What do you call a knight with no foreskin?

Sir-Cumcision

A knight’s brother was slain in battle by monster

Knight: I will avenge the death of my brother!

Hunter: You have my bow!

Warrior: And my axe!

Mage: And my staff!

Necromancer: And your dead brother!

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The Knight and the lady (NSFW)

There was a knight married to a beautiful lady. One day, a crusade is called and the knight is forced to leave his castle and head off to the crusades. Before he goes he arranged for his wife to wear a chastity belt, to ensure that none of his servants try anything with her in his absence. Yet this ...

What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?

Magnets

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What do you call a fat European knight who works in the porn industry?

Sir Cum France

I'd hate to be a knight

They take L's left and right.

when do knights sleep?

knight time

Which of King Alfred's knights invented the round table?

Sir Cumference !

What’s the difference between Santa Clause and a knight?

One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh!

Arthur and Lancelot went to the inn and rented a room for 2 knights.

Arthur slept in a king sized bed, Lancelot took the queen.

Before leaving for a battle, King Arthur puts a strong iron chastity belt on his wife Guinevere and entrusts the key to his most loyal knight, Eddie. Then King Arthur departs.

Five minutes into his journey, King Arthur hears Eddie screaming for him to stop. King Arthur signals his steed to halt and waits for Eddie to catch up.

"Eddie!" the king says, "What's the matter?"

"Your highness," says Eddie. "You gave me the wrong key."

Two knights, Harold and George, had captured by trolls and taken to their underground liar.

The trolls leader told Harold and George that if the two fought each other without killing one another, they would both be let go, however, this would come at a price:

If Harold lost, he would have his hands cut off, while if George lost, he would have his feet cut off. And the winner would h...

A knight errant one day came across a damsel in the forest outside the Shire. “Fair lady, I offer you my honor,” he said. She replied “Good knight, I honor your offer.”

And that’s how it was, all night long: off her and on her, on her and off her.

3 knights walk into a bar with their swords.

The bartender sees them walk in and asks, “why are you taking your swords in here with you?”

The knights say, “in case of mimics.”

The knights laugh, the bartender laughs, the table laughs, they kill the table.

The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was

Sir Cumference.



He acquired his size from too much pi.

What do you call a knight who only attacks after 8pm?

A Knight of Nights

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An evil black knight and a holy white knight meet on the field of battle

The black knight calls out to his opponent, "behold the power of my sturdy lance and my steed! We will conquer this land and enslave its people on behalf of the dark wizard!"

The white knight responds, "nary have I enountered such a vile and wicked man! The people of this holy land shall rem...

Brave Knight Edward is going to crusade

He doesn't know if he will ever come back or not. So, he puts on an iron chastity belt on his wife, gives the key to his best friend Micheal and says,

"If I don't come back in 3 years, set her free". Michael agrees and brave Knight Edward sets out on his big black horse. He gallops toward th...

I was the knight no one expected to appear on battlefield,

Sir Prise.

What did the two knights say when they got to the hotel?

We’d like a room for two nights please.

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Have you heard of a knight who is as tiny as a sperm?

He is Sir cum sized!

I got a job at a chess piece factory recently...

...I'm on the knight shift next week.

How do Knights communicate ?

Chain mail

Why do dragons like knights?

The come with their own pans.

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The tale of how I was Knighted by the Queen

For as long as I can remember, I have had the ability to do these mind-blowing poses as I ejaculate. I became so famous for this ability, that I was asked to perform for the Queen. Needless to say, I was incredibly honoured and excited! And a bit nervous. So they flew me out to England and I was pra...

What do you call a knight who turned into an upvote-addict on Reddit?

Sir Karmalot.

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A guy in full medieval armor walks into a bar

He sits down at the counter and asks the bartender for a gin and tonic.

The bartender preps the drink, but the armored man is visibly dissatisfied with the drink.

"Barkeep? Wouldst thou kindly rehome this drink in a larger glass?"

The bartender does so.

"Verily, I tha...

Lesser known Knights of the Round Table

“I was the knight no one expected to see on the battlefield.” - Sir Prize

“I shall see you around.” - Sir Cumference

“We shall fight on land or sea.” - Sir Fenturf

“I was the knight who was afraid to fight.” - Sir Render

“I was the unbelievable knight.” - Sir Real

...

My life ambition is to have a lot of karma on Reddit.

Unfortunately, it is a hard job. I tried doing it alone first, leaving insightful comments and making quirky posts - but I had no luck. So I decided to ask for advice.

First, I went to a wise guru who had a thousand karma. And I asked him, "Oh wise guru, how do you have so much karma?"
...

Once a king, always a king. But once a knight ...

... is enough for any man.

