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In Love Jokes

A man and a woman meet in heaven and fall in love.

They walk up to God and ask to be married.

God says give me some time and I'll get back to you.

Three or four years pass and God finally tells the man and woman that he can have them married.

A few more years pass and the man and woman fall out of love. They approach God once ...

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl."

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl."

Father: "That's great, son! Who is she?"

Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. San...

I once fell in love with a girl that only knew 4 vowels

Unfortunately she didn't know I existed.

Two men are in love with a woman

One of the men is a doctor, and the other a deaf man

Every day, the doctor brings the woman a flower as a sign of his affection.

Every day, the deaf man brings the woman an apple.

She asks him, “Why do you bring me an apple? A flower I understand, but what is the purpose of th...

So a village boy and a modern girl fall in love and want to try 69

The boy doesn’t know about 69 so the girl takes the lead.

He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts out uncontrollably directly in his face. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises.

She squats down for another go but farts again, thi...

I think my deaf girlfriend is falling in love with a deaf friend of hers.

I’ve been noticing——the signs aren’t good.

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Two residents of an old folks home fall in love…..

June and Freddy. And they adore each other but they are too old and weak for sex. So the way they show affection is that each evening, June visits Freddy in his room, they sit side by side in their armchairs, and June just holds Freddy’s penis in her hand while they watch TV. That’s their love life ...

When inmates fall in love.

Do the finish each others sentences?

Peeing yourself in public is like being in Love

Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.

The chances of a kidnapped person falling in love with his/her kidnapper is about 8%

The chances of someone falling in love with me just went from 0% to 8%

My wife fell in love with me again during covid-19

I guess you could call it stuck-home syndrome

I’m in love with a philosophy major, and she doesn’t even know I exist

and worse… she can prove it.

She fell in love with...

She fell in love with an electrician, and she got shocked.

She fell in love with an artist, and things got sketchy.

She fell in love with a musician, and she got played.

She fell in love with a photographer...

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I watched that documentary about the guy who fell in love with his car.

I was fucking exhausting.

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A woman got married not long after high school and her husband broke her heart when he ran off with another woman. She eventually got back into the dating scene, and fell in love again with another man. They married but he turned out to be an asshole who hit her when he was angry.

She divorced him as well. Over time she met a third man who seemed perfect for her in every way but one- he was terrible in bed. She married him anyway, reasoning that sex would improve the more they knew eachother but it didn’t, and after a year she finally divorced him.

Having now been div...

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A rich arab prince falls in love with a gipsy woman...

A rich arab falls in love with a gipsy woman. He tells her he loves her, but she says she can only marry him if her father aproves. The arab goes to the father and tells him he would do anything for the hamd of his daughter. The gipsy wasn't that eager to give her away, so he tried to find reasons n...

A guy was admitted to the hospital and he fell in love with the nurse.

She used to take care of him and very nice to him. Always checking up on him and giving him extra attention compared to other patients. Therefore, the guy thought that the nurse was into him as well.

The guy was shy and couldn't ask the nurse out on date. But after he was discharged, he someh...

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If you fall in love with a satyr....

Then you're probably Pan sexual.

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Being in love is like shitting your pants

Everyone can see it, but only you have that 'special warm feeling'

You know that tingly sensation you get when you fall in love with somebody?

That's common sense leaving your body.

Why was the rectangle in love with a triangle?

She has acute angle.

What do you call two birds in love?

Tweethearts.

Earl and Darling are in love

Their relationship is prefect, they date, become engaged, and finally marry.

Then their first child comes and a healthy son is brought into this world. Darling has always been a bit of a hippie and she thinks that "Love" is the perfect name for him. Earl isn't quite sure about this, but he ...

Once I was almost in love with a psychic

She left me before we met.

Why did Death fall in love with his victim?

He just couldn't get enough of demise.

Susie Lee Done Fell In Love

Susie Lee done fell in love;
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy ’bout it all
She told her Pappy so.

Pappy told her, “Susie gal,
You’ll have to find another.
I’d just as soon yo’ Ma don’t know,
But Joe is yo’ half brother.”

So Su...

There was a man who was in love with tractors

He really loved his tractors, he had tractor posters on his walls, dvds about tractors, he owned a lot of tractors…this man loved his tractors.
But there was one thing he loved more than his tractors, his lovely wife. One day she was out in the fields and she got crushed by a tractor, she was squ...

Maybe if I fall in love with my anxiety

it'll leave me too.

