir!” the rabbi c...

People who continue to eat bread even though they have digestive problems with it.

Are a gluten for punishment.

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two guys go fishing every weekend. one weekend one of them doesn't show up.

The next weekend when he shows up they load up the boat go out in the middle of lake and start fishing. One fisherman turns the other one and says "hey buddy what happened to you last week?"

The fisherman shrugs and says "I got married and went on my honeymoon"

The first fisherman look...

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An elderly man and his wife are both having problems remembering things.

During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

"Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.

“Will you g...

How many engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, that’s a technical problem.

Blonde walks into a doctor’s office and says: “Doctor, what’s the problem with me?

When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!” The Doctor replies: “Your finger is broken.

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An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas.

Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!" The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week." The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't k...

So a recently separated veteran gets a civilian job.

He does a wonderful job, but there's only one problem: he always shows up late.

So his boss takes him aside and asks him, "Weren't you in the military? What would your leadership say if you were late?"

The veteran replies, "They'd say, 'Good morning, Sergeant Major. Your coffee's on yo...

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Pigeon problem

Visited a friend on the eighth floor of her old government office building in Washington. There were hundreds of pigeons sitting on the ledge along the building outside the windows, making noise and pooping, two inches deep in some places. They were really annoying. I asked her if they'd tried getti...

At the beach house, we had a major problem with sea birds. I started throwing rocks at them.

I left no Tern unstoned.

There are four people in an airplane.

They are as follows:

\- The pilot (Obviously)

\- The president of the USA

\- The world's smartest man

\- A student from a local school.



Suddenly, an alarm sounds. The pilot runs into the passenger cabin and says:

"I don't want to alarm you, but there...

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A man walks into the local cathedral and says to the rector, “I would like to join this fucking church.”

The rector is astonished. “I beg your pardon, sir . . . I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”
“Are you deaf? I said I want to join this fucking church!”

“I’m sorry, sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this building.”
“Okay, twat face, I want to speak to someon...

How did the mathematician solve his constipation problem?

He worked it out with a pencil.

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Therapist: "So, what do you think is the reason for you to have problems socializing?"

Me: "Well, that's for YOU to find out, you stupid cunt!"

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"G'Day mate, Aussie help line here..........What's the problem,.... Cobber?"

"I'm in Darwin with my Sheila and she's been stung on the minge by a wasp, and now her pussy has completely closed up."



"Bummer, mate...!!!"



"Thanks mate, I hadn't thought of that. Bye."

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic's shop to have his truck fixed...

they couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outsid...

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I have a new girlfriend

I should be happy because i have a new girlfriend. The Problem is that she has the same name as my sister.
Everytime we have sex now, i have to think of my girlfriend.

All four Metallica members are sitting on a couch, with Lars being right next to the telephone. As it rings, Cliff goes to pick it up. What’s the problem?

It should have been Lars.

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Blonde with a problem

One day a blond walks into a doctor's office with both of her ears burnt.

The doctor asked her what had happened.

She says,

\- "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.

\- "Well that explains one ear...

Several churches were having problems with squirrels damaging their buildings.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the deacons met an...

I don’t get how people have problems with diversity in Lord of the Rings

Legolas has been an arrow ace the whole time.

Dwarfism is a growing problem.

And with the cost of living going up at the moment, they're really struggling to put food on the table.

A joke (long)

A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.

The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?"

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it ...

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I went to the doctor, for a personal problem

I walk into the office and say “Every time it rains I get a raging hard on. A few drops of water hit my head and I can’t help it!”

The doctor says “That’s easy to fix. Stop jerking off in the shower.”

I don’t get why people are bothered by the sun while driving.

I just close my eyes and it’s not a problem.

Batman & Robin

Robin: Batman, we have a big problem! I can\`t get the batmobile to start!

Batman: Maybe it has a dead battery.

Robin: What\`s a, "Tery?"

A priest, a lawyer and an engineer are to be guillotined.

The priest puts his head on the block, the rope is pulled but nothing happens. He claims he has been saved by divine intervention and is released.

The lawyer puts his head on the block, but again, nothing happens, he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and is set free.
...

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An 80-year old couple goes to a sex therapist…

and says they’ve noticed that they aren’t as vigorous in bed as they used to be. The therapist asked when they noticed the problem, and they said “twice last night, and once this morning.”

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I was born with a rare condition ,, I only had one bum cheek . Anyway i recently had an operation to correct the problem. I can't thank the surgeons enough.

They made a complete arse of it.

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An old man goes to the doctors office. The doctor asks "what's the problem?"



The old man says, "I had an erection."

The doctor looks at the patient's chart and says, "I see you've been prescribed Viagra for your blood pressure. That's a common side effect. How long has it lasted?"

The old man replies, "only 10 minutes."

The doctor says, "...

A man goes to see his doctor.

The doctor asks him what the problem is.
The man says, "I'm really not sure how to describe it. I guess the best way is for you to hold your stethoscope to my thigh and have a listen."
The doctor holds his stethoscope to the man's thigh and hears a little voice say, " Hey man, can I borrow $2...

I was talking via sign language with a one armed man…

Problem is I was only getting half of what he was saying.