(A joke by my dad.)

a caring mother makes her son loafs of bread shaped like batman, to make his sandwiches fun every time. guess what happens when it's in the oven?

the dark knight rises.

What bird regals you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?

Bard owl.

What do you call a knight made entirely out of china?

Sir Ramic

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Once upon a time, a noble knight and his horse got lost in a dark forest

Once upon a time, a noble knight and his horse got lost in a dark forest when he suddenly came across a fairy. The fairy says: "Oh noble knight, you're the first human being to find me in 300 years. So as a reward, I'll grant you three wishes."

The knight takes some time to think, he already ...

The Queen of England had a gift for a man who would soon be knighted. She insisted that he be given the gift at the ceremony but told her staff to keep it a secret.

She wanted it to be a Sir Prize.

If a knight in Prague dons his armour

Does that mean the czech is in the mail!?

Someone asked me “who’s that’s Chinese knight looking for his belongings”

“He’s Sir Ching”

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A King is going on an adventure in a faraway land leaving his beautiful queen.So He ask for his 3 brave knights to guard her he is away.

But in doing so,He put an improvised penis guillotine to the queens vagina.

Then after a year,The king came back,Then He ordered the first knight to strip.

KING:ITS CUT!THROW HIM TO THE LIONS!

KNIGHT 1:NOOOO!

Then he ordered the 2nd knight to strip!

KING:ITS CUT TO...

The legend of the three kingdoms

There were three kingdoms, each bordering on the same lake.For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lke.One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires.

The ni...

There were once three square kingdoms on different sides of a triangular river.

One night, the king of the first kingdom invited all the people of all three kingdoms over to the castle to celebrate his daughter’s 18th birthday. All the people of the kingdoms were enjoying themselves, until an argument between the three kings broke out between whose daughter was the most beautif...

My friend is so successful, he does surgery, is a military general, and he was recently knighted by the Queen of England.

We call him Sir Gen

A knight was complimenting a blacksmith on his armor crafting skills

The blacksmith responded, "It is my strong suit"

What do you call it when the medieval warrior's horse has a bad dream?

A knightmare.

Why is the time period from 476 - 800 ad known as Dark Ages?

Because it was the time of knights.

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King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. He was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice.

The good wizard showed him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt... except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'

'Ah, sire, just observe...

King Arthur is on a mission and must leave the castle.

He worries that his wife, Queen Guinevere, may not stay faithful to him while he goes on his journey. So, he devises a belt that would poison the member of any man who attempts to have intercourse with her. The flesh will rot away, and it will need to be chopped off. With everything in place, he lea...

A poem

In days of old

When Knights were bold

And toilet lights were dim

You'd hear a splash and then a shout

'Oh no! He's fallen in'

Tom Hardy goes to a movie theater

Tom Hardy goes to a movie theater to rewatch his movie - the Dark Knight Rises. To avoid being recognized on the street, he rushes into the theater, forgetting to wear his mask. Before he gets far, one of the theater employees stops him. Tom thinks it’s one of his fans asking for an autograph but to...

It’s always been my dream to change my names to prized and be so famous and loved that I get knighted by the queen.

But if all that actually happened I’d be sir prized

An award given unexpectedly to only Knighted Men:

The sir prize.



Please feel free to improve this one >\_<

Why do dragons sleep all day?

So they can fight knights!

I read of a medieval knight who was always sure of himself.

Sir tainly

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What do you call a Russian homosexual knight?

Sirgay

My favorite holiday song is the one about the medieval warriors. One of them doesn't talk and the other's armor is falling apart.

Silent Knight, Holey Knight.

A medieval knight walks into a bar, holding a large blunt weapon...

..."Why the long mace?", asks the barman.

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Two knights were jousting for the entertainment of the king and his court...

The Black knight struck the king's favorite, crumpling him against the wall, bending and doubling him over, head-to-toe. With his head down between his legs with armor and body bent and contorted, the favorite reached for his sword.

The crowd cheered!

With an impressive display of p...

A stupid knight won a jousting tournament.

While awarding his prize, the king had to ask, "How does such a dumb man win a contest like this one?"

The squire answered, "All the points just go over his head."

Two knights stood to face each other

They both unsheathed their weapons, ready to duel

The first knight drew his longsword, confident he would defeat his opponent with wit and skill

The second knight drew a large block of cheddar cheese

The first knight scoffed and said, "And just how to you expect to best me with ...

What did people call the knight who lost his foreskin during a battle?

Sir. Cumcision

What's the name of the most popular French knight?

Sir Ender.

What do the Knights of Cydonia eat for breakfast?

Museli

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There was a French knight who was great at math and sex

He was known as Sir Cum of France

What do white knights put on their bread?

M'lasses

Told my friend I went to the waxwork museum and they had a waxwork of a medieval knight wielding his weapons.

