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Loving Jokes

This is an old joke that my teacher told me when I was little and most people probably already know it but I remember loving it.

A police officer pulls over a man who has penguins in the backseat of the car.
"Sir you can't have penguins in your car. Bring them to the zoo or something," the police officer tells the man.
The next day, the police officer sees the man again. Again, the penguins are in the backseat of the c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Girlfriend assured me that a small penis should never be an issue in a loving relationship..

But I still wish she didn't have one at all.

I don’t judge the past of my Garth Brooks loving cannibal girlfriend

But what she’s doing now is tearing me apart

Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?

In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

Where do music loving cats go to for vacation

Sing-a-purr
(I know it’s cheap, I’ll see myself out)

What do you call an undead-loving vampire?

A neckromancer.

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A Loving Grandpa

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; and for fruit, cereal and soda in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Gr...

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My favorite burn I've gotten for being trans

I was born female and transitioned to male. Early on in my transition, my gf and I were playing a video game, and I called her a noob when she died.

Her: Yeah okay Pinocchio.

Me: Pinocchio?

Her: You know... "I want to be a real boy!"

Edit: thanks for all the support and a...

Letters between a father and son

Dear son;

Your mother and I love you very much, and we miss you dearly ever since you went to prison. I especially miss you now that spring is here, and it is time to plow the fields. The ground is hard, and my back is old. I am afraid I will never be able to plant the crops in time.
...

A Pastor is preaching on Loving Your Enemies

He expounds on the value of grace and forgiveness to all and how we are called to love our neighbors and our enemies as much as we love ourselves.

The congregation is roused to action and filled with the Holy Spirit

The pastor asks them all "Will you go out into the world and love you...

Loving Wife

Wife: \* in the hotel room on the hotel’s intercom talking with the receptionist\* Hello? Please send maintenance personnel! My husbands about to jump off the window!


Receptionist: Ma’am, why do you need the maintenance personnel? We can send our security staff instead.


...

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My Loving Wife

A couple years ago I met the love of my life. She's beautiful, intelligent, and compliments all of my weaknesses with her strengths. Recently, she became pregnant and I could not be more filled with joy. We found out we were having a boy, which was the perfect icing on the cake. Now there will be so...

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A lawyer gets pulled over

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a policeman. Cop says, "License and registration, please." Lawyer says, "What for?" Cop says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." Cop says, "You still didn't come to a complete s...

She married and had 13 children. Her husband died...

She married again and had 7 more children.

Again, her husband died.

But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.

She finally died after having 25 children.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.

He thanked the Lord for this very loving wo...

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I was loving my Bonnie Tyler voiced satnav

But I had to give it up. Fucking thing kept telling me to turn around.

And every now and then it fell apart!

There was a woman who had 100 kids..

She named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. There was a fire and all of them died except Ninety. Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving. One day they found an injured dog. They took it home and nursed it back to health. They hid the dog and neve...

What music genre do rap-loving Republican listen to?

Hip-hocrisy

My astronomy loving son asked me “how stars die?”

“Usually an overdose.”

Loving Husband!

A man takes his seat at a FIFA World Cup Final.
He looks to his left & notices that there is a spare seat betwen himself & the next guy.
MAN: “Who would ever miss the FIFA world cup final?”
GUY: “That was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but s...

The wife woke me up at three o'clock this morning, accusing me of not loving her.

I can't believe she came all the way to mum's just for that.

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What do you call a BDSM-loving vegetable?

Butternut squash

Your loving son , Rocky

A father passing by his teenage son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy.


Then he saw an envelope propped up
prominently on the center of the pillow.

It was addressed "Dad".
With the worst premonition,
he opened the env...

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Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from many men.

It was laid out over five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return....

What do you call a gun loving, Christian rock band?

Guns N' Moses

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(OC) Mother's day is a mother loving holiday.

But Father's day is a mother-fucking holiday.

My wife told me she's loving me

because I don't listen to her properly!

In loving memory of my salary

Date given: November 1, 2019

Died: November 1, 2019

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