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Sigmund Freud Jokes

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What does Sigmund Freud and Samuel L Jackson have in common?

For them, everyone is a motherfucker

What did Sigmund Freud say to his high school bully?

"Yo mama so ugly, even your own subconscious don't like her"

What do Sigmund Freud and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both explored the unconscious.

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What did Sigmund Freud believe came between fear and sex?

Funf.

What? Another Sigmund Freud joke?

Here Ego again...

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What do you get when you cross king Midas, Medusa and Sigmund Freud?

One stone gold motherfucker.

Sigmund Freud was an Olympic Gold Medalist

He took home the medal for Mental Gymnastics.

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What does Sigmund Freud say comes between fear and sex?

fünf

(it helps if you say it out loud, and understand German) :-)

Sigmund Freud walks into a bar

Sits down and orders a banana daiquiri and a hotdog. He looks over to the stage and Mozart comes out and starts going crazy on a keyboard. Freud downs his drink, flips a few tables and runs out angrily. Mozart looks at the barman and asks, "What was that about?" The barman replies. "Pianist envy."

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Do you want to hear the story on Sigmund Freud? NSFW

It takes a while but it gets to the mother fucking point.

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According to Sigmund Freud, sexual imagery pops up in the vast majority of art,

But this theory has been proven to be a phallusy.

How many Sigmund Freuds does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Your mother.

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Sigmund Freud is talking to his buddy ...

... and the conversation turns to sex, as often happens. Freud says, "I'm thinking about taking out Carl's daughter."

"Carl's daughter?" says the buddy in disbelief. "Isn't she a little Jung?"

How many Sigmund Freuds does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the ladder and one to screw your mothe… errr I mean the lightbulb.

What did Sigmund Freud say when he had an epiphany?

Urethra!

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What happens when you give Sigmund Freud and Oedipus a bunch of cocaine?

A mother fucking awesome party.

I had a party for the worlds greatest historical figures, here are their RSVPs

Isaac Newton: "I'll drop in."

Socrates: "I'll think about it."

Charles Darwin: "I'll wait to see what evolves."

Marie Curie: "I am radiating enthusiasm."

Ivan Pavlov: "I'm positively drooling at the thought."

Albert Einstein: "It will ...

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Anna Freud, asks Sigmund Freud

Anna Freud, before she became a great analyst, is in Vienna, at home with her father. The two of them are discussing psychoanalysis, when Anna turns to Freud and says "There is one thing I have always been meaning to ask that I am not sure about: What is the phallus?" Freud says "Well, this is somet...

3 Psychoanalysts walk into a bar

Bartender says: we have every beer from around the world. What can I get you fellas?

Sigmund Freud says: I’ll have an Austrian lager in a pint glass

Carl Jung says: I’ll have a Swiss lager also in a pint glass

Bartender looks at the third guy and says: where you from buddy?
...

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It's Sigmund Freud's birthday today...

I wish him great happenis.

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What were Sigmund Freuds roommates doing when they mocked him for his pent up sexual frustrations?

S~~c~~hadin'freude

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Sigmund Freud sits down for tea with his mother..

Sigmund Freud is sitting down for a cup of tea with his dear mother, who has her nose in a book. She gasps, and Freud asks why. And so she responds: "why, Siggy, according to these scientists, our universe is only one of many! We live in parallel with millions of other realities where everything tha...

Someone asked me if I would bet on Sigmund Freud's psychoanalytic theory of personalityl

I replied I'm all Id

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