I fell in love with a caveman

It didn’t work out. I wanted to settle down. He just wanted to go clubbing.

I have two pet rats in love with each other

They just got encaged.

I am so unlucky in love.

I asked a blind woman for a date last week, and she said she was seeing someone.

It’s Feb. 14th. Happy Valentine’s Day to all those in love

and happy Monday to all those who are married.

I'm always in a love triangle

I fall in love with a girl, the girl is in love with nobody, and nobody loves me.

A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married.

He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess whi...

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What do you call it when someone falls in love with the first porn they found?

Love at first site.

What do you call a computer error that's madly in love?

A 502 Down Bad Gateway

"I'm in love with two girls. "

"Edith and Kate. I can't decide which one to marry."


"all I can say is that you can't have your Kate and Edith too."

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.

The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

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I Fell In Love With My Psychiatrist

I told her I was sexually frustrated.

She said "take two viagra and call me."

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Dave was in love with Wendy...

As a sign of his devotion he got her name tattooed on his willy, just before asking for her hand in marriage. Now, when he was flaccid only the first and last letters of Wendy's name were visible. That night in bed Wendy noticed the "Wy" tattooed on his member. Upon inquiring Dave about it, he becam...

I'm in love with a girl from my Morse code course

Not sure how she feels though, she keeps sending mixed signals.

I believe in love at first sight....

.....but science calls it an erection.

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A Japanese venture capitalist fell in love with a blonde

A Japanese venture capitalist was visiting the USA to evaluate a startup. The founder was desperate to get funding and to close the deal asked his blonde girlfriend to flirt with him.

The Japanese had never seen such a beauty before and instantly fell in love. The Japanese man asked the blond...

Me and my gamer girlfriend were in love but we couldn’t be together.

We weren’t on the same level.

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A frog goes to a fortune teller to find out if he will ever be lucky in love...

The fortune teller reads his palm and tells the frog, “I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?”

The frog asks for the good news first.

The fortune teller says, “You are going to meet the most beautiful girl, who is going to be very interested in you a...

Did you hear about the girl so in love, she’d rather blow her boyfriend than go out shoe shopping?

Talk about head over heels!

An English lady, while vacationing in Switzerland, fell in love with a small town and the surrounding countryside.

She asked the pastor of a local church if he knew of any houses with rooms to rent that were close to town, but out in the country. The pastor kindly drove her out to see a house with a room to rent. She loved the house and decided to rent the room. Then, the lady returned to her home in England to ...

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Son: "I fell in love with a beautiful girl."

Father: "That's great, do I know her?"

Son: "Yes, it is Andrea who lives across the street."

Father: "Oh that is bad, I am sorry, don't tell this to your mom but Andrea is your sister."

The boy is upset, but accepts the truth.

After few months he comes to his dad again...

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A man was in love with his duck, and he took it to a movie with him one night.

The cashier said, ‘You can’t bring that duck in here’, so the man went around the corner and stuffed the duck down the front of his trousers, bought a ticket and went inside.
The duck started getting restless; so the man opened up his fly and let the duck’s head out. Well, next to the man was ...

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There was a young couple very much in love...

There was a young couple very much in love. On the night before they were to be married, both were killed in an accident. They found themselves at the pearly gates of heaven being escorted in by St. Peter.
After a couple of weeks in heaven, the prospective groom took St. Peter aside and said, "S...

What do you call it when you're in love with trump?

Having an orange crush

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Therapist : your problem seems to be over attachment, a tendency to fall in love very quickly without regards of other person's feeling.

Me : please don't talk like this, baby doll.

Never fall in love with a tennis player.

Love means nothing to them.

In love and war.

A couple is going through a bitter divorce. The mans prize possession: baseball collectibles valued at $10000. Everyone knows, his spouse is entitled to half, in lieu of splitting his prized collection, he offers 8k cash. Out of spite she denies the offer and insists the collection be split. She too...

Two robots fall in love

Two robots fall in love they went on dates and they got a bit frisky so the male put on his nuts and bolt and they went at it he put it in and the girl robot said "no input detected"

A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes...

"Oh." said the counselor. "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."

When they fell in love, they carved their initials into a tree.

When they got married, they added a year. And for each kid, initials and a year. Then finally one day, while camping under the tree, it fell and killed them all. Which goes to show that karma's a birch.