"Tussauds?"

"Nah, he was holding a mace."

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A king looking for a knight to marry his daughter

A king is trying to find someone to marry his beautiful daughter and sets up a quest to who can find the most ping pong balls in all the land. Three knights set out on this adventure. A few days later the first knight arrives with 27 ping pong balls. The next knight comes in shortly after and has 54...

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Which knight had a special way of standing during sex?

Sir Cum-stance.

Far off, in a distant land, there were three kingdoms.

Each kingdom had faced a side of a triangular lake. The first kingdom was the youngest, and wealthiest kingdom. They have the most business, biggest buildings, and the strongest military.

The second kingdom, is about 50 years older than the first. They aren't the wealthiest, but they are wel...

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Why was the castle prostitute tired all the time?

She worked knights.

A woman on her bike was riding through the countryside during the middle ages, playing her guitar and singing songs....

...when she came upon a dashing knight in the woods, practicing his swordsmanship. The knight was struck by her beauty and started a conversation. which quickly turned into flirting.

The knight straddled the front wheel of her bike and started to passionately kiss her. The woman said "No we ...

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A dragon appears and burns down a village...

...so the inhabitants of the another village across the river plead with Sir Roland, a mighty knight, to come and slay the beast.

Sir Roland dons his best plate, arms himself with his finest weapons, and rides out to battle the dragon. He comes to the area where the beast was last seen, and f...

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What’s it called when you make a woman a knight, take her virginity and then disappear ?

A one knight stand

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A British Jew is waiting to be knighted.

He is to kneel before the Queen and recite a sentence in Latin as she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, in the excitement of the moment, he panics and forgets the Latin phrase. Thinking fast, he recites the only other foreign phrase that comes to mind, which comes from the Passover ...

A knight and his footmen were holding a castle during a war.

One of the footmen guarding the gatehousse begins calling.

"SIRE, WE SEE A BATTALION IN THE DISTANCE"

The knight orders the men to defensive positions and rushes up the wall where the footman points at the indistinct and distant mass of men.

"What do you think? Friends or foe?" ...

The Island Joke.

There was an island with three kingdoms on it. Let's call them A, B and C. The island had a fresh water lake on it and the lake itself had an island. The three kingdoms always kept fighting over this island.

One day the three kingdoms decided to settle this dispute once it for all and sent sm...

What did the knight say to the turnip?

Begone, foul beet!

What did the knight say to the trainee who broke the blade off his sword?

You need to get a handle on that.

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Who was the knight appointed a trusted advisor for sexual positions in King Arthur's court?

Circumstance.

A guy without a condom is like a knight without a shield

He's either really good with the sword, or he is really thirsty.

What do u call a knight who’s really sketchy?

Sir Spishus

of Knights and Squires

There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an island in the middle of the lake, which the kingdoms had been fighting over for years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island. The night before...

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The White Knight and the Black Knight.

Note, this story was from Gigi Proietti, an Italian comedian who's from Rome, and I must say it loses a lot without the Roman accent and slang, but I'll try my best :D

The White Knight and the Black Knight.

So once there was this teacher, really passionate about his job, who always wan...

I accidentally swallowed some poison last night, and I had the strangest hallucination.

I was looking out of my window, and a group of former athletes walked by. Baseball players Don Mattingly, Pete Rose, and Ray Knight we’re talking with Konrad Dorn, an Austrian hockey player. Football superstars Troy Aikman and Emmett Smith were carrying guitars.

Next, a group of men from the ...

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I think we all know King Arthurs knights

But, there were also others, who choose to stay in the background, but played a huge part.

First, and formost, the guy who made the round table. Sir Confarence

On second place, there was a knight, who sadly lost his life before he was publicly dubbed, saving king Arthur in a surprise r...

What did the blacksmith say to the knight when he delivered the knight’s new armor?

You’ve got mail

A knight used to party hard

He was called Sir Dancelot

Once upon a time in a far away land...

There's a triangular lake, with three kingdoms on each side of the triangle.

The first kingdom is very rich, and the people are content. It has a very competent army, with a squire for every knight, and a total of twenty thousand knights. There is no hunger in the land.

The second kin...

Which knight is the protector of food?

Sir Anwrap.

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides. The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.


The kingdoms ...

Why were there so many paintings of knights fighting snails in the Middle Ages???

Because centipedes would be too fast to fight.

What was the name of King Arthur's faithful sidekick who would go through the castle in the evening reading stories and tucking everyone else into bed?

Knighty Knight

Who's the wildest knight in Game of Thrones?

Ser Engeti

Two knights where battling when one of them got both of their feet cut off

He was defeated

I hear the new Star was movie will include a Hispanic Jedi Knight.

I can't wait to see Obi Juan Kenobi make his first on-screen appearance.

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