How many Sigmund Freuds does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the ladder and one to screw your mothe… errr I mean the lightbulb.

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What does Sigmund Freud and Samuel L Jackson have in common?

For them, everyone is a motherfucker

What? Another Sigmund Freud joke?

Here Ego again...

What do Sigmund Freud and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both explored the unconscious.

What did Sigmund Freud say when his patient wouldn’t unhand his waffle?

“Leggo my ego!”

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According to Sigmund Freud, sexual imagery pops up in the vast majority of art,

But this theory has been proven to be a phallusy.

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What do you get when you cross king Midas, Medusa and Sigmund Freud?

One stone gold motherfucker.

Sigmund Freud walks into a bar

Sits down and orders a banana daiquiri and a hotdog. He looks over to the stage and Mozart comes out and starts going crazy on a keyboard. Freud downs his drink, flips a few tables and runs out angrily. Mozart looks at the barman and asks, "What was that about?" The barman replies. "Pianist envy."

Why didn’t the bouncer let Sigmund Freud into the nightclub?

He forgot his Id

Someone asked me if I would bet on Sigmund Freud's psychoanalytic theory of personalityl

I replied I'm all Id

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What does Sigmund Freud say comes between fear and sex?

fünf

(it helps if you say it out loud, and understand German) :-)

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Sigmund Freud is talking to his buddy ...

... and the conversation turns to sex, as often happens. Freud says, "I'm thinking about taking out Carl's daughter."

"Carl's daughter?" says the buddy in disbelief. "Isn't she a little Jung?"

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What were Sigmund Freuds roommates doing when they mocked him for his pent up sexual frustrations?

S~~c~~hadin'freude

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Do you want to hear the story on Sigmund Freud? NSFW

It takes a while but it gets to the mother fucking point.

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It's Sigmund Freud's birthday today...

I wish him great happenis.

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What happens when you give Sigmund Freud and Oedipus a bunch of cocaine?

A mother fucking awesome party.

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A Jewish joke (as told by Sigmund Freud)

One Jew says to another, “Have you taken a bath?”
The other replies: "No. Is one missing?"

From *Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious*

In response to the invitation for a rather unusual reunion of all time greats.......

\* Newton said he'd drop in.
\* Socrates said he'd think about it.
\* Ohm resisted the idea.
\* Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
\* Darwin said he'd wait to see what evolved.
\* Pierre and Marie Curie radiated enthusiasm.
\* Volta was electrified at the prospe...

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Anna Freud, asks Sigmund Freud

Anna Freud, before she became a great analyst, is in Vienna, at home with her father. The two of them are discussing psychoanalysis, when Anna turns to Freud and says "There is one thing I have always been meaning to ask that I am not sure about: What is the phallus?" Freud says "Well, this is somet...

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Sigmund Freud sits down for tea with his mother..

Sigmund Freud is sitting down for a cup of tea with his dear mother, who has her nose in a book. She gasps, and Freud asks why. And so she responds: "why, Siggy, according to these scientists, our universe is only one of many! We live in parallel with millions of other realities where everything tha...

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