Thought this up yesterday on a camping trip when my daughter was showing me what she learned at preschool.

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A man with a 25-inch long penis

goes to his doctor to complain that he is unable to get any women to have sex with him. They all tell him that his penis is too long.

"Doctor," he asks in total frustration, "Is there any way you can shorten it?"

The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do...

People tell me I have an alcochol problem.

But I don't, I just go to the store, buy it and be done with it.

Doctor: " So,you're telling me that you have a problem with one of your ears. Are you sure ?"

"YES DOCTOR....I"M DEFINITE."

TIL The Kremlin IT department exclusively uses Linux.

Turns out everyone in the Kremlin has problems with Windows.

I think I cracked the overweight problem

# I think I cracked the overweight problem

Last week I weighed 150 pounds, I felt so miserable and was loosing all hope for my future. I couldn't think of a way to get over the shame. Then it struck me and I figured out the ultimate way to get it over with. I immediately did what I had to do,...

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A horse...

... sees a rock band perform and thinks "Hey, I could do that." The horse calls up his local music store and is like "I wanna learn guitar, just one problem, I'm a horse." The employee says "don't worry we can do that." The horse goes, learns guitar for a few months, gets really good, and is pretty ...

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They were a newlywed couple, just arriving from their honeymoon...

And the husband explained:

"These are the rules for our marriage. Mondays and Wednesdays are sports nights, we gather at a friend's house to watch TV. Tuesdays and Fridays are poker nights, where my friends since college usually play and relax a little.

Every Thursday, I go to my paren...

The problem with kissing a perfect 10

… is how cold the mirror feels on your lips

I thought it would be a real ethical conundrum when the PETA Headquarters got a rat problem

But they just did what they do to all the dogs they rescue.

A couple of counterfeiters made a mistake one time and ended up with a batch of $15 bills

One of them says "We gotta get rid of these things. We'll go to Florida. I know a little town there. They're so dumb they won't know a thing."

So off they go. Soon they arrive at a gas station and buy some gas. The guy at the counter looks a little simpleminded.

"Hey can you break a 1...

Woman goes to see a doctor about her bed wetting problem

Doctors listens to her, nods sagely where appropriate and then tells her to strip. Woman is a bit confused but does as instructed. While she is undressing doctor places a big mirror on the floor and then tells woman to do a headstand over it. Even more confused woman does as instructed, figuring doc...

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After years of research and experimentations, a Generic Engineering Biologist was able to make a perfectly healthy Hybrid between a Fish and Duck.

The only problem left to be solved now for him is:

Whether to name it a Dish or a Fuck?

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A man found his dick all red and swollen after banging a hooker.

In a panick he rushed to his family doctor to get it checked. The doc told him there was no cure and the only way was to have it amputated.

Refusing to accept his fate, he stomped out of the clinic and went to the best urologist in his country. But even there he was told that there was no cur...

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My premature ejaculation problem started when my other half dressed up as a superhero

Before I knew it I came in a Flash

I know the answer to the chicken and egg problem

The rooster came first

Scientists got together and decided that humanity had come a long way and no longer needed God.

So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The scientist walked up to God and said, “God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We’re to the point where we can clone people, manipulate atoms, build molecules, fly through space, and do many other miraculous th...

The unlucky man

There was a very unlucky man , who whenever starts a job, they go bankrupt in a week, whenever he goes to a wedding, they get divorced in a month, whenever he buys a car, it get wrecked in days, ...etc

one day he decided to run away, thinking that even if he brings his bad luck abroad, ...

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Don't wake Up Until Ten

Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home.

"Seventy is the worst age to be," announced the seventy year old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothing," said the eighty year ol...

Water solves so many health problems.

Want to lose weight? Drink water.

Want clearer skin? Drink water.

Suffer from migraines? Drink water.

People causing you anxiety? Drown them in water.

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender rema...

I can’t understand why people have a problem with breastfeeding.

It’s perfectly natural and helps strengthen the bond between me and my dog.

I calculated the solution for the baby formula problem, but I got it upside-down.

58008.

Austrian humor

*One time back in the 1980s when I was living in Austria, a bunch of us went out for a beer. During the chit-chat, an American friend of mine named Margie insisted that Austrian jokes weren't funny. Her (Austrian) boyfriend Werner disagreed. Margie said, "Well, tell that mouse joke of yours." Werner...

As an endocrinologist, I have problems with pleasuring women.

I can’t even make a hormone!

After how few of you have upvoted my jokes, I think I figured out the problem.

I'm not very funny.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mens Help Line

Alright, so here's a letter from a guy who's written in to the Men's Help Line, and it's like,

'Dear John, I've got a serious problem.

I think my wife might be cheating on me.

You know, all the usual signs: the phone rings and I answer, they hang up.

She's always out with...

Two guys in a lunatic asylum

See, there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching awa...

Rural Court

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial, a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've b...

Jack was very fat and his wife was worried about him, so she made him see the doctor...

The doctor weighed him and said, "You must lose 30 kg. Eat only fruits and vegetables and jog 5 km a day for the next 100 days. Then give me a call and tell me how much you weigh."
Jack went home and did what the doctor told him. 100 days later, Jack called the doctor.
"Jack here. Y...

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