In my past life, I was a warrior for an Indian Tribe, and was madly in love with the chiefs daughter

In this tribe we were named after the first thing our mothers saw when we were born. And His daughter, Lily Petal, was absolutely beautiful, and everyday I sighed knowing there was nothing I could do to ever win her attention. I was just boring old Falling Rock, a nobody warrior.

But one day,...

How do you call it, when a sugar daddy falls in love with a girl?

Candy Crush.

I fell in love with a female electrician

She was a real live wire and i took her ohm with me

Two melons are in love...

After decades of conflict and war, the people of Watermelon Kingdom and Cataloupe Country are trying to ease diplomatic tensions between their peoples. A student exchange program is started to foster cross-cultural understanding.

Through the exchange program, Wally Watermelon meets Cassandra...

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I'm surprised anyone's shocked by Natalie Portman's character development in Love & Thunder.

If I was fucked by Chris Hemsworth I'd be pretty thor too.

Did you hear about the two melons in love?

They want to run away together but unfortunately they cantaloupe.

I think my optometrist is in love with me.

Every time I leave his office he hands me a bottle of contact solution and says "Eye care for you"

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An African prince falls in love with an American girl...

An African prince falls in love with an American girl and upon proclaiming his love and devotion he asks her to marry him. She- not wanting to hurt prince’s feelings - tells him she needed time to think about it. The girl asks her best friend what to do as she was not in love with him, but also didn...

Why North Korea falling in love with South Korea?

Because South Korea has a beautiful Seoul

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What do you call a chickpea that's fallen in love with another chickpea?

A hummousexual.

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A young lady falls in love with a wealthy man. NSFW

They soon get married and they are living the life of luxury. Dream homes, exotic cars, and luxurious vacations.

The girl is having a conversation with her father one day and she mentions that she is considering leaving her husband. The father asks why and the girl explains. “He will only ...

An ice cube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.

“Bunsen... My flame...I melt whenever I see you," confessed the ice cube.

*“Chill, it’s just a phase you’re going through.”*

I met my girlfriend at the zoo and immediately fell in love with her and how she looked after the animals

She's a keeper

I fell in love with a dyslexic vegetarian

It's going great but she refuses to meat me

I fell in love working at the steel mill....

Sparks were flying

I have fallen in love with a font

It's a bit of a Times New Romance.

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A guy is madly in love with his GF (long)

A guy is madly in love with his girlfriend. He decides to tattoo her name, Wendy, on his penis. When it is not erected, all you can see is W and Y. The first and last letters of her name.

When the guy went to the public restrooms he saw this huge black guy using the urinal next to him. Curiou...

A hospitalized man falls in love with his nurse...

A man was hospitalized for 3 weeks. During this time he fell in love with the young pretty nurse. He wrote her a note, "You have stolen my heart".

The young nurse in panic responded, "No sir, we have stolen your kidney, haven't touched your heart."

How do you know your math teacher is in love with you?

They give you aba-kisses

I fell in love with a cardiologist...

She’s always in my heart.

When you are in love with your parrot...

You are most likely pollyamorous.

My friend is blindly in love with pie.

I don't what to do with his irrational relations.

Dad, did you ever fall in love?

\- "Yes son. I did once."

\- "And, what happened?"

\- "In the beginning it was fantastic but then your mother found out."

My wife is madly in love with me.

Things sure would be nicer if she were happily in love with me.

I fell in love with a pirate once

But in the end it just turned out to be a hook-up.

Crocodiles in Egypt will never admit to being in love...

They all live in de-Nile

A couple met in Myrtle Beach and fell in love.

They were discussing how to continue their relationship after their vacations were over.

“It’s only fair to warn you, Linda,” he said, “ I’m a golf nut. I live, eat, sleep and breathe golf.”

“Well,” she said, “ since you’re being honest, so will I. I’m a hooker.”

“I see,” he s...

Why did the 90 degree angle fall in love with 60 degree angle?

Cause it was a-cute angle

what do you call a carnivorous dinosaur who falls in love with his own mother?

Oedipus Rex

A man fell in love with a mermaid

Everything went on smoothly until his mother began to smell something fishy.

Why did the planets fall in love with the sun?

Because gravity attracts everything

If you are not in love on Valentine's Day, don't worry.

You don't have to be dead on Halloween, either.

Did you hear about the two loaves of bread that fell in love?

They decided to raise some dough, put a bun in the oven, and grow mold together.

Why did the paleontologists fall in love with the fossil?

They were Carbon dating

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